REVIEW: Whataburger Green Chile Double

/ / Reviews / 26 Comments

Whataburger Green Chile Double

Whataburger restaurants are currently only located in ten states, all in the southern part of the United States, and I happen to be privileged enough to live in one of them. For those of you who live in the other 40 states, consider Whataburger something to look forward to when you take your cross-country road trip on the run from the Feds. For those of you living in Hawaii, I don’t know what to tell you. You’re on an island and Dog the Bounty Hunter lives there. There is no escape. You have no Whataburger to run to.

Another aspect of this product I’m reviewing, which, in case you have a handicap that prevents you from reading post titles, is the Whataburger Green Chile Double, is the green chiles. I live in a world where you can go to the grocery store and there’s a man outside roasting green chiles. He will give them to you straight off the grill, charred to perfection. I realize that many of you may not have this luxury. Instead of seeing this review as an act of torture as I dangle this hamburger in your face, consider myself an ambassador of Whataburger and roasted green chiles. As long as this burger doesn’t suck. In that case, consider yourself warned. And fortunate.

Whataburger is what I would consider to be high-end fast food. Way better than, say, McDonald’s, but not quite up to the quality of In-N-Out or Five Guys. You’ll wait a little longer at the drive thru, but it’s worth it. The hamburger patties are large and taste like actual hamburger, the ingredients always seem fresh, and the buns are tasty. Their fries are pretty standard fast food fries, but they make a country gravy I use as a fry dip that makes everything okay. Note to other fast food restaurants, offer a delicious country gravy on your menu and much will be forgiven.

We’re not here to talk about gravy, although I could probably write a disgusting amount of words about it. We’re here to talk about the Green Chile Double. Here’s what Whataburger had to say about it in the email they sent me:

“Whataburger’s new Green Chile Double stacks up two 100% pure American beef patties, two kinds of cheese and roasted green chiles. Come try one today. Hurry, it’s here for a limited time only.”

Whataburger Green Chile Double Halves

Limited time only. Three words I can never resist. Roasted green chiles, three more words I find difficult to ignore. I was more than ready to put my car in park at the drive-thru window to wait for this burger. I might have been more cranky if it had been summertime and 115 degrees outside. Living in green chile territory does have its disadvantages.

It was worth the wait, however, because the Green Chile Double is freakin’ delicious. Whataburger scores as usual for having great patties and fluffy buns. Fluffy Buns was my stage name back when I was a stripper, but that’s neither here nor there. Their burgers are already quite sizable, and making it a Double meant that I had almost half a burger left to enjoy the next day. Whataburger plays hard-to-get by not telling me what the two cheeses on the burger are, but I’m guessing American and Monterey Jack. They added a nice creaminess to go with the burger.

But that’s all pedestrian. The real star here are the chiles. They definitely didn’t skimp on them, which is good, because they add a nice little crunch and the perfect amount of heat. They’re roughly chopped, and you can actually see the char marks on the pieces, which means they really have been roasted. The crunch and that organic heat is what makes this burger stand out from just a regular burger. Whataburger does offer jalapeños on their regular menu as a topping, but green chiles have a different flavor and spice.

My one complaint would be that, while the green chiles do make the Green Chile Double different from other burgers, if you take them off, you’ve just got a standard Double Whataburger. They haven’t exactly reinvented the wheel. That said, roasted green chiles are a pretty unique topping, but they are just a topping after all.

After doing a little research, I discovered that the Green Chile Double is only available at restaurants in 2.5 of the 10 states that have Whataburgers. The rest get a Steak Sauce Double. I gotta say, I think we got the better deal. So when you’re cruising across the country using a fake identity in hopes of losing the fuzz, make sure to stop in west Texas, New Mexico, or Arizona. Make sure to commit that felony soon, though, since the Green Chile Double ain’t gonna wait around for you to hide that body.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burger/382 grams – 1,020 calories, 570 calories from fat, 64 grams of total fat, 26 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 165 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,867 milligrams of sodium, 66 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugars and 50 grams of protein.)

Item: Whataburger Green Chile Double
Price: $4.74
Size: 1 burger
Purchased at: Whataburger
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Roasted green chiles had char, added nice crunch and perfect heat. Fast food that serves country gravy. Big, juicy burger patties. Living in green chile territory. Creamy, melty cheese held everything together.
Cons: Definitely not for someone on a diet. Dog the Bounty Hunter. Take off the green chiles and you just have a regular cheeseburger. Fluffy Buns, stripper extraordinaire. Burger only available in 2.5 states.

NEWS: New Special K Cereal Bars Are Probably Not As Orgasmically Satisfying As The Desserts They’re Attempting To Emulate

/ / Spotted on Shelves

picto 123

I wonder if it’s going to be agonizing for those who are trying to lose weight by eating Special K Cereal Bars to eat the latest flavors — Raspberry Cheesecake and Chocolatey Chip Cookie. I imagine not having the real thing and instead having to settle for a bar made with Special K cereal and either chocolatey chips or red raspberries with cheesecake flavor must somehow affect the psyche.

Right now, I’m eating a real chocolate chip cookie. Might I add, a warm chocolate chip cookie and the chunky, gooey chocolate chips are melting in my mouth, turning my oral cavity into a chocolate wonderland. Oops. Some of the melted chocolate ended up my fingers. I could use a napkin to clean off the chocolate, or I could just lick off the rich, melted chocolate. I hate to waste melted chocolate, so I’m just going to have to do what cats do when they need to clean themselves. My goodness, I don’t know how anyone could resist a warm chocolate chip cookie. It tastes like an angel.

I think I’m going to have another.

The Chocolatey Chip Cookie Bar has 90 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar and less than 1 gram of protein. The Raspberry Cheesecake Bar contains 90 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar and less than 1 gram of protein.

The latest Special K Cereal Bar flavors come in a box of six.

Image via flickr user The Consumerist / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: Burger King To Stuff Jalapeno and Cheddar Into Burger Patty Which Will Then Be Stuffed Into A Bun and Then Stuffed Into a Mouth

/ / Fast Food News

Update: Click here to read our review

Hot dogs have been stuffed with cheese for years, so it surprises me that no fast food company has come up with an idea like the upcoming Burger King Jalapeño & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse burger until now.

According to BurgerBusiness.com, the Jalapeño & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse’s beef patty has cheese and jalapeños stuffed into it, while the rest of the burger is made up of a creamy poblano sauce, lettuce and tomato in between a premium bun. I guess the benefits of stuffing the jalapeños and cheddar into the beef patty would be not having jalapeño slices fall out and melted cheese oozing everywhere.

The Jalapeño & Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse by itself is expected to cost $3.99. Although, on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, the Burger King locations here tend to charge a bit more than their mainland counterparts. Nutritional information isn’t available yet, but do you really want to know?

REVIEW: Special K Multigrain Oats & Honey Cereal

/ / Reviews / 5 Comments

Special K Multigrain Oats & Honey Cereal

I’m going to be honest, this may be the healthiest cereal I’ve ever eaten. As a rule, I eat breakfast cereals developed by dentists who could really use some help but don’t like asking for handouts. The least sugary cereal I’ve eaten in years is Honey Nut Cheerios, which is kind of like bragging that you only smoke two packs of filtered cigarettes a day. Hell, the product I reviewed for my TIB application was Post Marshmallow Pebbles; that cost me three teeth and my eyesight for about an hour, but it was worth it! Now here I am at the opposite end of the spectrum. I can only assume that Special K Multigrain Oats & Honey Cereal will resurrect my hairline, bestow 20/20 vision, and give me muscles in places I haven’t had them since college. Frankly, anything less will be a bigger disappointment than watching the edited-for-TV version of The Breakfast Club. (“Forget you! No dad, what about you?”)

The first thing I notice about Special K Multigrain Oats & Honey Cereal is that the box actually looks like something an adult might eat. There’s nary a spunky cartoon character or anthropomorphic animal to be found, and I’m kind of freaked out that the back of the box just has pictures of the ingredients and a dead-eyed model pretending to eat some while thinking, “It was this or underwear modeling in the Costco circular,” rather than a word search or jumble. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to hone my vocab skills while eating, but I guess that’s the choice you make — healthy or smart. One of the informative blurbs gives a good idea of the target audience by claiming that women who eat a cereal breakfast like this one weigh less, which just does wonders for my masculinity, let me tell you. When I go back to the store for another box, I think I’ll grab some yogurt smoothies and a package of Secret, which I understand to be made for women but strong enough for me.

Special K Multigrain Oats & Honey Cereal Closeup

Pouring some out in a bowl increases my confidence that, if I don’t actually LIKE this cereal, I’ll at least find it tolerable. I’m a little bummed that the flakes aren’t shaped like bats or C3PO faces or some shit, but I guess that wouldn’t do when you’re marketing yourself to people with “jobs” and “401Ks” and “relationships, as long as he keeps his hands off that tramp Jenny from Accounting.” Anyway, if the flakes look bland, they at least don’t appear actively offensive. There are also plenty of oats, and hey, oatmeal’s okay. Nobody ever said “Yippee, oatmeal!” if there wasn’t going to be brown sugar in it, but it’s pretty hard to work up any actual dislike for oats, in meal form or otherwise. The honey isn’t visible to the naked eye, but if it’s not in there, I promise you somebody’s getting a strongly worded letter on Monday.

Actually, for all my hesitance, Special K Multigrain Oats & Honey Cereal really doesn’t taste bad. Anyone who hasn’t been shoveling spoonfuls of cavity bombs into their maw for the last two decades is likely to find it within spitting distance of “good.” The taste is definitely more on the understated side — there’s only so much honey they can add to this stuff and still market it as “healthy” — but it beats dumping a handful of sugar on regular Cheerios, which is what I used to do as a kid (and now) when we’d run out of the good cereals. The honey flavor definitely comes through, as do the oats, and the flakes retain their crunchiness fairly well in milk. I can’t say this is what I’d choose every trip to the store, but as a compromise between teeth-rotting rapture and bland antiques like Wheaties or Shredded Wheat, you could do a lot worse.

(Nutrition Facts — 2/3 cup — 100 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 70 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 14 grams of other carbohydrates, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Special K Multigrain Oats & Honey Cereal
Price: $3.69
Size: 13.6 ounces
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Strong enough for a man. Helps me fit into skinny jeans. Feeling like an adult. Does not make my teeth weep. Fairly tasty.
Cons: Putting dentists out of business. No fun shapes. Made testicles shrink. Not improving vocab. Did not restore hair or vision. Edited-for-TV movies.

NEWS: Doritos Releases Limited Edition Taco Flavor In Retro Bag That’s From A Time In Your Life When You Could Eat Doritos and Not Worry About Getting Fat

/ / Spotted on Shelves / 30 Comments

chips

For those of you who follow snack news religiously, the Limited Edition Taco Flavor Doritos is old news since it was released last month. But I only heard about them the other day. Despite it being slightly old news, I decided to post something about it because, to be honest, I really wanted to write the title above.

If you’re a snack historian, you’ll know the Taco Flavor was the second Doritos flavor ever after Toasted Corn, and although I am old enough to have eaten them, I only remember eating the Toasted Corn Doritos. Eventually, the Taco Flavor went away.

The Limited Edition Taco Flavor Doritos follows what Pepsi has done with their Throwback Pepsi and Mountain Dew issues, which is to release them in packaging similar to the original. So if you want to trick your friends into thinking you’re eating something out of a time capsule, now would be the time.

The Limited Edition Taco Flavor Doritos retail for $3.99.

Image via flickr user loop_oh / CC BY ND 2.0

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