Month: June 2011

ANNOUNCEMENT: Want to Write For The Impulsive Buy? (2011 Edition)

Marvo 7 Comments

The Impulsive Buy is currently looking for enthusiastic, talented, funny, and self-motivated individuals to write product reviews of processed foods that most likely would make Jamie Oliver cry or start another food revolution. I’m hoping to bring on one or two new reviewers to write one or two reviews per month.

Writer Requirements:

1. Must have a computer.
2. Must have a digital camera.
3. Have spelling and grammar abilities equal to or greater than mine.
4. Have an ability to entertain people with words.

It’s a paid gig, but I won’t say how much here. However, I can say it’s enough for you to have a Pop-Tarts party, if the Pop-Tarts party only included Pop-Tarts and not other party-related items like party hats, banners, party favors, balloons, plates, forks, and a stripper coming out of a cake that looks like a Pop-Tart.

If you would like to apply for the position, here’s what you’ll need to send:

Writing Samples:

1. One sample review in TIB format (nutrition facts, rating, price, pros, cons, etc at the bottom). The review can be about whatever product you want. I won’t be using the review on TIB. I just want to see your writing style to determine if you’d be a good fit. To give you an idea of how long a TIB review is, they range from 400-1,000 words.

2. Photo(s) of the product you reviewed. (High quality versions, please!)

3. A bio and why you want to write for The Impulsive Buy.

A Few Notes:

1. Due to legal reasons, we can’t hire minors.

2. At this time, we’re not looking to add writers from outside the United States.

3. Please don’t send your review as an attachment. Copy and paste your writing samples into your email. However, you may send the photos as attachments.

Update: If you’ve applied before, please send a new review.

To apply, please email your sample review, pictures, and bio to theimpulsivebuyATgmailDOTcom with the line “I want to write for a semi-popular product review blog” in the subject line. The deadline to apply will be July 8th.

Thank you.

Marvo
Editor-in-Chief

NEWS: New SoBe Pure Water Is As Pure As Teenage Disney Actors Before They Turn Eighteen

Marvo 10 Comments

Update: Click here to read our SoBe Pure review

I didn’t know electrolytes could have flavor. I thought it just helped rehydrate thirsty people and sell an ocean’s worth of Gatorade. But it appears it does because the label on the new SoBe Pure water says so: “Water + A drop of flavor + Electrolytes for taste.”

SoBe Pure water comes in three flavors: Watermelon, Golden Pineapple, and Black Cherry. All three flavors have no calories, no colors, no preservatives, and no artificial sweeteners. With those statements, you’d think SoBe Pure’s ingredients list would be simple, or pure, if you will.

And it is simple, if you have a chemistry degree. All three flavors contain: water, erythritol, citric acid, natural flavor, calcium lactate, potassium citrate, sea salt, purified stevia extract, tartaric acid, and lactic acid.

An 8-ounce serving of SoBe Pure has 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 30 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. They’re available in 20-ounce bottles for a limited time only at Target.

REVIEW: Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch

Marvo 15 Comments

Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch

I thought the new Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch was going to be this generation’s Post Oreo O’s.

Not familiar with the discontinued Post Oreo O’s because you’re too young to remember or you avoid all things awesome? Well let’s just say Post created an Oreo-branded cereal that really didn’t taste like Oreo cookies but was still so damn good that I wish I owned a DeLorean with a flux capacitor so that I could go back in time, fill said DeLorean with boxes of Post Oreo O’s, and then spend the next couple of weeks in a sugar-induced comatose.

If you’re too lazy to do a Google Image search to see what this cereal among cereals looks like, I’ll describe it to you.

Imagine an O-shaped cereal, like Apple Jacks. Now remove the red cinnamon spots on the cereal and replace it with a whole lot of white sugary spots that’ll make it look like it was in the spittle range of someone who sneezed on a pile cocaine. Next, replace the green or orange color of the Apple Jacks cereal with black. Yes, the color of death (and Oreo cookies). However, in this case it’s the color of chocolatey deliciousness.

Yes, I just spent the first 200 words of this Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch review describing another cereal. But I brought up Post Oreo O’s because the high expectations I had for that heavenly cereal are the same I had for this cereal. Seriously. Think about it. Doesn’t Oreo cereal sound like one of the greatest ideas for a cereal? If you’re saying no, you’re lying to yourself and your sweet tooth. Now, doesn’t Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch also sound like one of the greatest ideas for a cereal? Cocoa Puffs PLUS brownies!?! The name alone makes me go a little cuckoo.

Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch may sound like one of the greatest ideas for a cereal, but, sadly, it’s far from a great cereal.

Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch Naked

What disappoints me the most is that, despite being a cereal that appears to be different than regular Cocoa Puffs, Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch tastes like regular Cocoa Puffs. Actually, it starts off kind of tasting like Cookie Crisp and then ends up tasting like Cocoa Puffs, but that’s still disappointing. It makes me want to stuff Sonny the Cuckoo Bird into an oven and have him as part of my complete breakfast.

Also, speaking of Cookie Crisp, the pieces of Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch with their tiny bits of chocolate attached to them look like the burnt square rejects from the Cookie Crisp factory.

There were only two things about this cereal that impressed me. It did take awhile for it to get soggy in milk and if you leave the cereal wading in milk long enough, it does turn the milk chocolatey. Although, it’s kind of scary it stays crunchy in milk for as long as it does because it makes me wonder what’s keeping it from getting soggy.

Now if you go read the reviews of this cereal on mommy blogs, every single one of them will say that they and their kids enjoyed it. But if the children of those mommy bloggers could taste what my taste buds experienced with Post Oreo O’s, they would push away their Dora the Explorer or Ben 10 bowls filled with Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch cereal and demand for something better.

Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch isn’t a horrible tasting cereal. It tastes like Cocoa Puffs, which I enjoy, but it shouldn’t taste like Cocoa Puffs. If General Mills can get their hands on a DeLorean with a flux capacitor they should go back to the year 2000 to pick up a box of Post Oreo O’s, then go forward in time to 2010 when they were developing Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch and use the cereal from the past as the flavor template for their future Cocoa Puffs spinoff cereal.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) – 110 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 80 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 11 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch
Price: $3.49
Size: 12.2 ounces
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Stays crunchy in milk. Turns milk chocolatey. Fortified with vitamins and minerals. Post Oreo O’s. The Back to the Future trilogy.
Cons: Tastes like Cocoa Puffs, which it shouldn’t. Doesn’t come close to tasting like brownies. Looks like burnt square rejects from a Cookie Crisp factory. No longer having Post Oreo O’s.

PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Want To Put A T-Shirt On Your Back

Marvo 37 Comments

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I got the t-shirt (size large) pictured above for free from the folks at Carl’s Jr. I’ve had it in my possesion for six or seven months, but I’ve never worn it. It’s been sitting the cardboard box it came in because I forgot about it. During the time it’s been in the box, the Green Hornet movie was released in theaters and on DVD.

I thought about using the t-shirt as a rag. I thought about donating it to Goodwill. I thought about using it to cover my bare chest. But I decided that this t-shirt should cover the chest of an Impulsive Buy reader or be used as a rag by an Impulsive Buy reader. So it’s time to have another quick prize drawing and I’m going to call it:

The Impulsive Buy’s T-Shirt/Rag Promoting A Movie That Came Out Almost Six Months Ago Prize Drawing

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To enter The Impulsive Buy’s T-Shirt/Rag Promoting A Movie That Came Out Almost Six Months Ago Prize Drawing, leave a comment with THIS post. Say whatever you like.

Please don’t forget to fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the winner for their mailing address. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Friday, June 24, 2011 11:59 PM Hawaii Standard Time. Only one comment allowed per person, and it’s open to everyone who’s 18 years old or older.

For those of you who have a Twitter account, you can increase your odds of winning by tweeting the following message before June 24, 2011 11:59 PM Hawaii Standard Time:

I read @theimpulsivebuy and all I can win is this lousy t-shirt. http://bit.ly/iXShkT

Only one tweet per Twitter account. Please follow @theimpulsivebuy on Twitter so that if the winner is picked via tweets, I’ll be able to contact the winner.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you emails for free Viagra in Spanish. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you my depleted AA batteries. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or the t-shirt not fitting properly.

NEWS: Get Ready To Show Fake Enthusiasm When Color Changing Jello Blows Your Kid’s Mind

Marvo 4 Comments

When I was a kid, it was awesome whenever I flicked a Bic disposable lighter and got a flame to appear. I would wave a finger multiple times through the orange flame to feel the warmth and pain it provided. When I got bored with that, I’d light newspapers in a Weber grill, waving my hand multiple times through the flames. When I tired of that, I’d set fire to a cardboard box and dance around it as if it were an offering to the Chinese god of fire, Zhu Rong. Today, however, those simple actions no longer excite me.

I bring up my past pyromania because Jell-O’s new Mixchief line of color changing pudding and gelatin may seem cool to children now, but in the future they’ll look back and realize how lame it was, much like how I think pouring lighter fluid on a newspaper fire is lame now. The line comes in two varieties Jell-O Mixchief Color Changing Vanilla Pudding and Jell-O Mixchief Color Changing Grape Gelatin.

The color changing happens while stirring the powdered mixes with the instructed liquid. The vanilla pudding turns green and the grape gelatin turns red. How boring is that? Wouldn’t it have been better if the two changed colors while stored in the refrigerator to set? It goes in one color and it comes out a different color. The way it is now, it’s as impressive as watching the water turn blue after dropping a 2000 Flushes in your toilet’s tank and then flushing.

Along with the color changing desserts, Jello-O also released Mixchief Make Your Own…Add Soda Gelatin, which is just unflavored gelatin that calls for 12 ounces of your desired soda instead of water. Yup, you can make Pepsi or Coke flavored gelatin. Or if you can get your hands on the Limited Edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black, you can make Jell-O that tastes like that.