REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Fair Goodness Cake!

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Ben & Jerry's Fair Goodness Cake!

Hey so guess what — I found the damn ice cream.

Irony is a bitch, amirite?  After literally weeks of searching for the latest Ben & Jerry’s flavor and eventually settling for Breyers Chips Ahoy! as a consolation prize, I finally located Fair Goodness Cake! before I’d even submitted that last review.  Yeah.  That’s like getting a friend request from the girl you had a crush on in high school two weeks after you’ve gotten married.

Except… often when that happens, you realize almost immediately that, old infatuation be damned, you absolutely ended up with the right person.  That happened to me — it’s crazy to think that if I’d actually had the stones to ask her out back in the day, I could right now be with a diehard Twilight and Justin Bieber fan who’s never heard of capital letters.  (Because: hi, we’re 31 years old.  The Biebs should not be on anyone’s radar who was born in the ’80s.)  So I approached Fair Goodness Sake! with anticipation, but just a little hesitance as well.

Juliet famously pondered what was in a name, to which Ben and Jerry’s response is clearly, “An opportunity for a double pun, duh.”  Fair Goodness Cake! isn’t the slickest of their ice cream names, but you’ve got to respect the sheer ambition of referencing both the fair trade nature of the ingredients and the flavor itself in the title.  I’d been looking forward to this one for a while because, beyond the fact that B&J rarely steer me wrong, I was curious to see if I could taste the difference between standard chocolate ice cream versus “German chocolate cake” ice cream.

Ben & Jerry's Fair Goodness Cake! Closeup

In answer to that question: yes, although it’s subtle.  I’d say the chocolate is probably a little darker and richer than what you’d consider “ordinary” chocolate, both in appearance and flavor.  Texture wise, while there are some crumbled cake bits in it, they’re pretty unobtrusive and blend well into the smoothness of the ice cream.  If anything, they could’ve added a little more German chocolate cake without anyone complaining, I’m guessing.  FGS! also contains coconut, which I personally can take or leave.  To me it’s like the kid sidekick of the ice cream world — I’m not going to complain if it’s there, but if it happens to get accidentally left out, or blown up or beaten to death with a crowbar, I’m kind of okay with that.  Anyone who got that reference, collect five nerd points and give yourself a wedgie immediately.

But I know that many of you, like my wife, are avowed coconut lovers, and rest assured that Ben & Jerry have not forsaken thee.  Fair Goodness Cake! boasts a strong, distinctive coconut presence that can’t be ignored.  Arguably a little too much so — the container boasts of a coconut caramel swirl, but the caramel is almost an afterthought, disappearing quicker than a bartender’s attention when you sit down and order a water (or so I’m told by people who order water in bars).  In all seriousness, the caramel is there, but very subtle and definitely overpowered by its bigger, more prominent cousin.  Damn your diva-esque ways, coconut!

Despite what the name might lead you to believe, there’s nothing especially esoteric about Fair Goodness Cake! ice cream.  It’s not some incredibly niche flavor that like three people will appreciate; it’s just solid, non-flashy ice cream.  Nothing wrong with that (other than the price… five dollars?!), and while I might’ve desired more parity between the coconut and the caramel elements, overall it’s still tasty stuff.  Coconut lovers can probably add an extra point to that score, but for everyone else: don’t hesitate to pick some up if you see it, but I wouldn’t drive more than a mile out of your way to get some either.  Although it is a limited batch, so if you DO decide to partake, don’t wait too long — he who hesitates does not eat cake.

(Nutrition Facts — 1/2 cup — 260 calories, 120 calories from fat, 13 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 27 grams of sugars, 4 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Fair Goodness Cake! reviews:
On Second Scoop

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Fair Goodness Cake!
Price: $4.99
Size: One pint
Purchased at: Acme
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Finally finding the damn stuff.  Further confirmation that you married the right person (not that any was needed).  Cake chunks that enhance the rich chocolate.  Nice texture.  Double puns.  Doesn’t spare the coconut, if that’s your thing.
Cons: Does EVERY new frozen dessert have to have an exclamation mark in its name?  Kid sidekicks.  Remembering you never would’ve stood a chance with the girl you’re making jokes about.  Who hid the caramel?  $5 is pretty ridiculous for a pint of ice cream.

GUEST REVIEW: Taylor’s Tonics Cafe Azteca

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Taylor's Tonics Cafe Azteca Sparkling & Spiced Espresso Cola

(Editor’s Note: This guest review come from Aaron, one of the The Soda Jerks. The best way I can describe The Soda Jerks is to compare what they do with what Conan O’Brien did on his old NBC Late Night show. While Conan showcased bands you’ve probably never heard of, The Soda Jerks review sodas you’ve probably never heard of.)

I honestly don’t know what I’m in for with this current review. Let’s just cut to the chase. I have a bottle of Espresso Cola in front of me and it’s a bit unnerving. It’s unnerving because without looking at the ingredients label I can’t even imagine how much caffeine is in this thing. It’s unnerving because I’m not the biggest fan of coffee flavored anything… including coffee. Finally, it’s unnerving because it’s from the makers of Chai Cola and that was a pretty powerful drink in its own right.

The official name of this beverage is Taylor’s Tonics Cafe Azteca Sparkling & Spiced Espresso Cola. That my friends is a name. Even abbreviated the name becomes T.T.C.A.S.A.S.E.C. making it no shorter than the word musketeer. I’m not sure what that proves but you get the example regardless. The label adoring this bottle is sepia through and through, giving the bottle a fake “Old Westerny” feel. Ingredients of T.T.C.A.S.A.S.E.C. are as follows: Sparking water (infused with Fair Trade Coffee, Cocoa, Cinnamon Bark, and Cayenne), Evaporated Cane Juice, Natural Flavors of Vanilla, Mocha, and Spice, Citric Acid, and Natural Caffeine (40mg). That is one impressive, and daunting, ingredient list for a cola. I guess all we can do now is give it a huff.

Let’s crank up the scare factor for Ol’ Aaron just a bit more. This smells just like an iced coffee. I smell no cinnamon, no vanilla, no cocoa… just coffee. I can only hope that the bitter aroma escapes the bottle as the sweet, sweet, flavor rests inside. Here goes something! Let me make sure I take this bottle and “Rock Gently” as the instructions instruct.

WHOA! Too. Many. Flavors. Without taking another sip for the moment I tasted coffee, cinnamon, cayenne, and cocoa in that one sip. They weren’t blended together in a smooth friendly way either. Each of those individual flavors attacked my mouth in a cruel and menacing way. With the second sip, the coffee flavoring seems to have either died down or my taste buds are instantly used to it now. The cinnamon/cayenne acts as if it’s being forced to be consumed and it’s using all its power to not be. It’s tiny nails slide down the back of my throat giving me one of the harshest mouth feels I’ve had in a very long time, if not ever.

The cocoa only comes in at the end of the terrible roller coaster. The cocoa isn’t a nice guy either, not in the slightest. Cocoa is the guy that ruins those roller coaster pictures they sell after the ride. In this case, he’s flipping you off while his friend vanilla seems to be embarrassed to even be there. There they sit behind you and your family, keeping you from owning one of those overpriced memories.

Cafe Azteca tastes as if someone decided to make their own soda with all the ingredients they love but they have no idea how to make soda. “Sure we’ll throw in some coffee, and some cocoa, and maybe a little cayenne. Stir it real good, and WHAMO!”

I’ve now had four sips and winced with each one. I’ve been very aware that this soda isn’t for me for quite some time now. I’m sure Cafe Azteca has a strong market somewhere… probably with people who like coffee soda (all six of them). My stomach is bubbling something fierce, and I really don’t want to drink this anymore. I must suffer and take a fifth sip though. By taking this fifth sip I’ll be able to tell if Cafe Azteca makes me wince five out of five times. Who cares if something happens four out of four times… five is where it’s at! Let’s find out.

I’ve got to be the simplest simpleton on the planet for doing that, of course I winced. Cafe Azteca is one of the top three worst sodas I’ve ever had. I’ve never been to Mexico but it seems that Cafe Azteca is just another way for Montezuma to get his revenge.

Verdict – Do Not Buy!

~A

For more reviews of sodas you’ve never heard of, go and visit The Soda Jerks.

VIDEO REVIEW: Wildlicious Frosted Wild! Strawberry Pop-Tarts

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Yes, another Pop-Tarts review, but this time it’s in video form.

This is our 24th Pop-Tarts review and it’s also TIB’s 1,000th review overall.

WOO HOO!

I’d like to thank TIB’s past and present writers, who have helped this quasi-product review blog achieve this milestone. But we wouldn’t have reached this milestone if it weren’t for all of you who read our words (and watch our occasional videos). Because, seriously, if no one read this blog, I would’ve allowed it to join the millions of dead blogs floating around on the internet.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy TIB’s 1,000th review.

Notes:

Dave Matthews image via Flickr user Spector1 / CC BY SA 2.0

Raisins image via Flickr user bastique / CC BY SA 2.0

NEWS: Ben & Jerry’s Releases Limited Edition Schweddy Balls Flavor

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Newest flavor Sept 2011Update: Click here to read our Schweddy Balls review

I’m an avid watcher of Saturday Night Live and my favorite skit of all time is Schweddy Balls. If you’ve never seen the skit because you’re too young or you think SNL was better during the (insert former cast member here)-era, you can watch the clip below (unless you live in a country outside of the US because Hulu clips don’t play outside of the US).

For those who can’t watch the clip, the sketch stars Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon, as hosts of the “Delicious Dish,” a National Public Radio program parody, along with Alec Baldwin as Pete Schweddy, the fictional owner of Season’s Eatings Bakery.

To honor Saturday Night Live and the greatness of that skit, Ben & Jerry’s has launched a new limited edition flavor called, you guessed it, Schweddy Balls.

The new Schweddy Balls flavor features Fair Trade vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum and is loaded with fudge covered rum balls and milk chocolate malt balls.

A 1/2 cup serving has 270 calories, 15 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

The newest Ben & Jerry’s limited-batch flavor is currently available at participating Ben & Jerry’s Scoop Shops across the country and at supermarkets nationwide while supplies last.

REVIEW: Burger King Quaker Oatmeal

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Burger King Oatmeal

I’m disappointed with Burger King.

They’re the “Home of the Whopper,” not the “Home of Whole Grains and Fiber,” so their new Burger King Oatmeal puzzles me. Instead of clogging my arteries, the fiber in their new oatmeal is scraping away the stuff that shrinks my arteries’ passageways, some of which was put there by their food. By scraping away that plaque that lines my arterial walls, what they’re really doing is scraping themselves away.

I wonder if I just blew Burger King’s mind.

So Burger King should forget about oatmeal and get back to doing what they’re good at — making Whoppers, making other burgers and sandwiches that aren’t as good as the Whopper, and making crappy French fries.

But, if they’re really attached to making oatmeal, I’d suggest revamping their menu with nothing but healthier fare and changing their name to Garden King. Although, if they do, I’m pretty sure a bunch of Chinese restaurants will be upset with the name change.

But until either one happens, it’s going to be oatmeal and a whole lot of fried stuff on Burger King’s menu boards.

Burger King Oatmeal Closeup

Oh, but their oatmeal isn’t just any ol’ oatmeal. It’s Quaker oatmeal, which means two things:

1. Burger King wants people to know they’re serious about their oatmeal.

2. I could make the exact same thing at home in 3-4 minutes.

Burger King’s oatmeal is quite good, if you get it with the dried fruit (raisins, golden raisins, and dried cranberries). While the oatmeal is sweetened with brown sugar, it’s easily ten times better with the fruit, which there is enough of to have a little dried fruit in every spoonful. The oatmeal does have a nice thick consistency, even though the picture above may show otherwise.

Although I really do like Burger King’s oatmeal, I prefer McDonald’s Fruit & Maple Oatmeal. Burger King’s oatmeal (7 ounces) is smaller than McDonald’s Fruit & Maple Oatmeal (9.2 ounces) and McDonald’s oatmeal includes fresh apples. Although McDonald’s uses fast food black magic to prevent the apples from turning brown. Also, Burger King’s oatmeal is only available during breakfast hours, while McDonald’s oatmeal is available throughout the day.

So now that Burger King has oatmeal, does this mean we’ll see more wholesome items on their menu board or will their oatmeal end up like the BK Veggie and just be a novelty stuck in the sea of saturated fats and grease on Burger King’s menu board.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oatmeal with fruit – 270 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 4 milligrams of cholesterol, 290 milligrams of sodium, 55 grams of carbohydrates, 29 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Quaker Oatmeal
Price: $2.49
Size: 7 ounces
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: It’s good. Uses Quaker oatmeal. Lots of dried fruit. Thick consistency. Burger King Whopper. Made using whole grain oats. Good source of fiber.
Cons: Only available on the breakfast menu. I could probably make it at home in 3-4 minutes. The number of King Garden restaurants. Fiber scraping away the Burger King inside of me. BK Veggie.

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