REVIEW: Doritos JACKED (Smoky Chipotle BBQ and Enchilada Supreme)

/ / Reviews / 20 Comments

Doritos JACKED Smoky Chipotle BBQ and Enchilada Supreme

My wife recently told me she admired my self-control around open bags of chips.   I asked what she meant, and she explained that if a chip bag is open, I’ll eat a certain amount until I’m not hungry anymore, then stop and let the chip bag sit there unmolested rather than continue to eat.   I’d never really thought about it that way, but in general, I think she’s right.   I can eat some potato chips and then keep the bag in front of me without touching it.   I can usually do that with tortilla chips.   I can even  pull it off  with cheese curls.

But Doritos are another story.   Open a bag of Doritos and you expose my all-too-human weakness.   I’ll keep eating those things until I force myself to close the bag and stash it away, or until it’s empty.   If it’s open and sitting out, self-control is not an option.

So knowing that about myself, what was I to think about Doritos introducing the “JACKED” sub-line (I feel strongly it should be all caps) that boasts of Bigger, Bolder, Thicker chips?   Should I be enthused, or worried?   Was I like a smoker getting excited because his Camels would now contain triple the nicotine?   And why “JACKED,” anyway?   Were they going to contain Monterey or Cheddar Jack cheese (no), or was  this just  a doomed marketing attempt to seem appropriately “street” (almost certainly)?
 
Then I thought about it for .43 seconds and realized two of those adjectives are completely irrelevant.   Who cares if each  individual chip is 40% bigger and thicker if the size of the bag remains the same?   If anything it’s a ploy to get you to eat the same number of Doritos you always did, but since there are fewer per bag, you’ll need to buy another bag sooner.   They could just as easily make the Doritos small and wafer thin and brag about how each bag contains thousands, yes thousands of chips!

But it’s the second adjective that piqued my interest, because fortune favors the bold and so do I.   The two inaugural flavors kicking off the JACKED line are Smoky Chipotle BBQ and Enchilada Supreme, and neither of those tastes screams “Let my subtle notes gently  waft across your palate.”   Appropriately for a product that debuted at the SXSW Festival, these are chips for extreme people with extreme taste buds; and while I may not be one of them, I’m always up for a challenge.

Doritos JACKED Smoky Chipotle BBQ

As you can see (the penny is for scale, I haven’t taken to eating copper… yet), the Smoky Chipotle BBQ chips are definitely larger than their standard Doritos brethren, and while it may not be clear from the picture, noticeably darker as well.   I was unable to find one completely intact; I’m not sure if that’s a consequence of them being bigger and crunchier, or just having two toddlers who like to help unpack groceries.   The smell is surprisingly subdued, not at all the intense aroma that typically warns you to proceed carefully with spicy food.

My expectation was that, despite the best efforts of the marketing department, the Chipotle BBQ Doritos wouldn’t be absurdly hot, so as not to deter most of the target audience.   Frankly, I was afraid they’d go too far and end up with wuss chips; and luckily, that fear proved groundless.   They pack a greater crunch than the regular variety due to their increased thickness, and you can clearly taste the classic Doritos artificial cheese on them.   But with it definitely comes an explosion of spice that won’t send you sprinting for a gallon of milk, but will probably make you think twice about eating any without a cold drink handy.   Darned if there isn’t a bit of a smoky flavor to them too, complementing the heat.   It’s worth noting that the spice distribution is slightly uneven, some chips being noticeably hotter than others, but I’m not sure there’s any way that could’ve been avoided.  

Doritos JACKED Enchilada Supreme

Likewise, the Enchilada Supreme Doritos carry a less potent aroma than I would’ve expected.   They mostly smell like regular Doritos, with just a hint of Mexican spices if you really focus.   The taste, however, packs just as much of a wallop as the Chipotle variety, if not more.   Immediately your tongue is hit with a tangy salsa taste, and it IS tangy.   I would say the flavor is more intense than the Chipotle variety but doesn’t linger as long — like a process server, it gets in, hits you with a lawsuit or paternity papers, and gets out immediately.   It also has a cheesier taste than regular Doritos, which is much appreciated, along with some tomato flavor.   And not that these have anything in common with “real” Mexican cuisine, but as someone who makes his tacos with shells, beef, cheese, and that’s it, I was slightly nervous about this flavor but found myself really digging it.   You can also more easily eat them without a beverage handy than the Chipotle variety, since the spice doesn’t linger nearly as long.

I’m often skeptical of attempts to improve an established product I like, and doubly so if they appear to be pursuing the Poochie demographic.   That said, I’m surprised to be able to happily recommend both of these new flavors.   The increased size and thickness is largely window dressing, but they both have chops as far as spiciness, albeit in different ways.   I’m a little more partial to the Smoky Chipotle BBQ flavor myself, but regular visitors to the Bell or a real Mexican restaurant may swing more in favor of the Enchilada Supreme.   Either way though, you’ve got something good on your hands.   Just remember to stretch properly before getting that X-treme; cramped taste buds are NOT cool, man.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz (about 6 chips) – Smoky Chipotle BBQ – 130 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.   Enchilada Supreme – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Doritos JACKED reviews:
FatGuy Food Blog
Junk Food Guy (Smoky Chipotle BBQ)
Junk Food Guy (Enchilada Supreme)

Item: Doritos JACKED (Smoky Chipotle BBQ and Enchilada Supreme)
Price: $4.29 each
Size: 10.5 oz
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Smoky Chipotle BBQ)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Supreme Enchilada)
Pros: Doesn’t wimp out on the spice.   Bolder.   Enchilada Supreme definitely tastes like both cheese and tomato.   Begrudgingly, I’ll admit they are more “extreme” than regular Doritos.   You can really see the spicy crystals or whatever on the Chipotle BBQ kind.   Catch you on the flip side, dudemeisters!
Cons: Irrelevant size increases.   Not exactly cheap.   “JACKED” is not a word typically associated with good things (carjacked, jacked up on steroids, etc).   The description on the bag contains phrases like “mind-blowing” and “Can you handle it?” without an air of tongue-in-cheek self-awareness.   Might lead to you accidentally eating your iPod Nano.

VIDEO REVIEW: Dial for Men Speed Foam Body Wash Foaming Gel Active Sport

/ / Reviews / 17 Comments

Oooh! New body cleaning technology!

Length: 2:40

Item: Dial for Men Speed Foam Body Wash Foaming Gel Active Sport
Price: $3.99 (with $1 off coupon)
Size: 6.8 ounces
Purchased at: Target

REVIEW: Lay’s Classic BLT Potato Chips

/ / Reviews / 23 Comments

Lay's Classic BLT Potato Chips

I want you to close your eyes for a moment and imagine a Classic BLT sandwich.

Picture yourself  on the patio of  a quaint small town cafe in the heat of July, your lips warmed by a cool Coke Zero and your taste buds salivating as the aroma of apple-wood smoked bacon glides into your periphery. A mural of green romaine and juicy ripe tomatoes is hardly contained  between the  toasted white bread, while plump  bacon invites your  carnivorous spirit in this delight  of its fatty yet crisp, salty but sweet, taste of hog heaven.

There’s crunch. There’s smoke. There’s a hint of creaminess and acidity, and there’s relief and sweetness.  It’s enough to make you pause to contemplate whether this is the best sandwich you’ve ever eaten or if you’ve just died and gone to Heaven, all before fulfilling a sudden emotional urge to quote the movie Babe.

That’ll do pig. That’ll do.

Got that image in your head? Good, because that’s the kind of imagination you’ll have to have to taste the Classic BLT flavors and textures  when your sitting on your couch watching reruns of old NCAA football games on ESPN Classic in the wee hours of the morning.

Don’t get me wrong, Lay’s new Classic BLT isn’t bad if you’re looking for a lighter take on sour cream and onion flavors, but when it comes to two of the three letters in the BLT acronym, the new chips miss the mark completely. Ironically, the only letter decently represented is “L,” although I don’t think it makes enough of a difference to qualify as a serving of fruit and vegetables.

Lay's Classic BLT Potato Chips Closeup

I knew my expectations were too high right off the bat when I opened the bag. The chips looked and smelled like sour cream and onion chips, and while the buttermilk tang and heavy onion flavor  weren’t  distractingly overwhelming  in the seasoning, you’d have a hard time picking out bacon and tomato if you hadn’t looked at the bag you were stuffing your face from.

There’s a slight dextrose sweetness and weak tomato powder flavor that lets you know there are hints of tomato, but when it comes to projecting meaty and smokey bacon, this comes off more in the vegan imitation variety than the  smokey-meaty-fatty  All-American hog.

Clearly a potato chip that intends to imitate a food which derives much of its flavor from from its texture is bound for failure, but I was at least expecting something to facilitate my daily helping of fake smoke flavor and salty, finger licking greasiness. Now all I have is breath that smells of sour cream and onion, and a bag of BLT chips that might — keyword, might — taste like a BLT sandwich should I find a worthy BLT sandwich to stick them in.

(Nutrition Facts – 1  ounce (About 15 chips)  –  160 calories,  90 calories from fat,  10 grams of total fat,  1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol,  150 milligrams of sodium,  320 milligrams of potassium,  15 grams of total carbohydrates,  1 grams of dietary fiber,  1 gram of sugars,  2 grams of protein, 10% vitamin C, 2% iron, 4% niacin, and 4% thiamin)

Item: Lay’s Classic BLT Potato Chips
Price:  $4.29
Size:  10 ounces
Purchased at: Weis Markets
Rating:  5 out of 10
Pros: All natural ingredients. No bacon cooking required.  Classic BLT “crunch.” An excuse to watch Babe. Resistant Starch, son.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like a BLT. Weak tomato and almost no bacon flavor. Lacks lip-smacking fattitude of freshly cooked bacon. Doesn’t count as a serving of fruit and vegetables. Sour Cream and Onion breath.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 4/12/2012

/ / Spotted on Shelves / 6 Comments

New products are released all the time and here are some we found on our most recent shopping trips. We may or may not review them, but we’d like to let you know what new items are popping up on store shelves.

Wish Bone Buffalo Ranch on shelf

These have been out for a couple of months, but I only learned about them recently when I accidentally ended up on the Wish-Bone website after Googling…well, it’s not important what I was Googling. Like gourmet bologna, combining Frank’s Red Hot Sauce with Ranch dressing sounds like a culinary oxymoron. Well, if it makes vegetables taste better, then that’s all that really matters.

Rockstar Relax on Shelf

I picked up a can of Rockstar Relax, but I have yet to open it because when I need to relax I just put on my headphones and listen to the most relaxing song ever. Rockstar Relax is tropical guava flavored and contains a “calming herbal blend” of passionflower extract, rose hips extract, and chamomile extract. You can read the Thirsty Dudes review here.

Skinny Cow Oh Fudge Nuts on Shelf

I haven’t admitted this to anyone, but the anthropomorphic Skinny Cow mascot freaks me out. People say Skinny Cow frozen treats are good, but I won’t buy a box because I’m afraid of what feelings might stir up if I stare too long at those lady cow curves. Like their new Shake-Stirs, Skinny Cow’s Oh Fudge Nuts! are a “Slimited Edition” product. Slimited? Oh, you wordsmiths at Nestle! You’re clever. If I was in your shoes, I probably would’ve called them something lame, like Limithin Edition. That’s why you’re making the big bucks and I run a semi-popular product review blog.

Sara Lee Pound Cake Slices on shelf

So lemme get this straight. Instead of buying a regular Sara Lee pound cake and cutting it myself in the aluminum pan, I can get Sara Lee pound cake that’s in individually wrapped slices, giving me a metal-free Sara Lee experience. These Pound Cake Slices sound like the greatest invention since sliced bread.

Magnum Minis on shelf

Magnum Ice Cream bars have received rave reviews…and lots of comparisons with Magnum condoms. Now they come in mini bars that are about half the size of the regular versions. Magnum Mini comes in two flavors: Classic and Almond. Of course, if you live in the U.K., Magnum Mini bars aren’t new to you. They’ve been available in the U.K. since 2009. Well, at least the U.S. was the first to have other Magnums, like the .357 Magnum and Magnum, P.I.

If you’re out shopping and see a new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, email it to us at [email protected], and you might see it in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurt (Blueberry Vanilla Graham & Banana Peanut Butter)

/ / Reviews / 24 Comments

Ben & Jerry's Greek Frozen Yogurt (Banana Peanut Butter and Blueberry Vanilla Graham)

Thanks to the inundation of Greek yogurt products over the past couple of years, I don’t remember what else Greeks are known for. When I try to think of something Greek, all that pops into my head is either Yoplait Greek Yogurt, Chobani Greek Yogurt, Stonyfield Farm’s Oikos Greek Yogurt, Dannon Greek Yogurt, Fage Greek Yogurt, Safeway Lucerne Greek Yogurt, Activia Greek Yogurt, and Tina Fey.

Unfortunately, these new Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurts aren’t helping. Is Julius Caesar Greek? What about Socrates? Damn. I can’t recall. Oh, thank goodness I’m not playing Trivial Pursuit right now. I don’t think I could earn the yellow wedge.

Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurt comes in four flavors: Blueberry Vanilla Graham, Banana Peanut Butter, Strawberry Shortcake, and Raspberry Fudge Chunk. Oh, there’s a Fifth Beatle, but Vanilla Greek Frozen Yogurt is only available at Ben & Jerry’s Scoop Shops. Sadly, I was only able to find the Blueberry Vanilla Graham and Banana Peanut Butter.

Ben & Jerry's Greek Frozen Yogurt Banana Peanut Butter

Like a man who walks around in public in nothing but his tighty whiteys, there’s something not quite right about Ben & Jerry’s Banana Peanut Butter Greek Frozen Yogurt. Ben & Jerry’s says their Greek frozen yogurts are “really Greekin’ good,” but this particular flavor is kind of Greekin’ weird.

To be honest, I’ve never had the pleasure of eating a banana with peanut butter, but it sounds yummy and I’m pretty sure Elvis ate more than enough of it for me. However, the combination of banana Greek frozen yogurt with peanut buttery swirls tastes like a not-quite-ripe banana, which I do not have any affinity for. I’ve had many banana splits ruined by not-quite-ripe bananas, so this Greek frozen yogurt’s flavor hits a sore spot. The flavor doesn’t disgust me, but I can’t see myself buying another pint of it.

Ben & Jerry's Greek Frozen Yogurt Blueberry Vanilla Graham

However, I may buy another pint of Ben & Jerry’s Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt, which combines blueberry and vanilla Greek frozen yogurt with a graham cracker swirl. The blueberry and vanilla Greek frozen yogurt have a pleasant tanginess, but the graham cracker swirl is what makes this Greek frozen yogurt tasty. It’s sweetness helps counterbalance the yogurt’s tanginess. However, I gotta have more graham cracker swirl. I got a fever. And the only prescription is more graham cracker swirl. Although, the graham cracker swirl did make everything a little gritty.

I can’t believe I’m about to type this, but I have to say I’m not sure if Aristotle was Greek and I’m slightly disappointed with these two flavors of Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurt. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever put “disappointed” and “Ben & Jerry’s” in the same sentence until now. Again, the Blueberry Vanilla Graham is good, but both flavors don’t weaken my willpower and make me want to eat an entire pint in one sitting like Ben & Jerry’s ice cream does.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – Blueberry Vanilla Graham – 200 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein. Banana Peanut Butter – 210 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt reviews:
On Second Scoop

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurt (Blueberry Vanilla Graham & Banana Peanut Butter)
Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: One pint
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Blueberry Vanilla Graham)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Banana Peanut Butter)
Pros: Blueberry Vanilla Graham is good. Doesn’t use milk from cows treated with rBGH. Yogurt cultures. Has fewer calories and fat than Ben & Jerry’s ice creams. Decent source of protein. More cowbell.
Cons: Banana Peanut Butter is Greekin’ weird because it tastes like not-quite-ripe bananas. I gotta have more graham cracker swirls. Has as much sugar as Ben & Jerry’s ice creams. Not as additive as Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.

Scroll to Top