The Impulsive Buy will be on hiatus this week, while we gamble away the rest of the Impulsive Buy’s yearly budget in Las Vegas. Internet access will be limited or nonexistent, but alcohol consumption won’t be.
If we win a jackpot, we may review something like the new iMac. If we lose the shirts off of our backs, it’s toilet paper and iPod socks.
Wish us luck!
Also, some of you maybe wondering about the recent prize drawing. Early this morning we pulled out the seven winners from the mayonnaise jar.
Each of you will receive one (1) Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial wipe. You should’ve received an email from us, asking for your mailing address. If you’re a winner and you haven’t received an email from us, then just send us an email with your mailing address.
Prizes will be mailed to the winners when we get back from Vegas.
PS – Oh yeah, Mia, we finally got our hands on those Chicken Dunks. We will do a review when we get back, but long story short, healthier than fast food chicken nuggets, but less tasty. Also, it’s kind of gross that you can actually eat them cold.
(Editorâ€™s Note: We decided to start a new feature here at The Impulsive Buy that we’re calling Guest Reviews, where we have other bloggers write reviews, because sometimes weâ€™re REALLY lazy to do our own. Weâ€™ll try to do this once a month, so if youâ€™re interested in writing a review send us an email. Anyway, todayâ€™s guest review is by Ian MacAllen, who is the author of the blogs Avacado Green, Imperfect Now, and probably a few others that we donâ€™t know about. Enjoy.)
I was told two weeks ago that I was in charge of producing some protest rally signs. This seemed pretty standard, especially since Iâ€™m officially â€œArt Directorâ€ [I play with Photoshop].
I headed off to Staples in search of supplies. Now I thought all permanent markers are the same; I was really wrong. There was an entire aisle dedicated to markers!
I do like having lots of choices, but sometimes it can be overwhelming, like when there are glitter pens. I love glitter pens. [Ok, I know what you are thinking: Glitter Pens, New Jersey has a Gay Governor, I work in politicsâ€¦but no, Iâ€™m just really into art supplies].
Anyway, on any normal day I might have just settled for a Sharpie. But then I saw the Bic Grip 4×4. All I could think was: â€œWow, that looks really, really powerful, like a Hummer.â€ That and they were cheap.
I got a pack of four: black, red, blue, and green.
Once I got back to the office I was ready to do my thing making protest posters. I grabbed my Bic Grip and went to it. The only problem is, poster board and Bic Grip pens absolutely do not get along. Despite its impressive size, the marker itself only left a faded line on the poster board.
At first I thought its unimpressive performance was because I was trying to write on the shiny side. So I flipped it around and started going at it on the dull side of the poster board. But even on the dull side of the poster board, the Bic Grip just didnâ€™t get the job done.
Thank George Washington I had some old Sharpieâ€™s laying around, otherwise our protest rally would have been pretty pathetic [well, actually it was pretty pathetic, but at least the posters were really good].
The Bic Grip seems to work fine on standard white copy paper, except of course like all permanent markers, it bleeds through paper that thin. Because I donâ€™t think permanent markers are useful on copy paper and since they donâ€™t like poster board, the Bic Grips have no purpose other than to frustrate protestors.
What I did find when trying to write with the Bic Grip is that the rubberized grip was pretty cool to play with, but otherwise I donâ€™t think it really helped me hold the marker. Now Iâ€™m not like circus folk, I donâ€™t have small hands, but the grip was really big. It made it a little awkward to hold, even for permanent markers.
The Bic Grip also promised a triple-sided head for different width lines. Even if the markers had worked well on poster board, I donâ€™t think the varying size tips would have improved it. After ten minutes of trying to use enough ink to make a solid line, the tip became pretty flat anyway.
The Bic Grip Permanent Marker is like any other Bic product; I wouldnâ€™t rely on it for any reason. The best thing we can say about these markers is it kept us under budget.
Item: Bic Grip 4×4 Permanent Marker Purchase Price: $5.49 Rating: 2 out of 5 Pros: Cheap. Came with 4 colors. Doesnâ€™t smell as bad as some permanent markers. Rubberized grip. Cons: Doesnâ€™t write well on poster board. Really big in your hand. Too phallic.
I was going to do this review in Japanese with an English translation, but I realized I earned four Câ€™s and a D in the five semesters of Japanese I took in college and all I remember is how to count to ten.
Ichi, ni, san, shi, go, rokuâ€¦DAMMIT!!! SON OF A BIâ€¦I canâ€™t even count to ten!
The reason why I wanted to do the review in Japanese was because todayâ€™s review has an international flair to it.
I thought about sending her a box, but decided that doing a review on a product she can get in Japan would be about 50 cents cheaper for the Impulsive Buy. (Yes, I know Iâ€™m a cheap-ass bastard, but maybe Iâ€™ll make it a prize in the next prize drawing.)
Anyway, being halfway between Japan and the continental United States, we get a lot of Japanese food items, Japanese tourists, and Japanese porn.
The convenience store down the street has a few products that Alex can probably find in Japan. One was Asahi, which in Japanese means, the Budweiser of Japan. I also came across Melon Creamy Soda, which in Japanese means, (prepare for the worst language translation joke ever) Melon Creamy Soda.
I was kind of skeptical of trying Melon Creamy Soda because I had tried a melon soda from Fanta, which scared me. Of course Fanta has made other things that have scared me, like their television commercials.
Item: Melon Creamy Soda Purchase Price: $1.99 Rating: 3 out of 5 Pros: Cream soda flavor. Good. Cons: What melon flavor? Expensive, but I guess if itâ€™s imported from Japan, it should be. Damn Fanta song!
Mountain Dew LiveWire. Originally released last summer. Re-released this summer. Itâ€™s not summer anymore, but they still sell it. Will probably be re-re-released next summer. I like it. I usually call it Mountain Dew orange. After drinking a Mountain Dew, I feel so xtreme. I want to do a 50-50 railslide on a skateboard, or do a tailwhip 540 on a BMX bike, or do a nac-nac backflip on a motorcycle. If given the choice between original Mountain Dew and Mountain Dew LiveWire, I would pick the original Mountain Dew.
Okay, now that Iâ€™ve got the mandatory review part out of the way, I can talk about the new prize drawing.
We think the people who received them were very happy because these Brush-Ups are a good way to freshen their breath in case they ever found themselves in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car.
For our second prize drawing, we will be giving away SEVEN Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipes, which wonâ€™t help you if you ever found yourself in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car.
Oh wait, now that we think about it…
If you find yourself in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car with someone who isnâ€™t your significant other, you can use the Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipe to wipe away any lipstick or mask any perfume/cologne, so that your significant other wonâ€™t find out that you had a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car with someone else.
Anyway, we reviewed them last month and hereâ€™s your chance to win one (1) Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipe.
To enter the drawing, just leave a comment for THIS review. Also, so that we donâ€™t seem like comment whores, you can also enter by sending us an email with the phrase â€œWet Onesâ€ in the subject field.
If you leave a comment, donâ€™t forget to fill out the email field, because we will be emailing winners for their mailing addresses. Donâ€™t worry about the shipping, we will take care of that.
We will start accepting entries for the drawing on November 17, 2004. We will stop accepting entries on November 21, 2004 at 11:59 pm (Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person.
Entries will be stuffed into a jar that used to hold mayonnaise and still smells like mayonnaise. Winning entries will be drawn from this jar and will probably smell like mayonnaise.
For those of you whoâ€™ve never won anything in your life, hereâ€™s your chance to finally boost your self-esteem and be a winner, like all the competitors at the Special Olympics.
Fine Print: We promise your email address will not be used to send you spam about Levitra or getting a free iPod. We also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you loan offers or offers for DSL. Bribes will not be accepted. We will not be responsible for lost mail.
Item: Mountain Dew LiveWire Purchase Price: $1.29 Rating: 3 out of 5 Pros: Itâ€™s good. Orangy. Same amount of caffeine as regular MD, but not as good as regular MD. Makes me want to be xtreme. Cons: Limited edition. Causes me to incorrectly spell the word â€œextreme.â€
Sometimes I buy a product to please the Television Advertising Gods in hopes that they stop playing the DAMN annoying commercial that promotes the product.
This was the case with the new Taco Bell Zesty Chicken Border Bowl.
The commercial goes something like this:
Some guy and his cute girlfriend come up to the register. The guy asks the person at the register if it’s true that the employees won’t make a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl, until they order it. The person working the register says yes.
Then the guy jerks around with the Taco Bell employees by not completing their order for the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl. This goes on for a while, until the cute girlfriend interrupts him and finishes the order.
Why is it that some cute and smart women end up with assholes?
Anyway, in hopes of putting a stop to this commercial, I purchased a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl with it’s grilled, marinated all-white-meat chicken; cool, crisp lettuce; fiesta salsa; hot steaming rice; and warm beans. It also came with a dressing, which apparently gives it its zest.
Well the dressing tasted like crap, but I thought the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl wouldn’t be a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl without the zest, so I added it.
To my surprise, mixing it with the Border Bowl made it taste pretty good.
I guess it’s kind of like how fertilizer smells and tastes like crap, but when added to a flower garden, it makes the garden look beautiful.
You might be wondering how this is possible. Well let’s just chalk it up as one of those mysteries that may never get solved because most people don’t care, like whether or not Creed was a Christian rock band.
Despite sacrificing a Zesty Chicken Border Bowl, I still see the DAMN commercial.
It’s a good thing the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl is tasty, because it looks like I’m going to have to eat a few more to please the Television Advertising Gods.
Item: Taco Bell Zesty Chicken Border Bowl Purchase Price: $3.79 Rating: 8 out of 10 Pros: A meal in a bowl. Border Bowl tastes good with dressing. Cons: Damn annoying commercial. Dressing tastes like crap without Border Bowl. Didn’t please Television Advertising Gods.