REVIEW: Gerber Macaroni & Beef Lil’ Entrees

Lil' Entrees

Holy crap! Since when have there been TV dinners for toddlers?

Gerber, the Microsoft of baby foods, has created microwavable TV dinners called Lil’ Entrees. I believe it’s made for those toddlers who are too tired from drooling, crawling around, chewing on toys, and sucking on boobs to make their own dinners.

Actually, I didn’t know toddlers had the motor skills to work a microwave or the ability to read instructions with their very limited vocabulary, consisting of the words, “goo-goo” and “ga-ga.”

The Lil’ Entrees come in a variety of flavors: Chicken Stew with Noodles & Green Bean Dices, Turkey & Green Bean Dices with Sweet Potatoes, Spaghetti & Mini Meatballs in Sauce with Green Bean Dices, Pasta Wheel Pick-Ups & Chicken with Carrot Dices, and Macaroni & Beef in Sauce with Carrot Dices.

I decided to pick up the Macaroni & Beef in Sauce with Carrot Dices because it was the one that looked the least disgusting and I HATE green beans, along with coconuts and playa hater.

The first thing I noticed about the Lil’ Entrees was the fact that the portions were REALLY small, which is a good thing. Why, you ask?

I don’t have kids yet, but I have a theory when it comes to food and toddlers, and you parents can correct me if I’m wrong: The smaller the portions, the smaller the poop and the smaller the poop, the easier it is to clean up.

The servings are definitely enough for a toddler, but what about adults and this kid.

Well after eating a Lil’ Entrees I have to say it would fill me up, if I was on some Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers plan. However, I’m not and I was still hungry after eating the Lil’ Entrees, so I also made myself a sandwich, heated up some canned corn chowder, ate some Thin Mints, and then washed it all down with a tall root beer float with whipped cream on top.

So how does the Macaroni & Beef Lil’ Entrees taste?

Well the carrots were too soggy, but the macaroni and beef was actually kind of tasty. It was like Chef Boyardee, except without the aluminum can taste. Not bad for not having any preservatives or artificial flavors.

One of the things that sucked about the Lil’ Entrees was the fact it didn’t have a dessert. How can you have a TV dinner without the dessert? Sure, I don’t know of many people who actually eat the apple or cranberry crumb dessert, but the toddlers might eat it because they don’t know better.

Another issue I had with the Lil’ Entrees was the heating time. The directions said I should stick it in the microwave for 30 seconds. However, heating it for 30 seconds didn’t heat the food well enough.

So would I give Lil’ Entrees to a toddler, if I had a toddler (or if I suddenly found out I had a toddler, due to a night of complete drunkenness)?

Well if they can work a microwave oven and read instructions, I say why not.

It’s less work for me.

Item: Gerber Macaroni & Beef Lil’ Entrees
Purchase Price: $2.39
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Perfect for the busy, on-the-go life of toddlers. Small portions means small poop. Macaroni & Beef in Sauce was kind of tasty.
Cons: Not enough food for a grown-up. Carrots were waaay too soggy. Heating instructions not accurate.

Mountain Dew LiveWire

Mountain Dew LiveWire

Mountain Dew LiveWire. Originally released last summer. Re-released this summer. It’s not summer anymore, but they still sell it. Will probably be re-re-released next summer. I like it. I usually call it Mountain Dew orange. After drinking a Mountain Dew, I feel so xtreme. I want to do a 50-50 railslide on a skateboard, or do a tailwhip 540 on a BMX bike, or do a nac-nac backflip on a motorcycle. If given the choice between original Mountain Dew and Mountain Dew LiveWire, I would pick the original Mountain Dew.

Okay, now that I’ve got the mandatory review part out of the way, I can talk about the new prize drawing.

About a month ago The Impulsive Buy held it’s first ever prize drawing. We gave away six Oral-B Brush-Ups.

We think the people who received them were very happy because these Brush-Ups are a good way to freshen their breath in case they ever found themselves in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car.

For our second prize drawing, we will be giving away SEVEN Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipes, which won’t help you if you ever found yourself in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car.

Oh wait, now that we think about it…

If you find yourself in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car with someone who isn’t your significant other, you can use the Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipe to wipe away any lipstick or mask any perfume/cologne, so that your significant other won’t find out that you had a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car with someone else.

Anyway, we reviewed them last month and here’s your chance to win one (1) Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipe.

To enter the drawing, just leave a comment for THIS review. Also, so that we don’t seem like comment whores, you can also enter by sending us an email with the phrase “Wet Ones” in the subject field.

If you leave a comment, don’t forget to fill out the email field, because we will be emailing winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, we will take care of that.

We will start accepting entries for the drawing on November 17, 2004. We will stop accepting entries on November 21, 2004 at 11:59 pm (Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person.

Entries will be stuffed into a jar that used to hold mayonnaise and still smells like mayonnaise. Winning entries will be drawn from this jar and will probably smell like mayonnaise.

For those of you who’ve never won anything in your life, here’s your chance to finally boost your self-esteem and be a winner, like all the competitors at the Special Olympics.

Fine Print: We promise your email address will not be used to send you spam about Levitra or getting a free iPod. We also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you loan offers or offers for DSL. Bribes will not be accepted. We will not be responsible for lost mail.


Item: Mountain Dew LiveWire
Purchase Price: $1.29
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: It’s good. Orangy. Same amount of caffeine as regular MD, but not as good as regular MD. Makes me want to be xtreme.
Cons: Limited edition. Causes me to incorrectly spell the word “extreme.”

Rockstar Energy Drink

Rockstar Energy Drink

“Party like a rockstar,” is the slogan of the Rockstar Energy Drink and that’s exactly what I tried to do last night at the 50th review party.

Prior to the party, I watched the Guns N’ Roses and Def Leppard VH1 Behind the Music specials. I did this so I could find out how rock stars party. Unfortunately, the Impulsive Buy doesn’t have access to cocaine, large amounts of alcohol, groupies, or big hair.

Nonetheless, we had one crazy 50th review party last night.

Between you and me, it was so crazy that I’m glad no one took pictures. I don’t want scandalous pictures floating around, just in case I plan to run for public office.

I’m also glad we found a use for that pole in the middle of The Impulsive Buy laboratory. Okay it wasn’t US who found a good use, it was a busty Asian girl that my friend hired named Candy. Let me tell you, she was very flexible.

It was a long night and I’m glad I tanked that Rockstar Energy Drink, or else I wouldn’t have made it through the evening and I wouldn’t have had enough energy to write this review.

Okay. Okay. None of that happened. There was no party. There was no alcohol. There was no busty Asian girl named Candy. I just wanted to make it seem like the life of a quasi-review blog editor was exciting, like the editors of other blogs (Like this one and this one).

Instead my night was spent watching The Daily Show on Comedy Central and MXC on Spike TV. Then I wrote this review and went to sleep.

Although, I really did drink a Rockstar Energy Drink and I have to say, all of these energy drinks pretty much have the same sweet and tart taste. I guess they come so close because they’ve got almost the same stuff: Taurine, guarana, inositol, and other things that I have trouble pronouncing.

Another thing that bothered me about Rockstar Energy Drink is that there’s something communist-looking about the can. It looks like a Russian graphic designer designed it during the Cold War.

Maybe it’s just me.

Or maybe it’s not just me. On the side of the can, there’s an American flag with the words “American Made” under it. If the can wasn’t communist-looking, would it have that American flag? I don’t think so.

Item: Rockstar Energy Drink
Purchase Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Lots of caffeine (75 milligrams). Big ass 16 ounce can. American made. USA! USA! USA!
Cons: Tastes much like other energy drinks. Communist-looking can. No busty Asian girl named Candy.

Sobe Adrenaline Rush

Sobe Adrenaline Rush

Must finish review. Must not have two straight days without a review. I’m sooo tired.

Need caffeine. Where’s Jolt Cola when you need it?

Must settle for the 79 milligrams of caffeine in the Sobe Adrenaline Rush.

What the hell is Taurine, D-Ribose, L-Carnitine, Inositol, Guarana, and Panax Ginseng?

Must Google funny names. Must not fall asleep.

Taurine is an amino acid. D-Ribose is a simple sugar that begins the metabolic process. L-Carnitine is another amino acid. Inositol helps emulsify fats. Guarana is nut-like seed. Panax Ginseng is a dietary supplement.

What good is all that stuff if it doesn’t keep me up to finish this damn review.

Come on caffeine, kick in.

Must finish review. Must not fall asleep.

At least the Sobe Adrenaline Rush tastes pretty good, but it ain’t keeping me up.

Not even the 37 grams of carbs and 35 grams of sugar have kicked in.

I blame the damn Mountain Dew chuging contest. Who would’ve thought drinking an entire 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew in 1 minute and 56 seconds and staying up for 30 straight hours would affect me this much?

Damn, I sure could use another 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew, because this Sobe stuff ain’t cutting it.

Maybe I’m immune to caffeine.

Eh, I’ll make this review short. Sobe Adrenaline Rush. Tastes good. Made out of a few things I don’t know how to pronounce. 100% RDA of Vitamin C. Lots of sugar. Lots of carbs. Lots of caffeine. Blah, blah, blah.

Done.

Now I can go to sleep.


Item: Sobe Adrenaline Rush
Purchase Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Tastes good. Lots of sugar, carbs, caffeine, and things I don’t know how to pronounce.
Cons: I am immune to caffeine. Can is small.

Pepsi Edge / Coke C2

Pepsi Edge/C2

Here at The Impulsive Buy we like to push the envelope and do things no other quasi-review website has ever done.

Today we will be doing TWO reviews in ONE review. It’s like buying one and getting one free or two for the price of one. Of course you’re not paying for anything, but you get the idea. We came up with the idea from the national grocery store chain we shop at, which has various buy one and get one free offers. So yeah, we copied them.

What are you going to do about it?

Speaking of copying, our reviews today will pit the two top cola companies in the world, who constantly seem to copy each other, Coke and Pepsi. Think about it: Caffeine-Free Pepsi and Caffeine-Free Coke. Cherry Coke and Wild Cherry Pepsi. Vanilla Coke and Pepsi Vanilla. Pepsi Twist and Coke With Lemon. Crystal Pepsi and whatever Coke was creating, just in case Crystal Pepsi actually caught on.

This time around they’re trying to cash in on the latest low-carb craze. Introducing Pepsi Edge and Coke C2. Okay I’m making like these just came out, but as we all know, they’ve been around for a few months.

We were going to compare the two to see which tastes better, but we felt that it wouldn’t serve our reading audience of seven people, because some people prefer Coke over Pepsi and visa versa. Instead we decided to focus the review on each company’s claim that these reduced carbs and sugar colas taste similar to their big brothers.

Because The Impulsive Buy isn’t funded by some federal government grant, we could only buy one 20-ounce bottle of Pepsi Edge, Coke C2, regular Pepsi, and regular Coke from the national convenience store chain down the street.

When we got back to The Impulsive Buy Laboratories, we split the soda evenly among the reviewers. Unfortunately, in the laboratory there weren’t enough cups, so we ended up using whatever was around: measuring cups, beakers, test tubes, and a ladle.

We all chugged the Pepsi first. One of the reviewers actually swirled it around like it was a glass of wine and smelled it.

It’s a damn cola in a fricken’ beaker, it doesn’t need to breathe!

Then we all drank the Pepsi Edge. Another reviewer swirled it around and smelled it, just like the first reviewer.

Oh come on! Why would you WANT to smell the cola? The fizz might get up in your nose.

Next was the Coke. The third reviewer followed the other two and swirled it around and smelled it.

I give up!

Finally, we got to the Coke C2 and I just followed everyone else and swirled it around and smelled it.

Like it made a fricken’ difference!

At least they didn’t spit it out.

After the tasting, all of the reviewers agreed that Coke C2 tastes much closer to regular Coke than Pepsi Edge is to Pepsi. However, nothing can beat the sweet, sweet, succulent, sugary taste of original Coke and Pepsi.

Also, some of the reviewers feel that Pepsi Edge is more on the edge of being Pepsi One than regular Pepsi.


Item: Pepsi Edge / Coke C2
Purchase Price: Pepsi Edge – $1.29 / Coke C2 – $0.99
Rating: Pepsi Edge (3 out of 5) / Coke C2 (4 out of 5)
Pros: Less carbs plus less sugar equals less hyperactivity.
Cons: Less carbs plus less sugar equals less taste.