REVIEW: S’mores Pop-Tarts

Smores Pop Tarts

I have a new guilty pleasure and I owe it all to someone who is hairy than I am.

Thanks to the Pop-Tarts Yeti (watch their commercials or visit their website and you’ll understand) I currently have an addiction to FROZEN Pop-Tarts. Who would have thought sticking Pop-Tarts in the freezer would make them…Um…Slightly better?

When I mean “slightly better,” I mean they’re cold, because anything cold tastes much better in this summer heat.

The instructions on the box say you should put them in your freezer for at least 20 minutes. However, I found out that either 20 minutes is too short of a time or my one-year old freezer sucks, because my frozen Pop-Tarts were hardly frozen. I recommend leaving them in for at least two hours.

What the freezing does is make the Pop-Tarts chewy, cold, and that’s about it. However, that’s good enough for me because in three days, I ate eight frozen S’mores Pop-Tarts. That approximately averages to too many per day.

I can’t help it though. Those S’mores Pop-Tarts were downright good. They tasted like s’mores, with its chocolate/marshmallow filling and graham cracker frosting. It’s a wonderful way to enjoy s’mores without the gooey mess and the hassles of building a campfire, which is hard to do in the middle of a concrete jungle and my property manager doesn’t allow open fires on the premises.

Actually, this was supposed to be a review on the new Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts, but the national grocery store chain I shop at didn’t have any. Instead, I had to settle for whatever they had (i.e. S’mores Pop-Tarts), which turns out wasn’t a bad thing to settle for. It was like I really wanted to go out on a date with Angelina Jolie, but I ended up going out with Lindsay Lohan instead. Not really what I wanted, but delicious nonetheless. (Wait, I can say that? Lindsay Lohan is 18 years old, right? I don’t want to seem like some pedophile creep. She’s eighteen? Good.)

To be honest, it’s been awhile since I’ve had Pop-Tarts. The last time I had them was when the craziest flavor was Brown Sugar Cinnamon and the rest of their offerings were fruit flavored. Now they’ve got all these crazy concoctions that sound more like flavors of ice cream than flavors of Pop-Tarts and my sweet tooth thanks them for it.

For now, I think these S’more Pop-Tarts are the best tasting Pop-Tarts I’ve ever had…Frozen. Unfortunately, during my frozen S’mores Pop-Tarts addiction, I forgot to try toasting them.

Damn you Pop-Tarts Yeti!!!

Item: Frozen S’mores Pop-Tarts
Purchase Price: $1.69 (on sale)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Cool, chewy goodness. Just like real s’mores, without the mess, burnt tongues, and possible forest fires.
Cons: Must wait for freezing. Fricking store didn’t have Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts!!!

HP Laserjet 1012 Laser Printer

hp1012

It seems like everyone nowadays has a cell phone. Everyone except me, the homeless, people in third-world countries, and the technophobic community.

So I don’t have a cell phone. Make fun of me all you like, but how many of you have a laser printer at home?

I got one and you probably don’t. How you like me now with my HP LaserJet 1012 Laser Printer?

Sure I can’t call anyone anywhere I want to, but I can print one page in 10 seconds and 15 pages per minute. That’s faster than you can dial fifteen phone numbers, unless you’ve got those numbers on speed dial.

You like that?

Sure your cell phone is small enough to put in your pocket, but my laser printer is 14.6 by 9.1 by 8.2 inches, small enough that I can stick it in a duffel bag and take it with me.

Uh huh. How’s that for portability?

I can’t take pictures with my laser printer, but I can print pictures in black and white.

Jealous?

I can’t text message someone, but I can print a letter, stuff it in an envelope, stick a stamp on it, go to a mailbox, and mail it.

It ain’t that different.

Can your cell phone keep you warm at night? My laser printer can. After the pages come out of the printer, they’re warm, like clothes out of the dryer. Print a couple dozen sheets and you got yourself a blanket.

Oooh, that’s hot! Tssssss!

With my laser printer, I don’t have to pay every month for some calling plan. Sure I gotta to pay $69.99 to change my toner cartridge after every 2,000 pages, but I ain’t printing no manifesto or Harry Potter book, so I ain’t gonna change it that often.

So if you want to be down, go get yourself a laser printer. This HP LaserJet 1012 is off the hook for your basic printing needs. You gotta buy your own USB cable, because the printer doesn’t come with one, but this printer is so good and cheap, it don’t matter.


Item: HP LaserJet 1012 Laser Printer
Purchase Price: $149.99 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Inexpensive. One of the smallest laser printers around. Fast text printing. May make people jealous of you for its coolness.
Cons: No USB cable. Expensive toner cartridge. May attract playahatas.