X-treme Jell-O Chocolate Pudding Sticks

Jello Pudding Sticks

Today’s review is unlike any other review I’ve done. It going to be an xtreme review!!!

It’s sooo xtreme that I had to use THREE exclamation points for the previous sentence.

How do I plan to make this review of X-treme Jell-O Chocolate Pudding Sticks xtreme? Um, for example, you can’t see it, but I’m typing with ONE HAND! That’s so xtreme! Right?

Well these pudding sticks come in a box of eight, with easy-to-open tabs. I went through all eight in three days (I’m a growing boy, you know). They also come in two other flavors: Oreo and Chips Ahoy!, which the national grocery store chain I shop at didn’t have. I think it’s about time I shop at another grocery store chain, because the store I shop at never has the flavors I want, like the elusive Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts.

The best part of these pudding sticks is the no-hassle clean up. When you make pudding there’s a lot of cleanup, which involves washing of bowls and spoons, also the possible need to wash your face from trying the lick the bowl clean.

With these convenient pudding sticks, all you do is squeeze and suck out the chocolate goodness, like it was a tube of toothpaste. When you’re done, just throw the empty stick away. It’s so easy to remember: squeeze, suck, and throw away. Isn’t that xtreme?

So how do they taste? Chowing down on these creamy chocolate confections causes my consciousness to come to a consuming constant climax. Okay, not totally true, but they’re really good. At least the alliteration was xtreme! Wasn’t it?

Okay try this:

Chocolate flavor.
Wrapped in a convenient stick.
Sugary goodness.

Haiku, baby! How xtreme is that?

Probably the most xtreme thing about the pudding sticks, if pudding sticks can be considered xtreme in the first place, is the fact Jell-O encourages you to freeze them. Freezing them doesn’t make them better or easier to eat, all it does is make them a little more dangerous if you fly one across the room to your eight-year-old.

Is that xtreme?

Item: X-treme Jell-O Chocolate Pudding Sticks
Purchase Price: $3.49 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: No spoons necessary to eat pudding. Chocolate pudding goodness in a stick form. Freezable.
Cons: Not really xtreme.

Dannon Frusion

Dannon Frusion

A few weeks ago I reviewed the Yoplait Nouriche, a fruit smoothie. If you didn’t read the review, I wasn’t too impressed with it because of its price and taste.

However, one good thing came out of buying the Yoplait Nouriche and that was getting a coupon for $1 off its competitor the Dannon Frusion. I also received a coupon for $1 off my next purchase at the national grocery store chain I shop at. This all means a cheap Dannon Frusion for me…so I thought.

Coupons are a consumer’s and a quasi-review website editor’s best friend, if you remember to use them. Somehow I have this bad habit of having coupons and forgetting to use them. I usually put them in my wallet, because I know I have to open up my wallet to pay for my groceries, but I still forget about them.

When I went to the national grocery store chain I shop at, I immediately went to the dairy section to see what flavors of Dannon Frusion they had. Unfortunately, they only had two: Peach Passion Fruit and Berry Blend.

I decided to go with the Peach Passion Fruit, because I could use a little passion. After I got everything else on my shopping list, I headed to the checkout. While the female cashier was ringing up my groceries, we began to talk about (and I’m not making this up) my ass.

The conversation went something like this:

Female Cashier: Do you or your groceries need help to your car?

Me: I don’t think anyone could carry me to my car.

Female Cashier: Why do you say that?

Me: I have a big ass.

Female Cashier: (laughter) Lemme see.

Me: No. Bum looker. Cheeky monkey.

Female Cashier: Come on, lemme see.

Me: You can look at it as I walk away.

(I walked away pushing my cart)

Female Cashier: Nice butt.

(I smiled)

When I got home, I pulled out my wallet and realized that I didn’t use my damn coupons. I started cursing at myself and looked at the receipt to see how much the Frusion costs. I expected it to be about the same price as the four-dollar Yoplait Nouriche (which has dropped in price since the review), however I was pleasantly surprised that the Frusion was significantly cheaper at $2.49.

So here I was stuck with two coupons, one of which expired that day. I instantly decided to drive to another national grocery store chain I shop at, hoping they would have more of a selection of flavors. They had one other flavor, which turned out to be Strawberry Kiwi.

Headed toward the cashiers, this time with the coupons in my hand to make sure I used them. Also, I made sure to go to a male cashier, because I’m definitely not going to talk about my ass with another guy.

With the coupons, I paid 49 cents for this Frusion.

For the next two mornings I was able to enjoy a Dannon Frusion. After trying them, I like them better than the Yoplait Nouriche, which was a bit too tart for my tastes. I enjoyed both flavors I purchased and would definitely buy more, if I ever get another coupon.

Item: Dannon Frusion
Purchase Price: $2.49 Peach Passion Fruit / $0.49 Strawberry Kiwi (with coupons)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Cheaper than the Yoplait Nouriche. Not as tart as the Nouriche. Good fruit combinations. I apparently have a nice butt.
Cons: Even though they’re inexpensive, I wish I didn’t need a coupon to be able to purchase them. It would be cool if they were priced the same as Dannon yogurt.

Pepsi Edge / Coke C2

Pepsi Edge/C2

Here at The Impulsive Buy we like to push the envelope and do things no other quasi-review website has ever done.

Today we will be doing TWO reviews in ONE review. It’s like buying one and getting one free or two for the price of one. Of course you’re not paying for anything, but you get the idea. We came up with the idea from the national grocery store chain we shop at, which has various buy one and get one free offers. So yeah, we copied them.

What are you going to do about it?

Speaking of copying, our reviews today will pit the two top cola companies in the world, who constantly seem to copy each other, Coke and Pepsi. Think about it: Caffeine-Free Pepsi and Caffeine-Free Coke. Cherry Coke and Wild Cherry Pepsi. Vanilla Coke and Pepsi Vanilla. Pepsi Twist and Coke With Lemon. Crystal Pepsi and whatever Coke was creating, just in case Crystal Pepsi actually caught on.

This time around they’re trying to cash in on the latest low-carb craze. Introducing Pepsi Edge and Coke C2. Okay I’m making like these just came out, but as we all know, they’ve been around for a few months.

We were going to compare the two to see which tastes better, but we felt that it wouldn’t serve our reading audience of seven people, because some people prefer Coke over Pepsi and visa versa. Instead we decided to focus the review on each company’s claim that these reduced carbs and sugar colas taste similar to their big brothers.

Because The Impulsive Buy isn’t funded by some federal government grant, we could only buy one 20-ounce bottle of Pepsi Edge, Coke C2, regular Pepsi, and regular Coke from the national convenience store chain down the street.

When we got back to The Impulsive Buy Laboratories, we split the soda evenly among the reviewers. Unfortunately, in the laboratory there weren’t enough cups, so we ended up using whatever was around: measuring cups, beakers, test tubes, and a ladle.

We all chugged the Pepsi first. One of the reviewers actually swirled it around like it was a glass of wine and smelled it.

It’s a damn cola in a fricken’ beaker, it doesn’t need to breathe!

Then we all drank the Pepsi Edge. Another reviewer swirled it around and smelled it, just like the first reviewer.

Oh come on! Why would you WANT to smell the cola? The fizz might get up in your nose.

Next was the Coke. The third reviewer followed the other two and swirled it around and smelled it.

I give up!

Finally, we got to the Coke C2 and I just followed everyone else and swirled it around and smelled it.

Like it made a fricken’ difference!

At least they didn’t spit it out.

After the tasting, all of the reviewers agreed that Coke C2 tastes much closer to regular Coke than Pepsi Edge is to Pepsi. However, nothing can beat the sweet, sweet, succulent, sugary taste of original Coke and Pepsi.

Also, some of the reviewers feel that Pepsi Edge is more on the edge of being Pepsi One than regular Pepsi.


Item: Pepsi Edge / Coke C2
Purchase Price: Pepsi Edge – $1.29 / Coke C2 – $0.99
Rating: Pepsi Edge (3 out of 5) / Coke C2 (4 out of 5)
Pros: Less carbs plus less sugar equals less hyperactivity.
Cons: Less carbs plus less sugar equals less taste.

Crest Whitening Expressions Fresh Citrus Breeze Toothpaste

Crest Fresh Citrus

Here at The Impulsive Buy Laboratories we do experiments, because the law says that if you have a laboratory, you must do experiments. Some of our experiments have included eating Pop Rocks while drinking a cola; pouring chocolate syrup into our mouths followed by milk and shaking our heads violently to see if they mix; sticking a whole pack of breath strips in our mouths; and opening a bag of chips and seeing if anyone could really eat just one.

This time we decided to see if we could overcome the problem you have when you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth. For those who haven’t done this, when you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth it tastes very bitter, instead of the usual sweet, sweet, delicious, refreshing taste of the citrus sinensis.

In order to overcome this problem, we decided to orangify my oral hygiene. (Yeah, we made up the word orangify. What about it? Scientists make up words all the time. Like pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis is a “real” word.)

To do this we needed to look for the leftovers of the delicious Listerine Natural Citrus mouthwash, which we drank…Um…Reviewed a few weeks ago. Then we had to buy the new Crest Whitening Expressions Fresh Citrus Breeze toothpaste. Finally, we needed orange juice. Unfortunately, there wasn’t any in the laboratory’s fridge, so we needed someone to go to the convenience store down the street, which wasn’t as simple as it sounded.

No one in the laboratory likes going to the convenience store because of the persistent panhandlers that wait outside under the trees. Some of us believe they can smell loose change coming from a mile away, which is surprising since their rancid body odor is probably ten times more powerful.

After pulling numbers out of a hat, I was the “lucky” loser. Dammit!!!

I walked to the store, got asked by the panhandlers if I had loose change, told them no, walked into the store, purchased the orange juice, walked out of the store, got asked again by the panhandlers if I had loose change, told them no again, got asked by the panhandlers what was causing the jingling in my pocket, told them it was my keys, got told by the panhandlers that they didn’t believe me, I let out a sigh, gave them 35 cents, walked away from panhandlers, heard the words “cheap bastard” as I walked away, and walked back to The Impulsive Buy Laboratories.

With everything ready, it was time to begin the experiment. First, we poured some of the Natural Citrus Listerine in my mouth. I rinsed for the recommended 30 seconds, gargled for 10 more seconds, and then spit. (Yes, we are still wondering why my spit is clear instead of orange like the Natural Citrus Listerine.)

Second, I brushed my mouth with the Crest Whitening Expressions Fresh Citrus Breeze toothpaste with a brand spanking new toothbrush. Like any good scientist knows, clean instruments will give more accurate results.

The Fresh Citrus Breeze toothpaste is a beautiful orange color with little sparkly things throughout. I swear it tastes like a certain candy, but I can’t put my finger on it. Well if tastes like candy, it has to be good.

The brushing lasted for 3 minutes and I did brush my tongue like the American Dental Association recommends.

Now that my mouth felt like a citrus fiesta, it was time to drink some orange juice.

After everyone placed their bets on whether the orange juice would taste bitter or normal, I drank the orange juice.

So what were the results of this experiment? (1) I will never gamble again. (2) Crest Whitening Expressions Fresh Citrus Breeze toothpaste is really tasty. (3) Orange juice and toothpaste will never go well together.


Item: Crest Whitening Expressions Fresh Citrus Breeze Toothpaste
Purchase Price: $3.29 (6 oz.)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Pretty orange color with shiny stuff. Tastes like candy.
Cons: Orange juice makes a bad tooth brushing chaser. Pricey for a small tube.

Aspyr Adrenaline Sports Pack for the Mac

Adrenaline

Holy crap!!! Did you watch the X-Games? Man, they were doing some sick stuff. Makes me want to do some xtreme sports, except I’m afraid of getting hurt. Trying to grind down a handrail on a skateboard could be a testicle-crushing experience or I could drown trying to surf ten-foot waves.

Growing up I used to be big on jumping ramps with my BMX bike. (Note: Never jump with rubber slippers. You might end up with scars on the top of your feet.) I tried to jump as high as I could and on occasion take a foot or arm off. I remember this one jump when I tried to do a no-footer. As I gained altitude, I quickly pulled my feet off of the pedals and spread them outward. Unfortunately, as I brought my feet back, I missed the pedals and my love nuggets got crushed. Fortunately, for my future children, every thing was all right.

Thank gonads, for the Adrenaline Sports Pack (ASP) by Aspyr, which allows me to participate in xtreme sports from the comfort and safety of my computer. The ASP consists of three best-selling games: Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4, Kelly Slater’s Pro Surfer, and Wakeboarding Unleashed Featuring Shaun Murray. Individually, each game sells for $20-$30, however the ASP costs only $19.99 for the full versions of each game. Although I purchased the Mac version, there’s also a Windows version available.

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4 is by far the best game out of the three. I guess when you’re up to the fourth game in the series you’re going to know what you’re doing. It can be a very frustrating game if you play in the career mode, because some of the goals seem almost impossible.

As for Kelly Slater’s Pro Surfer and Wakeboarding Unleashed…Um…I didn’t really get to play with them yet because I’m still trying to beat Pro Skater 4 and I guess that’s why I said it’s by far the best game out of the three. It really is a frustrating game. I would’ve waited to write this review until I spent some significant time with all three games, but I really, really, really needed a review for today and this was the only one closest to being done. Also I don’t play a new game until I beat the game I’m playing.

One thing to note about the ASP is the high system requirements for Macs, which consist of at least a 733 Mhz G4/G5 processor with 256MB of RAM and 32MB of Video RAM. For Windows, you’re going to need at least an 800Mhz Pentium 3 with 256MB of RAM and 32MB of Video RAM, which seems pretty modest.

Also to make the game easier, it would be wise to purchase a game controller. For my Mac, I bought a $13 USB to Playstation adapter from a national electronics store chain that uses B-List celebrities in their commercials and a $10 Playstation 2 controller from a national computer store chain that’s slowly moving away from computers to be more like its competitors.

If you’re looking for some xtreme action without the possibility of broken bones or you wrapped around a park bench, try the Adrenaline Sports Pack.

But then again a wise man once said, “Pain heals, chicks dig scars, and glory lasts forever.”


Item: Aspyr Adrenaline Sports Pack for the Mac
Purchase Price: $19.99
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Great price for all three games. Ability to experience xtreme sports without the hassles of emergency rooms and doctors. Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 is an xtremely fun game and as for the others, maybe I’ll let you know later.
Cons: High Mac system requirements. You can control games with your keyboard, but buying a controller would make it easier.