REVIEW: McDonald’s Signature Crafted Recipes

McDonald s Signature Crafted Recipes

Baseball has been deemed “America’s pasttime” since these uniforms (photo attached) were en vogue, but now the typical game takes longer than an actual marathon.

MLB is engaging in steps to improve interest in their game, like the intentional walk signal. But their best move has been a change to their vaunted 7th inning anthem: “We’ll buy you nuggets in 4 or 6 packs.”

The Mid-Atlantic teams have partnered with the Golden Arches to bring free McNugget promotions on their app. The beleaguered Phillies have offered a free 4-piece whenever they score three runs. Their more successful counterparts, the Orioles and Nationals, have higher standards along with bigger rewards: four runs nets you a 4-piece, with six, ten, and twenty nuggets also attainable. (Notably, the Nats have restricted their rewards to home games, presumably due to road games in Colorado). Rest assured, if either club surpasses the 20-run plateau, I will make my way through the Chesapeake region, with a tank full of gas and a bunch of “burner phones.”

McDonald’s isn’t just trading nuggets for bloated ERA’s. They’re also giving you a chance to be a manager of the toppings on your own sandwich. The new Signature Crafted Recipes line attempts to emulate quick-service burger joints like Five Guys and SmashBurger by allowing you to customize your sandwich.

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Just don’t expect a plethora of choices. The options are limited to two bun choices, three protein choices, and three topping styles. That’s still enough combos to fill out a lineup card for both teams. We here at the Impulsive Buy selected the three featured options — the Mays, Mantle, and Snider of the bunch, if you Will(ie).

McDonald s Signature Crafted Recipes Pico Guacamole

Batting leadoff was the Pico Guacamole with grilled chicken on the artisan roll. Discovering the first major fast food sandwich adorned with a lime wedge was like taking a big lead off first base. However, finding out that my hands would become messier from this sandwich than holding a rosin bag was something of a detraction.

The grilled chicken patty was relatively standard, although there was some spice and it wasn’t dry, so there were positive attributes. The artisan roll was soft but not mushy. I enjoyed the guacamole -— it fell short of feeling homemade, but was far better than Subway’s recent offering. The lime gave everything a fresh feel, even after I brought the sandwich home for inspection before consuming.

This sandwich was not a five-tool player. It did have holes in its game. Namely the pico de gallo, which was not a distinguishable flavor with the much stronger flavored guac. The white cheddar cheese was also invisible, as I would soon find out it was on all three sandwiches.

McDonald s Signature Crafted Recipes Sweet BBQ Bacon

On deck was the Sweet BBQ Bacon, with Buttermilk Crispy Chicken, also on the artisan roll (why they didn’t “load the bases” with three bread options as well is perplexing). The chicken patty was somewhat like a McChicken patty, but with a little more TLC. However, the size of the patty was only marginally thicker than the bun, which pales in comparison to the also recently released KFC Zinger. Conversely, I might say this sandwich exceeds the Zinger in spiciness. The heat builds as you eat and made me enjoy this more as I dug in.

The sandwich was onion heavy, which I appreciated (I’ll often order extra on fast food). There were two types. The sautéed onions, that tasted legit, and frizzled onions, which largely just added to the overkill of breading from the patty and bun.

The bacon was the final detail. It was nice and salty on its own, but its impact was suppressed by the other ingredients when eaten together.

McDonald s Signature Crafted Recipes Maple Bacon Dijon

In the hole was the Maple Bacon Dijon, with a beef patty (perhaps “burger” is on Vince’s McMahon’s list) on a sesame seed bun. Dijon was a new, interesting taste, although it appears in some bites and vanishes in others. Otherwise, this was the most familiar flavor combination for Mickey D’s. As for the maple? None was detected. It was indicated that maple seasoning was added to the bacon, but when I tried the bacon solo it appeared to be standard.

I suppose these were the same grilled onions that appear on the BBQ version, but against the backdrop of the stronger flavor beef patty, they did not stand out nearly as much.

The bacon wasn’t that noticeable here either amidst a sea of lettuce and again the stronger tasting burger. It seemed a little wimpier this time, although before you start computing the WAR (Working As Refreshment) stat, I did order each sandwich from a different location, so maybe the differences can be attributed to that factor.

In the end, the concept of “premium crafted sandwiches” is no different than Wendy’s LTO offerings, but with three released at the same moment. If McDonald’s wants a premium line to last, they will have to consider a larger product. “Fast foodies” do exist these days, but they still want to be satiated by the food. When it came to these members of the lineup, I didn’t get a complete game out of them. I still had to trust the bullpen (value menu) to finish it out.

(Nutrition Facts – Pico Guacamole Grilled Chicken – 520 calories, 160 calories from fat, 18 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 115 milligrams of cholesterol, 1540 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugar, 4 grams of fiber, 40 grams of protein. Sweet BBQ Bacon Buttermilk Crispy Chicken – 800 calories, 320 calories from fat, 36 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 95 milligrams of cholesterol, 1820 milligrams of sodium, 80 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar, 5 grams of fiber, 39 grams of protein. Maple Bacon Dijon Beef Patty – 640 calories, 330 calories from fat, 36 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 1260 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of sugar, 3 grams of fiber, and 37 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.79 to $5.29
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Pico Guacamole Grilled Chicken)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Sweet BBQ Bacon Buttermilk Crispy Chicken)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Maple Bacon Dijon Beef Patty)
Pros: Sauteed onions. Building BBQ heat. Lime wedge freshness. Hunter Greene’s potential to join the 20 HR / 20 SB / 20 win club.
Cons: None of the options are large enough. White cheddar is irrelevant. Gusto de pico es pequeno. The Twins passing on Greene with the number one pick.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Mississippi Mud Pie Oreo Cookies

Limited Edition Mississippi Mud Pie Oreo Cookies

Mississippi can be a hard word to spell, but Mississippi Mud Pie is an easy dessert to eat. They say it goes down faster than the water in the Mississippi River during spring rains.

It’s a popular dessert. Type its name into Google and you will get a recipe mudslide. There are pages of them from food websites you know and love and from small blogs the parents and friends of the blogs’ owners know and love. But if you sift through those recipes, you’ll find many variations of it.

Some have chocolate pudding, some have chocolate cake, some have brownies, some have ice cream, some are topped with chocolate, some are topped with nuts, some have two layers, some have three layers, some have five layers, and some have marijuana.

Limited Edition Mississippi Mud Pie Oreo Cookies 2

But it appears Nabisco took a simple route with its Limited Edition Mississippi Mud Pie Oreo Cookie. It has the chocolate wafer we all know and have consumed several pounds of by now, which represents the chocolate cookie crust. Standing in for the chocolate pudding is Oreo’s chocolate creme. The final component is a whipped cream-flavored creme. Now before you start rolling your eyes and making air quotes while you say “whipped cream” because it’s probably the original Oreo creme with a different name, like I did, you should know it’s not.

I’ve licked enough Starbucks Frappuccino plastic lids to know it doesn’t taste like whipped cream. Also, I’ve licked enough Oreo creme to know it’s not THE Oreo creme. Also, after typing the previous two sentences, I realize I might have a licking fetish or I’m a cat.

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This white creme tastes similar to the original Oreo creme, but it’s noticeably not as sweet. As for the chocolate creme, it has a mild Tootsie Roll-like flavor. The two combined with the chocolate wafers equals a good cookie, but the white creme doesn’t seem to add any flavor, but instead dampens all the chocolate.

Because, as I mentioned at the beginning, there are so many variations of Mississippi Mud Pie, I won’t say this cookie doesn’t taste like one. There’s a great chance there’s one out there that tastes like this cookie. And there’s probably now a recipe on the internet that uses these cookies as a topping.

The Limited Edition Mississippi Mud Pie Oreo is enjoyable, and I’m going to cram all of them into my mouth over the next few days, but I can’t help but think it’s just a derivative of an Oreo with chocolate creme.

Nabisco has sort of trained us to expect unique Oreo flavors, and this one may seem like it’s unique, but it really isn’t.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: Way too much on eBay
Size: 10.7 oz. package
Purchased at: Dollar General by the eBay seller I bought it from
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: A serviceable Oreo flavor. If you like Oreo with chocolate creme, you’ll like this. Actual Mississippi Mud Pie. Licking.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like a unique flavor. Exclusive to Dollar General. Whipped cream-flavored creme tastes like a less sweet version of regular Oreo creme. Not having a Dollar General anywhere near you which forces you to spend $15 to get a package shipped to you.

REVIEW: Limited Time Only Tostitos Cantina Sopapilla Cinnamon & Sugar Tortilla Chips

Limited Time Only Tostitos Sopapilla Cinnamon  Sugar Tortilla Chips

The Limited Time Only Tostitos Cantina Sopapilla Cinnamon & Sugar Tortilla Chips bag suggested I top ice cream with the chips. Since vanilla is THE neutral flavor, I went through the difficult task of finding vanilla ice cream.

Now some of you might’ve read that last line and thought I was being sarcastic because buying vanilla ice cream is super easy, but I was not.

I spent an unusual amount of time in the ice cream aisle deciding what to pick up. I’m pretty sure I looked like a shoplifter to the security guards watching me from the cameras as I walked up and down the aisle, interrogating myself about vanilla ice cream.

Should I get regular vanilla, vanilla bean, French vanilla, or Madagascar vanilla?

Should I get ice cream or gelato?

Or should I be lame and get frozen dairy dessert or frozen yogurt?

If I get the Dreyer’s, do I get Slow-Churned or Grand?

Should I buy a pint, quart, half-gallon, or that huge one gallon pail that I can reuse to make sand castles?

Do I go with the organic Three Twins?

Should I be cheap and get the store brand?

Or should I support local companies?

Do I go non-dairy?

Should I settle for Cool Whip?

But thank goodness I went through the effort and eerie feeling that someone was watching me to pick a vanilla ice cream because the Tostitos Sopapilla Tortilla Chips NEEDS ice cream or something to make them more snackable.

Oh, by the way, I picked up Häagen-Dazs.

Limited Time Only Tostitos Sopapilla Cinnamon  Sugar Tortilla Chips 3

The seasoning is inconsistent from chip to chip. Some have so much of it that they look like they were in a Tatooine sand storm. But most have a dusting that looks as if they were just standing outside on a calm Tatooine evening staring at a double sunset wanting something more in life.

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The heavily seasoned chips taste very similar to the Cheetos Sweetos Cinnamon Sugar Puffs, which I did enjoy. There’s even the slight butteriness those puffs have. As for the chips that have a light dusting, there’s a hint of cinnamon flavor, but it’s not bold enough to make me want to stuff my face with them.

But did the ice cream I painstakingly picked out help make the chips more face stuffable?

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Yes. The combo has a cereal and milk vibe to it, and it’s now the only way I’ll eat them. So thanks for the suggestion, Tostitos Cantina Sopapilla Cinnamon & Sugar Tortilla Chips bag.

Basically, these sweet tortilla chips are like regular tortilla chips in that they taste fine by themselves, but they’re really meant to be paired with something else — salsa for regular tortilla chips and ice cream for these.

Oh, by the way, sopapilla is now my new favorite word to say. Sorry, bumfuzzle. You have been replaced!

(Nutrition Facts – about 14 chips – 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $5.39*
Size: 9 oz. bag
Purchased at: Longs Drugs/CVS
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Reminds me of the Cheetos Sweetos Puffs. Goes great with vanilla ice cream, the combo has a cereal and milk vibe to it. Saying sopapilla.
Cons: Inconsistent amount of seasoning. Most chips don’t have a strong cinnamon flavor. Needs something else to make them more snackable. So many questions when it comes to picking up vanilla ice cream.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Fresh Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich

Wendy s Fresh Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich

There are few things better in fast food than really good service. Freshness, despite being something every chain claims to have a monopoly on, is one of them.

So when I pulled up to the Wendy’s drive-thru window expecting to receive the new Fresh Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich, but was instead told by a manager that “we’re waiting on them to grill your chicken,” I was pleasantly surprised.

When I finally did get my sandwich, it looked and smelled great. The fresh mozzarella appeared identical to what you’d get from a supermarket deli case.

Now I have to admit: I’m a huge mozzarella fan —- and not just the low moisture part-skim stuff that makes pizza, well, pizza. But it seems to me that mozzarella is the lacrosse of fast food cheeses.

Football, baseball, basketball, soccer, and hockey pretty much corner the sports market in much the same way American, Cheddar, Swiss, and Monterey Jack adorn 95 percent of fast food sandwiches. And while lax has carved out a nice little following in the Mid-Atlantic, it’s not ubiquitous in the sports world.

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Which doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be; nor does it mean mozzarella doesn’t deserve a place at the fast food sandwich table (caprese, anyone?). Sure enough, when I took the mozzarella off my sandwich and sampled it alone, it had a mellow and milky flavor. Some call it mild, but it’s more like nuanced, if you ask me.

The problem is that you really can’t taste the cheese when you eat the sandwich. The “creamy” basil pesto (which is more like “gloopy,” but we’ll live with it) and the salad greens give every bite an herby, slightly bitter taste, which is honestly the last thing you’re expecting with a fast food sandwich.

Wendy s Fresh Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich 3

The balsamic diced tomatoes — sweet and a bit tart — go a little ways toward fixing the problem. But pesto is in the driver’s seat here. It’s not a bad flavor, but it’s also not one that leaves you chomping at the bit for, well, another chomp.

When I finished my sandwich, I was amazed at how high-quality all the ingredients seemed to be. I was also amazed at how each bite seemed less the sum of its parts.

The Fresh Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich is everything you could hope for from a $5.29 sandwich at a fast food place. Yet, even though it exemplifies a triumph of the usually trite ingredient promise that most fast food chains fail miserably at, it lacks memorability. In other words, it’s a lacrosse match amidst a spring of baseball, hockey, and basketball.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on website at time of posting.)

Purchased Price: $5.29
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Fresher than Will Smith in Bel Air, circa 1990. Plump, juicy chicken breast has authentic grilled flavor. Fresh mozzarella is on point. Balsamic-diced tomatoes need to be a regular condiment.
Cons: Expensive. Lacks “wow” factor. Garlic brioche bun tastes like a regular brioche bun. Too much foliage. Pesto overwhelms sandwich. Tastes comparatively plain.

VIDEO REVIEW: Magnum Cookies & Cream Ice Cream Bars

Purchased Price: $6.99
Size: 3-pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Nutrition Facts: (1 bar) 280 calories, 150 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

NOTE: If you want to watch the video without sound, video captions are available. Just click the CC button on the player.