Lipton Green Tea with Honey Ice Tea

Lipton Green Tea

Today we celebrate a milestone here at The Impulsive Buy.

It’s our 50th review!!!

Holy crap! Fifty reviews!

We’re just as surprised as you are. None of us thought we would even reach five reviews. We thought we would get bored like we always do, like we did with the illegal iPod pyramid scheme and the O-Town Fan Club.

So to celebrate the fact that we didn’t get bored, we…

What? The review?

Awww, come on. Do I have to do one?

Can I do a review where I devote very little time about the product and spend a lot of time talking about something else?

We do that already?

Okay, here goes the mandatory review.

Lipton Green Tea with Honey Ice Tea. 99 cents. On sale. Weak taste. Needs more sugar. Low calorie. Comes in glass bottle. Do not drop bottle, it might shatter. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

So where was I?

Oh yeah. To celebrate the fact that we didn’t get bored, we will be having our first ever drawing.

What are we giving away?

We’re giving away Oral-B Brush-Ups, which we reviewed a while back. We’ve got six of them left, so six “lucky” winners will each receive one (1) Oral-B Brush-Up.

Yeah, we know…We’re cheap bastards.

We were thinking about giving away Gmail invitations, like other blogs do, but we don’t have any. Actually, none of us here have even received an invitation. We think we’re going to be the last people in the blogging world to get one, which we don’t mind because we’re used to being the last for everything, like being picked for dodge ball and seeing the movie Titanic, which some of us still haven’t seen.

Added at 11:00 am – Okay enough with the rubbing it in. We know. Everyone has Gmail invitations, except us. By the way, thanks to those who sent some our way.

To enter the drawing, just leave a comment for THIS review. Leave a comment that praises. Leave a comment that says how much we suck. Leave a comment about how much you love the McDonald’s Chicken Selects buffalo sauce. Just don’t forget to fill out the email field, because if you win, we will be emailing you to get your mailing address. Don’t worry about the shipping, we will take care of that, no matter where you are.

We will start accepting entries for the drawing on October 19, 2004. We will stop accepting entries on October 21, 2004 at 11:59 pm (Hawaii Standard Time). If you need help determining what time 11:59 pm in Honolulu is in your neck of the woods go here.

Only one entry allowed per person.

Entries will be stuffed into a box that will be waaay too big for the five entries we expect to get for this drawing and then the winning entries will be drawn from this box.

So enter today!!!

Fine Print: Each Oral-B Brush-Up is individually wrapped. We promise your email address will not be used to send you spam about Viagra or breast implants. We also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you credit card or magazine applications. Bribes will not be accepted. We will not be responsible for lost mail.


Item: Lipton Green Tea with Honey Ice Tea
Purchase Price: $0.99
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Cheap, but not even close to how cheap the prizes in this drawing are. Low calories.
Cons: Very light taste. Not as sweet as other green tea drinks.

Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus

Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus

They say that pink is the new black and it’s the color everyone should have.

Since I always yearn to be cool and hip, I decided to get some pink in my life. I did this by buying a Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus. However, instead of being cool and hip, it seemed like I was losing my masculinity.

I felt so girly buying something pink. Part of me felt like I should pick up some wine coolers and tampons as well.

It’s like the testosterone in me was being sucked out. The feeling was very similar to the one I got whenever I stepped into a Hello Kitty store.

While I waited in line to pay for the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus, the girl in front of me told her friend how cute the color of the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus was and how it totally match her pink top.

I totally agreed! I also thought her friend’s shoes were really cute and I wanted to know where she got them from.

When I got back from the store, I decided to try the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus. While drinking it, I had the sudden urge to plop on the couch, watch the movie Beaches and paint my nails.

Please don’t ask me what I’m doing with nail polish and a copy of Beaches.

So what mix of berries do they use in the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus? According to the label, it looked like strawberry and raspberry. There’s also a little bit of apple juice, which the last time I checked, wasn’t a berry.

I guess apple is becoming the new berry.

It also contains Splenda, which I hear is the new Nutrasweet.

Unfortunately, the taste of the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus was very light, like a really bad diet soda. I guess when it contains ten calories, two grams of carbs, and one gram of sugar, you can’t expect much taste, but those numbers will definitely help prevent my ass from looking huge in those cute jeans I just bought.

After finishing the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus, allowing my crimson passion-colored nails to dry, and using half a box of tissues while watching Beaches, I felt myself getting manly again.

I wanted to speed up the process, so I plopped on the couch again, flipped on ESPN, and looked through my collection of Playboy magazines.

Within a few hours, I felt like barbequing.


Item: Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus
Purchase Price: $0.99 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: A little vitamin C and calcium. Low calories. Low sugar. Low carbs.
Cons: Very light taste. Caffeine free. Somewhat emasculating.

Lo-Carb Monster Energy Drink

Lo-Carb Monster Energy Drink

I’m trying to imagine what my college life would have been like without Jolt Cola and it’s nearly illegal amounts of caffeine. I probably would have ended up with straight F’s instead of straight C’s.

Without the sleep prevention properties of the caffeine, sugar, and carbs in Jolt Cola, I wouldn’t have made it through those all-night studying sessions and all the times I needed write a 20-page essay the morning it was due.

I liked Jolt Cola so much that I made it the topic of a speech I had to do in my Speech 251 class. Actually, I picked it as a topic because I couldn’t think of a topic the night before I had to give the speech.

Right now I wish I had some Jolt Cola, so I can get the energy to finish this review, but the national convenience store chain down the street doesn’t carry it. Instead, I’m stuck with this Lo-Carb Monster Energy Drink. It was the only energy drink available at the convenience store. Everything else was sold out, including all the Mountain Dew.

I guess it must be midterm time for the college kids in the neighborhood.

After drinking it and reading the can, it turns out that Lo-Carb Monster Energy Drink not only has almost no carbs, it also has almost no sugar, which I have learned are the two building blocks of forced sleep deprivation. Fortunately, it contained the third building block, caffeine. However, I don’t know if it’s effective without mixing it with significant amounts of carbs and sugar.

Damn, I’m tired.

Maybe it just takes awhile to kick in.

Maybe I should’ve consumed it intravenously.

Oh, I wonder if there’s anything in The Impulsive Buy refrigerator I could drink to keep me up.

Hmm…

Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus? Let’s see, no caffeine, two grams of carbs, one gram of sugar, and it’s fricken’ pink.

Yeah, right.

The only way Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus is going to keep me awake is if I contantly hit myself in the head with the bottle.

Hey look! I actually finished the review. Looks like it worked after all.


Item: Lo-Carb Monster Energy Drink
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Big can. Decent tasting.
Cons: Not enough carbs and sugar. I miss Jolt Cola.

Shasta Tiki Punch

Shasta Tiki Punch

Some people in this world have called me a “cheap bastard.” These people include: women I’ve dated, panhandlers outside of my local convenience store, family members on Christmas Day, and Girl Scouts selling cookies.

However, I like to think of myself as “very financially responsible.”

Sure, I try to find ways here and there to save money and I haggle with Girl Scouts, but that doesn’t make me cheap, it makes me smart. Think about it. If you saved a penny every day for a year, you would have $3.64.

Now you’re probably asking yourself, “What the hell can I get for just $3.64?”

Well you can get the refreshing goodness of FOUR Shasta Tiki Punches, the focus of our review today.

Now when I say FOUR Shasta Tiki Punches, I’m not talking about some tiny 12-ounce can. Nor am I talking about some wimpy 20-ounce bottle. I’m talking about a 24-ounce grande bottle, baby! Twenty-four ounces of sugary and carbonated goodness for, get this, just 89 cents.

It’s not a sale price. I didn’t get an employee discount. I didn’t buy it out of the trunk of some shady guy’s car. It’s the frickin’ regular price!

What does Tiki Punch taste like? It’s like a mixture of lemon-lime soda and fruit punch, and it is mighty damn good. There are other flavors in the Shasta family that are in stock at my local convenience store, like cola and orange, but the Tiki Punch stands out.

Hmmm, if only the panhandlers that hang out at my local convenience store would just drink Tiki Punch instead of whatever alcohol they have hidden in their brown paper bags. The loose change they bother and harass people for would surely last a lot longer.

Then again, the sugar in the Tiki Punch would probably rot their teeth, because I don’t think they practice any form of oral hygiene.

But now that I think about it, with the money they’re saving by buying the Tiki Punch, they could probably afford toothpaste and a toothbrush.

Although the Tiki Punch is cheap, it might confuse you when I say the only problem with it is the fact that it is so cheap.

Let me explain.

At the same convenience store I bought the 24-ounce, 89-cent Shasta Tiki Punch from, a 20-ounce bottled water costs 99 cents. The Tiki Punch is sooo cheap, that it’s cheaper than water.

There’s something slightly unsettling about that.


Item: Shasta Tiki Punch
Purchase Price: $0.89
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Damn cheap. No need to haggle with convenience store workers. 24 ounces. A better option for panhandlers.
Cons: Cheaper than bottled water.

Starburst Orange Creme Slurpee

Orange Creme Slurpee

AAAAH!!! BRAIN FREEZE!!!

JUST A SEC!!!

OOOOH!!!

JUST A LITTLE LONGER!!!

Done.

Wow. That was sooo worth it. This Starburst Orange Creme Slurpee is not just good. It’s damn good.

It is definitely in my list of top ten favorite Slurpee flavors of all time, along with Barq’s Root Beer, Vanilla Coke, Barq’s Creme Soda, Banana, Coke, Strawberry, Mountain Dew, Vanilla, and a few others that have helped me gain a few inches around my waist.

The Starburst Orange Creme Slurpee tastes just like those orange creme bars, which also have helped me gain a few inches around my waist, although the orange creme flavor is a bit on the light side. Well maybe I just took a bad slurp and it really isn’t light. Let me take another slurp.

OOOOH!!! BRAIN FREEZE AGAIN!!!

NOT AS BAD AS THE FIRST!!!

AAAAH!!!

I’m okay.

Yup, the orange creme flavor is definitely on the light side.

The Starburst Orange Creme Slurpee is a delicious and refreshing Slurpee that everyone should try. Do it soon though, because it’s only here for a limited time.


Item: Starburst Orange Creme Slurpee
Purchase Price: $1.29 (40 oz.)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Very good. Tastes like orange creme bars.
Cons: OH DEAR LORD!!! BRAIN FREEZE!!! AAAAH!!! OOOOH!!! Orange creme flavor is a little too light.

REVIEW: POM Wonderful Mango Pomegranate

POM Wonderful Mango Pomegranate

I’m a sucker for things that are shaped like hourglasses, like board game timers and Victorian women with very tight corsets. It was this attraction that made me notice the hourglass-shaped bottle of POM Wonderful Pomegranate in one of the refrigerated cases at the national grocery store chain I shop at.

There were only two flavors in stock, mango and cherry (They also come in tangerine, blueberry, and, of course, pomegranate). I decided to pick the mango, because I love mango and it’s considered to be an aphrodisiac. However, I don’t know about that aphrodisiac part, because every time I’ve eaten mango, I’ve been alone…so alone. (tear)

The thing most noticeable about the POM, besides the hourglass-shaped bottle, was the fact it may have been labeled mango-flavored, but it surely wasn’t mango-colored. Instead it was a dark, cola-like color. For a moment I thought to myself, “The only time mangoes look dark like that is when they’re rotting.”

Then I thought, “Sure it’s not mango-colored, but I’m positive it’s got to taste like mango. What company in their right mind would produce a product labeled mango-flavored and it not be mango-flavored?”

(One 16 oz. POM Wonderful Mango Pomegranate bottle later)

Apparently I have found what could possibly be the ONLY mango product on the face of the Earth that isn’t mango-colored and doesn’t taste like mango. Instead it has this tart cranberry-type of flavor to it, which is probably the pomegranate overpowering the mango.

Now you’re probably asking yourself, “What’s pomegranate?” Well sit back boys and girls, here’s your health food lesson for the day.

Pomegranate is a red fruit and its juice is considered to be one of the healthiest around. It’s a wonderful source of potassium, vitamin C, polyphenols, flavonoids, antioxidants, and a bunch of other healthy things with long names. A glass of it has more antioxidants than a glass of red wine. Of course the real big difference between the two is when you drink large amounts of pomegranate all you get is a big dose of antioxidants, and when you drink large amounts of red wine you may end up with a hangover, unwanted pregnancy, photocopies of your buttocks at work, or all three.

Sounds healthy? Yes it is, but so is the price.

At $4 a bottle, it will be very hard to drink it daily like the Beanie Babies-type tag around the neck of the POM bottle suggests. I think it’s probably cheaper to get a health club membership, which will probably do you more good and get you that hourglass figure you’ve always wanted.

Item: POM Wonderful Mango Pomegranate
Purchase Price: $3.99
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Very healthy. Attractive bottle.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like mango. Very pricey.