M&M’s are quickly turning into the American version of what Kit Kats are in Japan.
With so many variations and flavors, I honestly can say that I haven’t had Plain… Oh, excuse me, Milk Chocolate M&M’s since they nixed the beige color that reminded me of the nurse’s office at my elementary school minus the ethnically diverse posters about how head lice affects everyone and how it’s good to wash your hands after pretty much everything you do, except after washing your hands because then you’ll end up on that show Obsessed.
Before even trying the new Pretzel M&M’s I knew I was going to like them, because Mars used my favorite M&M’s character to pitch them — Orange M&M.
He isn’t a sleaze like Red M&M, who I swear on the Strawberried Peanut Butter M&M’s package had a rapey look in his eyes and was about to slip something into my drink. As for Yellow M&M, he’s simply Red’s lackey. And even though I’m far from being a feminist, my mother’s crazy burn-your-bra 1970s values rubbed off on me a little bit, because I find it’s morally wrong that the only female M&M is one ad away from becoming the first mascot to be on a Girls Gone Wild DVD.
I like Orange M&M because he’s on edge most of the time. Plus, he’s awkward and endearing, similar to Woody Allen. Although I don’t think Orange M&M would marry his adopted daughter (Red M&M probably would though). I also like Orange M&M because he always pitches the flavor of M&M’s I enjoy, including Crispy and Pretzel M&M’s.
Pretzel M&M’s are spherical and they probably could be used as emergency ammunition in a paintball gun battle, not only because they’re about the same size but because they’re as hard as the Red M&M gets when the Green M&M gives him a candied-coated lap dance.
I usually let an M&M melt in my mouth, because like a good little consumer, I listen to what ads tell me to do. However, I felt it was extremely difficult to do so with these M&M’s when I knew there were pretzels hiding in them. Pretzel M&M’s have a nice crunch factor as well as a delicate salty taste that might be too delicate for pretzel purists.
I can’t really call the rat dropping-sized nugget a pretzel; it’s more like a little, semi-salty ball that could be a serious choking hazard when popping them in your mouth during your commute, or when realizing there’s a sex scene between Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head in Toy Story 3 (Sorry if I ruined it for you).
Like the balls themselves, the package is quite small, but it’s just enough chocolate to tide you over until M&M’s releases another new flavor. Maybe they’ll take a page from Kit Kat’s book and make a wasabi pea-flavored M&M.
One can only hope and dream.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 bag (1.14 ounces) – 150 calories, 5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% calcium and 2% iron.)
Item: Pretzel M&M’s Price: 74 cents Size: 1.14 ounces Purchased at: The Store That Ironically Doesn’t Sell Walls Rating: 7 out of 10 Pros: Nice blend of savory and sweet. Orange being the spokescandy for the product and not feeling threatened by him. My mother’s feminist values. Lower in fat than other flavors of M&M’s. Woody Allen movies. Could be used as backup ammunition. Cons: Might not salty enough for some. No wasabi pea-flavored M&M’s. The lack of a Brown M&M mascot (Seriously, that’s fucked up and maybe a little racist). Choking hazard for those not used to small balls in their mouth.
Chocolate is one of those things that people either gorge on or enjoy a little piece once in awhile. I fall into the latter. I have friends who obsess over chocolate. Of course, they are all female, because as marketing dictates to us, chocolate is generally for women (with the exception of Yorkie in the UK which prides itself on being NOT for girls). Names like Bliss and Fling (which, by the way, has a site pumps out more estrogen than The View and they call their chocolate “fingers” — use your imagination) allude to the sexy, flirty nature that apparently my fellow sisters act like under the influence of chocolate (and sometimes appletinis). The folks at M&Mâ€™s/Mars have jumped on the bandwagon with their new line of “premium” chocolate.
I love chocolate and raspberry. Itâ€™s probably my favorite classic combination, besides steak and potatoes; dingoes and babies; and NASCAR and drunk rednecks shameless corporate sponsorships. However, I donâ€™t like just any chocolate uniting with raspberry. It should be just dark chocolate, but unfortunately the M&Mâ€™s Premiums Raspberry Almond says that thereâ€™s raspberry flavored white chocolate and SOME dark chocolatey goodness in it (their website also tells you to enjoy them while you have your afternoon pedicure, because you know we all get those every day),
The M&Mâ€™s Premiums Raspberry Almond have a really cool metallic shell thatâ€™s eye catching if youâ€™re the type of person who puts candy out in crystal bowls for your lovely guests, but I think that might be the only premium thing about them. The chocolate is good (if you like white chocolate and a light dark chocolate taste), but I canâ€™t really call it premium. The size of the individual pieces arenâ€™t even larger than the standard M&Mâ€™s with Almonds (which are getting harder and harder to find), but I guess thatâ€™s the folks at M&Mâ€™s/Mars saying, “You gals need to keep your figures slim.”
When opening the box, and the little baggie they come in, you get a huge whiff of artificial raspberry goodness, but when popped into the mouth, the raspberry flavor wears off rather quickly. Itâ€™s similar to the Fruit Stripe Gum conundrum; where youâ€™re excited by the smell and you get that burst of flavor, but then it vanishes, like 80% of the people who were on American Idol. For the price, thereâ€™s a heck of a lot more choices to satisfy a chocolate craving, including great European chocolates from Lindt (those truffle balls are banginâ€™) and Toblerone, both of which are in the same price range as the M&Mâ€™s Premiums.
And a note to all chocolate manufactures: Just because itâ€™s pink and has a cute name or package, we are not going to buy it. We will buy chocolate purely on the idea that it is chocolate.
(Nutrition Facts – 1.5 oz (about Â¼ cup) – 240 calories, 17 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 6% calcium and 6% iron.)
Item: M&Mâ€™s Premiums Raspberry Almond Price: $4.99 Size: 6 ounce Purchased at: CVS Rating: 5 out of 10 Pros: Aesthetically pleasing for fancy candy dishes. Nice raspberry scent. Being able to get away with innuendo in marketing. Fresh almonds. Cons: Way too expensive for what you get. Flavor isnâ€™t that strong. Overuse of the word premium. No green ones to make you horny.
Usually here at The Impulsive Buy we try to have reviews done a week in advanced, but last week we let our Labor Day vacation start really early, like around Tuesday.
So on the real Labor Day, The Impulsive Buy staff had to scramble for a review.
Okay, let me rephrase that. I had to scramble for a review, since I’m the only one who came into The Impulsive Buy Laboratory on Labor Day. Those bastards!
I checked The Official Impulsive Buy Cabinet, where we keep the stuff we’re going to eventually review and our lunches, but the only items in there were a container of one-year-old Tang, a can of refried beans, and four three-year-old cans of cream of mushroom soup.
Thank goodness for the national convenience store chain down the street. Open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year.
With only a dollar and some change, I felt like I was Rachael Ray on the Food Network. She has this show called $40 A Day, where she spends a day in some town and only has a $40 budget to eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack. Some of us at The Impulsive Buy watch the show religiously, because she’s a little dorky and really hot. Grrrowl!
Someone, who I won’t name, even has a shrine dedicated to her that consists of several 8 x 10 photos, her cookbooks, and a television/DVD combo that plays a continuous loop of her shows.
With very little money, I couldn’t buy much. Fortunately, I came upon something M-Azing in the candy aisle, Peanut Butter M-Azing and Crunchy M-Azing. Okay, I didn’t know if they were M-Azing or not because I did try them yet, but the price for them was M-Azing. They were on sale for 59 cents each, so I bought both.
M-Azing is basically M&M’s Minis in a chocolate bar. Not just any M&M’s Minis though, crunchy and peanut butter M&M’s. I was wondering if there was a plain and a peanut version, but then I realized how silly it would be to put plain chocolate M&M’s Minis in a chocolate bar and how hard it must be to make peanut M&M’s Minis.
After eating both in one sitting, because I was so bored and lonely in The Impulsive Buy Laboratory, I think M-Azing isn’t that M-Azing. Maybe it’s because I’ve been mixing M&M’s for years with other things like, putting them in chocolate pudding, in a peanut butter sandwich, on top of ice cream, mixing them with Yoo-Hoo, in trail mix, stuffing them into Twinkies, etc.
Don’t get me wrong, they are good, but like I said before, it just isn’t that M-Azing.
Item: Crunchy M-Azing & Peanut Butter M-Azing Purchase Price: $0.59 each (on sale) Rating: 6 out of 10 Pros: Cheap price. Good. Cons: Not that M-Azing. If you’re going to call something M-Azing, it should be amazing.