Froot Loops with 1/3 Less Sugar

Froot Loops

Where the hell is Toucan Sam? I want to barbeque his blue-feathered ass.

What’s up with this 1/3 less sugar in his Froot Loops?

Doesn’t Toucan Sam realize he’s ruining the lives of grade school children everywhere? Sending them to school without adequate sugar levels is a recipe for failure in the classroom.

I hate to imagine where would I have been without sugary breakfast cereals? I probably wouldn’t have survived grade school. I wouldn’t have paid attention to my teacher, gotten good grades, completed my math worksheets before anyone else, gotten gold stars on my progress chart, become the tetherball king of the playground, or be able to handle the beating I received for being the biggest nerd, geek, dweeb, and dork.

For me, sugar was like steroids. It made me a better student. Sure I was a little “husky,” but I excelled in school and that’s all that really mattered. It’s better to be a smart “husky” kid than a stupid “husky” kid.

For a while the cereal companies had it right by adding more. They were adding more chocolate, more marshmallows, and more rainbow fruity colors.

But now the trend is to have less. So eventually is there also going to be less chocolate, less marshmallows, and less rainbow fruity colors?

Where’s the neural stimulant that kids are going to need to make it through lunch? They can’t drink coffee, because no grade school child can afford Starbucks everyday.

Despite having 1/3 less sugar than regular Froot Loops, I was surprised that it tastes almost like regular Froot Loops. But still, I wish it had more sugar, some marshmallows, and more rainbow fruity colors.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It’s where we all get the energy to make it through work and school. For many adults that energy comes in the form of caffeine. For kids, that energy comes in the form of sugar, because I don’t know of any parents that are irresponsible/cool enough to allow their kids to drink soda with breakfast.

So Toucan Sam, please put the sugar back into Froot Loops.

What?

They still sell regular Froot Loops?

Oh, never mind.


Item: Froot Loops with 1/3 Less Sugar
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Tastes just like regular Froot Loops.
Cons: Won’t be able to function without adequate amounts of sugar.

Corn Flakes With Real Bananas

Corn Flakes With Real Bananas

Growing up, I only knew of two types of cereal: “Icky” and “Yummy.”

“Icky” cereal consisted of Wheaties, Shredded Wheat, Corn Flakes, Total, Bran Flakes, Raisin Bran, and any other healthy cereal that had a doo-doo brown color.

The “Yummy” cereal was anything that had ANY the following: Rainbow colors, marshmallows, chocolate flavor, fun shapes, free toys, puzzles on the back of the box, and enough sugar to keep me hyperactive until lunch.

I avoided “Icky” cereals, but my parents felt like I needed a change in my diet due to the fact I suddenly needed to wear “husky” clothing in the third grade. How did they try to change my diet? They used the age-old, time-tested parenting technique called, “deception.”

They once bought Corn Flakes and tried to pass it off to me as Frosted Flakes. Despite my early-morning-low-blood sugar mind, I realized that it really wasn’t Frosted Flakes. So while they got ready for work, I dumped a few tablespoons of sugar over the Corn Flakes.

Eventually, my parents caught on and started buying me “Yummy” cereal again.

As my age and my fear of diabetes increased, I began to eat less of the “Yummy” and more of the “Icky.”

I slowly began to find out that some of the “Icky” was actually kind of “Yummy.”

Recently, cereal companies have been trying to make the “Icky” cereal less “Icky” by adding real fruits.

These cereals include Berry Burst Cheerios with Strawberries and today’s review subject, Corn Flakes With Real Bananas.

The bananas they put in with the Corn Flakes are real bananas in the form of banana chips. You know, the same kind of banana chips you get from hippy health food stores and the same type you make with the Ronco Food Dehydrator. You know, the Ronco Food Dehydrator, makes banana chips in days, makes beef jerky in days, makes really impatient people want to grab an aluminum bat and give the Ronco Food Dehydrator a beat down.

At first I was skeptical that adding banana chips would make the “Icky” Corn Flakes taste better, but I was pleasantly surprised with how good it was. I don’t know how many banana chips they put in each box, but I could taste the banana goodness with almost every spoonful.

The only problem I had was the corn flakes getting really soggy after a few minutes in the milk, although the banana chips did stay crunchy. After the first bowl, I helped myself to another, thinking the first bowl was a fluke and the cereal couldn’t be this good, but it really was good.

Why didn’t the cereal companies think of this sooner?

Now I know what you all are thinking, since they’re putting bananas in Corn Flakes and strawberries in Cheerios, isn’t it about time they put grapes in Grape Nuts?

Because Grape Nuts are “Icky.”


Item: Corn Flakes With Real Bananas
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Surprisingly good. Banana chips stay crunchy. Lots of banana chips.
Cons: Corn flakes don’t stay crunchy for long. Would suck without the banana chips.

Spider-Man Cereal

Spider-Man Cereal

I originally picked this cereal for one reason: It was on sale for $2.29.

It wasn’t until I got home that I realized there was another reason: This box of cereal may make me filthy stinkin’ rich someday.

If you look at the upper right hand corner of the box, it says “Limited Edition.” This cereal is a collector’s item. So if I keep everything in pristine condition, it’s going to be worth something someday. That means I couldn’t open the box and I couldn’t eat the cereal.

Since I couldn’t eat the cereal, I had a dilemma. How could I do a review, without eating the cereal? My problem was solved when I went back to the supermarket and saw that the Limited Edition Spider-Man cereal was still on sale.

I bought two more boxes, one to eat and another one to add to my Limited Edition Spider-Man cereal collection. Unfortunately, I had to search through the boxes on the shelf to get a pristine one. There were quite a few on the shelf I had to look through. I guess people don’t realize the earning potential of those cereal boxes.

For breakfast the next morning I had a bowl of Limited Edition Spider-Man cereal. It felt like I was eating away money. I wonder how much a partially eaten box of Limited Edition Spider-Man cereal would go for on eBay.

Anyway, the cereal is cleverly shaped like spider webs and tastes much like Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries. I don’t really like Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries or Cap’n Crunch because every time I ate them the roof of my mouth would get shredded raw. I have horrible memories of pulling off hanging bits of flesh from the top of my mouth.

You know what would make Limited Edition Spider-Man cereal better? It needs some kind of toy in it. How about an action figure, something that shoots out webs, or a life-sized blowup doll of Mary Jane? If it had a toy, it would make it even more of a collector’s item.

Overall, I’m not impressed with this cereal. I’m not impressed with the taste of it and I’m beginning to not be impressed with the potential value of it. I just checked and someone on eBay is selling an unopened box of the Limited Edition Spider-Man cereal they made for the first Spider-Man movie for $1.99 and no one had bid on it.

Then again, it’s only been a few years since that cereal came out. Give it a few decades and then we will see what it’s worth.


Item: Spider-Man Cereal
Purchase Price: $2.29 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Limited Edition. Will hopefully be worth something someday.
Cons: Needs a Spider-Man toy. Tastes too much like another cereal. My retirement depends on the value of this cereal in 37 years.