REVIEW: Post Limited Edition Stone Age Caramel Apple Pebbles Boulders

Post Pebbles Boulders

I have an issue with the name selection for Post’s Limited Edition Pebbles Boulders.

Boulders? Really?

Maybe it’s my inner geologist talking, who only took Geology 101 in college because it didn’t involve dissecting anything, but I don’t like that they’re called boulders. They’re nowhere close to having the 256 millimeter diameter needed to be classified as a boulder.

Heck, I can easily lift several of these Pebbles Boulders with one hand, and I’m pretty sure I’m who Hans and Franz would call a “Girlie Man.” I also don’t feel comfortable calling them Boulders because there’s no way one piece of this cereal could lodge my arm against a cavern wall and trap me in the middle of the desert, forcing me to cut off my arm in order to have a chance at survival.

If I were to use the Wentworth scale, these Pebbles Boulders wouldn’t even be Pebbles Cobbles, they’d be more like Pebbles Fine Gravel.

It’s not just the size and weight of this cereal that bothers me. Limited Edition Pebbles Boulders cereal doesn’t even look like boulders. With its green bones and brown cereal pieces, it looks like The Great Kazoo’s bones were buried under a load of tiny tater tots.

Post Pebbles Boulder Bowl

When I opened the bag of Pebbles Boulders, a strong caramel aroma drifted out of it, like I had just opened up a body bag filled with dead Sugar Daddies. It made me think that this cereal was going to be ungodly sweet. Fortunately for my lack of dental insurance it wasn’t toothachingly sweet.

Limited Edition Pebbles Boulders are supposed to have a caramel apple flavor and you’d think the brown cereal would provide the caramel flavor while the green bones would give the cereal its green apple flavor, but that’s not the case. The tiny tater tots provide all the cereal’s flavor, while The Great Kazoo’s bones are absolutely useless, like the regular red birds in Angry Birds, and don’t provide any flavor. Overall, the cereal’s flavor was…Hmm, how can I best describe it using a Flintstones catchphrase? Oh, I know, it was Yabba-Dabba-Eww! I could taste the caramel apple, but only for a brief moment in between a weird unrecognizable initial flavor and an unpleasant aftertaste.

If Limited Edition Pebbles Boulders has one thing going for itself it’s that it has less sugar and more whole grain than Honey Nut Cheerios. But, to be honest, not even that can make up for what its aftertaste will do to your taste buds.

It’s disappointing that the folks who make the awesome Cocoa and Fruity Pebbles couldn’t make Limited Edition Pebbles Boulders cereal equally as awesome.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) – 110 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 50 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 12 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and an assemblage of vitamins and minerals.)

Other Limited Edition Pebbles Boulders reviews:
Half Assed Productions

Item: Post Limited Edition Pebbles Boulders
Price: $3.68
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: The-Monstrous-Superstore-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Less sugar and more whole grain than Honey Nut Cheerios. Limited Edition. Cocoa Pebbles. Fruity Pebbles. Vitamins and minerals.
Cons: Yabba-Dabba-Eww! Unusual initial flavor. Unpleasant aftertaste. Gets soggy in milk quickly. Looks like tiny tater tots mixed with The Great Kazoo’s bones. Not boulder-sized.

REVIEW: Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats

Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats

I think Cocoa Pebbles is better than Cocoa Krispies. If you think Cocoa Krispies tastes better than Cocoa Pebbles, we can either agree on our differences or we can determine which is better like gentlemen by filling a kiddie pool with several gallons of milk and a whole lot of Cocoa Pebbles and Cocoa Krispies and wrestling in it. And after I put you in a milky submission hold, I’ll make you say Cocoa Pebbles is the greatest chocolate flavored rice cereal on the face of the Earth.

How much do I think Cocoa Krispies suck? Well, let me drop a little freestyle rap on its ass.

Snap, Crackle and Pop, more like Sucka, Crackhead, and Punk.
I don’t understand why people eat that Cocoa Krispies junk.
It makes Boy Scouts lie and birds fall out of the sky.
It’s the reason why ties go awry and why babies cry.
A spoonful of Cocoa Krispies brings despair and displeasure.
Cocoa Pebbles isn’t just a cereal, it’s a chocolatey treasure.
Ya heard!
Big up!
Word!

Yup, that’s how much love Cocoa Pebbles, so you can imagine how hard my nipples became when I heard about Post releasing Cocoa Pebbles Treats, which was something that was long overdue. It’s as if Post saw the dozens of Cocoa Pebbles treats recipes on the internet and thought, “Hey. We can probably make some money if we did it ourselves. Let’s ask the legal department if we can call them Cocoa Pebbles Treats without
getting Kellogg’s panties in a knot.”

Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats Naked

Each box of Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats comes with eight individually-wrapped marshmallow cereal squares, each of which weighs 22 grams, which is the same as a Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Treat. Its chocolate flavor not only comes from the Cocoa Pebbles cereal, but also the chocolate drizzle on top.

I could see myself getting Fred Flintstone fat eating these Cocoa Pebbles Treats. Although it would take several boxes for me to do so since each one has only 90 calories. But I’m getting there, since I consumed seven of the eight treats over the past 48 hours.

Its texture has the same gooeyness and satisfying crunch as Rice Krispies Treats. The cereal has that familiar chocolatey flavor I know and would wrestle you for, but the marshmallows used as the glue to keep everything together enhances the flavor of the cereal. Its flavor makes me, if I were feeling extra gluttonous, want to grab a box of Cocoa Pebbles Treats, break apart each bar into smaller pieces, stick them in a big bowl, add some milk, grab me the biggest spoon I can find, and then go to town on it like Fred would with a brontosaurus burger or Wilma.

Post’s Cocoa Pebbles Treats are almost everything I hoped they would be. I do wish they were a bit bigger, but what should I expect since they’re made for kids who have small hands and think this is cool. I also wish they didn’t contain partially hydrogenated oils, which gives them trans fats, but less than 0.5 grams, which, according to the FDA, allows them to label them as containing 0 grams of trans fat. Oh crap! I’ve eaten seven of the eight treats over the past 48 hours.

Geez, those last two sentences were such a serious downers. I’ll end with a little freestyle rap instead.

Yo. Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats are crazy delicious.
But trans fat makes them not so nutritious.
Maybe I’ll write a letter to Post and get seditious.
Naw, I’m too lazy. I ain’t that ambitious.
Ya heard!
Big up!
Word!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 90 calories,15 calories from fat, 2 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 25 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, and sad amounts of vitamins and minerals.)

*contains partially hydrogenated oils

Item: Post Cocoa Pebbles Treats
Price: $3.29 (on sale)
Size: 8 bars
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Really good. Chocolatey. Has the same gooeyness and satisfying crunch as Rice Krispies Treats. Gluten free. Chocolate drizzle. No high fructose corn syrup. Wrestling in a gigantic bowl of Cocoa Pebbles and milk. Cocoa Pebbles.
Cons: Contains partially hydrogenated oils. Could’ve been bigger. What kids think are cool. My freestyle rap skills. Cocoa Krispies.

REVIEW: Post Dino S’mores Pebbles

Dino S'mores Pebbles Cereal

I think the Post Dino S’mores Pebbles cereal was created by Fred Flintstone so that there’s a Pebbles cereal Barney could steal from Fred that wouldn’t get him upset and yell, “Barney, my Pebbles.” I believe my theory is correct because this cereal is extremely bland and is something Fred wouldn’t care about if it got stolen. It’s like Post took everything that was great about Cocoa Pebbles and instead of sticking it into this cereal, they shoved it down a snaggle-toothed pig garbage disposal. I don’t know why Dino would want his name associated with this product because it’s something that he would either bury in the backyard and forget about or squeeze out as a steaming pile of poop.

I was hoping the marshmallowy boulders, graham bone shapes, and crunchy chocolatey nuggets would create a s’mores flavor that would take me back to my Boy Scout camp days when we would take showers as one big naked group, wear shorts with an inseam that would make Daisy Duke wearers blush, spray enough mosquito repellant on our bodies to ensure future sterilization, and sit around the campfire building the perfect s’more that was made up of one-third of a Hershey’s bar, with one well-done giant marshmallow, and in between two Honey Maid graham crackers. Unfortunately, the three parts of the Dino S’mores Pebbles cereal couldn’t bring back those memories because those three combined did not taste anything resembling s’mores. If I was at a camp that had s’mores that tasted like this cereal, I would cry like a baby, call for my mommy, and pee in my pants to ensure I would be sent home.

The chocolatey nuggets were not even close to being as chocolatey as Cocoa Pebbles or Cocoa Krispies. The marshmallow boulders and graham bone shapes weren’t very plentiful in the cereal. If you were a microorganism, the marshmallow boulders would actually seem like a large rocks that have the capacity to flatten you, but the small freeze-dried marshmallows that come in hot chocolate packets made the marshmallows in this cereal seem like specks of dirt.

S’mores are supposed to be delicious and messy. Sure, during Boy Scout camp I later regretting eating a dozen of them in one sitting while pooping into a hole in the ground, but while I was eating them, that sugar bomb tasted like a warm hug in my mouth. The Dino S’mores Pebbles cereal is more like a towel whip to the ass in the group shower.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cups – 100 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 80 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 9 grams of other carbohydrates, 1 gram of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Post Dino S’mores Pebbles
Price: $4.99
Size: 11.5 ounces
Purchased at: Star Market
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: Vitamins and minerals. Actual s’mores.
Cons: Boring, bland. Tastes nothing like s’mores. Not chocolatey. Marshmallow boulders are small. Marshmallow boulders and graham bone shapes aren’t very plentiful. Group showers. Old Boy Scout uniforms. Pooping into a hole in the ground. A towel whip to the ass in the group shower.