NEWS: Put On Your Leg Warmers to Celebrate the Return of Sour Cream and Onion Doritos and Salsa Rio Doritos

Limited Edition Doritos on shelf

Update: Click here to read our Limited Edition Doritos (Sour Cream and Onion & Salsa Rio) review

Do you remember the 1980s?

Don’t remember the 1980s because your parents hadn’t met until the 1990s? Well, back then we had Sour Cream and Onion Doritos and Salsa Rio Doritos. I didn’t get to try those flavors because my parents bought generic chips in black and white packages, which is also something you young whippersnappers don’t remember.

Thankfully, Frito-Lay has brought back Sour Cream and Onion Doritos and Salsa Rio Doritos for a limited time. Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp has a review of both flavors, while Junk Food Guy reviewed Salsa Rio Doritos.

I look forward to eating these chips while wearing a Members Only jacket and listening to Duran Duran on a record player.

If you’ve tried them, let us know what you think and where you found them in the comments.

REVIEW: Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Fiery Fusion

Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Fiery Fusion

Machismo + 90’s Xtreme = the present day douchebag.

I have concluded that the above is the correct formula. Or as a recipe it would read, one part exaggerated masculinity and one equal part X-Games generation, a gallon of penis envy, and a pinch of misdirected anger will give you the douchebag.

Everyone remembers the late 90’s where every…fucking…thing was so damned EXTREME! (Extreeeeme!!!) And you know it was extra extreme when they got rid of the “e” and it was just X-treme or some stupid variation. Images of snowboarders, tats, overdone spiked hairdo’s with goatees grasping some neon green drink, you know XXXXXTREME MUTHAfuckas!!! Red Bull’s and Frïs Vodka anyone?

Once the 90’s gave way to the new millennium, the very common denominator of the public latched on to all the worst things about the EXTREME (Extreeeeme!!!) crowd. After the Y2K scare, Buckle clothing stores were popping up all over the malls like a gonorrhea infection. Davidoff’s Cool Water cologne stepped aside for Axe Tiger Cock or something like that. Walking billboards for midlife crises were wearing Affliction shirts with Ed Hardy jeans and populating posh bars as they imbibed Jager-bombs (note: Sake bombs fall in this category too and if you order a sake bomb in a sushi restaurant, I guarantee your sashimi has been deservedly seasoned with ass-crack sweat).

This is the mutated ugly side of men who were not smart enough to understand metrosexual (which is a term I hate as well). And yes, food wasn’t immune to this movement either. You aren’t a real man unless you can eat those fucking ghost-chili hot wings or scotch bonnet poppers filled with Szechuan whatever the hells. Be a man and eat it!

Or at least that’s what the sticky laminated stained menu tells me and douchebags gotta eat too. As much as I love hot food, I know it’s entering the realm of overly macho men who either eat it hot or eat it big (and sometimes both). Fuck me.

Our love of spicy food is demonstrated in the growing popularity of Thai and Indian cuisines. The general public is beginning to accept flavors more exotic than a Cajun spiced chicken finger. In fact, sriracha is now offered at a lot of restaurants. I assure you it won’t be long before we slather some kimchi on hot dogs, I have and it’s good.

Like anything that becomes popular, they are dumbed down for a dumb public. So as much as I admire those Trekkie-like hot sauce collectors and the adventurous eater tucking into a Ethiopian goat stew scorching with berbere, I was a little pessimistic when I saw the Fiery Fusion flavors for Doritos and Cheetos. I love hot food and normally when it is in snack form, it’s tepid.

The name was a bit douchebaggy too, Fiery Fusion. It sounds like it’s some kind of new scent. When I hear “fusion” in regards to food, I picture bad Asian cuisine mixed with western elements. Ahi-tuna salad comes to mind. Like flies, these places are inhabited by shaved headed “bro’s” in an un-tucked shiny shirt using a pair of chopsticks in one hand and bumping fists with other “bro’s” Tapout-style. Good God.

Fusion, however, for Frito-Lay means “Sizzlin’ Cayenne & Cheese.” Both respective packages have “Fiery Fusion” written in red orange to clue you in that it is “sizzlin’” which may be different from sizzling.

Frito Lay has played around with spicy offerings before in regards to both brands. The wasabi dusted Mr. Dragon’s Fire Chips Doritos were a bit flaccid in the heat department but tasty. The progressively hot “Degree Burn” series released by Doritos are another good example. Not one to be eclipsed, Cheetos brought out their FLAMIN’ HOT and Cheddar Jalapeño variations. Without a fist bump to spare, I gave in and bought both at the gas station bro.

Doritos Fiery Fusion

Doritos Fiery Fusion

Upon opening, an immediate rich smell of peppers emanated from the bag and this was a good sign. The chips had the normal orange look of Doritos without a fleck of red powder. At first crunch, it tastes like a nacho chip crossed with a barbecue potato chip if you can imagine that. Then the comforting vinegar tang hits your senses. The chips had a faint earthy sweetness, almost like brown sugar. While it tasted good, I was ready to chalk up my $1.29 as a casualty because I didn’t sense any heat.

Like sleight of hand, I never saw it coming or in this case…taste. A slow burn started to build on my tongue and then it crept to the back of my throat before I even knew it. This was really good. The more I ate, the hotter my mouth became. Surprisingly, the heat also never competed with the flavor unlike so many other spicy chips. I prefer the gradual fire that builds into a storm and would say the effect is similar here.

These chips are the hottest Doritos I’ve eaten. They taste better and are spicier than the Doritos Flamas that has been selling as of late. And unlike the Flamas, I left no red handprints all over my walls like it was the freaking ending of Blair Witch.

Let me caution you, do not expect a capsaicin-fueled roller coaster or your tongue to IGNITE (as the bag claims it will). Even though these are the spiciest Doritos I’ve had, it is far from the spiciest food I’ve ever eaten. I would place the Doritos way above the level of Taco Bell’s Fire sauce but below Tabasco. Still, it’s a welcome punch from a bag of corn tortilla chips. My only complaint is wishing Doritos would turn up the heat a bit more, but that’s negligible.

Despite my feelings, these Doritos really can back up their claim that these are hot. The burn will linger around for a minute and then it’s gone, like a sip of good angry bourbon. I would buy these again. It satiated my hunger for something spicy and who doesn’t love a Dorito chip now and then? Or a bourbon? Fistbump yo!

Cheetos Fiery Fusion

Cheetos Fiery Fusion

I waited almost a day to open these, partly because I didn’t want to eat them immediately after the Doritos and not get a clean taste. …Mostly because I spent the rest of the day on a scotch fueled bender celebrating my friend’s birthday. (Extreeeeeme!!!)

So here I am staring at Chester Cheetah’s mug at five in the morning. That creepy ass show about missing people in America is on with a theme song that is as scary as the one from Unsolved Mysteries.

I stared at the bag over the chorus chanting “Missing. These people are missing” (see? I told you it was creepy). I went ahead and opened the bag in a clumsy manner. The smell of corn and fake cheese powder made its presence. I took one out and noticed there were patches of red splotches as if the Cheetos had a rash.

Eating one, it tasted very bland. What the hell? These were really boring. Taking a swig from a can of Sprite that has been lying on the counter since the day before, I went back to bed. I needed to sleep off my impending hangover. Additionally, my mouth felt like I went down on a bag of mulch.

I awoke to the sound of that CBS Sunday Morning opening. Feeling better, I decided to give those Cheetos a second try. Lulled from the trumpet of Wynton Marsalis, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the bag. After eating a few, I confirmed it for myself.

These were so boring and dry. All I could taste was the corny corn puffs and fake-o cheese powder. The heat barely registered but like the Doritos, it would come up from the backside. That is the only similarity between the two.

I would compare the heat to that of a paper cup filled with coffee and too much non-diary creamer that has been sitting in a conference room for a day because the cleaning staff was too lazy to toss it away and now there is a ring on the table, so please clean it. I don’t care if that is a run on sentence, but it’s the best way I can describe the lack of any burn.

Sizzlin’ Cayenne & Cheese hmm? The cheese part is right but these were terrible if you could not tell. I couldn’t taste the cayenne and eating them felt like a mouthful of Styrofoam peanuts. I don’t know if it needed more salt or more cheese. More heat for sure.

Compared to the Doritos, these Cheetos are the lazy brother who sits around all day smoking pot, perpetually borrows money to buy more vinyls, and at the end of the day has accomplished nothing but a big fart. I know I’m being harsh, but these just plain sucked. I would rather wear a stupid Affliction t-shirt than eat another.

Even though it cost me $1.29, I want my money back. I feel ripped off and now I know why Chester is dancing on the bag. I want to knock his stupid sunglasses off. The bag is pushing “0 grams of trans fat” instead of how these things are so hot it will melt your eyeballs into a soup that you can drink later. This should have been a clue.

I’m not sure what makes me angrier, the fact that they are so bland or that the heat is neutered. I want my $1.29 back assholes! And in pennies so I can put them in a sock and flail it into Chester’s face.

(Nutrition Facts – Doritos Fiery Fusion – 1 ounce/12 chips – 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein. Cheetos Fiery Fusion – 1 ounce/21 bland pieces – 150 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Fiery Fusion review:
Food Junk
That Bootleg Guy
Hot Chicks Eatin’ Spicy Chips

Items: Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Fiery Fusion
Prices: $1.29 each (A bargain for the Doritos, an obscene rip off for the Cheetos.)
Size: 3 ounces (Doritos Fiery Fusion)
Size: 3.25 ounces (Cheetos Fiery Fusion)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven (where the bottled water is spicier than these friggin’ Cheetos)
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Doritos Fiery Fusion)
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Cheetos Fiery Fusion)
Pros: In a saturated market of spicy chips, Doritos Fiery Fusion stand out. The Doritos are hot and the flavor alone was delicious, I would eat it even if they weren’t spicy. The heat lingers on both snacks and stays in the back of your throat comfortably. The Cheetos are not as bad as getting scrotum cancer. The Cheetos are also not as bad as a robot led apocalypse.
Cons: The Doritos could be a tad hotter. Cheetos are devoid of taste or heat. Fist bumps and sake bombs. The Cheetos have an unpleasant feel in your mouth. Theme song to Unsolved Mysteries. Chester and his sunglasses annoy me. Cunnilingus on mulch.

NEWS: Frito-Lay Launches Cheetos Crunchy and Doritos Fiery Fusion Snacks

Flames

Update: Click here for our Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Fiery Fusion review

Snack powerhouse, Frito-Lay, has come out with a new line of spicy snacks called Fiery Fusion. According to the Frito-Lay website, the Fiery Fusion line currently consists of Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Crunchy Fiery Fusion.

What is Fiery Fusion?

According to the packaging, it’s a combination of “Sizzlin’ Cayenne & Cheese.” But looking through the ingredients list, it’s much more than that. It also includes jalapeno pepper powder, paprika, and other spices.

The Fiery Fusion line continues Frito-Lay’s push into spicy crunchy snacks. Earlier this year, the company released a line of Tapatío hot sauce-flavored snacks.

The nutrition facts for a one-ounce serving of Cheetos Crunchy Fiery Fusion: 150 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

A one-ounce serving of Doritos Fiery Fusion has 140 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Update: Click here for our Doritos Fiery Fusion and Cheetos Fiery Fusion review

Source: Frito-Lay website

REVIEW: Doritos Tapatio and Ruffles Tapatio Limon

Doritos Tapatio and Ruffles Tapatio Limon

Oh, Tapati­o Man on the hot sauce label. We’ve been flirting with each other for years. Don’t try to deny it; every time we meet, you’re wearing your best mustard-colored jacket and jaunty red…ascot thing. Don’t even get me started on that impossibly wide sombrero that appears to have the circumference of an ancient Redwood. And above your ecstatic smile, that immaculate mustache that just screams, “Wanna ride?”

Yes, we’ve been meeting up for lunch for years now. Maybe it’s over burgers or pasta. You’ve saved countless pizza crusts from being thrown away when we had a three-way with some ranch dressing. It’s an open relationship; I’ve been with other hot sauces. But when I’m drunk and it’s 3 am, you’re always my booty call of choice.

Tapati­o Man is free to see other foods, too, which is why I wasn’t offended when I found out he’s been hanging with three new Frito-Lay products: Fritos Tapati­o, Doritos Tapati­o and Ruffles Tapati­o Limon. I’ve already checked out how Fritos and Tapati­o work together, which will actually help this review, because Fritos are the only chip that went straight Tapati­o on yo’ ass. The Doritos have a Nacho Cheese base, and the Ruffles get hot and heavy with Tapati­o and Limon. Two accented letters in one chip name, that’s serious business. That’s c/p into a Notepad file so I don’t have to reference the char map 1700 times business.

Tapati­o Man is cool, so he let me get in on this action. I can tell because he’s staring right into my eyes from the packages, giving me that smile that says…

Wait a second, what’s this?

Doritos Tapatio Man

WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT FROM THE DORITOS PACKAGE, TAPATiO MAN? WHO ARE YOU FLASHING YOUR PEARLY WHITES AT, JUST TO THE RIGHT OF ME?!

Okay, so I still have some jealousy issues. Seriously though, what is up with that? On the original hot sauce label (yes, I actually do have a bottle of Tapati­o on hand at all times, I’m not frontin’) he’s staring straight ahead, just like on the Ruffles bag. Why are his eyes askew on the Doritos bag? Printing error? Were people in the Doritos focus group intimidated by Tapati­o Man’s ability to see into your soul, so they averted his eyes? I love a good food packaging mystery. Can’t dwell on it forever though; let’s take a mustache ride straight to Sabritastown.

Doritos Tapati­o

Doritos Tapatio

At first glance, Tapati­o Doritos look angry. Angry like, I will make you regret eating these when you wake up at 3 am and have to run to the bathroom angry. Fortunately, their bark is worse than their bite. Oh yeah, there’s some heat there, but it’s not out of control. I’ve had Doritos 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin’ Habanero, and those are hot. Tapati­o Doritos bring a good amount of heat, but not enough to make steam come out of your ears. Assuming you’re a cartoon character.

You can definitely taste the nacho cheese base, which works well with the spicy heat of the Tapati­o powder, which, by the way, will stain your fingers so that everyone knows you’ve been eating red-colored chips. My problem with these chips, however, is that they don’t really taste like Tapati­o. I’ve never tried Flamin’ Hot Doritos, but now I wish I had, because I have a sneaking suspicion they would have tasted remarkably similar to Tapati­o Doritos. They just lack that distinct flavor that I love so much in the hot sauce. They could have been called Extra Spicy Nacho Cheese and I would have nodded and said, “Yep, that’s it.”

Ruffles Tapati­o Limon

Ruffles Tapatio Limon

Doritos just gets a picture of a bottle of Tapati­o on its bag, but Ruffles gets a full makeover, running wild with blue and orange and wavy borders and everything. This may seem unusual for Ruffles, but you have to remember that the Tapati­o line of chips also falls under the Sabritas line, which is what I guess you could call a subsidiary of Frito-Lay. I know, it’s confusing. Just know that Sabritas aims at the Mexican market, so they do things a little differently. The Tapati­o Ruffles bag is designed just like the Sabritas Ruffles Queso bag, which you can see here, complete with words you probably don’t understand and some confusing but entertaining spy music. Dios Mio!

Ruffles Tapati­o Limon’s twist is obviously the limon, which I figured meant lime (what with the slice of lime on the bag and all), but Google Translate says means lemon. Maybe they’re Sprite flavored! No wait, that’s lymon. Nevermind.

One of my favoritest snack foods is Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Limon. Unfortunately, that same twang that works on the Cheetos doesn’t seem to work well on Ruffles. There seems to be a little less heat on these chips than were on the Doritos, but it’s impossible to tell if it has true Tapati­o flavor because the limon is too overpowering. The citrus flavor puckered my mouth, which is fine if I’m challenging my palate by sucking on an Extreme Sour Warhead, but not when I’m eating a potato chip.

It’s difficult to rate Doritos Tapati­o. On the one hand, it works perfectly well as a spicy, cheese tortilla chip. On the other hand, that heat is supposed to come in the form of Tapati­o hot sauce flavoring, and I can’t really say it delivers on that point, so they technically failed, which is ultimately how I have to judge them. Ruffles Tapati­o Limon are easier to pass judgment on; I had high hopes for them, but instead of a spicy Tapati­o-flavored chip with a hint of limon, I got an overly citrus-flavored potato chip with a little heat on it. I don’t mind Tapati­o Man hanging out with other foods, but I wish he’d pick better company.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – Doritos Tapati­o – 1 ounce, 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of total fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugars, 2 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 0% calcium, 0% vitamin C, 2% iron, 2% Thiamin, 2% vitamin B6. Ruffles Tapati­o Limon – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of total fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 320 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 grams of sugars, 2 grams of protein, 0% vitamin A, 0% calcium, 10% vitamin C, 2% iron, 4% Thiamin, 8% vitamin B6, 6% vitamin E, 4% niacin.)

Item: Doritos Tapati­o and Ruffles Tapati­o Limon
Price: $0.99 each
Size: 2 1/8 ounces (Doritos Tapati­o)
Size: 1 3/4 ounces ( Ruffles Tapati­o Limon)
Purchased at: Circle K
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Doritos Tapati­o)
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Ruffles Tapati­o Limon)
Pros: Doritos had a nice cheese/heat combination. Tapati­o Man and his sexy mustard jacket. Ruffles had okay heat. Mustache rides.
Cons: Ruffles had overpowering citrus flavor. Red flavor powder staining fingers. Couldn’t detect any real Tapati­o flavor. Tapati­o Man making bad partnership choices.

NEWS: Tapatio-Flavored Doritos, Fritos and Ruffles Make Me Yearn For Sriracha-Flavored Doritos, Fritos and Ruffles

Strange Mix

Update: Click here to read out Doritos Tapatío and Ruffles Tapatío Limon review

I don’t frequent Mexican restaurants as much as I visit Taco Bell, but whenever I do, there’s almost always a bottle of Tapatío hot sauce on the table. Some call it hot sauce, but I call it Mexican ketchup because I like to put it on everything when I’m eating Mexican. I’ve had significantly hotter sauces, but the mild kick and flavor of Tapatío keeps me coming back to it.

The folks at Frito-Lay and the folks at Tapatio have come together to release Tapatio hot sauce-flavored Doritos tortilla chips, Fritos corn chips, and Ruffles potato chips. All three chips are made using the same ingredients found in the original Tapatío hot sauce recipe — red chili peppers, spices, and a hint of garlic. The flavor of Tapatío will be add to Doritos Nacho Cheese flavored chips to create Doritos Tapatío; a hint of lime will be combined with Tapatío to make Ruffles Tapatío Limon; and Fritos Tapatío just gets slapped with the sauce.

An ounce of Fritos Tapatío Flavored Corn Chips has 140 calorias, 8 grams of grasa, 1 gram of grasa saturada, 0 grams of grasa trans, 5 grams of grasa poliinsaturada, 2.5 grams of grasa monoinsaturada, 160 milligrams of sodio, and 15 grams of carbohidratos. An ounce of Ruffles Tapatío Limon contains 160 calorias, 10 grams of grasa, 1 gram of grasa saturada, 0 grams of grasa trans, 2.5 grams of grasa poliinsaturada, 5 grams of grasa monoinsaturada, 190 milligrams of sodio, and 15 grams of carbohidratos.

The Tapatio-flavored chips will be available later this month at grocery and convenient stores throughout the western and central areas of the U.S. Small bags will retail for 99 cents, while large bags will retail for $2.99.