Pringles Prints: Daytona 500

Pringles Prints

(Editor’s Note: Congratulations to Jim from Snooze Button Dreams for winning this month’s prize drawing for a $15 iTunes Gift Card. Thank you to all of you who participated.

If you didn’t win this time, maybe you’ll have better luck with April’s prize drawing. However, I have to tell you that next month’s prize is going to suck, compared to the iTunes Gift Card.

Now here’s today’s review. Enjoy.)

I’m not good with things that require knowledge.

For example, the game show Jeopardy. I totally suck at it. If I had to play against Ken Jennings, he would pull me across his lap, pull my pants down, and spank me badly. Also, I honestly believe that Alex Trebek’s old mustache knows waaay more than me.

Then there’s Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? If Regis Philbin was still hosting, he’d be yelling at me. Not the crazy, happy “You just won $32,000!” yelling that he usually does, more like “You are a moron!” yelling.

Oh, and let’s not forget The Weakest Link. If I ended up on that show, I would totally be Anne Robinson’s bitch.

Sure, I could acquire knowledge through such things as books, the Internet, newspapers, magazines, and television, but books are for nerds, the Internet is for porn, newspapers are for lining bird cages, I only pick up magazines for the pictures, and my brain shuts off when watching television.

However, recently I came across Pringles Prints. They look and taste like regular Pringles, except on each chip there’s a trivia question and its answer printed with blue ink (which doesn’t affect the taste).

Holy crap! I can learn from one of my favorite all-time snacks?

Why couldn’t they have done this for the Russian class I failed in college? Nyet! Nyet! Nyet!

Despite being excited about finding a way to acquire knowledge through Pringles, I was disappointed that I happened to have picked up the Daytona 500 edition of Pringles Prints.

Now, if there was a topic that I wouldn’t want to know anything about, it would be the Daytona 500. No offense to you NASCAR fans out there, but I’m more of a baseball, college basketball, women’s figure skating, and women’s bodybuilding kind-of-guy.

So instead of questions about the Daytona 500, I wish on these Pringles Prints there were questions and answers that many people want to know, like:

1. What is the Gaian Theory?
2. Who are the members of the G-G-G-G-Unit?
3. What happened to Tiffany-Amber Thiessen’s career?
4. Has there been any moment this year that Anna Nicole Smith hasn’t been drunk?
5. Where do babies come from?

If they had Pringles Prints like that, I believe becoming a member of Mensa is definitely in my future, or at least, maybe I’ll get my ass kicked less in Trivial Pursuit.


Item: Pringles Prints: Daytona 500
Purchase Price: $1.13
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: It’s original Pringles-flavored and you can’t go wrong with that. Perfect for NASCAR fans.
Cons: Questions were on a topic I’m not interested in learning. Hand got stuck in Pringles can…again. Stupid can!

REVIEW: Funyuns With Wasabi

Funyuns With Wasabi

(Editor’s Note #1: It’s the final day of Reader Request Week here at the Impulsive Buy and today’s review comes from the same person who requested the first review this week, lightpinksheep. This time we will be reviewing the scary, yet intriguing Funyuns With Wasabi.

Don’t know what wasabi is? Well read on.)

(Editor’s Note #2: The following review features stunts performed either by professionals or a not-so-bright quasi-product review blog editor. Accordingly, the Impulsive Buy must insist that no one attempt to recreate or re-enact any stunt or activity performed in this review.)

Otherwise known as Japanese horseradish, wasabi is a very spicy condiment, sort of like mustard, except with wasabi, you may experience pain comparable to having your nipples twisted with metal clamps.

No wait, that actually feels kind of good.

Wasabi is so spicy that it has been known to make grown men cry. It’s green in color and is usually eaten with sushi.

To prepare for this review of Funyuns With Wasabi, I decided that I needed to remember what wasabi tastes like, because the only time I ever tried it was for a dare in college, which involved me consuming a pea-sized dollop of wasabi.

Well the experience was so traumatic, that I don’t remember what wasabi tastes like. All I remember from that is a blur of constant glasses of water and laughter directed towards me. Oh, and the dollar I earned for doing it.

The dollar was sooo not worth it.

As I said before, wasabi has been known to make grown men cry. I’m a total wuss, so imagine how much of a little crybaby I became when I put a dime-sized dollop of wasabi into my mouth to try and jolt my memory of what it tastes like.

Let me tell you, it did jolt.

After swearing like a sailor, drinking several glasses of water and milk, and wiping the tears away from my eyes, my mouth slowly returned to normal. The taste and burning sensations of wasabi are now tattooed on my brain permanently.

Now that I remembered what wasabi tastes like, I could now move forward and try these new Funyuns With Wasabi.

After I opened the bag, I could instantly smell a hint of wasabi coming from it. I gagged a little bit, but composed myself and began chomping them down.

I could definitely taste the wasabi. It’s not even close to being as strong as eating wasabi straight, but I could feel a slight spicy burn from them. I got through about one-sixth of the bag and then I had to stop. I couldn’t eat anymore, so I them gave them to my friend, who ate the rest of the bag.

He thought they were pretty good.

I guess mathematically someone in the world had to.

Item: Funyuns With Wasabi
Purchased Price: $1.29
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Unusual flavor. Waaay better than eating just wasabi. Eating wasabi straight makes for a wonderful dare or prank. My friend likes them.
Cons: The wasabi flavor is definitely not for everyone. Slight spicy burn. Leave eating straight wasabi to professionals and not-so-bright quasi-product review blog editors.

Terra Potpourri Potato Chips

Terra Potpourri

I first heard about Terra potato chips during the Food Network show Unwrapped, which I only watch for the commercials, so I can see network promos with that babe Rachael Ray.

Recently, Impulsive Buy reader Janet emailed me to find out what I thought of Terra potato chips. Unfortunately, I’ve never had them before.

So I decided that my new goal in life was to try Terra potato chips. Of course, I started on that goal after I was done watching a one-hour block of Rachael Ray shows and blew out the candles to my Rachael Ray shrine.

When I went to go look for them, I couldn’t find them in any of the usual places I shop, like the national grocery store chain, the locally-owned grocery store chain, the national convenience store chain down the street, the international superstore behemoth, the other locally-owned grocery store chain that losing business to the international superstore behemoth, and the convenience store at the corner that sells tobacco, alcohol, and Playboy to minors.

Since I was disappointed I couldn’t find any Terra chips, I decided to drink away another one of my failures with a Slurpee. Little did I know that my Slurpee run would lead me to discover the answer to my problem.

As I walked out of the convenience store, sucking on a Mountain Dew Slurpee, I looked up and stared at the natural foods store across the street.

Suddenly, a lightbulb turned on in my head and I realized the natural foods store would probably carry Terra potato chips. After all, there aren’t many words that sound more natural than “Terra.”

However, the bright lightbulb suddenly shattered as I realized I had to actually go into a natural foods store. This bothered me because I’m scared of the people who shop and work at natural food stores.

Why? I’ll give you a couple of examples.

I usually have to pass the natural foods store whenever I want to go to my favorite Chinese restaurant. When I do, I notice that some of the people who go into the store are people who like EVERYTHING all-natural, including body odor, which doesn’t smell good in areas with 80 percent humidity.

Another example involved my friend, when she was checking out at another natural foods store. When my friend pulled out her leather Coach wallet to pay for her natural groceries, she was suddenly interrogated by the cashier.

“Is that leather?” the cashier asked in a holier-than-thou tone.

“Yes, it is,” my friend replied.

“Really…” the cashier said and then followed that with a rant about how inhumane cows are treated and why my friend should have a hemp wallet instead.

My friend was so traumatized by the experience that she hasn’t stepped into a natural foods store or eaten tofu since.

Oh crap, this review is getting long. Okay, long story short.

Went into the natural foods store, passed by a smelly “all-natural” person, noticed the store had Terra chips, picked up a bag of Terra Potpourri, waited in line behind previously mentioned “all-natural” smelly person, held my breath, paid for Terra chips, walked out of natural foods store, and then took many deep breaths of fresh, clean air.

When I got home, I opened the bag and saw the most beautiful potato chips I had ever seen. It was a radiant potpourri of orange sweet potato chips, yellow Yukon Gold potato chips, Terra Blues potato chips, Huckleberry Red and Red Thumb potato chips.

They were not only beautiful and colorful, they were also damn tasty. They were probably the best potato chips I’ve ever had and if you’ve seen my gut, you’d know I’ve eaten a lot of potato chips in my lifetime.

If the Terra Potpourri potato chips were cheaper than the $3.39 for a small five-ounce bag, I would brave the smelly folks at the natural foods store every other day to buy more.


Item: Terra Potpourri Potato Chips
Purchase Price: $3.39
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Damn tasty! Addictive. Thick potato chips. Colorful and beautiful, like rolling fields of tulips and roses below clear blue sky on a breezy Spring day.
Cons: Bag is kind of small. Pricey for small bag. Really shiny bags. Might face “all-natural” folks at natural foods store.

REVIEW: Salt and Pepper Pringles Potato Chips

Salt and Pepper Pringles

A couple months ago, I tried the limited edition Ketchup Pringles, which I purchased from the national, small-business destroying superstore behemoth I sometimes shop at. I really enjoyed them, although this is from someone who thinks ketchup goes great with anything.

While watching a Pimp My Ride marathon and mowing down the can of Ketchup Pringles in one sitting, I wondered if Pringles was going to come out other limited flavors. Fast-forward a few months and on the shelf at the national grocery store chain I shop at, I discovered Salt and Pepper Pringles.

To describe the experience of eating Salt and Pepper Pringles, I have decided to express it in rhyme. Or to be more exact, take someone else’s rhymes, change a few words, and make them my own rhymes.

So I give you Salt ‘n Pepa’s “Push It,” with a few of my changes in the lyrics.


S-S-Salt and Pepa Pringles are here and it’s in effect.
Want you to try it babe,
Tryin’ it by day then at night you’ll have some regret.
C’mon Pringle, you sure like to show that you know,
how to make messed up chips to eat during a TV show.

Now salt and pepa it

Ah, salt it – salt it good
Ah, pepa it – pepa it real good
Ah, salt it – salt it good
Ah, pepa it – p-pepa it real good

Hey!
Eeew!
Salt and pepa it good!

Oooh, baby, baby.
Baby, baby.
Oooh, baby, baby.
Baby, baby.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, baby-pop.
Yeah, you come here, take way these chips.
Better make it fast or else I’m gonna get pissed.
Can’t you taste too much salt and pepa like I wish you would?
Now salt and pepa it.

Salt it good.
P-pepa it real good.

Item: Salt and Pepper Pringles Potato Chips
Purchase Price: $1.50 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: Got to be “Weird Al” Yankovic for a few minutes.
Cons: Too much salt. Too much pepper. Would you like some potato chips with your salt and pepper?