REVIEW: Limited Edition Ritz Ultimate Butter Crackers

Limited Edition Ritz Ultimate Butter Crackers

Butter.

It makes bread taste better. It makes theater popcorn less healthy. It made Paula Deen a multimillionaire. And it helps take off rings that have gotten stuck on fingers because folks have eaten either too much buttered bread, theater popcorn, or Paula Deen’s cooking.

Butteriness.

It’s one of the defining characteristics of the iconic Ritz Cracker. Crumbly is also a defining characteristic, but I’m not here to talk about the mess Ritz Crackers make. I’m here to discuss whether it’s necessary to take the already buttery Ritz Cracker and make the Limited Edition Ritz Ultimate Butter Crackers.

The cracker has a strong artificial butter flavor, which isn’t surprising since the words “artificially flavored” are printed on the front of the box in tall thin letters and they have a smell that’s similar to what you’d get with anything that’s “buttered popcorn” flavored. 

Limited Edition Ritz Ultimate Butter Crackers 2

The first cracker is a bit odd, but not odd enough to make me go “nope,” walk away, and leave the other seven Fresh Packs for birds. But if you have an aversion to Buttered Popcorn Jelly Belly Jelly Beans, I imagine you won’t enjoy these. 

However, after that initial cracker, the artificial butter flavor fades, which I guess is a good thing. But even with a muted flavor, they’re still noticeably more buttery than regular Ritz crackers. I think they’re not bad on their own and they’re as crispy as any Ritz cracker, but I definitely prefer regular Ritz Crackers over them.  

On the Limited Edition Ritz Ultimate Butter Crackers box, it suggests you create “Ritzwiches” featuring steak and potatoes, corn and bacon, and caramel corn. Seeing those suggestions got me thinking that maybe these crackers were really meant to be eaten with toppings. 

Since I lack the drive to prepare fancy toppings like steak and potatoes, I went with whatever was in my fridge — processed American cheese. I have to admit the American cheese between two crackers was surprisingly good. It tasted as if I was eating a grilled cheese sandwich.

Limited Edition Ritz Ultimate Butter Crackers 3

I also used another ingredient from my fridge to make cracker sandwiches — butter. Let’s face it, using a pat of butter as the filling for a cracker sandwich with these extra buttery crackers would truly make them the ultimate.

So how did it taste? It tastes just like a pat of butter or licking the paddle attachment of a KitchenAid Stand Mixer that was just used to soften butter.

Remind me to not eat that again.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Fresh Stack – 200 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 11.5 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: As crispy as regular Ritz Crackers. Not bad after the first cracker. Tastes surprisingly good with American cheese. Butter.
Cons: First cracker has a heavy artificial butter flavor. If you don’t like Buttered Popcorn Jelly Belly, you’re not going to like these. Maybe not meant to be eaten without toppings. Making cracker sandwiches using pats of butter.

QUICK REVIEW: Nabisco Ritz Crackerfuls (Bold Buffalo & Ranch and Crunchin’ Chili & Cheese)

Nabisco Ritz Crackerfuls (Bold Buffalo & Ranch and Crunchin' Chili & Cheese)

Purchased Price: $2.50 each
Size: 6 packs/box
Purchased at: Times Supermarket
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Bold Buffalo & Ranch)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Crunchin’ Chili & Cheese)
Pros: Both are good, but the Crunchin’ Chili & Cheese does a better job of tasting like its name. Now comes in three short filled crackers instead of one long filled cracker (They’re shareable). Crunchin’ Chili & Cheese sometimes tastes like chili powder and sometimes like a Jack in the Box taco. Filling made with real cheese. Buffalo seasoning left on fingers (it’s the only time the Buffalo flavor is distinguishable). Nice mild Buffalo burn.
Cons: Licking the filling like they’re Oreo cookies, because their savory flavors are a little off-putting when consumed by themselves. Has a different crunch than a regular Ritz cracker. Hard to distinguish either flavor with the Bold Buffalo & Ranch one; it has a kind of generic spicy, cheesy flavor. Ranch flavor is missing its tanginess. Use of partially hydrogenated oils.

Nabisco Ritz Crackerfuls Bold Buffalo & Ranch

Nabisco Ritz Crackerfuls Crunchin' Chili & Cheese

Nutrition Facts: 1 pack – Bold Buffalo & Ranch – 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 240 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Crunchin’ Chili & Cheese – 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, and 3 grams of protein.

*made with partially hydrogenated oils

QUICK REVIEW: Nabisco Limited Edition Caramelized Onion Ritz Crackers

Nabisco Limited Edition Caramelized Onion Ritz Crackers

Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 13.7 oz. box
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Same crispy, buttery texture as regular Ritz. There’s a new limited edition Ritz. Made with dehydrated onions. When they goes away, I can say I was one of the few who had them.
Cons: Onion flavor is mostly noticeable with the first cracker and then fades with each cracker after, so perhaps they should’ve called it Neutralized Onion Ritz. Not sure I’d call what I taste as caramelized onion. Crumb makers. Made with partially hydrogenated oil. Why does it smell like meatloaf? Burger recipe on the back of the box seems like too much effort for an appetizer.

Nabisco Limited Edition Caramelized Onion Ritz Crackers Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 5 crackers – 80 calories, 25 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 20 milligrams of potassium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.

Other reviews: So Good Blog

*made with partially hydrogenated oils

REVIEW: Ritz Crackerfuls Big Stuff Colossal Cheddar

Ritz Crackerfuls Big Stuff Colossal Cheddar

I can’t think of sandwich crackers without thinking of grade school day care. Unnaturally bright neon orange crackers with some sort of peanut-related substance smeared in between. I’m sure they don’t serve those anymore, since some kid named Billy who eats his boogers has a peanut allergy so severe that just being in the same room with something that barely qualifies as peanut butter sends him into anaphylactic shock. Kids are such sissies these days.

I’m also pretty sure I haven’t had sandwich crackers since those grade school days. I think time has shown that I’ll eat some pretty juvenile shit – I was about to write that I’d eat Dunkaroos if they still existed, but Google just told me they do, so now I’m conflicted – but there’s something about sandwich crackers that makes me wince. Perhaps there’s a deep-seated feeling of abandonment caused by having to go to day care after school. More likely it’s that my friends and I used to scrape all the peanut butter out of the sandwiches and use it like a greasy substitute for Play-Doh. I once made the perfect sculpture of a nose. It was the pinnacle of my artistic career.

These Ritz Crackerfuls Big Stuff Colossal Cheddar aren’t sandwich crackers, however. These are filled crackers. At least, according to Ritz, that’s what they are. But I can see through Ritz’s facade. Look at that packaging. The cracker looks like it’s sitting on a pristine marble countertop. The “k” in “Crackerfuls” is sprouting a stalk of wheat from its head, presumably indicating that it is natural or healthy. And yet, for the menfolk, it is made clear that there is 75% more filling, so nobody will make fun of you for eating wimpy, under-filled sandwich crackers. I mean, filled crackers. No, I mean sandwich crackers.

Ritz Crackerfuls Big Stuff Colossal Cheddar Package

In size, they certainly aren’t your kids’ crackers, coming in at 4.5 inches long by 2 inches wide, with a generous amount of filling. I’d say almost too generous, but the ratio of cheese-to-cracker is just about right, although the cheese does squish out the sides when you bite down, making for a less than tidy snack.

Ritz Crackerfuls Big Stuff Colossal Cheddar Crackers

The crackers have a pleasant buttery taste, just like regular Ritz, but they aren’t flaky and are much more sturdy, helping to compensate for the heft of the filling. The cheese, when tasted by itself, has a bit of a grainy feel to it, but when eaten as a sandwich, the cracker seems to cover that up. The cheese has the consistency of a soft cheese spread (hence the squishing out the sides).

It also tastes a lot like a processed cheese spread, which is my biggest complaint. Ritz seems to be marketing these crackers to a more adult market, and while the cracker is quite tasty, the cheese filling tastes too artificial for most adult palates. I still eat cheese-in-a-can, but I’m not exactly “normal”. I also think the cheese is too soft; most adults don’t want cheese spread squishing out everywhere, and the consistency adds to the feeling that you’re definitely not ingesting actual cheese.

Ritz Crackerfuls Big Stuff Colossal Cheddar Innards

Ritz Crackerfuls Big Stuff Colossal Cheddar filled crackers seem caught between two demographics. Too large for a child’s snack and lacking the flashy packaging that would make a kid scream at their parent until it wound up in the shopping cart, and yet too unrefined and artificial-tasting to appeal to most adults, who would probably take the individually-wrapped sandwiches to work and then find themselves embarrassed to be wiping processed cheese spread off their faces. Ritz got the cracker right, but the cheese all wrong, and with 75 percent more of it, that just makes that downfall more obvious.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pack – 190 calories, 100 calories from fat, 11 grams of total fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 4 gram of monounsaturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 300 milligrams of sodium, 70 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of total carbohydrates, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugars, 2 grams of protein, 0% vitamin A, 0% vitamin C, 6% calcium, and 4% iron.)

Item: Ritz Crackerfuls Big Stuff Colossal Cheddar
Price: $3.29
Size: 5 filled crackers
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Crackers were buttery and held together well. Using peanut butter as a substitute for Play-Doh. Sandwich was large enough for an adult snack. The opportunity to watch a co-worker eat a messy sandwich cracker.
Cons: Cheese tasted too processed. Kids screaming for junk food at the grocery store. Cheese was too soft and messy. Being that adult eating a messy sandwich cracker.

REVIEW: Ritz Crackers (Garlic Butter and Honey Wheat)

Ritz Crackers (Garlic Butter and Honey Wheat)

Through my experiences, I’ve learned if you’re at a party that’s serving Ritz crackers as hors d’oeuvres, you should walk out as soon as possible. Because it’s probably going to be either a party filled with people spitting crumbs while they talk about things that bore you or you’re about to watch a timeshare presentation.

Let’s face it. Ritz Crackers have never lived up to their name. If you live in a wealthy, gated community and you offer Ritz Crackers to your haughty guests, you will probably be punished by the neighborhood association and banned for life from any ritzy activities, like dinner parties, hunting endangered species, orgies, or whatever rich people in gated communities do for fun. They’re a step above saltines and oyster crackers, but many steps below any cracker found next to the Stinking Bishop and Neufchâtel cheeses.

Not even serving the new Ritz Cracker varieties — Garlic Butter and Honey Wheat — could prevent rich folks from getting banned from their neighborhood polo match or losing their opportunity to be a part of a human hunting expedition on a private island in the Bahamas.

Honey Wheat Ritz Crackers appear to be “healthy” because it has the word “wheat” in its name and each cracker provides one gram of whole grain, which allows eaters to physically count the number of whole grain they’re consuming. So if you want to get the daily recommended 48 grams of whole grain by eating nothing but Honey Wheat Ritz Crackers, you’ll have to eat one and a half of the four sleeves in the Ritz box.

Or, if eating 48 crackers in one sitting isn’t your thing, you could also eat six bowls of Lucky Charms.

The Honey Wheat Ritz Crackers have a decent sweet and salty flavor, but I thought the honey flavor could’ve been amped up a little. Its sweetness is light enough that I don’t think a bee would touch it with a 10-foot stinger. I think it tastes like another Nabisco cracker, but because they produce enough cracker varieties to dry my mouth if I were to either eat them all one after another or say their names one after another, I’m not sure which one it is. Also, the whole grain is a little noticeable in the cracker’s flavor and texture.

I think the Garlic Butter Ritz Crackers taste slightly better than the Honey Wheat. Although, at times, the cracker’s garlic flavor confused my tongue into thinking I was eating something slightly burnt. But then again, maybe me tasting something burnt could just be a symptom of a rare medical condition.

Or maybe I watch too much House, M.D..

The pleasant garlic flavor is mild and does linger in your mouth after eating them, so I’d recommend having a mint or piece of gum afterwards.

Or stop being a mouthbreather.

(Nutrition Facts – 5 crackers – Garlic Butter – 80 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 110 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein. Honey Wheat – 80 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 110 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

*Uses partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil

Item: Ritz Crackers (Garlic Butter and Honey Wheat)
Price: $3.00 each (on sale)
Size: 15.1 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Garlic Butter)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Honey Wheat)
Pros: Garlic Butter has a pleasant garlic flavor. Honey Wheat has a decent sweet and salty flavor. Honey Wheat provides 1 gram of whole grain in each cracker. Funny cheese names.
Cons: Uses partially hydrogenated oil. Honey flavor could’ve been amped up a little. Self-diagnosing yourself. Can’t stare at Dr. Cuddy’s cleavage on House anymore. Gated communities.