When I saw the stuff in the Pizza Hut Overstuffed Pizza oozing out of the sides of each slice, I thought they were overstuffed. But when I stuffed the stuff back into a slice of the Overstuffed Pizza, I realized all the stuff equaled to the amount of stuff found on a regular Pizza Hut Pizza. Heck, I believe this entire paragraph is stuffed with more “stuff” and its derivatives than stuff stuffed into Pizza Hut’s Overstuffed Pizza.
The new pizza comes in two varieties — Italian Meat Trio and Supremo. I went with the Supremo because I thought it would be super cool to act like The Fonz by showing two thumbs up, nodding my head repeatedly, and saying, “Ay! Supremo” to my cashier after she thanked me for my business.
Pizza Hut’s Overstuffed Pizza is 14 inches in diameter and cut into six pieces. The Supremo Overstuffed Pizza is filled with cheese, sauce, Italian sausage, onions, bell peppers, and mushrooms. The top crust layer of the pizza I order was liberally sprinkled with shredded parmesan and an Italian seasoning blend. Wait. Did I say, “liberally sprinkled”? I meant to say, “It looked like a McCormick spice and herb factory blew up on top of it.”
As for the inside of the pizza, there’s so much cheese oozing all over the place that it looked as if a brawl broke out at a fondue party and the cheese fountain was knocked over. While there was a lot of cheese, there wasn’t a lot of sauce. I thought those holes on top were made to let the pizza vent while cooking, but, with this pizza’s lack of sauce, they might be the fang marks of drunk vampires who thought the red stuff in my pizza was blood.
But back to the top crust. It had a strong buttery and herby aroma, and a slight crispness which reminded me of the outer shell of Pretzel Bread Lean Pockets. Sadly, it was also crispier than the bottom crust and the edges which were doughy and chewy. Also, even with herb blast on top of the pizza, the crust didn’t have a strong flavor, making the Overstuffed Pizza taste not that much different than a regular Pizza Hut pizza.
After peeling back the top crust, it was hard to make out the onions, peppers, and mushrooms from each other because all three were mostly shriveled and darkened. Fortunately, their condition didn’t take away their flavor. The amount of Italian sausage was plentiful and they provided that familiar greasy, mild spicy goodness found on other Pizza Hut products.
Pizza Hut’s Overstuffed Pizza is not the worst pizza I’ve had, but I don’t taste a significant difference between it and Pizza Hut’s regular pan pizzas. In fact, I think the extra crust slightly dampens the flavors of the sausage, cheese, veggies, and sad amount of sauce. However, the extra crust does a great job at making me full. Just a slice of the Overstuffed Pizza was filling.
Maybe Pizza Hut’s Overstuffed Pizza didn’t get its name from the amount of ingredients stuffed inside of it. Maybe it got its name because eating more than one piece will make you feel overstuffed.
(Nutrition Facts* – 1 slice – 600 calories, 230 calories from fat, 25 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1260 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of sugar, and 25 grams of protein.)
Item: Pizza Hut Supremo Overstuffed Pizza Purchased Price: $16.99* Size: Large Purchased at: Pizza Hut Rating: 5 out of 10 Pros: Tastes similar to a regular Pizza Hut pizza. Lots of cheese. Eating one slice is filling. Lots of sausage. Cons: Tastes similar to a regular Pizza Hut pizza. Not at all overstuffed. Top crust looked like a McCormick herb factory blew up on it, but didn’t have a strong flavor. Bottom crust and edges were doughy. Not a lot of sauce. Veggies were shriveled beyond recognition. Fights at fondue parties.
*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, I tend to pay more for stuff. You will probably be able to get it for much cheaper.
To be honest, I never thought Pizza Hut had the ingenuity to make a pizza using garlic bread.
I knew they had the gall to stick cheese and pepperoni in the crust and have enough chutzpah to do something absurd in the future, like top a pizza with their Meaty Marinara Tuscani Pasta and then stuff the crust with their Creamy Chicken Alfredo Tuscani Pasta. However, simply topping a slice of garlic bread with meat, cheese, and sauce was something I didn’t expect.
Up to five toppings can be added to Pizza Hut’s Garlic Bread Pizza, but since I lack the chutzpah that Pizza Hut has, I ordered mine with just pepperoni. A part of me regrets not spending the extra money for more toppings because it would’ve been funny to see how the five toppings would fit on the pieces of garlic bread that measure three inches long and four inches wide.
As you can see in the photo above, Pizza Hut was liberal with the pepperoni. Because each garlic bread slice was given four slices of sausage, it was easy for me to get a little bit of pepperoni in every bite. Unfortunately, Pizza Hut wasn’t as liberal with the cheese and sauce. Each garlic bread had a thin layer of mozzarella cheese and an even thinner layer of sauce. I read elsewhere the pizza comes with container of marinara sauce, but mine didn’t.
If you love garlic, so much so that your co-workers refer to the scent you’re wearing as eau de garlic, this pizza will probably not satisfy your cravings for your favorite aromatic seasoning. When I first opened the pizza box, I couldn’t detect any garlic aroma; it smelled like a normal pizza. Only when I brought a piece up to my nose could I notice the recognizable smell of garlic bread. The garlic flavor was noticeable, but not overpowering. I do wish it was a little stronger, though.
While examining the pizza, I didn’t see any bits of minced garlic, but I did notice butter, so I assumed Pizza Hut used a garlic butter to flavor the bread. However, that’s okay because I’m sure 2010 Paula Deen would totally approve of that. Although, maybe not because they didn’t use a Deenspoon of butter, which I believe is roughly a quart of melted butter. Because Pizza Hut used significantly less butter than a Deenspoon, the pizza was not very greasy.
The slices of toasted garlic bread were about an inch thick; had nice, soft innards; and a crispy crust. Some slices had herbs affixed to them, but they didn’t seem to add any flavor.
Despite wanting the garlic to be a little stronger and the lack of cheese and sauce, Pizza Hut’s Garlic Bread Pizza was one of the tastiest items I’ve had in a while from The Hut. Both issues I listed aren’t deal breakers. The garlic isn’t overwhelmed by any of the other ingredients and the pizza maybe light on cheese and sauce, but it’s not light on flavor.
(Nutrition Facts – Not available on website, but imagine something made with butter, cheese, and pepperoni can’t be very good for us.)
Item: Pizza Hut Garlic Bread Pizza Purchased Price: $11.99* Size: 9 pieces Purchased at: Pizza Hut Rating: 8 out of 10 Pros: Damn tasty. Simple. Nothing is stuffed into the bread. Soft bread and crispy crust. Generous amounts of pepperoni. Not too greasy. Herbs sprinkled on bread make it look pretty. Cons: Thin layer of cheese and an even thinner layer of sauce. Garlic and butter flavor might not be strong enough for some. Maybe not as filling as slices of pizza. Using a Deenspoon of butter on anything.
*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, we tend to pay more for things, so you will most likely pay less than I did — probably $8.99.
When I was a child I would grab pizza crusts and pretend I was one of those boss villains chomping on a cigar yelling things like “Get them boys and showâ€™em what it means ta dubbahcross me” or “Those guys will never know what hit them!” I got in trouble once because I lit the end of a crust and attempted to smoke it. That was the earliest of many disappointments and shame I have brought to my honorable family. Damn you, tiger mom.
Well, forget about play cigars, I cannot do that with these P’Zolos for two sad reasons.
One, they are too big.
Two, they are really greasy.
The P’Zolo resembles a limp stromboli. It is less dense than a calzone but has more filling inside than a Hot Pocket, albeit not as fun. Pizza Hut is trying out some new concepts on their menu but Iâ€™m not sure what the thinking is behind these tubes of cheese and meat. I do know that, like Hot Pockets, you need to eat these quick because when they cool offâ€¦they become a congealed rubber cement of cheese and meatstuffs.
Speaking of meat, vegetarians are, unfortunately, screwed in the broccoli because the three varieties contain meat, which is fitting with the phallic nature of these P’Zolos. I guess you could order one without animal carcass, but I won’t. Because at my neighborhood Pizza Hut, I donâ€™t want to be “one of those” who gets the eye roll, which is normally reserved for those who shop at Whole Foods.
Each P’Zolo has a nice aroma. The yeasty scent combined with Asiago cheese is rustic and welcoming, that is, until you open the box. Not one of my P’Zolo resembled the pictures advertising them, instead they were ill formed and looked shrinkled (my word for shrunken and wrinkled).
The other problem (besides this product giving me anxiety over penis size) was that each P’Zolo was scored, allowing the cheese and meat to ooze out, which contributing to its greasiness. All of the advertised pictures show them intact with the cheese and meats encased. This probably keeps the cheese melted longer as mine started to solidify into a glop.
Yes, they weren’t pretty, but if we didnâ€™t put ugly things in our mouths, no one would eat a raw oysters or French kiss my stupid grad school ex. Anyhow, I had to get all three flavors because they were so cheap. Each one comes with your choice of ranch dressing (which is prepackaged like one would find in a convenience store salad) or fresh marinara sauce in a small Styrofoam cup.
The Buffalo Chicken P’Zolo intrigued me as buffalo chicken is quickly becoming a throwaway flavor and can range from tasty to overpowering vinegar tang that makes my balls shrivel (or shrinkel). The crust had a nice chewy give and the nutty taste of Asiago complimented the dough. After biting into the P’Zolo, my skepticism faded. The buffalo sauce drenched chunks of chicken were tangy and mildly hot, which was awesome. The bits of grilled chicken were shredded and uneven indicating that this is the real stuff and not processed chicken slurry from a can. I liked that quite a bit, however the best part was the spicy tingle mellowed by the creamy mozzarella. The chicken was mildly smoky and the punch of vinegar from the buffalo sauce added a nice element.
On the other end of the spectrum, I had to use a fork because the grease just poured out and made the crust soggy. If you look at my pictures, it looks like a crowd of Black Friday shoppers who met an enlightened end via an oversized redneck pickup truck careening into Best Buy to pick up $5 Git-R-Done comedy DVDâ€™s.
The ranch dressing added depth and it actually tasted like I was eating a plate of hot wings without the mess of wet fingers. I enjoyed this to some degree but not enough to buy it again. The flavors are solid but I love ripping into crispy fried chicken skin, and thereâ€™s no replacement for that, except a slug of whiskey.
My next P’Zolo, the Meat Trio, was disastrous, and I mean Hellgate: London disastrous (those of you who got suckered into the lifetime subscription, like me, know what I am talking about). This P’Zolo was stuffed with Italian sausage, pepperoni and ham. The oily, translucent Asiago crust was muted, as well as the mozzarella, because of one simple fact: It was Pâ€™zalty!
I can only believe this P’Zolo was seasoned by the tears of thousands of underpaid Pizza Hut employees, which are then reduced over medium heat for fifteen minutes and another generous sprinkling of salt. It does not help the pepperoni is a little salty anyhow.
Speaking of the pepperoni, I love it on top of a pizza but for whatever reason when encased in this cheese pipe, it was gross to me. Donâ€™t get me wrong, I love a good pepperoni calzone but Iâ€™m not sure why this did not work for me. Maybe the acne level oils pulsating from the meat buried in cheese grossed me out. You would think some sauce might help, but dipping it into the marinara sauce is similar to dousing a kitchen fire with oil. I could only take a couple of bites before I tossed it with contempt back into the box, you know the way that bad guy did to that kid in 2008â€™s Rambo.
Not only was this a strong salt lick of a snack, the black pepper from the sausage also overrode the flavors. I love Italian sausage but this tasted more like Jimmy Dean crumbles you add to a harmless breakfast casserole. I think you could use the Meat Trio P’Zolo as a torture device; make someone eat it with only their own saliva to quench their thirst.
Finally, I reached for the Italian Steak P’Zolo. The thick slices of sweet and smoky steak are a great compliment to the mozzarella. The green peppers and onions were plentiful, like a good Steak-Ummms, and the flavors all played nice. The flavor of the Asiago crust blended well with the steak, but the crust was also soggy like a bloated corpse found in those underwater horror films I watch too often.
If you do get this one, I would suggest eating it naked (the P’Zoloâ€¦not you, unless youâ€™re into that) because the sweet tomato flavor from the marinara dipping sauce only lower the intensity of the nice beefy, cheesy and onion combo. There is no alchemy that can bring pleasure like the carnal nature of beef and melted cheese.
Another critique is that the P’Zolo will make you want a hot slice of pizza. Midway through eating one, I was left with an unanswered desire. It is akin to ordering a chicken breast at a steak house, then sitting at a table looking forlorn at everyoneâ€™s aged cuts while you sadly shovel bland shrinkled poultry in your maw.
Sure, I liked the few bites of the P’Zolos I had, but, again, it will not be a repeat purchase. I think the problem is that I want either a pizza or a calzone. The P’Zolo fits somewhere in between and, according the advertisements, maybe it is supposed to replace a submarine sandwich. Itâ€™s like the Back to the Future series, sometimes I want to see the 1985 classic. Other times, I am in the mood for the grimmer second installment (still waiting for a bottle of Pepsi Perfect). But, like the P’Zolo, I donâ€™t have a use for the third one, except for that ZZ Top single.
(Nutritional Facts â€“ Buffalo Chicken P’Zolo – 420 calories, 12 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 1350 mg of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 27 grams of protein. Meat Trio P’Zolo â€“ 550 calories, 28 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 1310 mg of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 24 grams of protein. Italian Steak P’Zolo â€“ 400 calories, 12 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 1130 mg of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 21 grams of protein)
Item: Pizza Hut P’Zolo (Buffalo Chicken, Meat Trio, and Italian Steak) Purchased Price: $3.00 each or $5.00 for two Size: N/A Purchased at: Pizza Hut Rating: 7 out of 10 (Buffalo Chicken) Rating: 4 out of 10 (Meat Trio) Rating: 7 out of 10 (Italian Steak) Pros: The chewy crust with nutty Asiago adds a nice rustic touch. Affordable. Real chunks of grilled chicken. Pretending pizza crust are cigars. The smoky sweet slices of steak. Crispin Glover in Back to the Future. Heavy handed with the onions. Shrinkled, the word. “Doubleback” by ZZ Top. Cons: The soggy, depressing oily crust. Meat Trio is not worth the price regardless of how cheap. The scoring of the P’Zolo caused the cheese to congeal into a clunk of rubber. Actually lighting and smoking pizza crusts. Heavy handed with the salt for the Meat Trio. Pretend Crispin Glover in the sequels. Shrinkled, the action. Food that makes you question penis length (stay away foot long Subways).
I love commercials, and I believe good advertising should be rewarded. I recently bought a case of Old Spice body wash only because I wish the Old Spice guy would be my BFF and/or life coach.
On the flip side, bad commercials infuriate me, like the recent Pizza Hut one called “Your Favorites. Your Pizza.” It features a bunch of Pizza Hut employees describing why THIS isn’t just a pizza. It starts out sensibly and quickly descends into madness:
THIS means more one-on-one time with your daughter.
That’s kind of sweet, and I certainly see how dinner brings the family together.
THIS is the reason folks show up to your budget meeting.
Well, I suppose that could be true, though they usually don’t make budget meetings optional in the first place.
THIS is how you guarantee a second date.
First of all, there is an actual legal definition for the word “guarantee,” and Pizza Hut shouldn’t bandy the word about so casually. I would hate to think that future law students may be required to read about the landmark class-action lawsuit Bunch of Awkward Teenagers v. Pizza Hut.
But even if we’re just informally thinking about this, it’s doubtful anyone has EVER gone to Pizza Hut on the first date and believed that the second date was already in the bag. In fact, I would be more inclined to add that to the list of ways to guarantee you DON’T get a second date. (Note: I can’t imagine anyone actually does keep such a list, but if you do, “mentioning that you keep a list of ways to guarantee you don’t get a second date” should definitely be the first item on it.)
Yet occasionally products that intrigue me can overcome commercials that annoy me, and I continue to eat at Pizza Hut because they keep coming up with new products that I have to try just once, such as The Edge, the Four-in-One, and the P’Zone, to name just a few.
The Cheesy Bites Pizza is the spiritual descendant of the Stuffed Crust Pizza. First introduced in 2006, it has 28 detachable cheese-filled bites in lieu of a regular crust. I had been hoping the bites would be coated with the same parmesan powder found on Pizza Hut’s breadsticks, but the garlic flavoring they use instead is pretty tasty in its own right, and I like that they include a separate container of what is normally breadstick dipping sauce. For the first couple bites — or rather, the first couple bites of the first couple Bites — the cheese was as indulgently gooey as I had hoped, but they quickly cooled and hardened and became far less appetizing. I also noticed that the amount of cheese from Bite to Bite was not very consistent.
After a slice or two of eating the Bites first and being left with awkwardly crust-less pizza, I decided to eat my next slice the normal way. This turned out to be a good decision. While the Bites are easy to pull apart from one another, they were still sturdy enough to support the more conventional pizza-eating tactic.
And speaking of the non-crust part of the pizza, well, I don’t really have much to say, because it wasn’t anything special. It was just a regular thin crust Pizza Hut pizza, although it’s possible it had more pepperoni than normal. In reality, I think there was just less area to put the same number of pepperoni, as the Bites are much thicker than a normal crust. And since they’re thicker but not actually one continuous crust, the pizza is ultimately less filling than a normal large pizza. I suppose that’s my biggest beef with this specialty pie — I was promised a large pizza but it felt more like a medium. I’m not saying I ate the whole thing in one sitting, but I’m not saying I didn’t, either.
(Fine, you got me, I ate the whole thing in one sitting. Are you happy now?)
All together, the Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites pizza was not bad, but certainly not great. If you were going to Pizza Hut anyway…say, on a first date, or, in the event that you didn’t go there on your first date, your second one…go ahead and try the Cheesy Bites pizza. Otherwise, I’m sure your local pizza joint makes more delicious albeit less innovative pies. In fact, I guarantee it!*
*I don’t guarantee it. Please don’t sue me.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 slice – 370 calories, 140 calories from fat, 16 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 1000 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar and 16 grams of protein.)
Item: Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites Pizza Price: $11.99 (14″) Size: Large/8 slices Purchased at: Pizza Hut Rating: 6 out of 10 Pros: Tasty garlic powder. Separate container of dipping sauce. Indulgently gooey cheese. High pepperoni concentration. Eating pizza the normal way. The Old Spice guy. Bunch of Awkward Teenagers v. Pizza Hut. Cons: Bites much less appetizing when cheese cools. Inconsistent cheesiness. Smaller-than-expected pizzas. Being awkwardly crust-less. First dates at Pizza Hut. False guarantees. Eating entire pizzas in one sitting.
They say, “Pizza is a lot like sex. When it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.”
Then why do I feel so dirty after having a one night stand with the two-bit pizza from Pizza Hut called The Natural?
Why do I want to huddle in my shower fully clothed, cry like I just accidently killed a man, and let the steady stream of water try to wash away the shame that has stained my soul? If pizza is a lot like sex, then The Natural is like losing your virginity with another virgin because both of you had high hopes for it, but during it you both constantly asked each other if it feels good, and after you’re done, you’re both not really satisfied.
The Natural pizza looked delicious in the box and sounded appetizing with its, “stone-ground multigrain crust made with the goodness of five different whole grains, a rich flavorful sauce made from fresh, vine-ripened tomatoes and topped with fine, all-natural, mozzarella cheese.” But after I finished a slice I realized that this was the Diet Coke of Pizza Hut pizzas — it wasn’t close to being as tasty as the original.
The pepperoni and cheese were the only decent parts of the pizza. What brought down The Natural several notches was its stone-ground multigrain crust, which wasn’t very flavorful. But I guess the crust, with its eight grams of whole grains in each slice, was supposed to be healthy and not tasty. Although, even with all that healthiness, it doesn’t provide more fiber than Pizza Hut’s regular crust. Speaking of things that help you poop, there wasn’t a lot of grease on the pizza, which is great for napkin conservation. Something else there wasn’t a lot of was sauce, which was disappointing because I like the sauce to ooze all over and the cheese to stretch out like I was on the wrong end of a bukkake.
Overall, the crust, lack of sauce, and measly 12-inch size equated to a very bland, mediocre pizza. So thanks to Pizza Hut’s The Natural, I feel like I should edit the saying to say, “Pizza is a lot like sex. When it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad, you can always get something better after.”
(Nutrition Facts – 1 slice – 230 calories, 9 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 530 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of sugar, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 10 grams of protein, 8% Vitamin A, 15% Calcium, and 6% Iron.)
Item: Pizza Hut’s The Natural Price: $12.99 ($9.99 in most states) Size: 12 inches Purchased at: Pizza Hut Rating: 4 out of 10 Pros: Eight grams of whole grains in each slice. Pepperoni and cheese were decent. Sex. Being on the right end of a bukkake. Cons: A very bland, mediocre pizza. Stone-ground multigrain crust wasn’t very flavorful. Not much sauce. About the same amount of calories, fat and sodium as a regular Pizza Hut pizza. Being on the wrong end of a bukkake. Accidently killing a man.