Froot Loops with 1/3 Less Sugar

Froot Loops

Where the hell is Toucan Sam? I want to barbeque his blue-feathered ass.

What’s up with this 1/3 less sugar in his Froot Loops?

Doesn’t Toucan Sam realize he’s ruining the lives of grade school children everywhere? Sending them to school without adequate sugar levels is a recipe for failure in the classroom.

I hate to imagine where would I have been without sugary breakfast cereals? I probably wouldn’t have survived grade school. I wouldn’t have paid attention to my teacher, gotten good grades, completed my math worksheets before anyone else, gotten gold stars on my progress chart, become the tetherball king of the playground, or be able to handle the beating I received for being the biggest nerd, geek, dweeb, and dork.

For me, sugar was like steroids. It made me a better student. Sure I was a little “husky,” but I excelled in school and that’s all that really mattered. It’s better to be a smart “husky” kid than a stupid “husky” kid.

For a while the cereal companies had it right by adding more. They were adding more chocolate, more marshmallows, and more rainbow fruity colors.

But now the trend is to have less. So eventually is there also going to be less chocolate, less marshmallows, and less rainbow fruity colors?

Where’s the neural stimulant that kids are going to need to make it through lunch? They can’t drink coffee, because no grade school child can afford Starbucks everyday.

Despite having 1/3 less sugar than regular Froot Loops, I was surprised that it tastes almost like regular Froot Loops. But still, I wish it had more sugar, some marshmallows, and more rainbow fruity colors.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It’s where we all get the energy to make it through work and school. For many adults that energy comes in the form of caffeine. For kids, that energy comes in the form of sugar, because I don’t know of any parents that are irresponsible/cool enough to allow their kids to drink soda with breakfast.

So Toucan Sam, please put the sugar back into Froot Loops.

What?

They still sell regular Froot Loops?

Oh, never mind.


Item: Froot Loops with 1/3 Less Sugar
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Tastes just like regular Froot Loops.
Cons: Won’t be able to function without adequate amounts of sugar.

Corn Flakes With Real Bananas

Corn Flakes With Real Bananas

Growing up, I only knew of two types of cereal: “Icky” and “Yummy.”

“Icky” cereal consisted of Wheaties, Shredded Wheat, Corn Flakes, Total, Bran Flakes, Raisin Bran, and any other healthy cereal that had a doo-doo brown color.

The “Yummy” cereal was anything that had ANY the following: Rainbow colors, marshmallows, chocolate flavor, fun shapes, free toys, puzzles on the back of the box, and enough sugar to keep me hyperactive until lunch.

I avoided “Icky” cereals, but my parents felt like I needed a change in my diet due to the fact I suddenly needed to wear “husky” clothing in the third grade. How did they try to change my diet? They used the age-old, time-tested parenting technique called, “deception.”

They once bought Corn Flakes and tried to pass it off to me as Frosted Flakes. Despite my early-morning-low-blood sugar mind, I realized that it really wasn’t Frosted Flakes. So while they got ready for work, I dumped a few tablespoons of sugar over the Corn Flakes.

Eventually, my parents caught on and started buying me “Yummy” cereal again.

As my age and my fear of diabetes increased, I began to eat less of the “Yummy” and more of the “Icky.”

I slowly began to find out that some of the “Icky” was actually kind of “Yummy.”

Recently, cereal companies have been trying to make the “Icky” cereal less “Icky” by adding real fruits.

These cereals include Berry Burst Cheerios with Strawberries and today’s review subject, Corn Flakes With Real Bananas.

The bananas they put in with the Corn Flakes are real bananas in the form of banana chips. You know, the same kind of banana chips you get from hippy health food stores and the same type you make with the Ronco Food Dehydrator. You know, the Ronco Food Dehydrator, makes banana chips in days, makes beef jerky in days, makes really impatient people want to grab an aluminum bat and give the Ronco Food Dehydrator a beat down.

At first I was skeptical that adding banana chips would make the “Icky” Corn Flakes taste better, but I was pleasantly surprised with how good it was. I don’t know how many banana chips they put in each box, but I could taste the banana goodness with almost every spoonful.

The only problem I had was the corn flakes getting really soggy after a few minutes in the milk, although the banana chips did stay crunchy. After the first bowl, I helped myself to another, thinking the first bowl was a fluke and the cereal couldn’t be this good, but it really was good.

Why didn’t the cereal companies think of this sooner?

Now I know what you all are thinking, since they’re putting bananas in Corn Flakes and strawberries in Cheerios, isn’t it about time they put grapes in Grape Nuts?

Because Grape Nuts are “Icky.”


Item: Corn Flakes With Real Bananas
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Surprisingly good. Banana chips stay crunchy. Lots of banana chips.
Cons: Corn flakes don’t stay crunchy for long. Would suck without the banana chips.

REVIEW: S’mores Pop-Tarts

Smores Pop Tarts

I have a new guilty pleasure and I owe it all to someone who is hairy than I am.

Thanks to the Pop-Tarts Yeti (watch their commercials or visit their website and you’ll understand) I currently have an addiction to FROZEN Pop-Tarts. Who would have thought sticking Pop-Tarts in the freezer would make them…Um…Slightly better?

When I mean “slightly better,” I mean they’re cold, because anything cold tastes much better in this summer heat.

The instructions on the box say you should put them in your freezer for at least 20 minutes. However, I found out that either 20 minutes is too short of a time or my one-year old freezer sucks, because my frozen Pop-Tarts were hardly frozen. I recommend leaving them in for at least two hours.

What the freezing does is make the Pop-Tarts chewy, cold, and that’s about it. However, that’s good enough for me because in three days, I ate eight frozen S’mores Pop-Tarts. That approximately averages to too many per day.

I can’t help it though. Those S’mores Pop-Tarts were downright good. They tasted like s’mores, with its chocolate/marshmallow filling and graham cracker frosting. It’s a wonderful way to enjoy s’mores without the gooey mess and the hassles of building a campfire, which is hard to do in the middle of a concrete jungle and my property manager doesn’t allow open fires on the premises.

Actually, this was supposed to be a review on the new Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts, but the national grocery store chain I shop at didn’t have any. Instead, I had to settle for whatever they had (i.e. S’mores Pop-Tarts), which turns out wasn’t a bad thing to settle for. It was like I really wanted to go out on a date with Angelina Jolie, but I ended up going out with Lindsay Lohan instead. Not really what I wanted, but delicious nonetheless. (Wait, I can say that? Lindsay Lohan is 18 years old, right? I don’t want to seem like some pedophile creep. She’s eighteen? Good.)

To be honest, it’s been awhile since I’ve had Pop-Tarts. The last time I had them was when the craziest flavor was Brown Sugar Cinnamon and the rest of their offerings were fruit flavored. Now they’ve got all these crazy concoctions that sound more like flavors of ice cream than flavors of Pop-Tarts and my sweet tooth thanks them for it.

For now, I think these S’more Pop-Tarts are the best tasting Pop-Tarts I’ve ever had…Frozen. Unfortunately, during my frozen S’mores Pop-Tarts addiction, I forgot to try toasting them.

Damn you Pop-Tarts Yeti!!!

Item: Frozen S’mores Pop-Tarts
Purchase Price: $1.69 (on sale)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Cool, chewy goodness. Just like real s’mores, without the mess, burnt tongues, and possible forest fires.
Cons: Must wait for freezing. Fricking store didn’t have Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts!!!