REVIEW: Jolly Time Mallow Magic

Jolly Time Mallow Magic

I’m skeptical of things that claim to be “magical.”

For example, Magic Markers. I haven’t found anything “magical” about them, except when I sniff them for too long, which causes me to “magically” prance around naked on all fours, pretending to be a pretty, pretty little pony.

Also, those Magic: The Gathering playing cards, they “magically” give my friend’s little cousins the ability to totally kick my ass at something.

Finally, there’s David Blaine, who claims to be a “magician,” but all the things he does isn’t really magic, like stand on a flagpole for 35 hours, or spend seven days underwater in a see-through coffin, or live in a plastic box suspended over a river for 44 days, or stand at a truck-stop urinal and pee for 3 hours.

So I wasn’t expecting much from the Jolly Time Mallow Magic microwave popcorn.

The concept of Mallow Magic is much like the Orville Redenbacher’s Cinnabon Popcorn I reviewed earlier this month. It’s microwave popcorn with a sweet creamy topping.

Also, like the Cinnabon Popcorn, each box of Mallow Magic comes with two bags of unpopped popcorn and two pouches of creamy marshmallow topping.

I liked the sweet Cinnabon Popcorn, so I was looking forward to trying the sweet marshmallowy taste of the Mallow Magic Popcorn. So I put the flat bag of popcorn into the microwave and set the time for 2 minutes and 30 seconds.

I carefully watched the flat bag of popcorn in the microwave. Then suddenly, I heard a pop. Then another. Then another. Then another. I looked at the bag of popcorn and I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Oh my God! The bag…It’s growing in the microwave!” I yelled.

“It’s…It’s….MAGICAL!”

“I believe!!! I believe!!!”

Yeah, whatever.

After I took the bag out of the microwave, I instantly noticed that it was slightly smaller than all other microwave popcorn bags I’ve seen. I looked at the Cinnabon Popcorn box and the Mallow Magic box, and it turned out that the Mallow Magic bag had about one-fifth less popcorn than the Cinnabon Popcorn bag.

So, of course, this meant less popcorn.

After I added the creamy marshmallow topping, I dug into what turned out to be a nice sweet treat, that I think tasted better than the Cinnabon Popcorn.

However, they were such a nice sweet treat, that I ate an entire bag in one sitting, while trying to NOT watch American Idol.

Item: Jolly Time Mallow Magic
Purchase Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: A nice sweet treat. Like kettle corn, except a lot more messy. Popcorn has fiber.
Cons: Bags are smaller than most popcorn bags. Not magical, just like David Blaine.

REVIEW: Orville Redenbacher’s Cinnabon Popcorn

Orville Redenbacher’s Cinnabon Popcorn

The ONLY things I like to put on top of my popcorn are salt and artery-clogging buttah. Call me a purist. Call me vanilla. Call me Plain Jane. Call me your daddy. I just like my popcorn that way.

Recently, while checking out chips in the snack aisle, my peripheral vision noticed the new Orville Redenbacher’s Cinnabon Popcorn.

“Oh, dude, that sounds gross,” I thought to myself.

Then I thought, “Gross enough to be the PERFECT item to review.”

The popcorn is flavored with a cinnamon buttah and comes with a pouch of Cinnabon frosting, which you pour on top of the popcorn. Sounds good, doesn’t it? Of course, I could think of another use for that Cinnabon frosting, but I don’t have a lady-friend at the moment.

The first thing I noticed after opening the box was the fact that there were only TWO bags in the box. This surprised me because I could’ve sworn most boxes of microwave popcorn have four bags.

Anyway, after sticking a bag in the microwave and not burning it, I have to say that this is the first product EVER that originally made me nauseous, but I learned to love. Um, sort of like, Celine Dion.

Oh, wait. It’s the other way around. I loved Celine Dion, but I eventually became nauseous of her.

No, no, no, that’s not right. Um, Celine Dion has always made me nauseous?

Oh yeah, that’s right, she has.

Anyway, while the popcorn was popping, the cinnamon aroma of it filled the room and made me a little nauseous. However, after I added the Cinnabon frosting and began chowing it down, I felt a lot better. I guess this was due to the fact that the popcorn was actually pretty good and I couldn’t stop eating it.

Thank goodness for the show Strange Love on VH1. Seeing Brigitte Neilsen and Flavor Flav’s naked bodies instantly made me nauseous again and stop eating.

Because it was a Cinnabon-related product, I was hoping for a gooey mess, but all I got were Cinnabon-smelling fingers, which turned out to be frustrating.

Hours after eating the Cinnabon Popcorn, despite washing my hands several times, my fingers still smelled like Cinnabons. Although, during those several times, I did use the cheap stuff (i.e. generic Wally World hand soap).

However, when I used the good stuff (i.e. Method Green Tea + Aloe Hand Wash), which I only use for special occasions, the smell was replaced with the aroma of Method Green Tea + Aloe Hand Wash.

I wonder how many times I would have to type Method Green Tea + Aloe Hand Wash to get free stuff from Method?

Item: Orville Redenbacher’s Cinnabon Popcorn
Purchase Price: $3.39
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: ONLY TWO BAGS IN A BOX. Not as sticky or messy as actual Cinnabons. Originally made me nauseous, but they are damn good.
Cons: Smell lingers on your fingers, unless you use Method Green Tea + Aloe Hand Wash (Come on! Send some free stuff, baby!). Celine Dion and Strange Love (shutter).