Item: Fiber One Salted Caramel Cheesecake Bar Purchased Price: $3.49 Size: 5 bars Purchased at: Target
(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)
Purchased Price: $3.49 Size: 6 bars Purchased at: Target Rating: 6 out of 10 Pros: Nice flavor, but I’m not sure it’s not what I would consider caramel. It kind of tastes Fig Newton-y. Soft, slightly chewy texture. Smells like brown sugar. Low fat. A decent tasting way to get five grams of fiber. I guess it’s easier than eating an apple. I mean, I can stuff a whole bar in my mouth, but I can’t stuff a whole apple. Cons: Sometimes there are these bursts of saltiness, which are a bit off-putting. “Caramel bits” are really toffee bits. The bars look kind of small when unwrapped, they’re just 2-inch squares. Some people have had gas issues with the chicory root extract, which gives the bar its fiber, so don’t go through the box in one day…or even two days.
Nutrition Facts: 90 calories, 25 calories from fat, 2.5 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.
Finding a delicious snack bar is about as likely as digging under your doorstep and unearthing a magical Viking helmet that summons world peace, eliminates grocery carts with one bad wheel, and resurrects Ben and Jerry’s Wavy Gravy. It’d be unexpected, unlikely, and near impossible, but somewhere in all that nagging doubt rests the hope that said magical Viking helmet/delicious snack bar exists, and it is this slim probability that sustains a blind faith that you may stumble upon such an impossibility.
It is with this hope that I grabbed the Luna Peanut Butter and Strawberry Fiber Bar box as it proclaimed the “soft baked, fruit filled” contents within.
“Hmmm…” I said to myself. “Soft-baked? That sounds an awful lot like a cookie.”
Time to bring in the professional.
So, equipped with Cookie Monster himself, I sat down to my soft-baked wrapper.
Bars fortified with vitamins and minerals have the taste reliability of the ten-day forecast. All those vitamins and minerals can either come through or, more often than not, sweep away anything reminiscent of flavor and leave you nostalgic for something that tastes better than tree bark. Not so here. One bite of these puppies and my taste buds were lit like a dance floor at a European discotheque from the 70s. Every element of this bar has its place. A thin strawberry layer for sweetness, a peanut butter cookie for roasty-toasty-saltiness, a sandy sugar coating (yes, I said sandy sugar coating) for a crackle. Oh, and are those peanut butter chips so generously sprinkled on top? Yes, yes they are.
And, indeed, this one’s for the peanut butter lovers. The peanut-butter-based cookie exterior takes up a good 83 percent of the bar according to my not-so-mathematical guess and is moister than the average Nutri-Grain. The thin strawberry filling is just enough goo without stretching into the forbidden realm of “goopy,” and the hint of salt functions like the bartender of the party, shaking up the flavor and allowing everyone to come out of their shells.
Look at that. Beautiful as the layered sands of the Grand Canyon only not as dry and much more tasty.
I’m fond of fitting into my pants. If you, too, are fond of fitting into your pants, these Luna bars can help you achieve/maintain that as they have a mere 120 calories, 4 grams of fat, and a whopping 7 grams of fiber. Just think of all the adventures that could arise out of the whole-grain energy you acquire: ice sculpting, pickle making, bull riding, treasure hunting, snake charming…the list goes on. Don’t be afraid. Get out there and have fun.
These may be targeted to women, but don’t let this piddly-posh marketing pull the wool over your eyes, gentlemen. I gave one to a man in my life, who claimed that all that peanut butter make these as man-friendly as an open grill and a lawn mower. Plus, they have Vitamin D and Vitamin D is downright sexy, so be a man! Eat a Luna fiber bar!
Overall, these make me want to whip out maracas and dance in my kitchen (which I may or may not have done). Having a cookie in the middle of the day is good. Having a cookie in the middle of the day with vitamins and minerals is even better. It is with this in mind that the C-monster himself hath blessed these bars with incantations of magical proportions. I came into this anticipating a vitamin-flavored, semi-stale fruit bar and I got a soft-baked rectangle of a portable joy.
Thank you, Luna, for completely defying my expectations.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 120 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 95 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 7 gram of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)
Item: Peanut Butter Strawberry Luna Fiber Bar Purchased Price: $5.99 Size: 6 bars Purchased at: Target Rating: 9 out of 10 Pros: Cookie-like. Peanut butter chips. Salty-sweet. Whole grains. Magical Viking helmets. Fitting into your pants. Pickle making. Vitamin D is sexy. Cons: Over the everyday snack-bar-budget margin. Things that taste like tree bark. Grocery carts with one bad wheel. European discotheques from the 70s. The death of Ben and Jerry’s Wavy Gravy.
Somewhere on the edges of the globe, nestled between the marshes of Keebler County and Cascadian Farms, rests the town of General Mills. It is in this land of cuckoo birds and marshmallow balloons that a legend resides.
And his name…
He looks like a Wendell, doesn’t he?
What with his half-moon spectacles and rotund little nose, Wendell seems unassuming enough, but don’t be fooled. He has connections with the Keebler elves. He landed in General Mills in 1987 with a single dream: to put toast in a bowl, and, after many long nights beside his magical toaster and a cinnamon-related explosion, he got the recipe for Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Back in 2001, he channeled his Cinnamon cereal craze into the smash hit: “Cinnamon Toast Crunch Milk-N-Cereal Bar.” Now, he’s bringing it home in a smaller, portion-friendly treat.
Judging by the cover, Wendell’s stepped away from his toaster to mix up a hearty batch of “yogurt coating.” No lie: this was the very thing that pulled me in to this bar. As a connoisseur of the yogurt-covered pretzel, I can’t resist a yogurt coating, and, indeed, I was elated when I discovered that a yogurt squiggle accompanied the yogurt-dipped foundation of the bar.
I’m thinking these little crisps were made for lunchtime and would fit snuggly in a lunchbox/briefcase/purse/other portable vessel of preference. The list of ingredients seems a mile long, but, in summary, it involves cinnamon, icing, and gooeyness and, as we all know, those are the ingredients involved in sustaining a happy relationship. Had a disagreement with your spouse? Bake something with cinnamon and, instantly, it smells like somebody loves you. Top that baked good with icing? Well, you can just kick back and watch the magic unfold.
Now, before diving into the texture of this bar, I’d like to step back for a brief moment to define the adjective “chewy.” Quaker has obfuscated (word of the day!) this term with their “Chewy” granola bars for years. If a food is “chewy,” it has a certain pull, being both somewhat firm and somewhat sticky. Caramels are chewy. Taffy is chewy. That yummy nougat in Snickers bars is chewy. Stale rice cereal smooshed with uncooked oats? Not chewy, Quaker, not chewy.
Now, these, on the other hand, actually do have a bit of a chew and are a fair amount denser than their Quaker counterparts, which gets them off to a good start. On first bite, they even have a bit of a crisp, but, in the end, this crisp ended on the note of “Stale Cinnamon Toast Crunch,” which was disappointing for a product that had hopes to bounce me over the heart, stars, horseshoes, clovers, and blue moons. The yogurt coating does its best for what this lacks in texture, but alas, fair Wendell, the faint wisps of cinnamon in your bar are no match for this weak consistency and overwhelming taste of corn syrup.
However, on an up note, these do have a bit of whole grain and there was enough of the yogurt to make me smile at the end, making these treats far better than the imagination-crushing, depression-inducing Quaker “Chewy” Granola bars. Nonetheless, next time I have the Cinnamon-Toast-Crunch craving, I’ll probably reach for the bowl and spoon before I nab a treat.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 100 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein, and a little vitamins and minerals.)
Other Cinnamon Toast Crunch Treats reviews: Truly Foody
Item: General Mills Cinnamon Toast Crunch Treats Purchased Price: $2.84 (on sale) Size: 1 box/6 bars Purchased at: Target Rating: 5 out of 10 Pros: Yogurt coating on the base. Yogurt squiggles. Cinnamon. Wendell. A friendly portion. Whole grain. Lunchboxes. The word “Obfuscate.” Half-moon spectacles. A land filled with marshmallow balloons. Cons: The texture of stale cereal. Corn syrup overpowers cinnamon. Using the word “chewy” incorrectly. Crushers of the imagination.
As a resident of the great Pacific Northwest, I cannot stress how much emphasis this region puts on all things local, organic and/or natural. Even a few years ago, Seattle’s motto was re-imagined as the singular phrase “Metronatural” which ended up sounding less like a tourism goldmine and more like a trendy new sexual orientation. Staying natural is also the reason I haven’t shaved my legs for a few months now. It’s not that I’m lazy, I’m just preventing countless more disposable razors from ending up in our ever overflowing landfills.
In true Northwest form, the first product I’ll be reviewing is a largely organic energy bar that relies on fruit, nuts & seeds as the main source of fuel instead of caffeine, tiger’s blood and crack. Orchard Bars feature a gelatinous blend of fruit & nuts, the ubiquitous “soy nuggets” and flax seeds instead of the crumbly, cakey ingredients of a garden variety protein or granola bar. They’re also vegan, GMO-free, dairy-free, gluten-free and preservative free as well as kosher, so no one is harmed by this product, except those who inevitably get a jagged flax seed stuck in between their molars and gums.
The folks at Liberty Orchards sent me five different Orchard Bars and media kit CD, complete with the history of their factory, based in the fertile crescent of Cashmere, Washington. Much like the Kashmir region made famous by a notable Led Zeppelin song, it’s a dry arid place nestled near a vast range of mountains (okay, the meager Cascades. Not quite the Himalayas).
Liberty Orchards’ most notable product is a Turkish Delight-esque jelly treat called Aplets & Cotlets. If you’ve ever had the experience of receiving a box of the famously infamous candy from your grandmother as a belated birthday present, think of Orchard Bars as its sophisticated cousin in a sleek bar form. I liken it to when companies reinvent products for a hip, modern crowd of folks, much like OK Soda or Bibles with guys skateboarding on the front.
The range of Orchard Bar flavors let you run the gamut in tasting all the the orchard has to offer. Cherry Almond Crunch is a tart and tangy bar with some crispiness provided by almonds and those aforementioned soy nuggets, the hippie alternative to the poor man’s Rice Krispies. Blueberry is both the dominant flavor and color in the Blueberry Pomegranate & Almond bar. You could even go as far as imagining it wearing some nice tight leather and brandishing a whip.
I personally found the Strawberry Raspberry & Walnut (or “Berry Delicious Bar” as I like to call it) the most savory and delicious of these three. It’s like there’s an orchard in my mouth and everyone’s invited to pick fruit for minimal wages! Plus the walnut chunks mellow out the ultra-sweetness that comes with the popular berry flavors.
While geographically impossible to come from “Washington State’s orchard country”, Banana Mango Macadamia & Pineapple Coconut Macadamia are the tropical representatives of the batch. I mean, we could even get technical and call them “Grove Goodies” or “Plantation Pleasures”, but then we start wandering into too politically correct territory. While I could hardly detect the banana flavors in the mango bar, the addition of the creamy, fatty nuts enveloped the tastes nicely. On the other hand, the Pineapple Coconut Macadamia is a tangy tropical bar that would give you an excuse to swig some rum and deem it a Pina Colada (plus I get a kick out of saying “fatty nuts”).
One thing to keep in mind is that the bars are all quite sweet, ranging from 18-19 grams of sugar per bar. I’m not quite sure if I got “natural energy” but more of a “concentrated fruit sugar high” after going through all five Orchard Bars within a just a couple hours. If I’ve learned anything from the emergence of all the energy products over the past few years, once you add enough sugar that’s in fruit, powdered, granular or syrup form, you can pretty much make anything body energizing, tooth decaying and delicious all in one fell swoop.
(Editor’s Note/Disclaimer – We received the Orchard Bars for free from the PR firm that represents Liberty Orchards. Orchard is such a funny word, isn’t it? (Insert a naughty World of Warcraft joke here.))
(Nutrition Facts â€“ 1 bar (1.6 oz/45g) â€“ Cherry Almond Crunch â€“ 200 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 19 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Banana Mango Macadamia â€“ 200 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein. Blueberry Pomegranate & Almond â€“ 200 calories, 7 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Pineapple Coconut & Macadamia â€“ 200 calories, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein. Strawberry Raspberry & Walnut â€“ 200 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)
Item: Liberty Orchards Orchard Bars (Cherry Almond Crunch, Banana Mango Macadamia, Blueberry Pomegranate & Almond, Pineapple Coconut & Macadamia, Strawberry Raspberry & Walnut) Price: FREE Size: 1.6 ounces Purchased at: Received for free from PR firm Rating: 6 out of 10 (Cherry Almond Crunch) Rating: 5 out of 10 (Banana Mango Macadamia) Rating: 6 out of 10 (Blueberry Pomegranate & Almond) Rating: 8 out of 10 (Pineapple Coconut & Macadamia) Rating: 8 out of 10 (Strawberry Raspberry & Walnut) Pros: Natural energy that tastes good. Protein, omega-3s and vitamins. Nuts in my mouth. Vegan if you swing that way. Led Zeppelin singles. Cons: Might be too sweet for some. Hairy female legs. Flax seed related dental issues.
Oh, I wish I knew where Mikey was now. I want to know so that I can find out what he thinks of the Quaker Life Soft Baked Nutrition Bars For Adults.
He’d be the perfect person to ask because he likes Life Cereal and he’s now an adult. But he’s probably too busy with real life, which may include a wife, and maybe a young Mikey Jr. or a daughter he wanted to name Mikey, but the wife shot him down. He probably works in insurance sales or is a financial planner and drives an 2001 white Toyota Camry nearing 100,000 miles with the vanity license plate ILIKEIT.
For many years, the license plate was probably one of the few reminders of his past celebrity, because the VHS tape recordings of his commercials were eaten up by a VCR with heads that were never cleaned. Fortunately, YouTube was invented and someone posted his Life Cereal commercials online. He is probably responsible for half of the 450,000+ views of his most popular commercial on YouTube.
Mikey probably doesn’t eat Life Cereal anymore because he’s become lactose intolerant and it’s hard to eat the cereal without milk. If he has a wife, he loves her, but feels she only married him because he was “the guy from the Life commercials.” He feels this way because she introduces him to people as, “My husband, the boy from the Life commercials.” He thinks his wife is cheating on him, because she bought a lot of lingerie from Victoria’s Secret that he’s never seen her wear. But he also has a mistress, who has no idea Mikey has a place in pop culture, because she was born many years after the commercials stopped airing.
Although doing those Life Cereal commercials brought him some fame, when he looks at where his life has gone, he probably sometimes wishes his parents never forced him into auditioning for those commercials. If he didn’t, he probably wouldn’t be Mikey, he would be just Mike, or perhaps Michael.
If Mikey were here and tried the Quaker Life Soft Baked Nutrition Bars For Adults, I think he would like them, even though there’s nothing that resembles Life Cereal in them. The chewy adult bars come in two varieties: Banana Walnut Bread and Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan.
The Banana Walnut Bread flavor actually smells like banana bread. The banana flavor is noticeable, and thankfully isn’t artificial tasting. However, it tastes more like banana chips, which have a slight greasy flavor to them. The chopped walnuts yield little flavor and they seem like they’re mostly there to provide vitamins, minerals and to compliment the crunch of the whole grain oats and rice crisps in the bar.
The Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan bars have a sweet cinnamon aroma. The cinnamon and frosting drizzle on top overpower the rest of the ingredients, which might make this bar too sweet for some. Even the chopped raisins got lost in the sweetness. Perhaps using whole raisins might’ve helped. As for the pecans, they play the same role the walnuts do in the other flavor, provide some nutritional value and add some crunch, but not deliver much flavor.
The folks at Quaker suggest warming up their Life Soft Baked Nutrition Bars For Adults by sticking them in the microwave for 10 seconds, which seems to soften them. Does warming them up make them better? No. Is warming them up worth the 10 second wait? No. If you were immortal, would you wait the 10 seconds? Maybe. It would depend on how hungry I am.
Overall, the Quaker Life Soft Baked Nutrition Bars For Adults are decent tasting, a good source of B vitamins and provides 5 grams of fiber per bar. But I’m not sure why they’re under the Life Cereal brand, since they’re not made with Life Cereal, and why they’re labeled “For Adults.” Because unlike other things I’ve bought that were “For Adults,” I didn’t have to pull out my driver’s license to prove my age when I bought them.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan – 150 calories, 4 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Banana Walnut Bread – 150 calories, 4 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar and 6 grams of protein.)
Item: Quaker Life Soft Baked Nutrition Bars For Adults (Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan & Banana Walnut Bread) Price: $3.00 (on sale) Size: 5 bars Purchased at: Target Rating: 7 out of 10 (Banana Walnut Bread) Rating: 6 out of 10 (Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan) Pros: Both flavors were good. Banana Walnut Bread smells like banana bread. Banana isn’t artificial tasting. Contains 5 grams of fiber. Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan bar have a sweet pleasant cinnamon scent. Good source of B vitamins. Full of other nutrients. Didn’t have to pull out my driver’s license to buy these adult bars. Cons: No Life Cereal in them. Don’t know what Mikey thinks of them. Nuts don’t provide much flavor. Raisins got lost in the sweetness of the Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan bars. Cinnamon Roll Raisin Pecan bar might be too sweet for some. The sad world I imagine Mikey lives in.