REVIEW: Kellogg’s Original Simply Eggo Waffles

Kellogg's Simply Eggo Waffles

Since Kellogg’s new Simply Original Eggo Waffles boast they have no preservatives, artificial flavors, or artificial colors, I shall brag about how this review has no semicolons, onomatopoeias, or eponymous puns involving Jeremy Lin.

Now here’s the part where I bore all of you with ingredients and chemical compounds. Well, maybe not those of you who are into chemical compounds, like chemists and meth makers.

Here are the ingredients for Original Simply Eggo Waffles: Enriched flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate [vitamin B1], riboflavin [vitamin B2], folic acid), water, vegetable oil (soybean, palm, and/or canola oil), eggs, sugar, leavening (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda), salt, buttermilk, and soy lecithin.

And, here are the ingredients for regular Homestyle Eggo Waffles: Enriched flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate [vitamin B1], riboflavin [vitamin B2], folic acid), water, vegetable oil (soybean and palm oil), eggs, leavening (baking soda, sodium aluminum phosphate, monocalcium phosphate), sugar, calcium carbonate, salt, whey, soy lecithin, yellow #5, and yellow #6.

For those of you who skimmed over or bypassed the previous two paragraphs, and I wouldn’t blame you because they’re like visual Ambien, the Simple Eggo Waffles lack calcium carbonate, which is a food preservative, and the food dyes, yellow #5 and yellow #6.

Kellogg’s Eggo Low Fat Homestyle Waffles Closeup

If you’re a regular reader of this semipopular product review blog, you might be thinking the photo above is from our review of Kellogg’s Eggo Low Fat Homestyle Waffles. And you would be absosmurfly correct. To be honest, I reused the picture because toasted Simple Eggo Waffles look exactly like the waffles in the photo above. Also, I reused it out of pure laziness.

As for Simply Eggo’s flavor, it’s missing what makes Eggo Waffles taste like Eggo Waffles, which I’m guessing is the artificial flavor it brags it doesn’t have. Because of it, Simply Eggo Waffles were a little blander than regular Eggo Waffles, which was kind of surprising since I thought the buttermilk added would help with the flavor. But, topping it with butter and drowning it in syrup helped cover up the flavor difference.

In terms of flavor, Kellogg’s Simply Eggo Waffles are simply unimpressive. However, if you’re one of those people who really care about things like preservatives, food dyes, and artificial flavors, Kellogg’s Simply Eggo Waffles are simply uncomplicated.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles – 210 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 450 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Original Simply Eggo Waffles
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 12.3 ounces/10 waffles
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Looks like regular Eggo. Toasts like regular Eggo. No preservatives, No artificial flavors or colors. Fortified with vitamins and minerals.
Cons: Blander than regular Eggo Waffles. More calories, fat, sodium, and sugar than regular Eggo Waffles. Without calcium carbonate, Simple Eggo Waffles provide no calcium.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Eggo Low Fat Homestyle Waffles

Kellogg's Eggo Low Fat Homestyle Waffles

Let’s say we lived in a place where the mild and inoffensive ruled. Let’s call it Bland Town.

This is a place where the ellipsis is favored over the exclamation point… Where UFC championship fights have been replaced by Bob Ross reruns… Where people camp out for days in front of stadiums to see Bon Iver instead of Bon Jovi… Where Tabasco sauce is rare and unfathomable, shrouded in mystery and thought of only as an urban legend. In this innocuous little village, Eggo Low Fat Homestyle Waffles are King of Breakfast Foods.

I suppose that the Eggo branch of Kellogg’s has been given some kind of kick in the pants recently because the division has unleashed a cascade of new products within the past few months. One of these is the low-fat version of their Homestyle frozen waffles, already a pretty tasty product. It wasn’t a bad idea to make a more healthful and nutritious Homestyle waffle, especially since the only other low-fat Eggo waffle options were the positively ancient Low Fat Nutri-Grain waffles. It’s just that “healthier” shouldn’t mean “less delicious” or “boring.”

Kellogg's Eggo Low Fat Homestyle Waffles Closeup

Like most other Eggo frozen waffles, Low Fat Homestyle Waffles come in serving sizes of two. After toasting, they come out a lovely golden brown, smell great, and have a nice, crisp exterior upon first bite. But here’s where things go south. The texture of the Low Fat Homestyle waffle is rather chewy… much different than the full-fat version. It’s also not very flavorful, which is puzzling considering the aroma encourages visions of buttery, delicious homemade batter being poured into a waffle iron. Not so. These were some of the most uninspiring waffles I’ve ever eaten. And that means a lot coming from someone who’s frequently motivated to break into dance moves whenever she eats something delicious.

So, those of us who may want a lighter waffle breakfast are stuck with the somewhat rubbery, less-tasty version of the original Eggo’s Homestyle waffles. It’s not a terrible breakfast option, just blah. When you dine on Kellogg’s Eggo Low Fat Homestyle waffles, you’re firmly planted in Bland Town. And Bland Town, while clean and filled with nice, inoffensive residents who smile casually when they see you, maybe even tip their hats (because hats are still in fashion), is not where it’s at. Bland Town is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there, if you catch my drift.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles – 160 calories, 20 calories from fat, 2.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 280 milligrams of sodium, 65 milligrams of potassium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Other Kellogg’s Eggo Low Fat Homestyle Waffles reviews:
Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp

Item: Kellogg’s Eggo Low Fat Homestyle Waffles
Price: $3.99
Size: 12.3 oz/10 waffles
Purchased at: Pavilions
Rating: 5 out of 10 (The perfect “meh” rating.)
Pros: Mild and inoffensive. Low in fat. Crispy and golden brown. The dulcet tones of Bob Ross.
Cons: Living in Bland Town. Chewy, rubbery texture. Spicy urban legends. Beard music.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Eggo Wafflers Brown Sugar Cinnamon Roll

Kellogg's Eggo Brown Sugar Cinnamon Roll Wafflers

Eggo owns over 70 percent of the US frozen waffle market. Instead of sitting back and basking in their successes, the Eggo product development team has kept the pedal to the metal, releasing what feels like dozens of new varieties and seasonal flavors in recent years. The guy in charge of naming new items, however, has really gotten lazy. The latest product is called the Eggo Waffler, and I just can’t imagine how they settled on that name. Doing some vague political messaging in an election year would be stupid. Stealing the synonym for a waffle iron is just confusing. Maybe some additional one-letter-away product names are coming down the pipeline, and Kellogg’s is just preparing us for Wafflez for Tweens, the mutant comic book tie-in WaffleX, and Waffl’d, Ashton Kutcher’s new cooking/prank show.

In any case, it’s a shame this product is so poorly named, because the Waffler is the best thing to happen to Eggos this decade (well, second best – being name-dropped in a Childish Gambino rap last year certainly ups the brand’s cred). I tried the Brown Sugar Cinnamon Roll variety, and it was really tasty. The box promises “Packed with flavor – no syrup needed,” and I think Kellogg’s delivered pretty well.

Kellogg's Eggo Brown Sugar Cinnamon Roll Wafflers Difference

The Wafflers come in sets of two which are connected by a perforated edge and, combined, are similar in size to a regular Eggo waffle. I suppose making them rectangular allows for easier holding and transporting, so if Kellogg’s is hoping to emphasize the added convenience of these Eggos, I guess the new shape helps.

Kellogg's Eggo Brown Sugar Cinnamon Roll Wafflers Closeup

The delicious scent of cinnamon rolls was very noticeable both pre- and post-toasting. Upon taking a bite, I found the Wafflers to be filled with cinnamon flavor (you can see specks all across the surface) as well as a solid amount of sweetness. It certainly wasn’t as sugary as an actual cinnamon roll, but I didn’t feel the need to add any syrup at all. Since my original tasting, I’ve had some Wafflers with strawberries and made McGriddle-style breakfast sandwiches. These Wafflers have clearly become my frozen waffles of choice, but if you have a major sweet tooth, I can imagine you finding them a little bit lacking in sweetness.

One wild card factor definitely worth mentioning: the sugar is cooked into these Eggos, but they’re not sticky in any noticeable way. The shape of the Wafflers might add relatively little convenience, but no syrup and a non-sticky product makes for a quick, mess-free eating experience. It’s perfect for serially tardy kids who always need to eat breakfast on the way to the bus stop, as well as for drunken adults who occasionally wake up with their half-eaten drunk food lying next to them in bed. In short, I could’ve used some Eggo Wafflers for the last twenty years of my life. Ignore the stupid name – go pick some up today!

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles/4 waffle bars – 250 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 510 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 40 less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals)

Other Kellogg’s Eggo Wafflers Brown Sugar Cinnamon Roll reviews:
Freezer Burns

Item: Kellogg’s Eggo Wafflers Brown Sugar Cinnamon Roll
Price: $3.29
Size: 16 Wafflers (8 waffles)
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Smells great. Lots of cinnamon flavor and just the right amount of sweetness (for me, at least). Not sticky + no need for syrup = mess-free eating. The new shape might add to the convenience. That waffle line by Childish Gambino is dope.
Cons: Probably not sweet enough for everyone. Stupid name. I would watch Waffl’d. Always being late as a kid. Always eating drunk food as an adult.

REVIEW: Eggo Seasons Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Waffles

Eggo Seasons Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Waffles

With fall in full swing and Halloween just around the corner, everyone has got pumpkins on their foods and on their minds. I’ve recently consumed pumpkin pies, pumpkin breads, pumpkin spice lattes, and pumpkin ice creams. I’ve decided what my favorite pumpkin microbrew is (Woodstock Inn Autumn Ale), who would be Pumpkin Spice in a Spice Girls reboot (Snooki), and whether or not I can pull off calling people “pumpkin” (I can’t).

Despite not knowing what a real pumpkin even actually taste like, I was starting to get pretty sick of eating pumpkin flavors, thinking about pumpkins, and typing the word pumpkin.

The most recent contributor to my pumpkin fatigue is the Eggo Pumpkin Spice Waffles. As part of the Eggo “Seasons” line, these waffles are supposed to contain the autumn flavors of pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger. I found them at Target on sale for $2.00 for a pack of 10.

When I opened the package, the fantastic aroma of the waffles hit me immediately. All the spices shined together and really captured what I imagine as the scent of autumn, or at least as the scent of autumn desserts. Throwing two waffles in the toaster was equivalent to lighting a flavored Yankee Candle in making my apartment smell delicious.

The waffles also tasted pretty appetizing, though not nearly as appetizing as they smelled. Cinnamon was the most noticeable spice, while the pumpkin flavor was fairly understated and left the waffles with slightly more sweetness and a touch of bitterness that regular Eggos don’t have.

Eggo Seasons Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Waffles Closeup

If you generally have maple syrup with your waffles, these Pumpkin Spice Eggos are definitely not flavorful enough to allow you to forgo your usual sweetening. (Sidenote: I love the Target brand maple syrup. I love their syrup on pancakes, I love it on pizza. I take their syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I’ve had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?)

I wouldn’t say the Pumpkin Spice version is the best limited edition waffle that Eggo has ever released, but they tasted good, smelled wonderful, and came at a really great price. If you’re tired of eating pumpkin flavors, too, you should still think about buying a couple packs – considering the waffles are just 20 cents each, I plan to leave them around the apartment and never go to Yankee Candle again.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles – 210 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 380 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Item: Eggo Seasons Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Waffles
Price: $2.00
Size: 10 waffles
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Smelled fantastic. Tasted cinnamon-y and a bit sweeter than regular Eggos. Only $2 a box. Target brand maple syrup. Wedding Crasher quotes.
Cons: Didn’t taste as good as it smelled. Didn’t really taste all that different from a regular Eggo. Pumpkin fatigue. Not knowing what real pumpkins taste like. I don’t actually shop at Yankee Candle. But seriously, why are those Yankee Candles so expensive?

REVIEW: Eggo Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit Scramblers

Eggo Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit Scramblers

If there’s one thing I don’t have much of other than money, good looks, viable job skills, money, and sexual machismo, it’s a lot of time to spend in the morning just relaxing.  I admire those who are able to savor a leisurely cup of coffee and a scone while reading the New York Times and presumably playing a game of backgammon, but that’s not the life I’ve chosen for myself.  The life I’ve chosen is filled with exchanges like this:

“Daddy I want milk and apple juice and milk in my bowl and Kix in my bowl.” [actual quote]

“You know Daddy doesn’t speak Dictator.”

“Please I can have milk and Kix and apple juice and milk pleeeeeeaaaassee?”

That’s not a complaint — I’ve wanted a small creature chirping pidgin English at me ever since we hosted that exchange student when I was a kid — but it does make every morning a whirlwind of heating bottles, pouring cereal, brushing teeth, reminding someone that we only spit out our toothpaste when we’re over the sink, da–… ang it, and getting out the door.  So something I can eat on the fly is a plus, and doubly so if it gives me a complete meal of eggs, cheese, bacon, and a biscuit in 10 easy bites.  That was enough to make me take a look at Eggo Biscuit Scramblers, like a drunk blearily peering across the bar at last call to figure out just how many… dozen pounds overweight the last female patron is, and whether it’s worth sending over a drink.  Maybe not, but you’ll never know unless you try.  Sorry, that one kind of got away from me.  (NOT based on real events, I’m happy to say.)

The scramblers come in two varieties, with and without bacon, though of course you know which one I picked.  (I don’t feel guilty, I’ve read “Animal Farm.”)  They look pretty similar to a normal biscuit, maybe a bit larger, definitely a little heavier.  The back of the box suggests heating them for 45 seconds, but either that’s inaccurate or my microwave is weaker than my metaphors, because it left parts of the scrambler colder than a really, really, really cold thing.  Personally I found a full minute to be a much better choice.

Eggo Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit Scramblers Innards

Upon cutting one open to snap a picture, I was struck by how the filling layer extended the length of the biscuit but was kind of thin.  You know how sometimes you buy a bismark or jelly-filled donut and it takes like three bites before you get any filling, and how cheated you feel?  The scramblers aren’t as extreme as that (there weren’t any bites with zero filling), but I still could’ve done with a little less biscuit and a little more yum.  For me the biscuit is like the opening act at a concert: they may be pretty good, I might enjoy them, but they’re not why I bought the ticket.

What filling there is is pretty good though, I’ll admit.  The egg and biscuit are definitely the dominant flavors, probably the egg a bit more so.  The cheese is a subtler taste but pervades the entire scrambler, content to play second fiddle to the unborn baby birds.  By contrast, the bacon asserts itself a little more but is frustratingly sporadic.  At times you think “Oh ho, I have you now!” as you chomp down on a meaty mouthful, but other times you wonder if pigs were just declared an endangered species.  I think the issue is that the bacon mostly comes in small flecks rather than big strips.  The total volume may or may not be the same, but it just doesn’t feel as substantial.  As for the biscuit, you won’t be mistaking it for one that came out of Paula Deen’s oven, but it could’ve been a lot worse — it’s not particularly flaky, but it’s reasonably soft and light.

I’d love to tell you that the scramblers are every bit as good as a breakfast sandwich from your favorite fast food joint, but I cannot tell a lie.  Or, well, I can, but then Marvo doesn’t pay me.  The truth is that they’re a reasonably tasty on-the-go morning food, probably a little more filling than a Pop-Tart but every bit as bad for you.  (The calorie count isn’t bad, but check out that sodium.  That’s 27% of your recommended daily value.  BAM!)  Despite not being as delicious, the scramblers are certainly cheaper and more convenient than stopping at Dunkin’ Donuts for a comparable sandwich, so they might be worth it to you anyway.  And if your mornings sound remotely like mine, that just might make the decision for you.

(Nutrition Facts — 1 biscuit — 270 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of total fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 640 milligrams of sodium, 240 milligrams of potassium, 40 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 5 grams of sugars, 33 grams of other carbohydrates, and 9 grams of protein.)

Item: Eggo Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit Scramblers
Price: $4.79
Size: 4 biscuits
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Easy to eat while carrying child upside down.  Pidgin English.  Good size.  Filling runs the length of the biscuit.  Acceptable calorie count.  Tasty cheese and eggs, decent biscuit.  Sending over a drink at last call.
Cons: Inaccurate microwave times.  Thinnish layer of filling.  Opening acts.  Uneven bacon distribution.  High sodium count.  Not as good as a fast food breakfast sandwich (though probably not as bad for you either).

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Eggo FiberPlus Waffles (Calcium Buttermilk & Antioxidants Chocolate Chip)

Eggo FiberPlus Waffles

“Waffles?” you ask.  “Really, Drew?  The man who reviewed beer for Christmas is a week behind on a review, and when he finally gets it in, it’s waffles?  That’s weak, bro.”  Your scorn is duly noted, and all I can offer in return is that, as the joint creator and co-producer of a two-year-old and a three-week-old, I have not gotten more than five hours of sleep a night in, well, three weeks.  Ergo, I am going to review my effing waffles with fiber, and you will read every damn word I have to say, no matter how little sense it makes or how old it makes me sound.  Are we clear?

The gimmick of Kellogg’s new Eggo waffles is that they’re FiberPlus, boldly proclaimed as 35% of your daily recommended intake of fiber right there on the front of the box.  By way of differentiating the two flavors beyond just “one’s got chocolate chips, the other don’t,” the buttermilk variety touts the word “calcium” on its banner, whereas the chocolate chip version boasts of its antioxidants, including vitamin E and zinc.  I was prepared to laugh my taint off if both versions had the exact same amount of calcium and Kellogg’s was just pretending there’s some health advantages of one over the other, but apparently they are indeed slightly distinct.  According to the nutritional info, the buttermilk variety have a whopping 5% more of your daily recommended intake of calcium per waffle than their be-chipped brethren, but with the trade-off of no appreciable levels of vitamin E or zinc.  This matters to me absolutely zero, but I suppose somewhere there may be someone who has strong, definitive opinions about how much zinc they consume in their breakfast toaster items.  Someday I would like to meet that man and tell him he’s wasted his life.  Then he’ll say I’m pretty judgmental for a guy who’s not wearing any pants, and we’ll both have a good laugh.

Eggo FiberPlus Waffles Naked

My chief concern about the waffles beforehand was the same one I have whenever I try a food purporting to be healthy, which is that too often there’s the inevitable sacrifice of taste for health.  Yes, your unsweetened organic rice cakes may let me live two days longer than if I’d eaten a Twinkie instead, but during that time the thought “Man, those rice cakes really tasted like the styrofoam packing peanuts they were probably made from” will cross my mind at least three times.  (I intend to be very reflective in my final days.)  I’m not interested in improved colon health if the unspoken caveat is that I’m basically eating cardboard.  Fortunately, I can report that the FiberPlus waffles are no worse than other Eggo waffles I’ve had in the past, which also means they’re tastier than your average frozen waffle.

The adjectives most commonly used to denote good waffles are “light and fluffy.” But be honest — when’s the last time you had a frozen food that really qualified as “light”?   I’ll offer that these are fluffy and… semi light?  Light-ish?  Loosely adapted from a work inspired by light?  You won’t mistake them for being freshly made, but they’re probably as non-heavy as you could expect out of frozen waffles.  As for the flavor, extra calcium and fiber or not, nothing tastes “off” about the buttermilk ones.  I could distinctly taste the chocolate chips in the antioxidants variety, and there are a decent (though not overly generous) number of chips in each.  For the price you’re paying, it’s hard to find too much fault with the taste.

In the interest of garnering multiple perspectives, and also because kids gotta eat, I solicited my toddler’s opinions on the waffles as well.  She reported that they taste, quote, “Mmm-hmm,” and expanded on this with, “I get down now?” However, she also ate every bite, which NEVER happens, so that’s kind of the ultimate compliment.  Bafflingly, that was the buttermilk; the next day she ate two bites of the chocolate chip one and then flatly turned it down, proving once and for all that kids are kind of dumb.  She did deign to eat the rest of it that night, and when asked to clarify whether it was “satisfying” or “flavorful,” indicated that it was “favorul.”  If Kellogg’s wants to use that in their new advertising campaign, I’m willing to sign the consent forms.

Finally, I’m not a coffee drinker, but many people are, and between a cup or two of java and these waffles, well… I can’t vouch for it personally, but I could see that being the kind of breakfast that puts a spring in your step and your ass on the john.  I would not schedule a particularly long staff meeting after a venti mocha and a couple of these waffles, is what I’m saying.  On the other hand, happy parents make for happy babies, and what’s more important to long-term happiness than good digestive health?  Maybe I was smart to buy these things after all.  Thanks, FiberPlus!

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles – Calcium Buttermilk – 160 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 390 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein.  Antioxidants Chocolate Chip – 180 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 350 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Kellogg’s Eggo FiberPlus Waffles (Calcium Buttermilk & Antioxidants Chocolate Chip)
Price: $3.39
Size: 8 waffles
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Calcium Buttermilk)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Antioxidants Chocolate Chip)
Pros: Affordable.  Easy to prepare.  Surprisingly good for frozen food.  Healthier than I anticipated.  Buttermilk = calci-riffic!  Antioxidants are… good, I’m pretty sure?  Keeping the system, uh, well, you know.  “Running smoothly.”  Yeah.
Cons: All baby and no sleep makes Drew go crazy. Not especially light.  Having to decide if it’s worth swapping calcium for antioxidants and chocolate chips.  (Yes.)  Knowing that maple syrup eliminates any pretense of “healthiness.”  Toddler eating habits.