NEWS: Get Your Spoons and Gym Memberships Ready For This Year’s Limited Edition Häagen-Dazs Flavors

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I believe Ben & Jerry’s fun flavor names make them perfectly fine to eat straight out of the container in my underwear. But when it comes to eating Häagen-Dazs’ sophisticated flavors, I feel it’s necessary to serve them in glass bowls with pants on. And this year’s Limited Edition Häagen-Dazs flavors are no different.

From now until the end of the year, you’ll be able to enjoy the following four new Limited Edition Häagen-Dazs flavors:

Coconut Macaroon (available from February to September) is made up of soft, chewy coconut macaroon cookies folded into coconut ice cream. Junk Food Guy has a review of them.

Spiced Caramel Biscuit (available from February to December) consists of cinnamon biscuit crumbles blended into caramel ice cream.

Vanilla Bean Espresso (available from February to December) combines espresso with vanilla ice cream, but you probably knew that by reading its name.

Salted Caramel Truffle (available from February to December) brings together sweet-cream ice cream, salted caramel ribbons, and chocolatey truffles.

All Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition flavors are available in their specially labeled purple containers that aren’t quite a pint. If you can’t find them at the supermarket, they’re also available at Häagen-Dazs shops.

REVIEW: Häagen-Dazs Blackberry Cabernet Sorbet

Häagen-Dazs Blackberry Cabernet Sorbet

I need a new hobby this summer, so I’m thinking of taking up alcoholism. Illuminating my path to seasonal intoxication is the latest addition to the Häagen-Dazs dessert oeuvre, Blackberry Cabernet Sorbet. I’m not French, but I like this flavor, and I’ve never tasted anything quite like it before. True, it’s not all that original — Ciao Bella also has a Blackberry Cabernet — but I’m not Italian either. So… ça fait rien.

The sorbet is smooth and light and has a delightfully intense purple shade that looks like how I used to picture mead from the ancient times. Or grog. Whichever was the one that kings would get completely smashed on before executing knaves or ordering jesters to do tricks. Anyway, I’ve since learned those drinks were amber, and this sorbet is purple like wine, but that’s okay because I’ve still got some knaves to put down.

On the tongue, there is a discernible tanginess, much like fresh blackberries would taste had they been smashed into a pulp, flash frozen and jammed into a stylish cylinder with pretty sky blue and gold accents. Häagen-Dazs claims that its Blackberry Cabernet sorbet is “a refreshingly elegant sensorial experience” in which “tender ripe blackberries and the distinctive flavor of cabernet grapes combine to create this dark, intense sorbet.”

Häagen-Dazs Blackberry Cabernet Sorbet Innards

That sounds pretty darn sultry. As for its timely, hot-weather introduction, I agree that Häagen-Dazs’s Blackberry Cabernet sorbet is a welcome frozen treat, perfect for the time of year, but I wouldn’t exactly call it a refreshing one — it’s a bit too bold for that.

I guess I am altogether unfamiliar with the natural flavor of cabernet grapes before they’re transformed into wine, or as I’ll surely be referring to it over the next couple months, “Wake-up Juice.” My brain interprets the aftertaste of the Blackberry Cabernet sorbet as honey, but there isn’t any honey in the ingredients list. I guess that’s the only way my taste buds could parse the rich, slightly bitter finish that accompanies the sharp, tangy flavor of the blackberries/grapes. Don’t know what that is, but it’s delish.

That being said, there’s no indication on the carton that there are any fermented ingredients to aid my summertime goal of becoming a wino. Apparently, I was barking up the wrong tree when I looked into Häagen-Dazs’s Blackberry Cabernet sorbet as a delicious new way to stay wrecked 24/7. It’s a tasty, non-alcoholic, and healthy indulgence. It even has only 100 calories per serving. Guess I’ll have to look elsewhere for edibles to aid and abet my downward spiral summer hobby! Cooking sherry, I’m looking at you.

(Nutrition Facts 1/2 cup (102 grams) -100 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 0% vitamin A, 0% calcium, 0% vitamin C and 0% iron.)

Item: Häagen-Dazs Blackberry Cabernet Sorbet
Price: $3.99
Size: 14.0 oz
Purchased at: Ralphs
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Dark and intense. Made of real cabernet grapes and ripe blackberries. Smooth and light texture. Purple. Aftertaste is like the flavor of honey. A nice frozen summer treat. Beheading knaves because you’re drunk.
Cons: Non-alcoholic. Not the color of mead or grog. Too bold to be refreshing. Somebody stumbling upon countless empty bottles of cooking sherry under my bed in September.

NEWS: New Häagen-Dazs Flavors Might Make It Hard For Me To Get Into Speedo Shape This Summer

Haagen Dazs Flavors

I thought we reviewed all the new Häagen-Dazs flavors released this year (Sweet Chai Latte, Caramel Apple Pie, and Blueberry Crumble), but yesterday I learned we didn’t when a Häagen-Dazs press release showed up in my RSS feeds. So I now have to get out my whip made from Red Vines and force TIB’s writers to review more Häagen-Dazs ice cream and desserts. Here are the flavors we haven’t reviewed yet.

Häagen-Dazs Cranberry Pumpkin Spice Ice Cream: Rich, creamy pumpkin ice cream is balanced with swirls of tart cranberry filling, then lightly spiced with cinnamon and nutmeg – a holiday classic. Flavor Top Notes: Warm pumpkin pie, a zing of nutmeg. Flavor Finish Notes: Tangy cranberry with a hint of spice.

Häagen-Dazs Spiced Peach Crumble Ice Cream (Walmart exclusive): Peak-flavor peaches are cooked to perfection, lightly spiced and stirred into sweet cream with nuggets of buttery crust. Flavor Top Notes: Fruity peaches, warm nutmeg and cinnamon. Flavor Finish Notes: Lingering butter and sweet summer peach.

Häagen-Dazs Chocolate Almond Frozen Yogurt: Crunchy roasted almonds are sliced and blended with rich, indulgent chocolate frozen yogurt.

Häagen-Dazs Blackberry Cabernet Sorbet: Tender, ripe blackberries and the distinctive flavor of cabernet grapes combine to create this dark, intense sorbet.

REVIEW: Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Sweet Chai Latte

Haagen Dazs Sweet Chai Latte Ice Cream

OMG! Slumber party time, you guys!

So I was thinking we’d get together, maybe start the evening with the 3½ J’s of awesomeness: Jammies, Jock Jams, and Justin Timberlake pictures ripped from last month’s Tiger Beat! After that we can break out Häagen-Dazs’ Limited Edition Sweet Chai Latte ice cream and re-watch 2ge+ther! Quinn’s not invited. She knows why.

This is going to be absosmurfly fabtacular!

Heather, you’re in charge of scrunchies and also ranch dip for the pizza. Rizzo, we’ll be using your yearbook this time to add commentary and mustaches to the people we currently hate. Tiffany, this is your last chance with the nail polish selection. Orange and coral are not “sort of” the same thing. Veronica, you can bring the TP for Quinn’s house. And Buffy, you bring the funk.

The highlight of the evening is, totally, this chai ice cream I found. That’s really the whole reason I’m inviting you all over. That, and, I need help getting back at Quinn. Did I mention how awesomely sophisticated this ice cream tastes? It’s literally just like that stuff at Starbucks we drink to look mature without having to endure the redonkulous awfulness of coffee, except they turned it into a dessert. If we all share, that’s only like… well it’s not that many calories per person. And we’ll probably get our exercise running away from Quinn’s house afterward anyway. Everybody remember to pack your dark colored clothing but don’t wear it over here because my parents will get suspicious. ‘Kay?

Oh, sorry, wait…

What year is it?

No, I didn’t hit my head, or at least I don’t think I did. I got in this fight with an upside-down garbage can this morning and, well, it’s all a little blurry.

The point here is that Häagen-Dazs Sweet Chai Latte ice cream takes me way back to the days of my youth and the discovery of coffee houses amongst my group of budding intellectual friends who still worshipped boy bands.

We had a new favorite drink every week back then. Mondo always tasted like fruity plastic packaging. Orbitz was creepily chewy. But chai, that was the good stuff, an accessible beverage both imbibed and endorsed by adults, something with real staying power and just as much sugar as the crap we were already drinking.

We were Southern Illinois girls. Most of us had never experienced what Häagen-Dazs refers to as the “distinctive tastes of India”. World Market was still our idea of “exotic”. Tea for us came from little bags marked “Lipton” and was immediately sweetened to within in an inch of its life. Chai lattes felt so familiar and yet so new. The good ones bore definite black tea undertones with the spice range of a good Germanic Christmas cookie and enough milk and sugar to make one wonder if the barista didn’t accidentally dump in heavy cream. I latched onto the stuff and stuck with it through college.

Yesterday, I found myself milling around the freezer section at Ralph’s, amped up on fair trade Tanzanian Jubilee coffee, when suddenly, the ice cream in question practically leapt out at me. There it sat, perched just above my eye level and slightly off-kilter, a cozy mug of freshly blended chai emblazoned across the front. The package was strikingly soft and pretty, with a purple cap instead of the typical Häagen-Dazs red. Next to the ingredients, Häagen-Dazs helpfully included a guide to the tastes I would be experiencing as I ate their product, divided nicely into “top notes” and “finish notes” as if this were a fine wine instead of an ice cream. The absurd, transparent attempt at classiness charmed me even as it harkened back to the darker side of middle school. I had to take it home. It needed a mentor and a hug.

Haagen Dazs Sweet Chai Latte Ice Cream Bowl

The “top” notes? Basically a spice list: anise, cardamom, cinnamon, and cloves. And the “finish”? “Cream and lingering spice”. Oh Häagen-Dazs, you had me there until “lingering”. Why dance around the term “aftertaste” if you’re going to leave in “lingering”?

In reality, all those flavors combine into one sweet, and yes, creamy layer that isn’t super licorice-like or pumpkin pie spicy or like anything you may be grasping at to complete your analogy, and the aftertaste is kind of just a complex back-porch sun-brewed sweet tea. It’s distinctively chai. If you like your tea with milk, provided your tea isn’t green or fermented, you will probably enjoy both chai lattes and this ice cream approximation. And if you’re drinking non-traditional teas to begin with, you’re probably adventurous enough to try this anyway, unless you’re lactose intolerant in which case I’m sorry I bothered you. You can go back to your Kombucha now.

Eating this ice cream made me realize just how deeply being an adult has managed to crush my once free spirit. I seriously forgot how utterly devoted I once was to this beverage. On winter evenings, chai thawed me out, perked me up, and made Bleak House and the political parts of Anna Karenina bearable.

Yet, somehow, I let that love fade away. Thanks to the cruelties of the real world, coffee’s insidious and unshakable grip has taken over my life. This ice cream, though, threatens to break that stranglehold and lead me back to my old standard. It’s very creamy, very indulgent, very pretty-pretty princess turned haggard queen watching romantic comedies from 1998 with a guinea pig as her only companion. It’s the kind of comfort food people on TLC bizarre-mega-weight-loss-o-rama night specials would refer to as a true friend.

If you’re able to find a pint in your area, I highly recommend diving into it, maybe even stockpiling a few just in the case they mean business with the “limited edition” label. This might finally be the ice cream we’ve all been looking for that turns regrets into happiness. Maybe. Shut up. IT COULD HAPPEN.

(Nutrition Facts – ½ cup – 250 calories, 140 calories from fat, 16 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 80 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 10% calcium, 10% Vitamin A, 0% Vitamin C and 0% iron.)

Item: Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Sweet Chai Latte
Price: $3.99
Size: 14 ounces
Purchased at: Ralph’s Fresh Fare
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: Ranch dip. 2ge+ther. Revenge. Mom’s sweet tea. Package tries adorably hard to appear mature. Ice cream made of real, identifiable ingredients. German Christmas cookie spices. Creaminess. My pet guinea pig.
Cons: Junior high. Time travel tangents. Evil trash cans blocking garage doors I want to open. The cruel realities of adulthood. Contains many more calories than an iced chai latte while accomplishing the same goals. Lactose intolerant sector once again snubbed. Nightmares caused by TLC specials.

REVIEW: Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Caramel Apple Pie

Haagen Dazs Caramel Apple Pie

Häagen-Dazs is quite possibly the Mercedes-Benz of the ice cream world. Both exhibit high quality in their respective industries and both have the letter Z in the second word of their names. Okay, maybe I’m making this comparison because I watched a marathon of Top Gear episodes thanks to Netflix.

But for Americans, when they imagine a European luxury car maker, they’ll probably think Mercedes Benz, and when they imagine a European premium ice cream, they’ll probably think Häagen-Dazs.

However, there’s a problem with that, because Häagen-Dazs is, and has always been, an American company. It’s as American as apple pie, baseball, and people suing fast food companies for making them fat. Now I could say I knew Häagen-Dazs has been an American company all this time, but like George Washington, I cannot tell a lie, and I blame the umlaut-ed A for my ignorance.

Umlaut! Thou trickery shall not be forgotten and I shall place you under a lowercase L, the number one, or a Sheffer stroke to shame you.

With the knowledge that Häagen-Dazs is an American company and apple pie is as American as…itself, I think the Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Caramel Apple Pie ice cream is the most patriotic ice cream ever. Although some might say, Ben & Jerry’s Stephen Colbert’s AmeriCone Dream is the most patriotic ice cream, but the only way it could be more patriotic than the Limited Edition Caramel Apple Pie is if it contained actual chunks of Mr. Colbert or a gooey swirl of his Formula 401.

The Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Caramel Apple Pie, a.k.a. The Most American Ice Cream, is made up of apple ice cream, chunks of apples, caramel swirls, and chunks of pie crust. When combined, it’s as if I’m eating an American flag that’s been wrapped around the U.S. Constitution, which has been stuffed with the Bill of Rights that contains grounded bits of other things I learned in grade school social studies, all of which has been covered with lots of cinnamon, which is the most dominate flavor in the Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Caramel Apple Pie.

Haagen Dazs Caramel Apple Pie Topless

The apple ice cream is what you expect from a Häagen-Dazs ice cream: creamy, easy to scoop, and something so deliciously right, but yet, so addictively wrong. The apple and pie crust chunks were small, and in about 60 percent of the spoonfuls I took from the 14-ounce container, I ended up with either a chunk of apple or a chunk of pie crust. But having a spoonful with both was extremely rare.

The apple chunks brought a little more apple flavor beyond the apple ice cream, and it was nice having them in there to provide the crisp texture of apples. I guess having actual apple chunks are one of the little things that makes Häagen-Dazs a premium American ice cream maker. The buttery pie crust chunks were one of the best parts of the ice cream, because when mixed with the apple ice cream, it tastes somewhat similar to an actual apple pie. As for the caramel, despite being a focal ingredient of this ice cream, it doesn’t really stand out, nor does it complement anything. It sort of gets lost within the cinnamon, which is fine by me.

Overall, I like the Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Caramel Apple Pie ice cream, although I do wish it had more pie crust chunks. The combination of apple ice cream and cinnamon is a winner, but at the same time it makes me yearn for a real apple pie a la mode.

Oh wait, that’s not the American way to say it. I meant to say, apple pie served with ice cream.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 250 calories, 130 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, and 8% calcium.)

Item: Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Caramel Apple Pie
Price: $4.19
Size: 14 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: U-S-A! Apple ice cream and cinnamon make an awesome combination. Creamy. Apple ice cream and pie crust chunks make an awesome combination. Apple chunks added a little more apple flavor and a nice crisp texture. Eating apple pie while watching baseball with a bald eagle perched on my shoulder make an awesome combination. Top Gear. Netflix. Fun with punctuations. U-S-A!
Cons: Only 14 ounces. Not a satisfying substitute for apple pie served with ice cream. Small chunks of pie crust and apples. Not enough chunks of pie crust and apples. The umlaut tricking me into thinking Häagen-Dazs is a European company.

REVIEW: Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble

Haagen Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble

This past holiday weekend, I had the pleasure of visiting the mile-high city of Denver. I saw the Rocky Mountains, miles and miles of rolling amber prairie, and the giant Zombie Demon Horse at the airport.

Oh, you’ve never heard of this nightmarish equine fiend from Hell?

It’s a thing of rare, unmitigated monstrousness with its jagged, shiny metal form, gaping mouth, wildly probing tongue, and glowing red eyes. It fuels dark visions of the end times and makes one wonder whether the city of Denver is the ideal location for a zombie demon invasion, what with the mountains providing protection from the hordes of undead monsters and all. It also invites speculation as to whether the airport’s Zombie Demon Horse, itself, would be the thing that allows these foul creatures to enter our dimension. Would this 32-foot statue be the glowing, neon sign that declares “Denver is Open for Zombie Demon Business?” I only mention this Zombie Demon Horse because it has exactly one thing in common with the new Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble ice cream: It’s blue.

Haagen Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble Open Carton

Much like being subjected to night-terror-inducing public works of art, it isn’t often that we encounter naturally-occurring blue food. I can count all the blue foods I’ve eaten on one hand: blue potatoes, blue corn chips, bleu cheese (it’s the mold that’s blue), and, of course, blueberries. There is no shortage of blueberries in Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble, which gives it a nice, violet color. It’s smooth and isn’t clumpy, which certain types of fruity ice cream seem to be.

With my first bite, I was wowed by the Blueberry Crumble’s flavorful combination of real blueberries and fresh cream. The packaging boasts of ripe, simmered blueberries, and frankly, I think they’ve hit a home run with the recipe. Nothing about it tastes artificial – this is made from real fruit. A quick scan of the ingredients lists confirms a refreshing lack of chemical additives and preservatives.

Haagen Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble Scoops

The texture of the ice cream is smooth and dense, and the crushed blueberries are evenly mixed throughout. However, the “cobbler crust crumbles” – tiny pieces of buttery cobbler that have been folded into the ice cream — are not as plentiful as we are led to believe. Every third bite may include some of the crumble, but overall, it’s mostly blueberry-flavored ice cream. Not what I expected, since the label strongly suggests that you’ll be digging into something that would be at least 50 percent crumbly. The tiny bits of cobbler taste yummy and are an interesting addition, but the pieces aren’t large enough and don’t add much to the experience. The Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble is tasty, but I wish it was bursting with cobbler crumbles.

The Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble may be just the thing to have in the mountains while we’re taking shelter from the zombie demon apocalypse. It’s pretty cold up there, so we can leave the ice cream just about anywhere. In fact, it may be the only thing we’ll have to eat for months, since the power grid will go down within three hours of the Zombie Demon Horse’s clarion call to arms for the denizens of the Underworld. I suggest you start stocking up on Blueberry Crumble now and head for the hills.

(Nutrition Facts- ½ cup (102 grams) –250 calories, 140 calories from fat, 15 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 21 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 0% vitamin A, 8% calcium, 0% vitamin C and 0% iron.)

Item: Häagen-Dazs Limited Edition Blueberry Crumble
Price: $3.99
Size: 14 ounces
Purchased at: Vons
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Made from real blueberries and fresh cream. Blue foods are rare. Smooth and dense texture. Violet. The majestic beauty of the Rocky Mountains. Yummy buttery crust crumbles. Delicious, ice-cream-based survival.
Cons: Zombie Demon Horses. Misleading label. Terrifying works of public art. Cobbler crust crumbles are small and don’t add much to the experience. Wildly probing tongues. Gateway airports to the Underworld.