REVIEW: Limited Edition Häagen-Dazs Bananas Foster

The main ingredients that make up the hoity-toity dessert, Bananas Foster, is bananas, vanilla ice cream and the warm sauce that tops it all. Sounds good, right? But that’s not the best part. The sauce is made from butter, brown sugar, dark rum, and banana liqueur. That sounds even better, but that’s not the best part. The best part is when the alcohol is added and it ignites like an outdoor Weber grill filled with lighter fluid-soaked pieces of charcoal.

As you can see, Bananas Foster is a dessert made with ingredients that all sorts of folks will enjoy. Sweet tooths will love the ice cream, alcoholics will love the rum, monkeys will love the bananas and pyromaniacs will love the fire. Unfortunately, the Limited Edition Häagen-Dazs Bananas Foster Ice Cream doesn’t include the fiery theatrics of the dessert it attempts to emulate, but it does have the bananas, sugar AND rum.

Yes, there is actual rum in this concoction, but it’s listed at the bottom of the ingredients list, which means you’ll get diarrhea way before you get drunk if you attempt to get hammered with this ice cream.

The Häagen-Dazs Bananas Foster Ice Cream is made up of two components: banana ice cream and brown sugar rum swirls. It smells like banana bread, but tastes like heaven, if the clouds in heaven were yellow and they rained brown sugar and cinnamon and occasionally spritzed rum. The banana ice cream has a strong flavor, but thankfully it isn’t artificial, like most of Heidi Montag’s body. The banana, brown sugar, cinnamon and rum create an awesome, creamy combination that will help you forget about an ex-boyfriend or any other stereotypical scenario seen in movies or on television where eating ice cream is used to help one cope or as encouragement for children to be victorious in the sport they are participating in.

I can’t say whether or not this ice cream tastes like Bananas Foster because I’m too poor to eat at any of the fine dining establishments that offer the dessert and, just like cavemen and mummies, I’m terrified of fire.

However, if Bananas Foster tastes just as titillating as the Limited Edition Häagen-Dazs Bananas Foster Ice Cream, I’ll look forward to the day when I can afford to eat at a fine dining establishment, be called “sir” by the employees, drink out of real crystal glasses that make noises when glide my finger around the rim and, after building up some courage, order Bananas Foster — with a side order of fire extinguisher.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 240 calories, 13 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A and 10% calcium.)

Item: Limited Edition Häagen-Dazs Bananas Foster
Price: $3.99
Size: 14 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Damn good. Smells like banana bread. Banana ice cream doesn’t have an artificial taste. Creamy good. Will help you forget about exes and encourage children to be victorious in sports, if you believe what you seen on television or in the movies.
Cons: Can’t get drunk off of the rum in the ice cream. This ice cream doesn’t have any fiery theatrics. Only available until December. Doesn’t come in a full pint size. Heidi Montag before her plastic surgery. Heidi Montag after her plastic surgery. Fire.

REVIEW: Haagen-Dazs Five Ginger Ice Cream

Haagen Dazs Five Ginger

When I’m faced with a fork in the road, I take the path that’s less traveled because I like a little adventure in my life and I don’t like the sloppy seconds I’d get with the other, well-used road. I could’ve purchased a normal, safe flavor in new Haagen-Dazs Five Ice Cream line, like vanilla bean, milk chocolate, mint or coffee, but I decided to go with the most unconventional (i.e. f’ed up) flavor instead — ginger.

What makes the new Haagen-Dazs Five Ice Cream line so special is that it contains only five ingredients — milk, cream, eggs, sugar and ginger.

I guess the love they put into it isn’t considered an ingredient.

Since it already contains sugar and spice, all Haagen-Dazs needs is everything nice and some Chemical X and they can probably make their own Powerpuff Girl. They can name her Beauty, if she turns out beautiful, or Bonbon, if she turns out fat.

Much like you don’t expect quality, wholesome programming that stars people you don’t want to punch in the face from MTV, you probably don’t expect a confectionary company to make a ginger-flavored ice cream. It doesn’t seem right because, like beer and Japanese tentacle rape porn, ginger is an acquired taste. And that taste is something I have yet to truly acquire, which I know for a fact because the gag reflexes tell me so. I don’t like ginger snaps, ginger ale or the pickled ginger that comes with my sushi, but I do think redheads are frickin’ hot.

While I do not care for the taste of ginger, for some reason I enjoyed mild ginger flavor of the Haagen-Dazs Five Ginger Ice Cream. Although the first time I tried it, I did something that every valley girl is very familiar with — I gagged myself with a spoon.

The very first taste was a little harsh, but I quickly got over it. I could definitely taste and smell the ginger, and there were even small bits of ginger mixed in with the ice cream, but for some reason the other four ingredients made it extremely palatable. I think the reason why enjoyed the flavor was because after the initial ginger, the flavor kind of reminded me of egg nog, which I love and is the cause of my inflated manboobs during holiday season.

The texture of the Haagen-Dazs Five Ginger Ice Cream wasn’t as creamy as their regular ice cream, which was disappointing. It does have less fat than regular Haagen-Dazs ice cream, but eating a whole pint by yourself in one sitting while getting over a breakup won’t make it seem less like a cliched scene from a romantic comedy.

Overall, I was surprised I enjoyed it, but I was hoping the ginger in it could do a little more, since it’s known as an effective way to treat nausea. It didn’t work when I felt nauseous while watching vile, meaningless programming that stars people I want to punch in the face on MTV, so I don’t think it will work after a rough boat ride.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 230 calories, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 22 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A and 10% calcium.)

Item: Haagen-Dazs Five Ginger Ice Cream
Price: $4.49
Size: 14 ounces
Purchased at: Foodland
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Surprisingly pleasant taste. It kind of tastes like egg nog. Less fat than regular Haagen-Dazs ice cream. Contains five all-natural ingredients. Being adventurous and taking the road less traveled. Redheads.
Cons: If you don’t like ginger, you probably won’t like this. Not as creamy as regular Haagen-Dazs ice cream. Will still make you fat. The vile, meaningless programming that stars people I want to punch in the face on MTV. Sloppy seconds.