REVIEW: SPAM Breaded Pork Patties

SPAM Breaded Pork Patties

I had HUGE plans for these SPAM Breaded Pork Patties.

I hoped to top one with pineapple chutney and then put it on a bed of homemade coleslaw with a side of mashed sweet potatoes.

Then I wanted to drizzle another one with a made-from-scratch barbecue sauce, top it with a slice of smoked gouda and coleslaw, and put in a toasted King’s Hawaiian dinner roll.

Another idea was to place it on a bed of steaming rice, smother that with gravy made from SPAM drippings, top all that with a fried quail egg, and then add a side of coleslaw.

However, much like I have no idea why coleslaw is involved with every recipe, I also have no idea how to make chutney, mashed sweet potatoes, barbecue sauce, gravy from SPAM drippings, or coleslaw. So none of my HUGE plans came to fruition.

SPAM Breaded Pork Patties Curry

Instead, I added them to my Japanese curry, which I do know how to make because it only involves boiling the water the curry mix dissolves in. I also stuck one in a breakfast sandwich for SPAMs and giggles. In both preparations, they were enjoyable.

SPAM Breaded Pork Patties Frozen

SPAM Breaded Pork Patties Baked

The patties, of which there are 18, look smaller than slices one would get from a slab of SPAM, even with the breading. I’m talking width and length. When it comes to thickness, the image on the box doesn’t accurately show how thin they are in real life.

SPAM Breaded Pork Patties Thin

There are three ways to prepare the frozen patties — oven, stovetop, or air fryer. I went with my toaster oven because my kitchen hasn’t moved into the present with all those fancy doodads, like them Instagram Neti Pots and sous-veni-vidi-vici cookers.

The breading isn’t heavily seasoned, so the porky and slightly greasy SPAM flavor comes through, but it’s dampened a little from the coating. The crust also covers up the pinkness of the processed pork product, which has known to turn off taste buds. The breading also has a satisfying crispiness, especially along the edges, that maintained its texture with curry. In the breakfast sandwich, not surprisingly, it tasted like the canned meat in a breakfast sandwich. Although, the patty looked kind of ridiculous in it.

SPAM Breaded Pork Patties Sandwich

Of course, if you hate SPAM, these aren’t going to change your mind about the product.

I regularly eat SPAM, but I don’t buy cans of it because the introvert in me hates having to ask store employees to release a few from under lock and key. My consumption comes from pre-cooked foods that have it, like SPAM Musubi or whatever our fast food chains offer.

But these breaded SPAM patties are something I’d buy again because they’re not behind anything to thwart shoplifters, their flavor has that recognizable porky taste I enjoy, they have a crispy exterior, they seem to be versatile, and they’re extremely convenient.

Maybe next time I’ll be more creative with them.

Purchased Price: $9.59
Size: 27 oz./18 patties
Purchased at: Costco
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 patties) 290 calories, 22 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 33 milligrams of cholesterol, 700 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Heinz Honeyracha and Mayoracha Saucy Sauces

Heinz Honeyracha and Mayoracha Saucy Sauces

Heinz, who seems to produce every condiment under the sun, doesn’t sell its own sriracha.

However, for years, the company has offered ketchup tinged with the hot sauce, which I think is mediocre. Of course, the sriracha of choice for me and every pho restaurant I’ve been to is the one from Huy Fong that’s also called, “Rooster Sauce.” Its dominance is probably the reason why Heinz doesn’t have sriracha. Even if it did, my loyalty to Rooster Sauce would never waver. Cock-a-doodle-doo!

However, Heinz Honeyracha and Mayoracha Saucy Sauces, despite having names that my phone’s autocorrect wants to turn into “honey reachable” and “mayor’s chair,” respectively, are some damn good hybrid sriracha sauces…if paired with the right foods.

Heinz Honeyracha Saucy Sauces with Fries

At first, I tried both with Jack in the Box’s French fries. Honeyracha’s sweet and peppery flavor from the combination of honey and sriracha did okay with the fried potato sticks. But fries and Mayoracha, a combo of mayonnaise and sriracha, tasted as if they were meant for each other. Yes, it’s pretty much a fry sauce (the mayo and ketchup combo that originated in Utah), but with a spicy kick.

Heinz Mayoracha Saucy Sauces with Fries

I love fries to death, but I love them with this peppery and garlicky mayo even more. After trying a few dipped in Honeyracha, I spent the rest of my fries with the creamy dip and was sad when every bit of fried potato was gone. I was even sadder when my wife, who says she loves me, swatted away my hand as I tried to steal some of her curly fries.

Both sauces have a level of spiciness that I’d consider mild. On my heat scale, they register a two or three.

Honeyracha didn’t get much action with the fast food side, but with every taste of the sauce, all I could think about was how it would be awesome with some chicken nuggets. In fact, its sweet and tangy flavor is very similar to McDonald’s BBQ Sauce, but with a peppery and spicy kick.

Heinz Honeyracha Saucy Sauces with Nuggets

Because I couldn’t get the thought of using Honeyracha as a dip for nuggets out of my head, I had to return to Jack in the Box to get some of its bite-sized breaded chicken. When I was able to bring the two together, I was not surprised they paired wonderfully.

What was surprising was how well the honey and sriracha condiment did in a turkey sandwich. What was even more unexpected, since mayo and sandwiches come together often, was how I didn’t care for Mayoracha in another turkey sandwich I made.

I’m sure I’ll find other ways to use both sauces. But if I don’t, I’d be happy if I ended up using the rest of the Mayoracha with fries and all the remaining Honeyracha with chicken nuggets and turkey sandwiches.

DISCLOSURE: I received free samples of the products. Doing so did not influence my review in any way. Although, it totally seems like it. But I assure you it did not.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 20.2 oz. bottle (Honeyracha), 16.6 oz.
bottle (Mayoracha)
Purchased at: Received from Heinz
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Honeyracha), 8 out of 10 (Mayoracha)
Nutrition Facts: (2 tbsp) Honeyracha – 70 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 340 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 14 grams of added sugar, and 0 grams of protein Mayoracha – 180 calories, 19 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 1 gram of added sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sonic Red Bull Summer Edition Watermelon Slush

Sonic Red Bull Summer Edition Watermelon Slush

What is Sonic’s Red Bull Summer Edition Watermelon Slush?

Can I interest you in a frozen watermelon flavored Red Bull?

How is it?

It’s cool, it’s refreshing, and it hits the spot. That’s not to say it delivers on the whole “energy drink” aspect of it all.

I enjoyed Summer Edition Watermelon Red Bull when I reviewed it because it actually amped me up. The watermelon flavor was a little on the sour and unripe side, but there was no mistaking it was a Red Bull.

It’s pretty much the opposite here. This tastes like a slightly watered-down Watermelon Slush Puppy, all the way down to the consistency of the ice.

Without knowing it was a Red Bull based drink, you’d probably barely notice. Without carbonation, you lose that “jolt” of a typical Red Bull, and the ice and watermelon mask that unmistakable flavor.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Sonic Red Bull Summer Edition Watermelon Slush Closeup

I’ve always preferred Slurpees to Slush Puppy style frozen drinks. I like the very fine ice mush as opposed to the course little pebbles of ice you get from a Slush Puppy machine. For some reason, one big sip is an instant brain freeze. I can feel the little ice shards scraping against the roof of my mouth and it instantly sets off that pain alarm in my cranium. Gulpers beware!

Sonic didn’t seem to offer this in a small, which would have been my preferred size.

Also, Sonic, I think it’s time to get a grip on using Styrofoam cups, no? Sure, plastic isn’t exactly MUCH better, but at least I can pretend that won’t be laying in a landfill for the rest of my life. But I digress…

Conclusion:

It may be a strange summer, but this is worth a buy if you want a quick burst of cool refreshment. It’s sweeter than the Red Bull it mimics, but you won’t get a headache from all the sugar – you’ll get it from the ice.

Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: Medium
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 250 calories, 0 grams of fat, 75 milligrams of sodium, 65 grams of total carbohydrates, 65 grams of total sugars, 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Flamin’ Hot Doritos Locos Tacos

Taco Bell Flamin Hot Doritos Locos Tacos

In 2012, arguably, the most important fast food creation of the past twenty years hit our national gullet, the Doritos Locos Taco, available in Nacho Cheese and, soon after, Cool Ranch. Only the tastiest thinkers at Taco Bell could have come up with them, and, in return, a hungry America turned these tacos into a nationwide obsession.

I’m happy to say that I’m able to relive that minor passion with the recently released Taco Bell Flamin’ Hot Doritos Locos Taco. It’s a snack food that, with one burning bite, will take us back to those carefree times eight years ago when procuring a Locos Taco was the only pressing thing on our minds.

Taco Bell Flamin Hot Doritos Locos Tacos Innards

A daunting mix of the usual blend of seasoned ground beef, cheddar cheese, and cool lettuce, the star here is the crunchy taco itself: a full Doritos Locos shell covered in the fiery Flamin’ Hot powdery foodstuff. It’s a thick layer that’ll leave even the most casual of taco noshers licking their fingertips seductively just to catch every burning bit.

With a bit of salt to tease the coming heat, though flimsy, the shell truly is another one of Taco Bell’s orchestral delights. It fills the cheeks with an uncompromising heat that actually improves the somewhat rote innards. Take each bite slowly and with meaning to catch the exact moment when it goes from merely hot to Flamin’ Hot.

It’s a momentary slap of fast food sense upside the head, one that is much needed these days.

Taco Bell Flamin Hot Doritos Locos Tacos Standing

And while, unlike the loved Cool Ranch and beloved Nacho Cheese varieties, it might be a bit difficult to down more than two of these at a time, as the Flamin’ Hot variety is far more of an unholy expert’s taco. It’s one for the practiced professional that needs this heat in their life, perhaps with a dash of Diablo sauce for tongue-searing reimbursement.

Purchased Price: $1.89
Size: N/A
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 170 calories, 10 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 380 milligrams of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 3 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Jalapeno Cheddar Bites

Burger King Jalapeno Cheddar Bites

What are Burger King Jalapeño Cheddar Bites?

Do you enjoy jalapeño poppers from other fast food chains, like those from Sonic and Jack in the Box?

Well, Burger King’s version is basically the same thing, but in a more convenient bite-sized format with a golden deep fried coating that hides a gorgeous glob of a tangy cheddar with tiny jalapeño bits swimming in it.

How are they?

While it would be easy to compare BK’s Jalapeño Cheddar Bites to something like its gimmicky Chicken Fries or Cheesy Tots, these mouth-filling morsels manage to move past that and land almost in a full-meal territory. A bag of eight eat-em-ups can fill almost anyone’s tummy with their somewhat spicy/definitely cheesy goodness.

Burger King Jalapeno Cheddar Bites Innards

Dipping sauce is not necessary.

The peppers provide a suitable enough heat, at least for most of the BK-buying public. While I wish it was a bit hotter, the big bites taste like chile con queso.

Is there anything else you need to know?

I purchased the stacked 8-pack for $2.09, but there is a smaller 4-bite set that runs a whole buck for smaller snack-addicts.

Conclusion:

A win from Burger King, the Jalapeño Cheddar Bites deliver more cheese than heat, but here that’s a great thing that works in its favor and flavor.

Purchased Price: $2.09
Size: 8-piece
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 pieces) 327 calories, 19 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 24 milligrams of cholesterol, 907 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 9 grams of protein.