Melon Creamy Soda

Melon Creamy Soda

I was going to do this review in Japanese with an English translation, but I realized I earned four C’s and a D in the five semesters of Japanese I took in college and all I remember is how to count to ten.

Ichi, ni, san, shi, go, roku…DAMMIT!!! SON OF A BI…I can’t even count to ten!

The reason why I wanted to do the review in Japanese was because today’s review has an international flair to it.

Impulsive Buy reader, Alex, complained the other day about the fact she couldn’t buy Jell-O Oreo Instant Pudding in Japan.

I thought about sending her a box, but decided that doing a review on a product she can get in Japan would be about 50 cents cheaper for the Impulsive Buy. (Yes, I know I’m a cheap-ass bastard, but maybe I’ll make it a prize in the next prize drawing.)

Anyway, being halfway between Japan and the continental United States, we get a lot of Japanese food items, Japanese tourists, and Japanese porn.

The convenience store down the street has a few products that Alex can probably find in Japan. One was Asahi, which in Japanese means, the Budweiser of Japan. I also came across Melon Creamy Soda, which in Japanese means, (prepare for the worst language translation joke ever) Melon Creamy Soda.

I was kind of skeptical of trying Melon Creamy Soda because I had tried a melon soda from Fanta, which scared me. Of course Fanta has made other things that have scared me, like their television commercials.

Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta. Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta.

UGH!!!

SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW! I’VE GOT THAT DAMN SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD!

Melon Creamy Soda is not bad, but I couldn’t really taste the melon part. It actually tastes more like a regular cream soda.

If it was cheaper I would buy more of it, but at $1.99 for a 16.5-ounce bottle, I’ll only buy it if it can cure the common cold and help me get rid of this DAMN Fanta song stuck in my head.

Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta. Wanta Fanta. Don’cha wanta.

Don’t forget to enter this month’s prize drawing. See yesterday’s review for details.


Item: Melon Creamy Soda
Purchase Price: $1.99
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Cream soda flavor. Good.
Cons: What melon flavor? Expensive, but I guess if it’s imported from Japan, it should be. Damn Fanta song!

Mountain Dew LiveWire

Mountain Dew LiveWire

Mountain Dew LiveWire. Originally released last summer. Re-released this summer. It’s not summer anymore, but they still sell it. Will probably be re-re-released next summer. I like it. I usually call it Mountain Dew orange. After drinking a Mountain Dew, I feel so xtreme. I want to do a 50-50 railslide on a skateboard, or do a tailwhip 540 on a BMX bike, or do a nac-nac backflip on a motorcycle. If given the choice between original Mountain Dew and Mountain Dew LiveWire, I would pick the original Mountain Dew.

Okay, now that I’ve got the mandatory review part out of the way, I can talk about the new prize drawing.

About a month ago The Impulsive Buy held it’s first ever prize drawing. We gave away six Oral-B Brush-Ups.

We think the people who received them were very happy because these Brush-Ups are a good way to freshen their breath in case they ever found themselves in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car.

For our second prize drawing, we will be giving away SEVEN Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipes, which won’t help you if you ever found yourself in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car.

Oh wait, now that we think about it…

If you find yourself in a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car with someone who isn’t your significant other, you can use the Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipe to wipe away any lipstick or mask any perfume/cologne, so that your significant other won’t find out that you had a spontaneous make out session in the back seat of a car with someone else.

Anyway, we reviewed them last month and here’s your chance to win one (1) Wet Ones Kids Antibacterial Wipe.

To enter the drawing, just leave a comment for THIS review. Also, so that we don’t seem like comment whores, you can also enter by sending us an email with the phrase “Wet Ones” in the subject field.

If you leave a comment, don’t forget to fill out the email field, because we will be emailing winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, we will take care of that.

We will start accepting entries for the drawing on November 17, 2004. We will stop accepting entries on November 21, 2004 at 11:59 pm (Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person.

Entries will be stuffed into a jar that used to hold mayonnaise and still smells like mayonnaise. Winning entries will be drawn from this jar and will probably smell like mayonnaise.

For those of you who’ve never won anything in your life, here’s your chance to finally boost your self-esteem and be a winner, like all the competitors at the Special Olympics.

Fine Print: We promise your email address will not be used to send you spam about Levitra or getting a free iPod. We also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you loan offers or offers for DSL. Bribes will not be accepted. We will not be responsible for lost mail.


Item: Mountain Dew LiveWire
Purchase Price: $1.29
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: It’s good. Orangy. Same amount of caffeine as regular MD, but not as good as regular MD. Makes me want to be xtreme.
Cons: Limited edition. Causes me to incorrectly spell the word “extreme.”

Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus

Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus

They say that pink is the new black and it’s the color everyone should have.

Since I always yearn to be cool and hip, I decided to get some pink in my life. I did this by buying a Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus. However, instead of being cool and hip, it seemed like I was losing my masculinity.

I felt so girly buying something pink. Part of me felt like I should pick up some wine coolers and tampons as well.

It’s like the testosterone in me was being sucked out. The feeling was very similar to the one I got whenever I stepped into a Hello Kitty store.

While I waited in line to pay for the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus, the girl in front of me told her friend how cute the color of the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus was and how it totally match her pink top.

I totally agreed! I also thought her friend’s shoes were really cute and I wanted to know where she got them from.

When I got back from the store, I decided to try the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus. While drinking it, I had the sudden urge to plop on the couch, watch the movie Beaches and paint my nails.

Please don’t ask me what I’m doing with nail polish and a copy of Beaches.

So what mix of berries do they use in the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus? According to the label, it looked like strawberry and raspberry. There’s also a little bit of apple juice, which the last time I checked, wasn’t a berry.

I guess apple is becoming the new berry.

It also contains Splenda, which I hear is the new Nutrasweet.

Unfortunately, the taste of the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus was very light, like a really bad diet soda. I guess when it contains ten calories, two grams of carbs, and one gram of sugar, you can’t expect much taste, but those numbers will definitely help prevent my ass from looking huge in those cute jeans I just bought.

After finishing the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus, allowing my crimson passion-colored nails to dry, and using half a box of tissues while watching Beaches, I felt myself getting manly again.

I wanted to speed up the process, so I plopped on the couch again, flipped on ESPN, and looked through my collection of Playboy magazines.

Within a few hours, I felt like barbequing.


Item: Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus
Purchase Price: $0.99 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: A little vitamin C and calcium. Low calories. Low sugar. Low carbs.
Cons: Very light taste. Caffeine free. Somewhat emasculating.

Shasta Tiki Punch

Shasta Tiki Punch

Some people in this world have called me a “cheap bastard.” These people include: women I’ve dated, panhandlers outside of my local convenience store, family members on Christmas Day, and Girl Scouts selling cookies.

However, I like to think of myself as “very financially responsible.”

Sure, I try to find ways here and there to save money and I haggle with Girl Scouts, but that doesn’t make me cheap, it makes me smart. Think about it. If you saved a penny every day for a year, you would have $3.64.

Now you’re probably asking yourself, “What the hell can I get for just $3.64?”

Well you can get the refreshing goodness of FOUR Shasta Tiki Punches, the focus of our review today.

Now when I say FOUR Shasta Tiki Punches, I’m not talking about some tiny 12-ounce can. Nor am I talking about some wimpy 20-ounce bottle. I’m talking about a 24-ounce grande bottle, baby! Twenty-four ounces of sugary and carbonated goodness for, get this, just 89 cents.

It’s not a sale price. I didn’t get an employee discount. I didn’t buy it out of the trunk of some shady guy’s car. It’s the frickin’ regular price!

What does Tiki Punch taste like? It’s like a mixture of lemon-lime soda and fruit punch, and it is mighty damn good. There are other flavors in the Shasta family that are in stock at my local convenience store, like cola and orange, but the Tiki Punch stands out.

Hmmm, if only the panhandlers that hang out at my local convenience store would just drink Tiki Punch instead of whatever alcohol they have hidden in their brown paper bags. The loose change they bother and harass people for would surely last a lot longer.

Then again, the sugar in the Tiki Punch would probably rot their teeth, because I don’t think they practice any form of oral hygiene.

But now that I think about it, with the money they’re saving by buying the Tiki Punch, they could probably afford toothpaste and a toothbrush.

Although the Tiki Punch is cheap, it might confuse you when I say the only problem with it is the fact that it is so cheap.

Let me explain.

At the same convenience store I bought the 24-ounce, 89-cent Shasta Tiki Punch from, a 20-ounce bottled water costs 99 cents. The Tiki Punch is sooo cheap, that it’s cheaper than water.

There’s something slightly unsettling about that.


Item: Shasta Tiki Punch
Purchase Price: $0.89
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Damn cheap. No need to haggle with convenience store workers. 24 ounces. A better option for panhandlers.
Cons: Cheaper than bottled water.

REVIEW: Diet Sprite Zero

Diet Sprite Zero

“Dump that zero and get with the hero,” apparently is an effective pick-up line, because it has been used by other men to cause all my past dates to walk out on me.

Because of this I used to think that being a zero was a bad thing, but along comes Diet Sprite Zero, which reminds me a lot of myself. No color. No carbs. No caffeine. No sugar. No fat. No protein. No personality. No knowledge on how to please a woman.

Because the Diet Sprite Zero had none of the above, I thought that it wasn’t going to have any taste, again just like me.

I was surprised and jealous that it actually had taste, and a pretty good taste I might add. Well I guess I can still hope that the Diet Sprite Zero doesn’t know how to please a woman.

I wondered how a beverage with almost the same characteristics as water could taste so good.

Well I didn’t really find the answer in the ingredients list on the bottle, but I did find something interesting. There were two words that stood out, not because they were printed in bold, but because I have no idea how to pronounce them: phenylketonurics and phenylalanine.

(Just a note to all those young folks who aspire to be future spelling bee champs. You should try to remember these two words and when you win the National Spelling Bee by spelling the word “phenylketonurics,” please remember to thank me.)

Hmm, let’s look up these words in a dictionary.

Phenylketonurics: relating to a genetic disorder of phenylalanine metabolism, which, if untreated, causes severe brain damage and progressive mental retardation.

Um, excuse me. I’ll be right back.

(Puking sounds)

(5 minutes later)

Okay, now where were we. Aaah, yes.

Phenylalanine: an essential amino acid, occurring in proteins.

Just to make sure everything was all right and I wasn’t going to end up “special,” I Googled the two words and I think my bulimic-like actions were a little premature. Despite the scary definition of “phenylketonurics,” I assure you that most of us have nothing to fear.

That’s the short answer, but if you want the long, technical, and boring answer, read this.

Diet Sprite Zero surprised me in many ways. Despite its lack of sugar, calories, fat, and carbs, it’s a good tasting beverage.

I guess sometimes it really is better to be the zero than the hero.


Item: Diet Sprite Zero
Purchase Price: $1.29 (20 oz.)
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Surprised that there actually is taste. No sugar, calories, fat, and carbs.
Cons: If you’re phenylketonuric, DON’T DRINK THIS!!!