The Week in Reviews – 9/20/2008

Need a break from TIB’s crass and immature writing? Here are product reviews from some of our favorite mature writers.

I guess adding the A1 Steak Sauce makes the Slider more slidable. (via The Message Whore)

Pfff. I don’t NEED the Turn on Love Energy Drink to get some sweet, sweet lovin’. All I need is a can of wine and a Sears Sunday ad insert turned to the page with all the ladies wearing underwear. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

Aloe is known for soothing sunburns on the outside, so I can only assume that the HiCHEW Aloe Yogurt is for relieving the burns from making out with a cheap hooker or the sun. (via Candyblog)

I will admit that I occasionally visit I Can Haz Cheezburger (and Cute Overload) to warm my cold, black heart. (via Pajiba)

The L.A. Minis: Crispy Chicken microwaveable sandwiches look so saggy and sad that they should visit L.A. plastic surgeon Dr. Robert Rey and get some augmentation. (via Heat Eat Review)

The Week in Reviews – 9/13/2008

Let’s take a gander at reviews from other blogs this week, because you probably need something to cleanse your palate after seeing the photo of the poop toothpaste.

This review of Lean Cuisine’s Chicken Chow Mein with Rice is, I’m guessing, the 10,000th Lean Cuisine review on Heat Eat Review. Well, at least it seems like it’s been that many and, sadly, there’s probably thousands more to go. (via Heat Eat Review)

Oooh! It’s like Superman fighting Bizarro Superman, except in toaster pastry form. (via Second Rate Snacks)

Geez, these two have been in so many movies together, but they haven’t made out once. (via Pajiba)

Blue Jeans Energy Drink doesn’t really get me excited in this day and age, but if they had it in Russia in the 1980s, they would be a big hit, because Russians LOVED blue jeans back then. (via Energy Drink Reviews)

A mac and cheese with 72% of the RDA for fiber in a cup serving? (Insert fart joke here) (via Iateapie)

Okay, it’s not a product review, but it’s hard not to post something about a cow parade. (via Mike’s Blender)

The Week in Reviews – 9/6/2008

Take a trip with me through some of this week’s reviews from other blogs because, admit it, you’re a little bored now that the Olympics are over.

I had an ex-girlfriend who liked the scent of the seasonal Pumpkin Spice Bath and Body Works body wash, but it was hard to find. I wanted to do something nice for her, so tracked some down on eBay and she later broke up with me. Candy Blog’s review of the Pumpkin Spice Kisses brought back memories of her. Thanks Cybele…I’m going to go cry in a corner now.

In order for me to have any desire to eat an Ore-Ida Twice Baked Potato, I’m probably going to have to be twice baked myself.

Oooh, gum so irritatingly cute that I want to gnaw them to death.

I’m disappointed that this wasn’t an autobiographical film.

I guess I should pimp my new blog, The Impulsive Download, which provides quasi-reviews of iPhone/iPod Touch applications. The first review? A $30 dictionary app that finally puts something thick into my pants.

The Week in Reviews – 3/29/2008

Slices of SPAM stored singly for single SPAM savants so they can savor the strange sustenance. Sooper!

I can’t believe I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter can believe that a fat free version can make people believe it’s not butter.

If you’re having a hard time getting fat with Starbucks coffee drinks, try getting fat with Starbucks chocolate and Starbucks truffles. You can’t get these with soy or skim milk.

If you ever see me feeding my future kids Lunchables that contain titanium dioxide, please turn me in to Child Protective Services. If you see me eating Lunchable that contain titanium dioxide, please leave me alone, because I am probably in really dark place at the moment.

Superhero Movie? Hmm…What genre of movie is not safe from bad parody? What’s next? Sci-Fi Movie? Documentary Movie? OH SHIT! I’ve giving them fucking ideas.

The Week in Reviews – 3/22/2008

There’s a Smuckers Uncrustables Peanut Butter & Honey Spread Sandwich for those lazy bastards who are too fucking lazy to make their own peanut butter and honey sandwich. Sign me up!

If you love movies with the director’s name in the title then Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns is the movie for you.

Anything that tastes “like a mix of chocolate and salty nuts” must be good. Oh wait, NOT THOSE kind of salty nuts. My bad.

Do you think the Limited Edition Haagen-Dazs Vanilla Honey Bee Ice Cream would be a limited edition if the bees all over the world weren’t disappearing? Whoa…I just blew my mind.

I’m waiting for a chip that tastes spicy, sweet, sour, salty, and bitter, just like my tears of despondency after eating Thai food. For now, I’ll have to settle for the Doritos Spicy Sweet Chili chips.

I’m afraid of products that look like the radioactive rod Homer Simpson throws out of his car during the Simpsons intro.