SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Heinz Pitmaster Collection 2017

Heinz Pitmaster Collection 2017

The Kansas City one is the only repeat from last year’s collection. There was a Carolina BBQ sauce, but it was a vinegar style sauce. Although I live in Hawaii, I have no idea what that Hawaii sauce tastes like. (Spotted by Josh G at Walmart.)

If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo, where you spotted it, and the hashtag #spotted. If you’ve tried the product, share your thoughts about it in the comments.

Also, if you want to send in photos and are wondering if we’ve already covered something, don’t worry about it. Let us worry about it.

REVIEW: Hostess Bakeshop CupCake Cookies

Hostess Bakeshop CupCake Cookies

Everyone has a soulmate snack cake. The one sugary, refined, packaged, and questionably delicious baked good that, despite what logic, fortune cookies, retrogrades of mercury, physician advice, and foreboding messages written in your toast imply, you adore. From SnoBalls to Zingers, Cosmic Brownies to Donettes, we all are star-crossed and bound to one.

And, while I may have had a few flings with a Star Crunch — and maybe a Zebra Cake or two — okay, I love them all. But today my heart’s matched to the Hostess CupCake. Who can resist the oddly fudgy cake? The sugary icing floof? The chocolatey ganache with eight sugary squiggles you can gobble right off the top??

And now they come in cookie form, which, as we well know this is the equivalent of the muffin top of the pastry world, doused in fudge and oozing with icing. I’m hungry just typing that. Let’s dive in!

Hostess Bakeshop CupCake Cookies 2

Texture-wise, this cookie’s a winner. It’s more cake-like than crispity-crunchity and deftly walks the line between being both fudgy and more fluffy-wuffy than a bunny sleeping on a TempurPedic in a field of dandelions. That fluffy-wuffiness (using scientific terms today) serves the cookie well as it contrasts with the smooth, crisp coating and sugary squiggle.

And the smell only makes everything better. Right out of the package, aromas of chocolate burst out like 15,000 ponies cascading into a Roman Coliseum. It smells of sugar! And cocoa! And that bizarre nutty-coffee sweetness that comes at the end of Dove dark chocolate! (Is there a name for this? Professional Linguist turned Chocolate Connoisseur: please help!)

That said, this top-notch smell doesn’t fully carry over when it comes to flavor. In fact, the cake tastes of very little: mainly flour, but also a hint of cocoa and Maxwell instant coffee. The chocolate coating helps things out by the hair of its chinny chin-chin.

It’s sugar-forward and tastes like Hershey’s milk chocolate while the sugary squiggle tastes of sugar… and maybe a hint of marshmallow? And while I was bummed to discover there was no fluffy icing filling inside (cue the sad tubas!), the coating itself is definitely a step up from that in the typical Hostess CupCake… although I’m pretty sure you could wax a car with that stuff.

Hostess Bakeshop CupCake Cookies 3

All in all, these buggers end up tasting like those soft-baked Snackwell’s chocolate cookies: a not-so-exciting cake with a sugary, semi-chocolatey icing. While they were tasty enough, I found myself dreaming nostalgically of that fluffy white filling in a regular Hostess CupCake. Without it, the cake lacks pizazz.

If you give these a whirl, I encourage smooshing two cookies together with ice cream and/or questionably emulsified (but impossibly delicious) whipped topping to mimic the effect. Without that? These will be but mediocre, and you deserve better than mediocre, dear reader! Do not settle for bland cookies. Otherwise, there will be sadness, the ship will be down, the Titanic will be sunk, and you will be floating on a makeshift raft made out of a door as you talk nonsense to your frozen lover while Celine Dion sings over flute music in the moonlight, and no matter how long you say, “I’ll never let go,” you gotta let go.

So I’m letting go of you, Hostess CupCake Cookies. Or at least not buying you again without a Costco-sized vat of whipped topping. I may have built you up as lofty dreams in my head, but, as Celine Dion prophesized in 1998, “my heart will go on and ooooon.”

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cookie – 110 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 11 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 1 pack/10 cookies
Purchased at: Von’s
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Fudgy, fluffy cookie texture. Chocolatey icing. Squiggles! 15,000 ponies cascading into a Roman Coliseum.
Cons: No fluffy filling. Chocolatey smell doesn’t fully carry over in flavor. Not-so-exciting cake flavor of flour and cheap coffee. May have Celine Dion song stuck in head for the rest of the day.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 4/20/2017

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

Odwalla Peachy Ginger and Hotter Melon Quenchers

Odwalla Peachy Ginger and Hotter-Melon Quenchers

Odwalla Mocha Latte and Snickerdoodle Almondmilk Shake

Odwalla Mocha Latte and Snickerdoodle Almondmilk Shake

Call me old fashioned, but I prefer my ginger in P.F. Chang’s dishes and my jalapeños in Asian fusion tacos. (Spotted by James D at Sandella’s.)

Dove Chocolates Real Mixed Berries and Cherry  Sea Salt Almond

Dove Chocolates Real Mixed Berries and Cherry & Sea Salt Almond

(Spotted by John W at CVS.)

Chocolove Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups

Chocolove Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups

Chocolove Milk Chocolate Almond Butter Cups

Chocolove Milk Chocolate Almond Butter Cups

Chocolove Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups

Chocolove Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups

Chocolove Dark Chocolate Almond Butter Cups

Chocolove Dark Chocolate Almond Butter Cups

Chocolove probably doesn’t want to read this, but I really chocolove Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. (Spotted by Rachel C at BYU Museam of Art Store.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo, where you spotted it, and the hashtag #spotted. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

Also, if you want to send in photos and are wondering if we’ve already covered something, don’t worry about it. Let us worry about it.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Blue Bunny Toffee Brownie Twist Ice Cream

Blue Bunny Toffee Brownie Twist Ice Cream

Toffee ice cream. Brownie chunks. Toffee pieces. Caramel swirls. I’m going to guess the caramel is the “twist.” That’s an M. Night Shamalan twist right there. But wait, isn’t it “M. Night Shyamalan”? That’s a twist too. I don’t double check my spelling. Two boring twist revealed in one caption. (Spotted by Josh C at Walmart.)

If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo, where you spotted it, and the hashtag #spotted. If you’ve tried the product, share your thoughts about it in the comments.

Also, if you want to send in photos and are wondering if we’ve already covered something, don’t worry about it. Let us worry about it.

FAST FOOD NEWS: Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino

Unicorn Frappuccino

If My Little Pony or Care Bears had a ragin’ kegger, the new Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino is what I imagine would come out of their mouths if they drank way too much.

The Unicorn Frappuccino is made with a sweet dusting of pink powder, blended into a crème Frappuccino with mango syrup and layered with a sour blue drizzle. It’s topped with vanilla whipped cream and sweet pink and sour blue powder topping.

It’s available until Sunday, April 23, while supplies last at Starbucks locations in the United States, Canada, and Mexico.

A Grande with whole milk and whipped cream has 410 calories, 16 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 62 grams of carbohydrates, 59 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

If you’ve tried it, let us know what you think of it in the comments.

(Image via Starbucks)