Hot off the heels of their Death Valley Chipotle Potato Chips, Kettle Brand recently introduced their Jalapeno flavored chips, which they describe as, “Striking a perfect balance between fresh, well-rounded flavor and the simple spicy bite of green jalapeno peppers.”
Being a fan of Kettle Brand Potato Chips and jalapenos (I once drank the juice from a jar of pickled jalapenos for two dollars), I’m eager to give these a try. Look for it in grocery and hippie natural food stores nationwide. They will be available in 2 oz., 5 oz., and 9 oz. bags.
A one-ounce serving contains 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram polyunsaturated fat, 7 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 400 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugar and 2 grams of protein.
Forget about the YouTube video of former Domino’s employees, Michael and Kristy. Forget about Michael sticking cheese up his nose and putting it on a sandwich he was making. Forget about Kristy reading Tori Spelling’s book, “sTori Telling.” Forget about Michael farting on a slice of salami. Forget about them being stupid enough to put it on YouTube for the world to see. Why should you forget all of this? Because Domino’s recently introduced their new BreadBowl Pastas, which look damn good.
They come in five varieties: Italian Sausage Marinara, Pasta Primavera, Chicken Alfredo, Three Cheese Mac-N-Cheese and Chicken Carbonara. I’m sure these pastas are in response to Pizza Hut’s popular pasta lines. But the big difference between the two is that, while the Pizza Hut pastas come in aluminum trays, the Domino’s pastas come in a bread bowl, like it’s some fancy clam chowder.
Nutritional info is currently unlisted at the Domino’s website. But do you REALLY want to know? They’re available now and prices start at $5.99. For those of you who don’t want to carbo-load with pasta AND bread, the pasta is available bread bowl-free staring at $4.99.
The Kentucky Grilled Chicken makes me feel like I’m in some alternate universe where fast food doesn’t fill your body with large amounts of saturated fat and sodium, everyone uses a Mac and Oprah is the benevolent ruler of the world, occasionally giving her favorite things away to some of her citizens.
It’s a world where everyone recycles and things run on solar power.
Homeless people wouldn’t reek of body odor because they shower.
It’s a place where celebrity nipple slips occur with less frequency.
Singer Amy Winehouse doesn’t look so scary, like a banshee.
It’s a planet where traffic goes smoothly like water through a pipe.
Lots of leg room in coach class on every flight making it a delight.
It’s a place where Simon is nice to each American Idol reject.
Paula Abdul doesn’t abuse alcohol to make herself look wrecked.
It’s a world where phones and people remain quiet through the movie.
Without the need to workout, every man and woman has a nice booty.
It’s a place where Lindsay Lohan is winning Oscar Awards.
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt aren’t such attention whores.
It’s a planet where everyone has fresh breath the entire day.
You can make a plate for yourself before you leave the buffet.
It’s a place where the Octomom wouldn’t make front page news.
Everyone would know the true sexual preference of Tom Cruise.
But alas, I’m not in an alternative universe because I still have a flat ass and most fast food places still provide food that can slowly kill us. So I’m glad KFC is making an effort to make fast food somewhat healthier with their Kentucky Grilled Chicken. Pieces of the new chicken have between 70 to 180 calories and four to nine grams of fat. It’s significantly lower than pieces of KFC’s original recipe fried chicken which have between 130 to 360 calories and 8 to 24 grams of fat. A drumstick and breast of the new grilled chicken contains 250 calories, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, and 640 milligrams of sodium, which is about the same amounts found in a Lean Cuisine Meatloaf microwaveable meal.
Of course, if you get side dishes it instantly increases the nutritional intake to the normal fast food levels that you know and loathe.
The Kentucky Grilled Chicken is marinated and seasoned with a blend of six secret herbs and spices and is slow-grilled. Its appetizing smell was similar to other grilled chicken I’ve had before. The meat was juicy, tender and really tasty. It doesn’t taste like any of the KFC fried chickens, instead it tastes more like roasted or rotisserie chicken.
However, everything is not perfect with the Kentucky Grilled Chicken. The grill marks on them seem too perfect, making them somewhat unnatural looking, like the breasts of many contestants vying for the love of some B-list celebrity on a VH1 reality show. And, like regular KFC fried chicken, you’re going to need a lot of napkins (or KFC-labeled sanitary wipes) because these grilled pieces of chicken are quite greasy.
Overall, I really enjoyed the Kentucky Grilled Chicken because it’s tasty and I don’t feel so bad after eating it, like I would with a Big Mac Value Meal.
Fast food that’s tasty AND not too bad for you?
It gives me hope that someday, when Oprah rules the world, she will give me one of her favorite things. I’m wishing for either a car or an Amazon Kindle.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 wing – 80 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium and 10 grams of protein. 1 breast – 180 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 440 milligrams of sodium and 35 grams of protein. 1 drumstick – 70 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium and 10 grams of protein. 1 thigh – 140 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 80 milligrams of cholesterol and 10 grams of protein. Yes, the long list of nutrition facts is finally over. Yay!)
Item: KFC Kentucky Grilled Chicken Price: $4.99 Size: 2-piece meal Purchased at: KFC Rating: 8 out of 10 Pros: Juicy, tender and really tasty. Significantly healthier than KFC’s Original Recipe chicken. I would eat these regularly. An alternative universe where Oprah rules the world. When Oprah gives away her favorite things. Cons: Greasy. Grill marks seem unnatural. If you get the meal with side dishes, the nutritional values go up significantly. Unnatural boobs. Excessive napkin use. Amy Winehouse nightmares.
You see what I did in the title? I made up a totally new word, combining the words “coffee” and “delicious.” I don’t have any idea what it means, but if Wendy’s can combine words with their new Frosty-cino Shake, then so can I.
Wendy’s, the home of Old Fashioned Hamburgers with square patties, is also the home of the Frosty, which is quite possibly one of the best desserts any fast food joint with a drive-thru offers. Recently, they added the Dr. Seuss-esque Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty and the Frosty-cino Shake. Both are hand-spun, whatever that means, and is only available at Wendy’s locations in the United States.
Suck on that other countries with Wendy’s locations, while I suck on a large Frosty-cino Shake with 520 calories, 12 grams of fat and 71 grams of sugar! Then I’m going to suck on a Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty that has 540 calories, 20 grams of fat and 69 grams of sugar.
There’s something wrong with this Japanese Espresso Coffee Kit Kat. It’s too normal. Used Schoolgirl Panty Kit Kat? That’s the ticket! (via Japanese Snack Reviews)
Aww, man. I thought these Sharpie pens would be able to handle the rigors of writing the word “fun” in big bold letters on a passed out friend’s face with an arrow pointing to their mouth, but these pens have a fine point. (via Office Supply Geek)
A $28 chicken pot pie that serves four? I don’t know. A $1 chicken pot pie that serves one and a $27 New York Steak dinner that also serves one sounds a whole lot better. (via Freezer Burns)
If I have a disposable toothbrush in my pocket, where am I going to put my disposable hand wipes, disposable diapers, disposable razors and disposable underwear. My cargo pants can only hold so much. (via +/-)
The look of each Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos is extremely frightening because it reminds me of the 3D computer graphic simulation of the Earth and the molten lava coming out of it after a killer asteroid hits it, which I’ve seen on a Discovery Channel show about the extinction of dinosaurs.
I don’t know whether I should eat them or hold one up in front of a video camera and record a voice over for a dinosaur documentary that begin with, “Some scientists believe the extinction of dinosaurs was caused by a meteorite that created the Chicxulub crater in Mexico’s Yucatan peninsula.”
As you can see below Chester the Cheetah’s ass in the packaging photo, the Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos is covered with a bright red color that’s usually found on the lips of mistresses and on the collars of cheating bastards. The red powder that covers its exterior, obviously, provides the heat, but perhaps there’s too much heat because I feel it overwhelms any cheesy flavor.
Actually the flavor from these great balls of fire make my tongue feel like it’s on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland — starts off boring, then there’s a little excitement (heat), then it’s slightly cheesy, more excitement (heat) and then disappointment.
Overall, I don’t really care for the ping pong ball-sized Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. There’s not enough cheese flavor in it, making them pretty much flavorless. The red spicy coating seems to make the rest of it its bitch, not allowing it to say anything.
I also find the idea of giant Cheetos retarded, because I feel when a company makes a smaller or larger version of their product, it usually means that the creative juices have run out. I definitely think this was the case here and that the creative juices ran out because they needed to drink something to cool down their mouths after eating the Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 4% vitamin E and 2% iron.)
Item: Giant Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Price: $2.88 Size: 7 3/4 ounces Purchased at: Wal-Mart Rating: 3 out of 10 Pros: It’s new. It’s hot, if you’re into that. The packaging looks like Chester the Cheetah is burning his ass. Cons: I feel the heat overwhelmed the flavor. The red color is off-putting. It reminds me of the destruction of the Earth. Getting lipstick on my collar.