PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Have No Fear When It Come to Giving Away Free Swag

No Fear Energy recently launched their first-ever under the tab code promotion — Earn Some Cred. You can earn cred by opening specially marked cans of No Fear Energy, looking for the code under the tab and entering that code at the Earn Some Cred website.

If you earn enough cred, you can get some No Fear gear or, if you’re super lucky, you could instantly win 1 of 8 once-in-a-lifetime experiences, like a trip to a Mixed Martial Arts event, a Hawaiian surf getaway, a Motocross event, or to a stop on the No Fear Energy Music Tour, featuring the metal band Lamb of God.

If you’re too lazy to earn some cred or you have too much cred you can’t redeem from robbing a bunch of liquor stores and banks, The Impulsive Buy is proud to announce a new prize drawing for a No Fear Energy Prize Pack from No Fear Energy, which consists of:

Two (2) No Fear Hoodies
Two (2) No Fear T-shirts (one of each style)
One (1) No Fear Bloodshot Hat
One (1) 12-pack of the new No Fear Bloodshot Energy Drink
One (1) Lamb of God’s latest CD “Wrath”
One (1) Sticky Bumps Surf Wax

The prize pack is valued at $100 and TIB only has one to give away.

To enter this prize drawing, leave a comment for THIS post with whatever you want to say. Please don’t forget to fill out the email field. TIB will stop accepting entries on Saturday, March 7, 2009 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person and it’s only open to those 18 years old or older in the United States, Canada, and at U.S. Military APOs.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you emails containing links to LOLcats. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you Discover Card applications. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or your lack of cred..

The Week in Reviews – 2/28/2009

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs, wrapped in an HTML shell and served with immature writing.

Human babies are cute. Clam babies in a can — not so cute. (via Eyunta)

I want to know who the hell green lighted the idea for a new Street Fighter movie. I would like to blast a couple of hadoken at them. (via Pajiba)

Giant Pocky? Thanks, Pocky. You just made Japanese men even more insecure. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

Fiber + antioxidants = Crazy nutritious. (via The Skinny Plate)

The new line of Haagen Dazs ice cream has only five ingredients, which means you’ll only have five ingredients to blame for your fat ass. (via Gigi Reviews)

REVIEW: Betty Crocker Asian Hamburger Helper Mongolian-Style Beef

I just want to make clear that the Betty Crocker Asian Hamburger Helper Mongolian-Style Beef and its other flavors are not part of some big conspiracy for Asian Domination.

Oh wait.

Why did I capitalize the D in “Domination”? It makes it look like a code name for something, which it is totally not. If I had typed “Operation Asian Domination,” and something cryptic along with it, like “All salamanders in apples need some Rogaine under leggy eyes,” then maybe it might look like all the Asians, except North Korea, are coming together to take over the world. But that IS NOT the case.

The Betty Crocker Asian Hamburger Helper Mongolian-Style Beef is just an easy-to-make dish and the eyebrows on the Hamburger Helper glove are not slanted eyes, his eyes are not nostrils, and his nose is not a gigantic zit. All you need is a pound of ground beef, 2 3/4 cups of hot water, and, of course, the ingredients contained in the box. Within 20 minutes, you’ll have a dish that native Mongolians will not recognize at all, because the Mongolian Beef dish is an American creation.

Betty Crocker is not trying to deceive you, just like Asians aren’t trying to swindle you by infiltrating various aspects of society to bring it crashing down two weeks from today. People love Jackie Chan, the number one golfer in the world is half-Asian, there’s a Korean on Grey’s Anatomy, my doppleganger is on CBS’s The Mentalist, there are Japanese players in Major League Baseball, Olivia Munn is half-Chinese, there are over a thousand Panda Express locations across the United States, Rob Schneider is half-Filipino, sushi and karaoke bars are all over, and many women learned a new Japanese word, Harajuku, but all of that does not equate to Asians wanting to rule the world and force everyone to drive fuel-efficient Toyota, Honda, Kia, or Hyundai cars two weeks from today.

Besides, how can the Betty Crocker Asian Hamburger Helper Mongolian-Style Beef be part of an Asian conspiracy to take over the world when it doesn’t taste Asian. It was all right tasting, but it tasted more like Hamburger Helper Beef Stroganoff than any Asian dish. The pasta noodles were gummy and the addition of freeze-dried peas and carrots seemed unnecessary since they didn’t add anything to the flavor.

So to all the non-Asians out there, you don’t have to worry about an Operation Asian Domination because it’s just silly to think Asians would want to take over the world. To all the Asians out there, All salamanders in apples need some Rogaine under leggy eyes, two weeks from today.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/3 cup prepared – 270 calories, 11 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 700 milligrams of sodium, 330 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 3 grams of sugar and 20 grams of protein.)

Item: Betty Crocker Asian Hamburger Helper Mongolian-Style Beef
Price: $3.50
Size: 6 ounces
Purchased at: Don Quijote
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting if you like Hamburger Helper Beef Stroganoff. Easy to make. Ready to eat in about 20 minutes. Two weeks from today. Olivia Munn.
Cons: Not Asian tasting. Noodles were gummy. Conspiracies that involve Asians wanting to take over the world. Not Mongolian. Freeze-dried peas and carrots were useless.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s 20% Fiber Frosted Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts

Remember when low-carb foods were the big food trend?

You couldn’t walk down an aisle in your local supermarket without running into a food that claimed it was LOW-CARB in, ironically, fat letters. But the oddest thing about this craze was finding low-carb versions of items that were nothing but carbs, like low-carb pasta and low-carb bread.

That trend fortunately died, or lost so much weight with its own low-carb diet that it can no longer be seen, but it seems in its dying moments it passed the food trend torch to high-fiber foods, like the Kellogg’s 20% Fiber Frosted Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts, which I feel is extremely dangerous because, as we all know, too much fiber can lead to flatulence and too much flatulence near a torch leads to a flamethrower.

Despite the pyromaniacal possibilities with high-fiber foods, I’m excited about the fiber content in these Pop-Tarts. Although it’s sad the fiber it provides excites me more than the fact that it’s a frosted chocolate fudge Pop-Tart. If I were 20 years younger, I’m sure the focus of my delight would be reversed and I would shrug my shoulders to the five grams of fiber in each Pop-Tart while I chomp my way through its toasted, gooey goodness.

With this particular version of Pop-Tarts, Kellogg’s has successfully made them slightly healthier, without making them taste healthier. They attempted the same thing last year with their line of whole grain Pop-Tarts, which were good, but had a slightly off-putting, grainy texture. This Pop-Tarts variation doesn’t have that same texture, despite having the same amount of whole grains, but its crust did seem a little more fragile.

Even with five grams of fiber and 16 grams of whole grains, it tasted exactly like regular Frosted Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts. It had a great chocolate flavor and if you were to give one of these to a 13-year-old version of me, I definitely wouldn’t know that it has 20% of my daily recommended intake of fiber. Although if I ate all eight pastries in one sitting, I would definitely know I consumed 160% of my daily recommended intake of fiber. And so would the people around me.

If that does happen, I hope I’m not near a torch.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 190 calories, 5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, and several vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s 20% Fiber Frosted Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts
Price: $3.79
Size: 8 pastries
Purchased at: Star Market
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like regular Frosted Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts. Great chocolate taste. Sixteen grams of whole grain in each pastry. Provides 20% of my daily intake of fiber in each pastry. Vitamin and minerals.
Cons: Contains high fructose corn syrup. Crust is slightly more fragile that regular Pop-Tarts. Being excited about fiber. Eating an entire box of these Pop-Tarts. Low-carb pasta and low-carb bread. Flatulence and fire.

The Week in Reviews – 2/21/2009

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs, wrapped in an HTML shell and served with immature writing.

Jell-O shots can now be good for you, sorority girls everywhere rejoice! (via Gigi Reviews)

Speaking of girls I have no chance with, I hate cheerleader movies because they remind me that I wasn’t good enough to make my high school cheer squad. I tried really hard to grow a vagina, but I just couldn’t. (via Pajiba)

I’m disgusted with the language used in the name of these cookies. I’m offended by its use of the tamest four-letter word. (via Snackerrific)

It’s the Mike’s Hard Lemonade of energy drinks, except without the alcohol and it’s not the choice of would-be child molesters on Dateline NBC’s To Catch a Predator. (via Taurine Rules)

Remember when you first saw the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld and thought how funny it was. Then you went to work the next day and you asked one of your co-workers if you could borrow their phone and right before they hand it to you they take it back and say, “No soup for you!” That first time you laughed, but then the year 2003 rolled around and you asked your buddy if you can borrow their cell phone because yours ran out of juice, but right before you grab it, they pull it away from you and say “No soup for you!” You don’t laugh, instead you try to figure out when that episode of Seinfeld was first shown, probably the mid-1990’s, and then you think about all of the times you’ve heard the phrase “No soup for you!” since. After counting the 113th time, something snaps in your head, you grab your friend’s cell phone, slam it to the ground, smash it with your shoe, and then say another line you’ve heard too many times: “Yippee ki yay, motherfucker.”