Oral-B Indicator Floss

According to the Oral-B Indicator Floss’ packaging:

BLUE FLOSS effectively removes and reveals plaque. La SOIE DENTAIRE BLEUE enleve et revele la plaque de facon efficace.

I’m not sure why blue floss is more effective than other colored floss when it comes to revealing and removing plaque, because I’ve used green and red floss and they do just fine, although I do have plaque that is as bountiful as a container of tartar sauce from Long John Silver’s, so it’s really easy to see and remove my plaque. But I guess since red attracts bulls and green attracts one-legged golddiggers, then blue should attract something too.

Like many people, I floss my teeth daily whenever I expect to make out with someone weekly whenever chicken gets stuck between my teeth the day before my dentist appointment less than I should, but there isn’t anything special about the Oral-B Indicator Floss that will cause me to change my oral hygiene habits. Even if it was made out of gold or had some kind of cross-promotion with High School Musical 3, it wouldn’t do much good to get people, like me, to floss more often. The only things this floss has to offer is a mild minty flavor, it’s easy to insert between teeth, it’s fray-resistant, and it can bring a smile to your dentist’s face if you use it more than once a week.

The Oral-B Indicator Floss does what it’s supposed to do — get rid of the plaque in between your teeth and below your gumline. The blue color does make it easier to see the gunk you’re removing and harder to see the blood from gums that aren’t used to flossing, but again, I’ve used cheaper red and green floss that does both things just as well.

Item: Oral-B Indicator Floss
Price: $2.47
Size: 50 m/55 yd
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It removes plaque. It’s minty flavored. It’s blue. Includes French translation on packaging. Easy to insert between teeth. Fray-resistant.
Cons: Kind of pricey for floss. Can get the same job done with other colored floss. The amount of plaque on my teeth. Nothing special that will make me want to floss more often. My poor flossing habits. High School Musical 3. Heather Mills. Bleeding gums.

Subway Chicken Pizziola

Ah…Subway, the only chain restaurant publicly endorsed by a formerly fat guy. I especially love their new marketing gimmick advertising the $5 footlong where everyone shows five fingers and then parts their hands about a foot apart. But I think that we all know what that “foot long” really represents: the male wang. And is it mere coincidence that the average wang is around 5 inches? I think not and I’m damn proud to say I have an average phallus. But you didn’t come here to hear me rant about male phallus conspiracies or penis euphemisms.

The Subway Chicken Pizziola sub supposedly fuses the awesome powers of chicken and pizza flavors. Of course, when you consider that Subway uses bland chicken and isn’t a pizza shop whatsoever, well, expectations fall flatter than a flaccid wang. It also doesn’t help that the full 12 inches is packing enough salt to kill a platoon of tough snails and has 32 grams of fat, which is probably why Jared isn’t anywhere near this sandwich. God bless his tiny little khakis.

This toasted sandwich comes standard with one of their breads, chicken, pepperoni slices, a cheese, and a marinara sauce as well as any extra toppings. I had mine outfitted with black olives, green peppers, and red onions. The marinara sauce was a little too sweet and overpowering, dominating the bland chicken and weak pepperoni slices. The fact that its papery condom came with red oily streaks is also a bit of a downer. Still, the bread was decent (certainly better than the kind that comes with a twisty tie or a plastic toe tag) and retained its toasty crunch after a short transport from the Subway to my cubicle at work. The veggie add-ons also provided some crunch and kept some of their flavor, thanks to the cheese’s protective barrier. It also helps that this sandwich is big enough to silence a hungry sex machine with a real footlong and it’s only five bucks before taxes.

The Subway Chicken Pizziola is not a bad sandwich, but certainly not a good one either. I think I’ll stick with their chicken bacon ranch footlong as my default Subway sandwich for the time being, even if it’s packing enough fat to shrink my wang into the folds of my flesh.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 footlong – 880 calories, 32 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 160 milligrams of cholesterol, 3040 milligrams of sodium, 96 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 61 grams of protein.)

Item: Subway Chicken Pizziola
Price: $5.30
Size: Footlong
Purchased at: Subway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Big enough to satisfy a hungry sex machine. Being proud of having an average “footlong” Penis euphemisms. The awesome powers of pizza and chicken, tiny khakis, and sex machines. $5.
Cons: Male phallus conspiracies. Overpowering sweet tomato sauce. Bland chicken. Weak pepperoni. 3,040 milligrams of sodium. Flaccid and shrinking wangs.

Introducing…

A new writer premieres at The Impulsive Buy and takes it to new heights…of lows, that is.

I realize this opening smacks of cliché, but I couldn’t think of any other way to introduce myself as the new writer to this fine site.

Hi, I’m Reprobate, a fan of the site since 2006, and for the past year or so, regular contributor to the comments section. By the way, those of you who are die hard fans of this site may also recognize me as one of two winners of the Blue Hawaii Pepsi that was offered by this site. Jealous? No? Argh! But I digress.

Anyhoo, with the addition of me, The Impulsive Buy has finally gone coast to coast!
Well, almost. I’ve been a Michigan resident for the last 16 years, and I graduated from Michigan State this year with a degree in Mechanical Engineering. No, it’s not as impressive as it sounds; the crowning achievement of my scholastic career was to build a bike that broke after 15 minutes. Before that, I was a pretty good student who was one of those quiet guys. No, nothing like the Trench Coat Mafia. Just one of those guys who you never noticed or just dismissed. I’ve been on radio before, both in high school and college, which was fun. I’ve also passed through the annals of special education in my earlier years, and riding the small bus was fantastic. We get the best seats! I’ve also shaken my jiggly butt on high school TV before and one of my physics teachers nearly got arrested for bringing a rifle to school (it turned out to be a BB gun). Anyways, I think that’s enough about my checkered past. I don’t want to destroy my sterling reputation quite yet.

I hope that you guys will enjoy my reviews and maybe chuckle a few times. Feel free to compliment me or bash me in the comments, and we’ll see how it goes. Until then, love and peace! Oh, and please try not to spay or neuter your pets. If you have to, just leave one of the nuts.

The Week in Reviews – 10/25/2008

Too many products, so little time. Thank goodness for other review blogs.

There’s a new limited edition Pepsi in Japan that tastes like yogurt. I’m waiting for Japan to come out with a Pepsi that tastes like Pepsi. (via Mike’s Blender)

I’m going to eat these to avenge the death of Newman in Jurassic Park. (via Candyblog)

I’ve never wanted to have sex with a burger before, but this burger makes me want to commit meatiality. (via Fast Food Critic)

Both Gold n Cremes and Twinkies sound like porn genres. (via Second Rate Snacks)

Older women who chase younger men now have their own energy drink. Now that middle-aged women have their own energy drink, I’m guessing elderly people will soon get their own too. Extreme Ensure, perhaps? (via Energy Drink Ratings)

Sarsi

I’m a sucker for packaged foreign foods, like Mario is a sucker for gold coins and princesses who always get captured. It’s like I’m a less adventurous Anthony Bourdain, not willing to consume things that produces bodily fluids or things that are still alive.

I’m not sure why I get a kick out of packaged foreign foods. Perhaps it’s because they don’t have any English on them or because they’re measured in metric units or because I have a product review blog and am willing to stick almost anything into my mouth for reader approval. Whatever the reason, I was excited when I ran into this mysterious bottle of Sarsi at my local Filipino market in the refrigerated cases among the 20-ounce bottles of Pepsi and Coke.

At first, because it was stocked next to the cola juggernauts, I thought it was the Filipino equivalent of Pepsi and Coke, but after prying off the non-twist bottle cap and taking a sip of it, I was surprised to find out that it’s a root beer, albeit a flat tasting root beer that wasn’t very sweet.

According to Wikipedia, Sarsi is the number one root beer in the Philippines, outselling common American brands like Barq’s and Mug root beers. While the initial taste of Sarsi was like root beer, its aftertaste wasn’t as pleasant. If Barq’s Root Beer bites, then Sarsi grabs your hair, shoves your face into mud, and uses your tongue as a bulldozer. Its aftertaste was very earthy and it reminded me of the disgusting herbal toothpaste from Thailand I reviewed a few weeks ago.

I may not like the taste of Sarsi, but I do love the fact that it comes in a thick glass bottle that I can use to pretend I’m living in the 1950s with my leather jacket and pack of smokes rolled up in my t-shirt sleeve, and whenever the Sharks come by, I’ll shatter the bottle, turn it into shiv, and stab my own tongue with it, which would probably result in a taste in my mouth that is equal to or greater than Sarsi’s aftertaste. Although the bottle looks tall and would make a great shiv, it doesn’t hold a lot of liquid. If my metric conversion is correct, 240 mL is roughly around eight ounces, which is less than a can of soda, but my tongue can only tolerate those eight ounces of Sarsi.

Item: Sarsi
Price: $1.50
Size: 240 mL
Purchased at: A Filipino market
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: #1 root beer in the Philippines. No High Fructose Corn Syrup. Glass bottle makes a great shiv. Trying foreign products.
Cons: Flat root beer flavor. Not very sweet. Need a bottle opener or James Bond villain Jaws to open it. Only 240 mL. Aftertaste is earthy and is like shitty herbal toothpaste.