NEWS: IHOP’s New Loaded Country Hash Browns Help Make Morning Carbo-Loading Possible for Non-Marathoners

Do you ever look down at your lunch or dinner of pasta and bread and think to yourself, “Holy crap! How can I get the same excessive amounts of carbs I’m eating right now, but during breakfast?”

Thanks to IHOP, you no longer need to wonder. Their new Loaded Country Hash Browns, along with the included two buttermilk pancakes and two eggs, may provide you with enough carbs to last you a whole day or, perhaps, an entire week.

The Loaded Country Hash Browns come in three varieties:

Ham, Swiss & Mushroom Browns Рloaded with saut̩ed mushrooms, diced ham and melted Swiss and Parmesan cheese. Topped with green onions.

Jack, Cheddar & Bacon Browns – stuffed with chopped hickory-smoked bacon and melted Cheddar and Monterey Jack cheeses. Topped with sour cream and green onions.

Country Sausage Browns – contains pork sausage links, Cheddar cheese and grilled onions. Topped with creamy country gravy.

The Loaded Country Hash Browns are available for a limited time for $5.99. So if you need to get your carb on, head to your nearest IHOP and feast.

REVIEW: Food Should Taste Good Tortilla Chips

FoodShouldTasteGood chips (yes, that’s how it’s spelled and, yes, I did think about writing the entire review that way) aren’t the typical tortilla chips that you would find at a Super Bowl gathering, Mexican Potluck Day at work or at your quarterly swingers party. Their packaging and use of script fonts make them seem a little classier than that. Instead you might find them at a Westminster Dog Show party, a Hispanic Cultural Event or at your annual, invitation-only, anything-goes masquerade orgy.

These classy tortilla chips come in a variety of normal and f’ed-up flavors, shapes and colors: Multigrain, Buffalo (not shown), Jalapeno, The Works, Sweet Potato, Olive and Chocolate (yes, chocolate). The FoodShouldTasteGood chips seem to be a little more durable than their non-classy chip counterparts, making them perfect for dips, toppings and finger kickboxing demos.

FoodShouldTasteGood encourages you to try their chips with a variety of topping and has suggestions on the packaging. Unfortunately, I don’t have access to some of their recommendations, like hummus, goat cheese, feta cheese, roasted garlic salsa, white bean dip, guacamole and I just ran out of human souls. So I decided to try the chips nekkid.

Buffalo (not shown above) is made with cayenne pepper, vinegar and garlic. It had a flavor and color similar to buffalo wing sauces I’ve had in the past. There was a slight heat to it, but not enough that I had to reach for some celery and blue cheese dressing. I definitely enjoyed them, even if they had the highest sodium content among all the flavors, and I could see myself bringing a bag to the next big cricket match on the tele.

Chocolate is made with semi-sweet chocolate, Dutch chocolate and sea salt. Among all the flavors, this one was the most intriguing because it provided me the opportunity to eat two types of snack food in a chip that was so brown, it looked burnt. The salt was the first ingredient I tasted and that was soon followed by, after a couple of chews, a semi-sweet chocolate flavor. I was surprised by how well they turned out and the next time I go to an equestrian competition, I’ll make sure to bring some along with my ASTM-SEI-approved riding helmet.

Jalapeno is made with diced jalapeno peppers and crushed red peppers. The red-ish color of this chip reminded me of the taco shell used for the Taco Bell Volcano Taco and the devil that haunts my nightmares. It was not a spicy as the Buffalo one, but it did have a nice light jalapeno flavor that I would share at an upcoming Scrabble tournament.

Multigrain is baked with flax, sunflower and sesame seeds, oat fiber, brown rice, quinoa and soy. Out of all the flavors, this one tasted and looked the most like regular tortilla chips, but it also had a slight nutty flavor to it. I didn’t like these at first, but after eating more of it, I grew to like them and would probably take them to a bird watching event at the park to snack on and to attract birds.

Olive is made with black, green and Kalamata olives, garlic and sea salt. I really was hoping these chips would come in a dark green color or turn green if I made them mad, but they looked like normal tortilla chips. The olive flavor was noticeable, but not unpleasant and it wasn’t strong enough to make me want to break out the martini kit at the Oprah’s Book Club meeting I would probably take these to.

Sweet Potato is, obviously, baked with sweet potato that give the chips an orange hue, 20% of your daily recommended allowance of Vitamin A, and a good, light sweet potato taste. I was hoping they would have a stronger sweet potato taste, but I figured if they did they would have more sweet potato in them and then they would be considered potato chips, which would not be classy enough to bring to a game of polo.

The Works! is made with poppy and caraway seeds, minced garlic and onion. There were my least favorite among all the flavors. I don’t know if it was the poppy seeds, caraway seeds, or the fact that I don’t know what caraway seeds are, but whatever it was I couldn’t eat an entire bag and I couldn’t see myself offering these at my annual, invitation-only, anything-goes masquerade orgy

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – (varies between flavors) 140 calories, 6-7 grams of fat, 0.5-1 gram of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80-280 milligrams of sodium, 17-18 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 0-2 grams of sugar, and 2-3 grams of protein.)

(Note: Thanks to the folks at FoodShouldTasteGood for sending me their chips to sample. Also, Pomai at the Tasty Island reviewed the olive one and Snackerrific reviewed all the flavors.)

Item: FoodShouldTasteGood Tortilla Chips
Price: FREE
Size: 6-ounce & 1-ounce bags
Purchased at: Given by company.
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Buffalo)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Chocolate)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Jalapeno)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Multigrain)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Olive)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Sweet Potato)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (The Works!)
Pros: Most of the flavors were tasty. Sturdy chips, perfect for dipping and finger kickboxing demos. All-natural. Certified Gluten-Free. No trans fats. Crunchy. Chocolate flavor was surprisingly good. Script fonts make them classy. Contains a decent amount of fiber.
Cons: I didn’t care for The Works! flavor. Buffalo flavor has a high sodium content. Might be difficult to find in stores. I ran out of human souls.

NEWS: Melon Berry Blast Slurpee Helps Keep The Art of Alliteration Alive

This month’s limited-edition Slurpee — Melon Berry Blast — has nothing to do with Space Shuttles or money shots, so I’m wondering what’s the purpose of the “blast” in its name. The only reason I could think of was perhaps 7-Eleven is trying to ensure the literary device of alliteration never goes away. If they are, it’s nice that they’re making the effort. But as long as magazine titles need to be written there will be alliteration.

The Melon Berry Blast Slurpee combines the flavor of watermelon with the taste of strawberry to create a sweet and sour Slurpee that will temporarily make your tongue the same color as Rupaul’s lipstick. It contains 60 calories, 0 grams of fat, 14 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbs, and 17 grams of sugar per 8-ounce serving.

REVIEW: Terra Crinkles Yukon Gold Garlic Mashed Potato Chips

The Terra Crinkles Yukon Gold Garlic Mashed Potato Chips tasted all right, but they disgusted me. The reason why I found these potato chips to be repulsive was because they committed flavor incest.

And I’m not talking about the good kind of incest.

I find it wrong when one potato product tries to taste like another potato product and because these potato chips have the flavor of garlic mashed potatoes, I believe this product breaks one of the Ten Culinary Commandments — thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s flavor. It’s like if pork chops tasted like bacon, or if wheat bread tasted like white bread, or if all the things people say tastes like chicken tasted like chicken.

The Terra Crinkles Yukon Gold Garlic Mashed Potato Chips seemed like normal potato chips, but by committing flavor incest who knows what might’ve happened with them. There might’ve been defects, like square-shaped chips, excessive crinkles, non-crunchiness, or they might’ve had the level of brain damage only found in those who have the desire to become a D-List celebrity and whore itself to any reality show willing to pay it for its ability to be a total douchebag on television.

Like I wrote earlier, I think these potato chips were all right and they really did taste like garlic mashed potatoes. But it wasn’t good garlic mashed potatoes, like the kind you would find as a side dish for a delicious medium rare filet mignon at a top-notch steakhouse. Instead the potato chips were like the garlic mashed potatoes you would find in its own compartment in a Salisbury steak TV dinner. The garlic flavor tasted a little burnt, it had a strong onion flavor and there was a little tanginess, thanks to the buttermilk powder.

The Terra Crinkles Yukon Gold Garlic Mashed Potato Chips was not a case of something so wrong being so right. The flavor incest it engaged in made something so wrong be so-so.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and 2% Iron.)

Item: Terra Crinkles Yukon Gold Garlic Mashed Potato Chips
Price: $4.99
Size: 6 ounces
Purchased at: Whole Foods
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tasted like garlic mashed potatoes, but not good garlic mashed potatoes. Crunchy. No trans fat. No defects. The good kind of incest.
Cons: Garlic flavor tasted a little burnt. Flavor incest. Being a D-List celebrity. Being a douchebag. The bad kind of incest. Breaking one of the Ten Culinary Commandments.

PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Have No Fear When It Come to Giving Away Free Swag

No Fear Energy recently launched their first-ever under the tab code promotion — Earn Some Cred. You can earn cred by opening specially marked cans of No Fear Energy, looking for the code under the tab and entering that code at the Earn Some Cred website.

If you earn enough cred, you can get some No Fear gear or, if you’re super lucky, you could instantly win 1 of 8 once-in-a-lifetime experiences, like a trip to a Mixed Martial Arts event, a Hawaiian surf getaway, a Motocross event, or to a stop on the No Fear Energy Music Tour, featuring the metal band Lamb of God.

If you’re too lazy to earn some cred or you have too much cred you can’t redeem from robbing a bunch of liquor stores and banks, The Impulsive Buy is proud to announce a new prize drawing for a No Fear Energy Prize Pack from No Fear Energy, which consists of:

Two (2) No Fear Hoodies
Two (2) No Fear T-shirts (one of each style)
One (1) No Fear Bloodshot Hat
One (1) 12-pack of the new No Fear Bloodshot Energy Drink
One (1) Lamb of God’s latest CD “Wrath”
One (1) Sticky Bumps Surf Wax

The prize pack is valued at $100 and TIB only has one to give away.

To enter this prize drawing, leave a comment for THIS post with whatever you want to say. Please don’t forget to fill out the email field. TIB will stop accepting entries on Saturday, March 7, 2009 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person and it’s only open to those 18 years old or older in the United States, Canada, and at U.S. Military APOs.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you emails containing links to LOLcats. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you Discover Card applications. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or your lack of cred..

The Week in Reviews – 2/28/2009

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs, wrapped in an HTML shell and served with immature writing.

Human babies are cute. Clam babies in a can — not so cute. (via Eyunta)

I want to know who the hell green lighted the idea for a new Street Fighter movie. I would like to blast a couple of hadoken at them. (via Pajiba)

Giant Pocky? Thanks, Pocky. You just made Japanese men even more insecure. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

Fiber + antioxidants = Crazy nutritious. (via The Skinny Plate)

The new line of Haagen Dazs ice cream has only five ingredients, which means you’ll only have five ingredients to blame for your fat ass. (via Gigi Reviews)