REVIEW: Burger King Fiery Bacon Royal Crispy Chicken Sandwich

Genius that I am, I volunteered to take on the Fiery Bacon Royal Crispy Chicken Sandwich before reading the press release from Burger King. If I had done so, I would have known its summer “Fiery” menu has a tiered heat list, with the chicken sandwich sitting at the maximum Spice Level Five. I can handle some spice, but I don’t like having my throat annihilated by jalapeños; visions of people having seizures and hallucinations after eating Nashville Hot Chicken plagued me. What had I signed up for?

Of course, it was Burger King, so it’s fine. It turns out that even maximum Burger King spiciness is not that spicy compared to other spicy foods. It’s not even as spicy as BK’s original release of the Spicy Chicken Fries, which I loved. I worried myself into a tizzy for nothing.

This ambitious sandwich features white meat chicken with a coat of fiery glaze, fiery-seasoned bacon, pepper jack cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, and “Fiery sauce.” The sauce tastes like slightly cheesy mayonnaise with a small amount of heat added to it; everything else is fairly self-explanatory.

I had this twice, and neither time did I get much pepper jack cheese. To be fair, I don’t think it was needed.

When I first bit into the breaded, coated chicken breast before eating any of the toppings with it, I knew it tasted familiar, but I couldn’t place it. It’s a sweet heat, and I couldn’t get past the déjà vu sensation as I continued to shovel the thing into my mouth. Eventually, I realized what I was reminded of: General Tso’s Chicken. It’s definitely not an exact match, but the texture of the breading and the sweet and spice level put it into the ballpark of that Chinese takeout staple. I happen to really like General Tso’s Chicken, so this was a good thing for me.

But if you were having General Tso’s, would you want it slathered in mayonnaise? Probably not, but somehow, it works. Even though the fiery sauce has some spice, it still works as a cooling element compared to the spicing of the chicken patty, with the lettuce and tomato also working as you’d expect to moderate the heat level. I did get the sensation of heat in the back of my throat a few times, but it wasn’t unpleasant, just noticeable.

Besides not getting much cheese, my main complaint is that there wasn’t enough bacon. The spiced bacon adds another welcome layer of flavor and texture, but I wasn’t given much of it. It probably changes a lot between individual orders, so you may get more bacon on your sandwich than I did, but I doubt BK is heaping it on there. This is kind of a shame because if this thing was loaded up with that perfectly spiced bacon, we’d be talking about a 10 out of 10 experience here. As it stands, it’s merely very good.

I don’t know what it is, but whenever Burger King releases a spicy product, it really seems to work for me. I’m looking forward to trying the other items on the Fiery menu before the end of summer, and hey, maybe I’ll even try Nashville Hot Chicken someday; I bet my hallucinations would be awesome and might even include unicorns.

Purchased Price: $6.59
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 700 calories, 42 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1140 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 25 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Chicken Philly Royal Crispy Wrap

After a less-than-stellar experience with the last Philly-themed BK item I tried, I didn’t have very high hopes for the Burger King Chicken Philly Royal Crispy Wrap. However, I tried to keep an open mind, and I’m glad I did because this was pretty good.

When I got the wrap home and removed it from the paper, a bit of the Royal Sauce and veggies had leaked out, but not enough to make a mess. I tasted the veggies outside of the wrap, and my palate was immediately dominated by the fire-roasted red pepper. It’s a really sweet pepper flavor, and it pops nicely in your mouth against the slight tang of BK’s Royal Sauce.

As I dived into the wrap proper, the red pepper kept dominating everything but the chicken. I tried to taste for the onions, but they were also sweet, so they didn’t stand out much. I had the same experience the last time I ate a BK Philly item, where the Royal Sauce and the Swiss Cheese pretty much blurred together into one gloppy entity, mildly pleasant but unremarkable.

It might sound bad that the red pepper was so dominant, but I happen to love sweet peppers, so this was a good choice for me. The textural contrast between the tortilla, the creamy sauce, and the breaded chicken added another dimension to the Philly-themed experience.

This is also a surprisingly filling item. I got the wrap without any fries or a drink, and I figured I would probably need to eat something else at home to complete my lunch, but this wrap filled me up completely. Getting a lunch that leaves you feeling full and satisfied for $2.99 is pretty nice, although I should note that I’m a fairly small person; bigger eaters will probably want to get two of them. C’mon, spend that $6; it’s still not a bad deal.

I don’t really know why Burger King is so hung up on this “Philly” trend, but if it makes me a tasty lunch, I’m a happy camper. This is nothing earth-shaking, but it has a job and does it well. Add two points to the score if you happen to love roasted red peppers beyond all reason.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 360 calories, 20 grams of fat, 6.1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 2,000 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 15.3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Mozzarella Fries

I thought I’d seen all the shapes fried mozzarella could come in: cylindrical, square-ish, flat (looking at you, TGI Fridays), wedges, balls, curds… but I can confidently say that Burger King has surprised me with its new Mozzarella Fries.

To be clear, it’s not the “Mozzarella” part that’s new, just the conjunction with the “Fries” part. Burger King has had a more traditionally named and shaped order of mozzarella sticks on its menu before, but like its beloved poultry predecessor, the Chicken Fries, this new creation takes those standard sticks and stretches them into a longer, thinner shape (no potatoes are actually involved) and plops them into a cute and colorful carton for convenient—and showy—snacking.

However, I did have some confusion about whether they were intended to be an appetizer or the main event. I ordered mine from the “Sides” section on the kiosk, which seems pretty self-explanatory, but I was also given the more meal-esque option of 4, 8, or 12 pieces and an offer to actually “Make it a meal?” by adding, well, regular fries. That seemed like a bit of a stretch (no pun intended), so I demurred, but I still ordered the largest size and got something that at least resembled a proper dinner in terms of portion, if not nutritional content.

Anyway, the ideal mozzarella stick for me is one with cheese that’s dense rather than stretchy, with the mozzarella and the breading being such distinct entities that you can nibble the breading off entirely without marring the solid contents within. That, as I guessed just by looking at them, is not the experience provided by the Mozzarella Fries. The cheese and the breading here are quite codependent; when you take a bite of the thick, crisp outside, the hot, runny inside instantly loses its shape, oozing out in an Instagram-worthy cheese pull.

The thinness of these sticks makes them quite brittle, too: a good portion of my order was bent or snapped completely in half, which didn’t really detract from the quality but was interesting to note in comparison to the sturdier, stabler conventional mozzarella stick.

And just like it doesn’t have much of its own shape, the mozzarella doesn’t have much of its own flavor either. The toasty breading, which was fried potently enough to give off a powerful smell and had a small bit of zest from a spice I couldn’t identify but whose presence I appreciated, made up most of the taste experience. Even when I nibbled some of the stretchy cheese on its own, I was hard-pressed to come up with a description for it. It was just mild (and perhaps even, as the kids would say, “mid”).

These come with marinara sauce on the side, which seemed like a sensible way to jazz things up… but don’t be fooled. I was mildly concerned upon opening my packet and seeing a dark, gelatinous mass that looked more like barbecue sauce. I should have heeded that discomfort because the sauce was so acidic it tasted like I was dipping my Mozzarella Fries in straight vinegar.

Overall, though, these still provided a great experience—the novel fry shape and the joyfulness of mozzarella sticks, in general, were fun enough that I was happy to overlook the fact that they’re ever so slightly lackluster. Apologies for being cheesy, but there is “mozz” to like!

Purchased Price: $6.39
Size: 12 pieces
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 730 calories, 36 grams of fat, 2,350 milligrams of sodium, 71 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of sugar, and 29 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Birthday Pie

What do Keith Richards and Burger King have in common?

Other than both being famously flame broiled, you’re probably absolutely shocked they’ve made it to their 70th birthdays.

I always expect my local BK to be a shelled-out husk on my next visit, only to be seen again in a YouTube compilation called “Absolute Dumpsters You Used to Eat at as a Kid.”

With that said, I’m a loyal BK defender, and I’m happy they still exist. Despite becoming one of the punching bags of the fast food industry, the King is celebrating his 70th birthday, so let us raise our Coca-Cola Freestyle concoctions in the air and toast – Long live the King. I doff my paper crown to thee.

How does one celebrate their royal seventennial? Well, with a Birthday Pie, of course. Ya know, birthday pies, the traditional capper for any great birthday celebration. A Birthday Pie sounds less real than the word “seventennial,” yet here we are.

BK hasn’t really hit us with many pie options over the years, but its mainstay, Hershey’s Pie, is great, so I was very much looking forward to this one.

I’ve been served Hershey’s Pie. I know Hershey’s Pie. Hershey’s Pie is a favorite of mine. Birthday Pie, you are no Hershey’s Pie. The concept is flawed from jump – it’s a pie filling that tastes like cake? Just give us cake. Let us eat cake.

The Birthday Pie tastes like three slightly contrasting versions of artificial vanilla in a cookie crust. On the surface, that seems appetizing enough, but it’s just very… vanilla. The pie consists of a birthday cake-flavored pie filling, which tastes like blended cake in a weird viscous form, so it kinda leaves you yearning for cake, which you only get in the form of little tease cake bites glued on top of the off-pudding, which is quite off-putting. (Thanks)

The cookie crust is vaguely “graham” flavored, but the filling is so wet it makes the crust limp. It, like me, had no integrity. There’s also whipped topping and sprinkles, so it’s just weighed down with more “sweet” nothings.

This slice just ends up having a vague combination of flavors I can really only describe as “generically sweet.” That’s what “birthday” flavor has become. It’s just sugar. Sometimes it’s confetti cake, sometimes it’s vanilla, but mostly it’s just “sugar flavored!” I think I’m officially over “birthday” as a flavor. Good thing McDonald’s is ushering in the world’s new favorite abstract flavor – “Grandma.”

If you’re interested in a mashup of low-quality vanilla pudding, soft Nilla Wafers, and whipped cream, go for it. Maybe you can make a wish for something better next year.

I should also note this thing has an encyclopedia of ingredients. If a European saw the label, they wouldn’t live to see another birthday.

I actually think this pie is a good metaphor for life because it got old in the blink of an eye. As Keith Richards’ friend, Whatshisface, once said, “What a drag it is getting old.”

Anyway, if you insist on trying the Birthday Pie, get the $6 Birthday meal, or get it free in the app on June 1st.

Now sing it with me, “at B-K, Happy Birth-day. You rule!*”

*Sometimes. Not this time.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 260 calories, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 190 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, 21 grams of total sugars, less than 1 gram of fiber, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Philly Melt

I’m a fan of melts in general. Creamy, indulgent cheese smothering an unctuous protein, all wrapped in a warm cocoon of toasted bread, is hard for a tummy-focused girl like me to resist. While my favorite melt of all time is the tuna melt (Let’s hear it! Tuna Fish Protein Supremacy!), I like a good patty melt once in a while, too. Unfortunately, the latest offering from a certain corpulent monarch, the Burger King Philly Melt, is not all that great.

According to BK, the sandwich features two Whopper Jr. patties topped with peppers, onions, Swiss cheese, and Savory Royal Sauce on Toasted Bread. However, there are a couple of problems here.

First, the bread is the biggest disappointment. It looks like the top is toasted to buttery perfection, but looks are deceiving here. The bread has virtually none of the texture of toasted bread and not much flavor; the look is just for aesthetics. I don’t know if they somehow failed to toast it or just toasted it very lightly, but it’s not quite right. Considering how dominant the cheese is here, having that contrasting, crisper texture would have added a lot to the experience.

Second, the Swiss cheese and the “Savory Royal Sauce” blur together to the point that I didn’t realize they were two separate entities. The overall flavor of Swiss is nice, and while it’s mild, it overpowers the sauce.

The peppers and onions were too soggy to add much texture, but to be fair, I did have to wait until I got home to eat the sandwich; maybe if you get the Philly Melt fresh off the line, the veggies will be a little crisper. I could experiment with this, but to be honest, I don’t feel curious enough to order it again. Flavor-wise, the vegetables break up the wall of cheese a little with a fresher flavor, but it’s fairly subtle; the onions don’t taste caramelized, and the green pepper is neutral as can be. Maybe the flavors would have been stronger if the pieces had been chopped larger, especially the green pepper, but as it stands, they don’t add as much as one would hope.

Obviously, the big draw here is the cheese, and in that department, Burger King delivered. The Swiss flavor is pleasantly mild, and having every bite enrobed in the cheese sauce gives you your money’s worth. They may not have nailed the Philly Melt, but they got the key component right. The only problem with the cheese is that, because it’s so mild compared to the beef, the taste of the flame-grilled patties is very prominent.

Burger King may have reached for the moon with the Philly Melt, but they didn’t land among the stars. They did, however, hit a low-altitude asteroid cluster, so it’s not all bad news. If you love patty melts, this will probably not be an incarnation that will knock your socks off. But taking a pleasant, veritable swim in a pool of liquified Swiss cheese is enjoyable enough that it’s worth a shot.

Purchased Price: $5.49
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 590 calories, 38 grams of fat, 16.1 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 970 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 28.3 grams of protein.