REVIEW: Burger King Brownie Batter Shake

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Burger King Brownie Batter Shake Top

What is Burger King’s Brownie Batter Shake?

Burger King suggests that its new drinkable dessert features “rich, fudgy brownie batter” blended with its “signature” vanilla soft serve, topped with whipped cream. One thing is very accurate about this description — this thing definitely had whipped cream on it.

How is it?

Here’s a word I’d use to describe this shake that you probably don’t want to read in a milkshake review: gritty! That’s right, this thing tasted like the person making it had been at the beach all day before realizing that it was 10-til-4 and they wouldn’t have time to shower before their scheduled evening shift at BK. It was pretty intense. It was chocolatey, sure, but mostly in a very artificial, very Hershey’s syrup-esque way. Mostly, I was overwhelmed by the textural unpleasantness.

Burger King Brownie Batter Shake

Less than halfway through, I realized I’d had enough. Have you ever had a quarter of a milkshake before declaring yourself done? It’s a strange feeling.

Anything else you need to know?

Sonic did a chocolate brownie batter shake last March that managed to feature small bits of soft brownie in it. I was sort of surprised that this wasn’t the tactic here. This was, very literally, just liquid brownie batter mixed into vanilla soft serve. No decadent, chewy chunks or anything like that. Just chocolate grit.

Conclusion:

Burger King has been on a good run lately with the delicious Garlic & Bacon King and the phenomenal Ch’King sandwich, so I maybe had my hopes up too high. Also, it’s a shake, right, and how can you possibly mess that up? Oh wait, I know — by making the shake in the middle of a New Mexico sandstorm, that’s how.

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: N/A
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 740 calories, 31 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 670 milligrams of sodium, 104 grams of total carbohydrates, 80 grams of total sugars, 3 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Panda Express Crispy Almond Chicken Breast

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Panda Express Crispy Almond Chicken Breast Top

What is Panda Express Crispy Almond Chicken Breast?

According to Panda Express, the entree “features large, juicy all-white meat chicken breaded with our crunchy, signature puffed-rice breading that is wok-tossed with toasted almonds & freshly chopped green onions in a savory garlic soy sauce.”

How is it?

It tastes like it was inspired by Korean fried chicken, and if for some reason oranges go extinct and Panda Express can no longer offer its signature dish, this could easily replace it for me. Yes, it’s Orange Chicken-level delicious.

If you’ve never had Korean fried chicken, well then, stop reading this and go try some because it’s super good. But, if that’s not possible, go read all the recipes Google spits out and make your own. If that’s not possible, add it to your food bucket list with a note that says, “Bring moist towelettes.”

Panda Express Crispy Almond Chicken Breast Chopstick

The thick dark colored garlic soy sauce that fills every nook and cranny in the breading is not as sweet as previous Panda Express sauces, but nevertheless, it delights my savory side. The soy sauce stands out a little bit more than the garlic, and if not for a slight sweetness, the sauce might’ve been a bit too salty.

Panda Express Crispy Almond Chicken Breast Meat

The coating has a satisfying crunch to it, and for the most part, doesn’t get soggy from the sauce. The white meat chicken was tender, although some pieces I received seemed to be mostly batter.

Oh, some Korean fried chicken recipes are spicy, but these definitely aren’t.

So what about the almonds? They provide some added texture and allow Panda Express to put the word “almond” in its name, but they don’t add any flavor. I think they’re mostly there to prevent this from looking like other crispy Panda Express chicken dishes.

Anything else you need to know?

When I first heard about this product, I thought, “Wow. Panda Express created a crunchy coating using almonds.” But as you read in the description above, it’s a puffed-rice breading.

Also, do you know what would’ve been cool to offer with this, Panda Express? If someone orders the Crispy Almond Chicken Breast, they should be given a Chinese almond cookie instead of the usual fortune cookie. SYNERGY, Panda Express!!! SYNERGY!!! Am I using that correctly, businesspeople?

Conclusion:

Panda Express Crispy Almond Chicken Breast Almond

Like Amazon shipping box sizes, the number of sauced and boneless crispy chicken dishes that Panda Express has offered over the years is vast. The folks in its test kitchens know how to make them delicious, and this new Crispy Almond Chicken Breast proves that once again.

Purchased Price: $10.90
Size: Large à la carte container
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (5.5 oz) 470 calories, 24 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 960 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 23 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Spicy Tiny Tacos

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Jack in the Box Spicy Tiny Tacos Shell

Don’t let the red color fool you into thinking the shells used for Jack in the Box’s Spicy Tiny Tacos are spicy. I assure you those ominous Lucifer eyelid-shaped shells bring no heat whatsoever. There isn’t any seasoning on or in them unless you count red food coloring.

But their color, along with the somewhat surprising look of the filling inside them, have got me thinking about elves, hung stockings, and decorated Christmas trees.

Wait. What? Christmas?

When I reveal to you what’s in every Spicy Tiny Taco, you’ll understand my fast food friends.

Jack in the Box Spicy Tiny Tacos Filling

Yup, it’s green. Actually, it’s more so in real life than what my iPhone’s camera shows. The familiar shiny dark green pieces make it safe to assume that the filling is a combination of ground pickled jalapeños and, like the original Tiny Tacos, ground chicken and spices.

Jack in the Box Spicy Tiny Tacos Dip

The peppers bring more heat than flavor, but I didn’t mind that because the simple combo that makes up the filling is tasty enough that I’m happy eating them by themselves. But I’m even more content when I dip the red Tiny Tacos into the ranch dipping sauce that came with my order. The tangy accoutrement tempers the spiciness but adds another level of flavor on top of the seasoned meat and jalapeño. What I got is probably the default, but I imagine you could enhance your tacos with any sauce Jack offers, even his Mystery Sauce.

Jack in the Box Spicy Tiny Tacos Box

As for spiciness, after eating all 15 Spicy Tiny Tacos in one sitting, my nose did start running a little. But I didn’t need a cold beverage to soothe my mouth. Of course, mouths vary. But if you’ve had other Jack in the Box items that feature jalapeños, you’ll have an idea of the heat level.

Jack in the Box Spicy Tiny Tacos Loaded

There’s also a Loaded version that comes topped with lettuce, cheese, and taco sauce, which I also ordered. But mine didn’t come with cheese, so I won’t give it a rating here. However, I imagine, just like with the original Tiny Tacos, the toppings do enhance them, especially the taco sauce, which gives the side an additional kick and peppery flavor. So if you do decide to get the regular Spicy Tiny Tacos, I’d recommend grabbing a taco sauce packet or two to enhance them, which is what I’ll be doing when I order them again.

Jack’s Spicy Tiny Tacos are a great sequel to the original Tiny Tacos. In fact, I think they’re better. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Purchased Price: $4.99*
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 360 calories, 13 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 670 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Sonic Banana Pudding Shake

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Sonic Banana Pudding Shake Cherry

The first thing you should know before we really get into this review is that I love banana-flavored anything. Are you one of those insane people who pitch your banana Laffy Taffy or Runts? I will gladly take both off your hands. But my lust isn’t relegated to artificial banana flavoring alone, oh no. I am just as wild about bananas that come in a pie or in bread. You might say that I *checks notes* go ape for bananas.

There is, however, one blind spot in my yellow-fruit fanaticism: banana pudding. Honestly, it has less to do with my disinterest in that particular flavor and more to do with the fact that my pudding consumption is probably below average. According to an actual website I saw on the internet, 150 million Americans ate pudding in 2020; I’m honestly not sure if I was one of them. (And if I did, it was a very unimpressive amount — likely a single pudding cup.)

So how, then, would I find Sonic’s new Banana Pudding Shake? Let’s review.

Sonic’s shake-take on this Southern dessert classic features vanilla ice cream, banana pudding, banana pieces, Nilla wafers, whipped topping, and a maraschino cherry. As expected, this shake is VERY banana-centric.

The pudding was indiscernible from the vanilla ice cream, which was probably due to, you know, the blending process. So really, it ended up tasting like soupy banana ice cream. Thick chunks of banana abounded throughout the concoction necessitating the need for a spoon at times.

Sonic Banana Pudding Shake Top

The whipped topping was creamy and sweet and provided a nice blanket for a mess of crushed up Nilla wafers. Speaking of, I was surprised and impressed that the wafers held their crunch for as long as they did; Nilla makes a sturdy wafer, it seems. The cherry was probably fine, but I don’t know since my daughter stole and ate it when I wasn’t looking.

Sonic Banana Pudding Shake Soupy

This is the part of the review where you might be wondering how this compares to Sonic’s regular banana shake. Well, for starters, it’s much runnier. The pudding compromises the consistency of the treat, as one might expect. It does, however, also elevate the banana taste as well as add a nuanced layer of additional creaminess. The wafer pieces are also a noticeably different component, adding a welcome textural variance to the affair.

So is it worth it? For sure, but ONLY if you’re crazy about banana. This thing may even be too much for a casual banana fan. And if you don’t like bananas at all, it’s sort of weird that you read this whole thing. But thank you for your time, regardless, and I hope you have a great day.

Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: Small
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (small) 760 calories, 38 grams of fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 24 grams of saturated fat, 100 mg of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 94 grams of total carbohydrates, 64 gram of total sugars, less than 2 grams of fiber, and 11 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Garlic & Bacon King

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Burger King Garlic Bacon King Full

Ah, garlic. Aggressively odiferous plant. Repellent of vampires. Destroyer of kisses. Enhancer of… well, I was going to say “enhancer of Italian food,” but garlic is like cuteness at a kitten convention — it’s everywhere, basically. Including this new burger from Burger King, which it’s calling the Garlic & Bacon King (GBK).

Burger King’s website doesn’t really explain what is on the GBK, but other sites use this description: “a new premium burger made with two quarter-pound flame-grilled beef patties topped with three half-slices of bacon, new garlic pieces, two slices of American cheese, and mayo on a soft sesame seed bun.”

I got the single which is also an option. That also reduced the number of cheese slices by one, which was totally fine, and I’m pretty sure the single came with two pieces of bacon instead of three. (Again, this made sense.)

The real story here is the inclusion of “new garlic pieces.” Now, if you read this but haven’t seen a picture, this is pretty broad, right? Are we talking minced-up garlic mixed in with the mayo? Loose cloves lying sleepily atop the patty? The possibilities are endless. (Okay, well, maybe there are only two or three actual possibilities. But still.)

Burger King Garlic Bacon King Gaaaarlic

In this case, we’re talking thin garlic petals that have been deep fried. And there are a TON of them. An overwhelming amount, in fact. If you do not like garlic, there is no way on Earth you like this burger. There is no subtlety here, oh no. This is a giant poke in the eye with a big, greasy, garlic-coated finger. And to borrow an expression from the youth of today, “I am here for it.”

I’m not sure I had a single bite that didn’t have a crispy, garlicky petal in it. Also, please note that I said “crispy.” Despite a 10-minute car ride home and some photography after, they were amazingly crisp. Texturally (and of a similar potency), the garlic reminded me of the French’s Crispy Fried Onions your Aunt Lydia puts on the green bean casserole each Thanksgiving. These things were STRONG, but delicious.

Burger King Garlic Bacon King Split

Everything else about the burger was pretty standard BK fare. The bacon was thick, well-cooked, and salty, the mayo was appropriately creamy, and the cheese was perfectly fine fast food American cheese. I will say, the patty tasted a bit more charbroiled than I think BK’s patties typically are. I’m not sure how these things are prepared, so I don’t know if it was something in the preparation, or if it’s something with the meat, or perhaps some combination. In any case, it tasted fresh and meaty, and I felt like it elevated this particular burger.

While this isn’t in the same league as the new BK Ch’King sandwich, it is a nice LTO that’s worthy of a go. Just don’t do it before heading to a make-out party or inviting any vampire friends over for a board game night.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: Single patty
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Unavailable at this time (Okay, well, the website says the single I had has 214 calories, and something about that seems off. There are no other stats.)

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