A new writer premieres at The Impulsive Buy and takes it to new heights…of lows, that is. <\/p>\n
I realize this opening smacks of clich\u00c3\u00a9, but I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think of any other way to introduce myself as the new writer to this fine site.<\/p>\n
Hi, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Reprobate, a fan of the site since 2006, and for the past year or so, regular contributor to the comments section. By the way, those of you who are die hard fans of this site may also recognize me as one of two winners of the Blue Hawaii Pepsi that was offered by this site. Jealous? No? Argh! But I digress.<\/p>\n
Anyhoo, with the addition of me, The Impulsive Buy has finally gone coast to coast!
\nWell, almost. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been a Michigan resident for the last 16 years, and I graduated from Michigan State this year with a degree in Mechanical Engineering. No, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not as impressive as it sounds; the crowning achievement of my scholastic career was to build a bike that broke after 15 minutes. Before that, I was a pretty good student who was one of those quiet guys. No, nothing like the Trench Coat Mafia. Just one of those guys who you never noticed or just dismissed. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been on radio before, both in high school and college, which was fun. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve also passed through the annals of special education in my earlier years, and riding the small bus was fantastic. We get the best seats! I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve also shaken my jiggly butt on high school TV before and one of my physics teachers nearly got arrested for bringing a rifle to school (it turned out to be a BB gun). Anyways, I think that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s enough about my checkered past. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to destroy my sterling reputation quite yet.<\/p>\n
I hope that you guys will enjoy my reviews and maybe chuckle a few times. Feel free to compliment me or bash me in the comments, and we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll see how it goes. Until then, love and peace! Oh, and please try not to spay or neuter your pets. If you have to, just leave one of the nuts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A new writer premieres at The Impulsive Buy and takes it to new heights…of lows, that is. I realize this opening smacks of clich\u00c3\u00a9, but I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think of any other way to introduce myself as the new writer to this fine site. Hi, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Reprobate, a fan of the site since 2006, and for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1165","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3292,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/04\/28\/announcement-new-writer-ends-the-sausagefest-at-the-impulsive-buy\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":0},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Writer Ends The Sausagefest at The Impulsive Buy","author":"Kayla","date":"April 28, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"The glass ceiling has been broken, and I was the one who whipped out her .357 Magnum Lara Croft-style and shattered that sucker into a million pieces. Actually, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not that badass, but I will be the first writer sans schlong here at The Impulsive Buy. And yes, I used\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":16202,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/01\/27\/announcement-new-impulsive-buy-writer-jack\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":1},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Writer Jack","author":"Jack","date":"January 27, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Whenever I have to introduce myself, in order to give a stellar first impression, I try to forgo words and instead perform a sweeping, well executed high five with whoever is nearest to me. Man? Woman? Stranger? Infant? It doesn't matter. Get ready for a palm full of total coolness\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11782,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/04\/06\/announcement-new-impulsive-buy-reviewer-marisa\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":2},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Marisa","author":"Marisa","date":"April 6, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Dear Impulsive Buy readers, I never thought this would happen to me.... My name\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Marisa and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m humbled to be invited to join the team of writers here. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m East Coast born, West Coast raised and will swear up and down that I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have any sort of an accent.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7837,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/11\/29\/announcement-new-impulsive-buy-reviewer-jasper\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":3},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Jasper","author":"Jasper","date":"November 29, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Hello readers! I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Jasper, one of The Impulsive Buy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s new reviewers. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have to keep this introduction short, since I wrote this on Taco Tuesday and I hate typing while sitting on the toilet. \"Whoa, a poop joke in his very first paragraph,\" you just gasped. Yeah, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s right. I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7916,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/12\/05\/announcement-new-impulsive-buy-reviewer-nichol\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":4},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Nichol","author":"Nichol","date":"December 5, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Hi! Hello? Is this thing on? I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 HELLO IMPULSIVE BUYERS! Oh \u00e2\u20ac\u201c okay, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s better. My name is Nichol. Long time follower, first time typewriter monkey. First off, I am a San Diegan, and therefore classy. I possess the heart and stomach of a Midwesterner, the eyes of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4844,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/09\/27\/announcement-new-impulsive-buy-writer-stacey\/","url_meta":{"origin":1165,"position":5},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Writer Stacey","author":"Stacey","date":"September 27, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Hello The Impulsive Buy readers! You've probably figured out by now that I'm the new writer around here, but since we didn't get to properly meet, please allow me to properly introduce myself. Hi! I'm Stacey. You may remember me from such websites as Pajiba and Webster's is My Bitch.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1165","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1165"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1165\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1165"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1165"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1165"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}