Carb Well<\/a>, for proving that there are different levels of crap.<\/p>\nWell I guess I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll keep buying them and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll keep getting burned.<\/p>\n
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like the rottweiler keeps biting me, but I still want to pet it.<\/p>\n
You know, Dr. Atkins and his fat ass is probably laughing at me up in heaven and being thankful that he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to eat the low-carb crap that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s available today.<\/p>\n
Damn you, Dr. Atkins! I really hope the only things available to eat in heaven are Krispy Kreme donuts.<\/p>\n
Anyway, the newest way I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been torturing myself is with the Skippy Carb Options Peanut Butter. <\/p>\n
It looks like peanut butter. It smells like peanut butter. It spreads like peanut butter. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fun to feed to dogs like peanut butter. It tastes like peanut butter\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n
Oh, wait. That last part about the tasting like peanut butter\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Um, it really doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t.<\/p>\n
So the Skippy Carb Options Peanut Butter accomplishes all this sticky not-so-goodness with less sugar, less carbs, and less peanuts. <\/p>\n
Less peanuts? That explains the taste.<\/p>\n
According to the bottle, it says Skippy Carb Options Peanut Butter is made out of 65 percent peanuts. Of course, the obvious $65,000 Question is, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What the hell makes up the other 35 percent?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Your guess is as good as mine, but I sure hope some of that 35 percent isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Splenda. <\/p>\n
(Reading label)<\/p>\n
Holy crap! Some of that IS Splenda. <\/p>\n
Dammit, Splenda! Why can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you cause anal leakage like Olestra did? That way you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just disappear and become another segment in the future VH1 show, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I Love the 2000s\u00e2\u20ac\u009d where Hal Sparks and Michael Ian Black will make jokes about you.<\/p>\n
So what benefits do we get with Splenda and 35 percent less peanuts in our Skippy Carb Options Peanut Butter? <\/p>\n
We get TWO less grams of sugar and carbs than regular Skippy peanut butter. <\/p>\n
Only two less grams of carbs? <\/p>\n
So Skippy spent time and energy to make a low-carb Skippy peanut butter and it turns out that regular Skippy peanut butter was ALREADY low-carb.<\/p>\n
Damn you, Dr. Atkins! <\/p>\n
DAMN YOU!<\/p>\n
STOP LAUGHING AT ME!<\/p>\n
Item:<\/b> Skippy Carb Option Peanut Butter
\nPurchase Price:<\/b> $2.50 (on sale)
\nRating:<\/b> 2 out of 5
\nPros:<\/b> Possibly better than peanut butter made out of 50 percent peanuts. Looks like peanut butter. Smells like peanut butter. Spreads like peanut butter.
\nCons:<\/b> Grainy. 65% peanuts! Splenda!!! Dr. Atkins is laughing at me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know why I keep torturing myself with all of these low-carb items. Every time I buy one, I know it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not going to taste good and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to write a crappy review about it. I really should just let these folks handle the reviews for the low-carb stuff and I should just […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1586,1558,1557],"class_list":["post-128","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-condiment","tag-peanut-butter","tag-skippy"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":169,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/03\/10\/del-monte-carb-clever-sliced-pears\/","url_meta":{"origin":128,"position":0},"title":"Del Monte Carb Clever Sliced Pears","author":"Marvo","date":"March 10, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"(Dialing phone number on magic glowing red phone that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s on fire) (Phone ringing) HITLER: Guten Tag. MARVO: Hey, Adolf, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Marvo. HITLER: Ahhh, Marvo! How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s it hanging? MARVO: Pretty good. So how\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Hell treating you? HITLER: You know, there are good days and there are bad days, but mostly bad\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":143,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/02\/14\/keto-vanilla-moon-super-premium-ice-cream\/","url_meta":{"origin":128,"position":1},"title":"Keto Vanilla Moon Super Premium Ice Cream","author":"Marvo","date":"February 14, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"(Editor\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Note: I was going to do a review about Valentine\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Day today, but I found a product that could actually help me get a Valentine, if their commercial is accurate. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll review it tomorrow and let you know if it worked. No, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not pheromones. So instead of a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":419,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2006\/11\/26\/rockstar-zero-carb-energy-drink\/","url_meta":{"origin":128,"position":2},"title":"REVIEW: Rockstar Zero Carb Energy Drink","author":"Marvo","date":"November 26, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"I thought the new Rockstar Zero Carb Energy Drink would be as bad as plastic surgery Axl Rose and Buckethead Guns 'N Roses, but surprisingly it turned out to be Axl, Slash, Izzy, Duff, and Steven Appetite for Destruction Guns 'N Roses good. It's surprising because most of the zero\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Rockstar Zero Carb Energy Drink","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.static.flickr.com\/5230\/5582048278_56d8612180.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":59,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2004\/10\/15\/lo-carb-monster-energy-drink\/","url_meta":{"origin":128,"position":3},"title":"Lo-Carb Monster Energy Drink","author":"Marvo","date":"October 15, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m trying to imagine what my college life would have been like without Jolt Cola and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nearly illegal amounts of caffeine. I probably would have ended up with straight F\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s instead of straight C\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. Without the sleep prevention properties of the caffeine, sugar, and carbs in Jolt Cola, I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":168,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/03\/09\/campbells-carb-request-chicken-broccoli-cheese-soup\/","url_meta":{"origin":128,"position":4},"title":"Campbell\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Carb Request Chicken Broccoli Cheese Soup","author":"Marvo","date":"March 9, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"I remember when my mother first fed me broccoli. It was a warm July evening and the sun was still high in the sky. Because it was still so lighted, my parents left the lights off as we ate dinner. 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Both of them were good, but if you read the nutritional information, you will notice each product has enough carbs and sugar to cause the late Dr.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=128"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=128"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=128"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=128"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![\"Skippy](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/images\/lowcarbskippy.jpg\")
<\/p>\n