{"id":14921,"date":"2013-05-31T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-05-31T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=14921"},"modified":"2020-12-24T11:29:17","modified_gmt":"2020-12-24T21:29:17","slug":"review-oscar-mayer-bacon-dogs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2013\/05\/31\/review-oscar-mayer-bacon-dogs\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Oscar Mayer Bacon Dogs"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Oscar<\/a><\/p>\n

If I understand the moral objections some vegetarians have toward eating meat, it’s that a human life has no more intrinsic value than an animal life, so eating an animal is as ethically wrong as killing a person… i.e., “meat is murder.”\u00a0 And as anyone whose wife watches as much Criminal Minds and C.S.I. as mine does can attest, serial killers are generally classified as having killed three or more people in separate incidents.\u00a0 So if I eat a hot dog that contains more than two kinds of meat, am I complicit in serial murder?<\/p>\n

(If it wasn’t obvious, these kinds of thoughts are the reason I didn’t have a real girlfriend until college.\u00a0 Also the mullet.)<\/p>\n

Anyway, as you might have surmised by the first paragraph, today we’re looking at a hot dog containing not one, not two, but THREE different kinds of meat.\u00a0 (Maybe four, actually… the package lists “pork” and “bacon” as two different kinds of meat, but unless there’s something I’d reeeeeally rather not know, they both come from pig, no?)\u00a0 The exact quote is “Franks made with turkey and chicken & pork and bacon,” and your guess is as good as mine as to why there’s an ampersand separating the poultry from the good meats.<\/p>\n

Regardless, I’ll admit that my confidence was not high going into this review.\u00a0 Hot dogs?\u00a0 Good.\u00a0 Bacon?\u00a0 Shut your damn mouth if you just said anything other than “Effing fantastic, sir!”\u00a0 But combined?\u00a0 Hmmm.\u00a0 I’ve had bacon-flavored beer before.\u00a0 It was, uh, better in small quantities.\u00a0 And… well, you hear things about hot dogs.\u00a0 We already suspect pig anus to be one of the primary ingredients (12% by volume!), so is bacon really going to offset that?\u00a0 Nevertheless, I took this job knowing there’d be gross foods involved, and you don’t build cred reviewing nothing but ice cream and snack cakes.\u00a0 So come at me, Oscar Mayer!<\/p>\n

Normally I spend some time talking about packaging, but there is absolutely nothing exciting about this container.\u00a0 It’s clear, you can see the franks inside, there’s an extremely small picture of some bacon strips at the top.\u00a0 The word “New!” on one side of the label is literally the most eye-catching thing about it, but even that could be easily overlooked.\u00a0 I don’t know if that’s standard hot dog protocol or if these are the equivalent of a TV show the network dumps on Saturday night in the summer, but you could easily bypass the bacon dogs unless you’re specifically looking for them.<\/p>\n

Which (spoiler!) maybe you shouldn’t.\u00a0 To give these a fair shake, I prepared them in a couple of different ways.\u00a0 First was 20 seconds in the microwave (they’re precooked, obviously), after which I dug in.\u00a0 The verdict is: no, they really don’t taste much like bacon.\u00a0 It’s ever so much not at all like biting into a non-crispy strip of a pig’s ultimate evolution.\u00a0 It tastes somewhat similar to a regular hot dog, though a bit more like ham, which does not mesh well.\u00a0 My wife described it as “like hot baloney,” and I don’t think she intended that as a compliment.<\/p>\n

The texture is likewise basically that of your average hot dog, and there’s an artificial smokey flavor that tastes really fake, not at all like these just came off the grill.\u00a0 All in all, it’s not impossible to choke down so much as it’s just not as tasty as a regular hot dog, and not at all like bacon.<\/p>\n

\"Oscar<\/a><\/p>\n

But I’m nothing if not fair and thorough, so I also grilled one on the George Foreman, typically used for lesser meat products not worthy of the official Man Grill.\u00a0 I will offer that it was better, though not a lot.\u00a0 The baloney taste was slightly lessened and the texture a bit better, as you’d expect, but it still didn’t taste at all like bacon other than the artificial smoky flavor, and even that was pretty faint.<\/p>\n

The lesson, I think, is obvious: whether it’s bacon-flavored hot dogs or unlimited all-you-can-eat shrimp cocktails, when something sounds too good to be true, it usually is.\u00a0 The rating on these is reflective of averaging the difference between microwaving (3) and grilling (5), but it boils down to one thing: these are not significantly worse than a regular hot dog, but they’re a little<\/i> worse; and if you’re going to tout bacon flavor, then dammit, your product had better deliver.\u00a0 If not, don’t be surprised when some internet wiseass takes you to task for it.\u00a0 It’s the American way.<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts – 1 link – 130 calories, 100 calories from fat, 11 grams of total fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.)<\/small><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Oscar Mayer Bacon Dogs
\nPurchased Price:<\/b> $1.99
\nSize:<\/b> 8 links\/14 oz.
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Shop-Rite
\nRating:<\/b> 4 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Easy to prepare.\u00a0 Concept of bacon dogs.\u00a0 Slight smoky flavor which isn’t bad.\u00a0 Not going to break the bank.
\nCons:<\/b> Hot baloney.\u00a0 Full glass of bacon-flavored beer.\u00a0 I’m barely willing to ingest that much fat for real bacon.\u00a0 Smokey flavor is too artificial.\u00a0 Regretting that 3 different animals gave their lives for this stuff.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If I understand the moral objections some vegetarians have toward eating meat, it’s that a human life has no more intrinsic value than an animal life, so eating an animal is as ethically wrong as killing a person… i.e., “meat is murder.”\u00a0 And as anyone whose wife watches as much Criminal Minds and C.S.I. as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14921","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":13136,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/08\/06\/news-start-your-morning-with-a-marie-callenders-sausage-gravy-egg-meat-pie\/","url_meta":{"origin":14921,"position":0},"title":"NEWS: Start Your Morning With A Marie Callender’s Sausage, Gravy & Egg Meat Pie","author":"Marvo","date":"August 6, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"I think the 22 grams of saturated fat Marie Callender's new Sausage, Gravy & Egg Meat Pie contains is a good thing. My doctor says I need to eat more vegetables and if I eat this meat pie and the 110 percent of my daily value of saturated fat it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":52876,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2022\/09\/09\/panda-express-beyond-orange-chicken-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":14921,"position":1},"title":"REVIEW: Panda Express Beyond Orange Chicken","author":"Marvo","date":"September 9, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"I have not eaten my weight in Panda Express' Orange Chicken, and moments of my life were used to calculating whether I did. But I've eaten so much of it that I can instantly tell Panda Express' faux fowl Beyond Orange Chicken doesn't taste EXACTLY like the real deal. But\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/pandaboc4.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/pandaboc4.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/pandaboc4.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/pandaboc4.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12648,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/06\/18\/review-pizza-hut-pzolo-buffalo-chicken-meat-trio-and-italian-steak\/","url_meta":{"origin":14921,"position":2},"title":"REVIEW: Pizza Hut P’Zolo (Buffalo Chicken, Meat Trio, and Italian Steak)","author":"Jeff","date":"June 18, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"When I was a child I would grab pizza crusts and pretend I was one of those boss villains chomping on a cigar yelling things like \"Get them boys and show\u00e2\u20ac\u2122em what it means ta dubbahcross me\" or \"Those guys will never know what hit them!\" I got in trouble\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Pizza Hut P'Zolo","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7237\/7392978118_ecfb754b0e.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":43973,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2020\/05\/18\/jimmy-dean-casserole-bites-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":14921,"position":3},"title":"REVIEW: Jimmy Dean Casserole Bites","author":"Leonard","date":"May 18, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Finally, some innovation in the frozen breakfast aisle! Not since its Stuffed Hash Browns have I've been excited for one of Jimmy Dean's new launches. This time around, it is tackling breakfast casseroles and turning into them into heat-and-eat bites. Jimmy Dean's Casserole Bites are available in three flavors \u2013\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/Jimmy-Dean-Casserole-Bites-Meat-Lovers-1.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/Jimmy-Dean-Casserole-Bites-Meat-Lovers-1.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/Jimmy-Dean-Casserole-Bites-Meat-Lovers-1.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/Jimmy-Dean-Casserole-Bites-Meat-Lovers-1.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/Jimmy-Dean-Casserole-Bites-Meat-Lovers-1.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":56030,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2023\/05\/04\/pizza-hut-cheesesteak-pizza-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":14921,"position":4},"title":"REVIEW: Pizza Hut Cheesesteak Pizza","author":"Marvo","date":"May 4, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"When eating a cheesesteak, you're guaranteed to get some steak in EVERY bite because it's loaded with meat. But that isn't the case with Pizza Hut's new Cheesesteak Pizza. The limited time offering comes with Alfredo sauce, green bell peppers, onions, parmesan oregano seasoning, mozzarella cheese, and Pizza Hut's new\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/phcheessteakpiz1-600x450.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/phcheessteakpiz1-600x450.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/phcheessteakpiz1-600x450.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":13395,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/09\/10\/review-morningstar-farms-meal-starters-veggie-meatballs\/","url_meta":{"origin":14921,"position":5},"title":"REVIEW: Morningstar Farms Meal Starters Veggie Meatballs","author":"Kelley","date":"September 10, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"I am an unapologetic carnivore. Steaks, ribs, loins, legs, wings, cheeks \u2013 bring it on. To my mouth, I mean; not to a cheerleading competition. My arteries are far too clogged by a lifetime of red meat for me to have the strength or motivation to climb a human pyramid,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Morningstar Farms Meal Starters Veggie Meatballs","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8035\/7967885126_e9b0c890f4.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14921","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14921"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14921\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14921"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14921"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14921"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}