{"id":15036,"date":"2013-07-01T00:33:49","date_gmt":"2013-07-01T10:33:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=15036"},"modified":"2023-03-04T19:05:27","modified_gmt":"2023-03-05T05:05:27","slug":"review-lesters-fixins-ranch-dressing-soda","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2013\/07\/01\/review-lesters-fixins-ranch-dressing-soda\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Lester’s Fixins Ranch Dressing Soda"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Lester's<\/a><\/p>\n

Do you ever just sit around your house on the internet and think that you\u2019ve seen it all? Think that there is nothing left to look up? Nothing left to read about?<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve read Benjamin Franklin\u2019s “Fart Proudly<\/a>” essay like three times, you know all of the inventors killed by their own inventions<\/a>, and you have the formula for OpenCola<\/a> committed to memory.<\/p>\n

I think that sometimes when I\u2019m staring at my screen trying to find how I can change the blink rate of the cursor in Microsoft Word (Accessibility options). <\/p>\n

Then I get a bottle of Ranch Dressing Soda in the mail and am ecstatic to have a few more minutes of fresh internet excavating to keep me busy.<\/p>\n

I have to admit I was ignorant of the history of ranch dressing. As such an American staple, you\u2019d think it would be right there in our high school history book glossaries, wedged in between Radical Republicans and ratification. But it\u2019s not.<\/p>\n

Did you know that ranch dressing, which is the number one salad dressing in the U.S., didn\u2019t exist until the 1950s? I had no idea. I thought it was like the Mississippi and had just been around since time immemorial. But it hasn\u2019t. It was invented by a couple at the Hidden Valley Ranch in California. The Hidden Valley Ranch! It was a real place! It must\u2019ve been magical there. I also found out that Wish-Bone was a real restaurant, and get this, Paul Newman was a real guy! Crazy!<\/p>\n

Ok so that\u2019s really the whole story. They made it at their ranch and people liked it and they started selling it and then Clorox bought the rights to it.<\/p>\n

Cut to a half a century later and we have Lester\u2019s Fixins Ranch Dressing Soda. I\u2019m not sure if the Hensons of Hidden Valley would approve of what has become of their majestic concoction.<\/p>\n

This is one of the latest offerings from the novelty soda company, Rocket Fizz, in their line of Lester\u2019s Fixins sodas. Lester\u2019s Fixins seems to be the product line where Rocket Fizz showcases their most unusual (read: grossest) flavors. Its sister soda line, Melba\u2019s Fixins offers slightly less disturbing flavors like Apple Pie, Lemon Merengue Pie, and Sweet Tea. <\/p>\n

I must say it\u2019s good to see a small upstart take aim at a market dominated for too long by Jones Soda! Thinking you\u2019re all cool with your Egg Nog and your Road Kill flavors! Take that Jones! (I have no stake in this fight.)<\/p>\n

\"Lester's<\/a><\/p>\n

Right out of the box, I\u2019m not a huge fan of the packaging. It could be punched up a bit. Seems a little too DIY. But maybe that\u2019s what they were going for.<\/p>\n

Also, of all the colors that a liquid can take, I argue that none is more repellant than a murkily translucent shade of white (shiver). I\u2019ll take your foulest shades of green of brown any day.<\/p>\n

\"Lester's<\/a><\/p>\n

The nosegrope is not of food or beverage. It\u2019s a subtle blend of paint and new cardboard. Not old, ratty cardboard. New cardboard, like a box you\u2019d buy for moving day. A nice box.<\/p>\n

The soda is surprisingly sweet. Almost like it has a sugared up Sprite base. The sweetness hits your tongue a split second before the wave of absolute heinousness comes crashing down upon it.<\/p>\n

\"Lester's<\/a><\/p>\n

When I <\/a>blog about vintage cereals, those that are decades past their expiration date, the cereals always take on a plastic chemical flavor from their containing bag. This soda tastes like that. Like it\u2019s been sitting around in a waxy plastic bag leaching chemicals for decades. It. Is. Foul. And that foulness is sharp and coats your mouth in a repellant sticky film that refuses to go away.<\/p>\n

I expected this to be bad, but my expectations were exceeded. This doesn\u2019t taste like any ranch dressing I\u2019ve ever had. And if there is a ranch dressing being made somewhere that tastes like this, the residents of that ranch need to be evacuated immediately because there has been some kind of breach at the nuclear plant upriver. The cows may already be dead.<\/p>\n

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Jonathan for sending us a bottle of Lester’s Fixins Ranch Dressing Soda.)<\/b><\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts \u2013 12 ounces \u2013 170 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 42 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.) <\/small><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Lester\u2019s Fixins Ranch Dressing Soda
\nPurchased Price:<\/b> N\/A
\nSize:<\/b> 12 ounces
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Rocket Fizz
\nRating:<\/b> 0 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Absolutely nothing.
\nCons:<\/b> Taste. Smell. Color. Bottle.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you ever just sit around your house on the internet and think that you\u2019ve seen it all? Think that there is nothing left to look up? Nothing left to read about? You\u2019ve read Benjamin Franklin\u2019s “Fart Proudly” essay like three times, you know all of the inventors killed by their own inventions, and you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[2200,1488],"class_list":["post-15036","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-lesters-fixins","tag-soda"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":48327,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2021\/09\/21\/flamin-hot-mtn-dew-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":15036,"position":0},"title":"REVIEW: Flamin’ Hot Mtn Dew","author":"Marvo","date":"September 21, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Flamin' Hot Mtn Dew is not very spicy, which I don't know if I should be disappointed about or thankful for. 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Drop 20 pounds by March.) Of course, being a professional fast food reviewer, I suppose that means I\u2019m going to have to do double the number of crunches to hit pay dirt. Thankfully, however, Arby\u2019s\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/Arby%E2%80%99s-Nashville-Hot-Fish-Sandwich-4.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/Arby%E2%80%99s-Nashville-Hot-Fish-Sandwich-4.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/Arby%E2%80%99s-Nashville-Hot-Fish-Sandwich-4.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":19681,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/02\/19\/spotted-on-shelves-7-eleven-select-soda-by-jones-soda-co\/","url_meta":{"origin":15036,"position":3},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: 7-Eleven Select Soda by Jones Soda Co","author":"Marvo","date":"February 19, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"The line is available in five flavors: Bluesberry Smash (not a spelling error), Tropical Slam Rambutan (if you're wondering what a rambutan looks like, it's a neat looking fruit), Fruit Loose (should've been called Froot Loose), Twisted Citrus (nothing interesting to say about it), and Cocolocolilinut. They will have 76\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"7-Eleven Select Soda by Jones Soda Co","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm2.staticflickr.com\/1687\/25115181925_b08672839a_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm2.staticflickr.com\/1687\/25115181925_b08672839a_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm2.staticflickr.com\/1687\/25115181925_b08672839a_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":76919,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2026\/04\/21\/new-grocery-products-spotted-april-21-2026\/","url_meta":{"origin":15036,"position":4},"title":"New Grocery Products Spotted \u2014 April 21, 2026","author":"Marvo","date":"April 21, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Here are some interesting new products found on store shelves by your fellow readers. 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Philadelphia Frosting Lemon Cream\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/prodagdapprosd.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/prodagdapprosd.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/prodagdapprosd.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/prodagdapprosd.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/prodagdapprosd.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":17188,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/07\/09\/spotted-on-shelves-hansens-natural-kale-cane-soda\/","url_meta":{"origin":15036,"position":5},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Hansen’s Natural Kale Cane Soda","author":"Marvo","date":"July 9, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I hope the folks at Hansen's perfectly captured kale's bitterness and put it into this soda. 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