{"id":15767,"date":"2013-11-19T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-11-19T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=15767"},"modified":"2023-09-04T21:20:20","modified_gmt":"2023-09-05T07:20:20","slug":"review-burger-king-big-king-2013","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2013\/11\/19\/review-burger-king-big-king-2013\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Burger King Big King (2013)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Burger<\/a><\/p>\n

For every Diablo II, there is a Titan Quest. For every Bruce Lee, you get a Bruce Li (or a Bruce Leung if you\u2019re really unfortunate). And for every Volcano<\/i>, you are tortured by a Dante\u2019s Peak<\/i>. Is it me or am I the only who laughed when that old lady was screaming in that boiling lake? The melting legs in Volcano<\/i> were funny too, but at least it had Anne Heche when she was \u201clibrarian-hot.\u201d<\/p>\n

They say people believe that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. (Run-on sentence warning.) I say people who say that are secretly wishing to bury a pickaxe into the skull of the imitation rather than spew some bullshit silver lining sayings.<\/p>\n

Burger King\u2019s Big King isn\u2019t so much an imitation as it is more of a dare to size up a corporate \u201cWho\u2019s penis is bigger?\u201d argument. The name itself, Big King, is a figurative flaming arrow shot Rambo-way at a certain clown who hawks a particular legendary two all-beef patties sandwich. <\/p>\n

But if you plan on taking down a legend, you need to bring more than just empty talk.<\/p>\n

You see, I envision this as a bonus stage in Mortal Kombat II, complete with a pixelated voice shouting \u201cRound One, FIGHT!\u201d and the secret blood code unlocked. It\u2019s Big King versus Big Mac! (Cue the underrated Utah Saints\u2019 remix of Mortal Kombat theme song.)<\/p>\n

Then I picture the sap playing as Big King watching in silence as he is being barraged by multiple point punches. Soon, computerized shouts of \u201cToasty!\u201d and \u201cFlawless\u201d pepper the air as the digitalized lettuce and pickles start flying around. Of course, the player smashes the Playstation controller onto the cold tile and walks out.<\/p>\n

I believe Big King was introduced in the 90\u2019s, the decade that brought such embarrassments like the soul patch, nipples on Batman\u2019s suit or The Spin Doctors. However, not everything in the 90\u2019s was bad, but Big King will make you think otherwise.<\/p>\n

As you can imagine, Big King is two savory fire-grilled beef patties, special sweet thousand island sauce, lettuce, melted American cheese, crunchy pickles, crispy onions in a sesame seed bun. Don\u2019t try to hum that tune while saying that because it won\u2019t work. If you don\u2019t detect the difference, your taste buds will certainly alert you to it.<\/p>\n

The burger, to say at the very least, made me contemplate suicide after I poisoned all my goldfish by dropping an Alka-Seltzer in the bowl while listening to Interpol. Dramatic I know, but this burger was a complete Hindenburg disaster.<\/p>\n

\"Burger<\/a><\/p>\n

Upon examination, there was so much sauce. It was dripping off the sides like a glazed donut. The burger patties were dry and thin, like those cheap chocolate chip cookies you get from a subpar travel lodge. True to form in my experience, the cheese was not melted and limp. Yet, the lettuce and onions were abundant and crisp, and those pickles crunched like a sonata. Maybe those passive-aggressive people are right, there is a damned silver lining in everything!<\/p>\n

\"Burger<\/a><\/p>\n

When I took my first bite, I wanted to throw it away angrily or 80\u2019s-style wrestler stomp it on the ground. All I could taste was the tangy thousand-island dressing that had too much mayonnaise, the intense briny edge of the pickles and flavorless (but crispy) iceberg lettuce. If the sesame bun was toasted, I had no clue because it was soggy and disgusting. It was like eating a sweet mayonnaise and lettuce sandwich. The onions didn\u2019t even add much, except depression.<\/p>\n

The sauce drowned out everything. It doesn\u2019t help the beef patties were wafer-thin as if it were pretending to be carpaccio and the flavorless lettuce only emphasized the sole flavor of sweet and tangy globs of mayonnaise.<\/p>\n

I was so angry, the onion rings couldn\u2019t even make me happy. Instead I smashed it with my fists and Frisbee\u2019d the offensive sandwich into my neighbor\u2019s lawn.<\/p>\n

Burger King\u2019s promise that \u201cTaste is King\u201d on its bags is akin to the corner escort who says \u201cI love you long time.\u201d I\u2019m all for an alternative, but sometimes the old adage rings true\u2026the original is sometimes better. Unless you\u2019re talking about 2008\u2019s Rambo<\/i>, which I hate to admit, it kicks First Blood<\/i> out of the jungle.<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts – 510 calories, 29 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 780 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of sugar, 18 grams of protein.)<\/small><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Burger King Big King
\nPurchased Price:<\/b> $3.49
\nSize:<\/b> N\/A
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Burger King
\nRating:<\/b> 2 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> The lettuce and pickles were crunchy. Jet Li. You will be find comfort being assured that McDonald\u2019s still trumps in all other special sauce sandwiches. Unlocking the blood code and stomping things 80\u2019s wrestler style.
\nCons:<\/b> Too much sauce. Cheese not melted. Bruce Li. Thin and dry patties. The onion rings won\u2019t save you. Smashing your controller in a fit of rage as an adult.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For every Diablo II, there is a Titan Quest. For every Bruce Lee, you get a Bruce Li (or a Bruce Leung if you\u2019re really unfortunate). And for every Volcano, you are tortured by a Dante\u2019s Peak. Is it me or am I the only who laughed when that old lady was screaming in that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1534,1477],"class_list":["post-15767","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-burger-king","tag-fast-food"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":75016,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2026\/01\/13\/burger-king-cinnamon-apple-pie-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":15767,"position":0},"title":"REVIEW: Burger King Cinnamon Apple Pie","author":"Marvo","date":"January 13, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"There are a few places in the United States where McDonald\u2019s offers fried pies. 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