{"id":16637,"date":"2014-04-07T12:01:09","date_gmt":"2014-04-07T22:01:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=16637"},"modified":"2023-08-14T17:20:53","modified_gmt":"2023-08-15T03:20:53","slug":"review-haagen-dazs-pistachio-gelato","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/04\/07\/review-haagen-dazs-pistachio-gelato\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: H\u00e4agen-Dazs Pistachio Gelato"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Ha?agen-Dazs<\/a><\/p>\n

There are many great mysteries in the universe. Like has anybody ever really killed two birds with one stone? Who\u2019s the brilliant mind behind the cookie cake? If everything King Midas touches turns to gold, can he\u2026 you know\u2026 touch himself? Surely I\u2019m not the only one who ponders these questions on a daily basis. Here\u2019s another one of those mysteries: is gelato any good from a container?<\/p>\n

Before I moved to Missouri, I lived directly across the street from an Italian caf\u00e9, which served the most foodgasm-inducing gelato I\u2019d ever eaten. There were so many flavor options to choose from, it made every trip an adventure because you never knew what you\u2019d walk out of there with. <\/p>\n

Now that the authentic gelato is no longer across the street \u2013 and as far as I can tell nowhere to be had here \u2013 I knew it was time to do some investigating of my own into the store-bought gelatos. I got in the car and made the ever-joyous weekly trip to Walmart. And that\u2019s not sarcasm. I literally live in the middle of nowhere, and going to Walmart passes for fun around these parts.<\/p>\n

While perusing the ice cream aisle, I found H\u00e4agen-Dazs had a new line of gelatos, and the flavor debate began to rage in my noggin. Pomegranate swirl? No. Caramelized banana chip? Interesting, but wasn\u2019t in a banana mood. Pistachio? PISTACHIO! Yes, this was the one. Even the Walmart cashier knew it was the one, as before she put it in the bag she took a gander at it and said, \u201cMmm, now that looks good.\u201d Indeed it does, Walmart cashier. Indeed it does.<\/p>\n

Upon arriving home, I put the gelato in the freezer and prepared to set the mood for the occasion. I tucked the corners of my love seat cover in so it looked nice and neat, cleaned the clutter from my coffee table, put some Miles Davis on and got into my jammies. Yes, I call them jammies.<\/p>\n

\"Ha?agen-Dazs<\/a><\/p>\n

After retrieving the gelato from its frozen prison, I popped its top \u2013 tee hee \u2013 and gave it a look over. It\u2019s a darker green than pistachio ice creams are, and it had little black specks in it, kind of like a vanilla bean flavor would. I buried the cold steel of my spoon in and took a bite. <\/p>\n

HO. LEE. CRAP.<\/p>\n

The gelato was light and uber-creamy like authentic gelato, and it tasted like a real pistachio without having actual pistachios inside of it. This is an advantage because as anyone who\u2019s eaten pistachio ice cream knows, you get a rotten pistachio every once in a while and it is one of the vilest tastes you\u2019ll encounter. <\/p>\n

The gelato is sweet tasting like pistachio ice cream, but you also get that roasted pistachio taste, something I hadn\u2019t encountered in a frozen pistachio delicacy before. It has a high fat content, but you couldn\u2019t tell unless you looked at the nutrition facts because it\u2019s just so damn light and airy. The only element it was missing was the saltiness a real pistachio has. Curious, I put a little bit of salt on a spoonful. <\/p>\n

\"Ha?agen-Dazs<\/a><\/p>\n

It would be impossible for a word or two to describe just how good this bite was, so I will attempt to do so with the following story that may or may not be true. I\u2019ll leave it to you to decide.<\/p>\n

After taking the bite, I blacked out. I awoke some time later to a knock on my door. I wondered who it could be as my building has a buzz-in system. My hot neighbor finally giving into my offer of drinking and yelling at my fantasy baseball team with me? I opened the door to reveal a six-foot tall pistachio. I first thought this some odd Trojan horse attempt of my hot neighbor to make it inside my apartment, and I said \u201cif you wanted to come watch fantasy scores with me, you just had to ask.\u201d But this was not my hot neighbor. It was a talking pistachio. And not just any pistachio either. It was the Pistachio King!<\/p>\n

He said he was summoned here when I achieved pistachio bliss after putting salt on the gelato. I had uncovered the key to ultimate pistachio power. Basically, I unlocked the Super Saiyan 4 level of pistachio flavor. <\/p>\n

The king and I hit it off instantly. It was like we were best friends in a past lifetime. He brought a 24-pack of my favorite beer, Sam Adams Coldsnap, and even laughed at my lame \u201cthat\u2019s a Coldsnap, baby\u201d line, a play off of SRV\u2019s \u201cColdshot.\u201d We put back bottle after bottle and collectively yelled at my fantasy baseball team. Once the games were done for the night, I asked Pistachio King if he wanted to watch me play Kingdom Hearts<\/i>, and without hesitation he said yes! It\u2019s not even a two-player game, but he didn\u2019t care, he just continued to drink and cheer me on.<\/p>\n

At one point Pistachio King asked if I wanted \u201csome of that good shit,\u201d and pulled out a baggie filled with a white crystal-like substance inside. I said \u201cPistachio King, I don\u2019t do that,\u201d but he said \u201cdon\u2019t worry, it\u2019s only salt!\u201d We had a good laugh, and then I put some of the salt on the gelato and took a bite. Everything started spinning, and I again blacked out.<\/p>\n

When I awoke, Pistachio King was gone and the gelato container was empty. Probably just a dream. But wait, why are there pistachio shells on the floor? Hmm\u2026 Well, at least the gelato from a container mystery was solved.<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts – 1\/2 cup – 260 calories, 13 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 22 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 10% calcium, and 4% iron.)<\/small><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> H\u00e4agen-Dazs Pistachio Gelato
\nPurchased Price:<\/b> $3.89
\nSize:<\/b> 14 oz.
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Walmart
\nRating:<\/b> 10 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> As good as legit Italian gelato. Incredible real pistachio flavor. Adding a bit of salt brings out-of-body experience. Kickin\u2019 it with Pistachio King.
\nCons:<\/b> High fat content. Container\u2019s not a full pint. Hot neighbor still doesn\u2019t want to drink and yell at my fantasy baseball team with me. King Midas mystery remains unsolved. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There are many great mysteries in the universe. Like has anybody ever really killed two birds with one stone? Who\u2019s the brilliant mind behind the cookie cake? If everything King Midas touches turns to gold, can he\u2026 you know\u2026 touch himself? Surely I\u2019m not the only one who ponders these questions on a daily basis. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":29,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1665,1468],"class_list":["post-16637","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-haagen-dazs","tag-ice-cream"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":16370,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/02\/25\/spotted-on-shelves-haagen-dazs-gelato-caramelized-banana-chip-and-tiramisu\/","url_meta":{"origin":16637,"position":0},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES – H\u00e4agen-Dazs Gelato (Caramelized Banana Chip and Tiramisu)","author":"Marvo","date":"February 25, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"The H\u00e4agen-Dazs Caramelized Banana Chip Gelato makes me miss H\u00e4agen-Dazs Bananas Foster ice cream. Oh wait. Just learned it's a 7-Eleven exclusive. (Spotted by Josh at Target.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Ha?agen-Dazs Caramelized Banana Chip Gelato","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm4.staticflickr.com\/3825\/12757546214_e4c9ebae20.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":16340,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/02\/20\/spotted-on-shelves-haagen-dazs-pistachio-and-pomegranate-swirl-gelato\/","url_meta":{"origin":16637,"position":1},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES – H\u00e4agen-Dazs Pistachio and Pomegranate Swirl Gelato","author":"Marvo","date":"February 20, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Look! There's new H\u00e4agen-Dazs Gelato flavors. They join Sea Salt Caramel, Vanilla Bean, um, Cappuccino, uhhh, Limon-something-something, Strata-something-something, and other flavors. (Spotted by Shelby at The Fresh Grocer.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Ha?agen-Dazs Pistachio Gelato","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm3.staticflickr.com\/2839\/12645179825_3aa762d395.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":14181,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2013\/01\/02\/news-while-everyone-else-makes-greek-frozen-yogurt-haagen-dazs-makes-gelato\/","url_meta":{"origin":16637,"position":2},"title":"NEWS: While Everyone Else Makes Greek Frozen Yogurt, H\u00e4agen-Dazs Makes Gelato","author":"Marvo","date":"January 2, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"While almost everyone who owns an ice cream company has recently introduced Greek frozen yogurt, H\u00e4agen-Dazs has, so far, stayed away from the trend. However, instead of going Greek, H\u00e4agen-Dazs has decided to go Italian. According to a post at The Ice Cream Informant, H\u00e4agen-Dazs has released a line of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":16900,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/05\/27\/quick-review-haagen-dazs-caramelized-banana-chip-gelato\/","url_meta":{"origin":16637,"position":3},"title":"QUICK REVIEW: Haagen-Dazs Caramelized Banana Chip Gelato","author":"Marvo","date":"May 27, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Purchased Price: $3.99 Size: 14 oz Purchased at: Target Rating: 7 out of 10 Pros: Wonderful banana-flavored gelato that doesn't taste doesn't taste at all artificial, Lots of semi-sweet chocolatey shavings throughout the container, which give the frozen dessert a texture contrast. Not overly sweet. 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