![\"Carb](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/images\/carbpears.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
(Dialing phone number on magic glowing red phone that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s on fire)<\/i><\/p>\n
(Phone ringing)<\/i><\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Guten Tag.<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Hey, Adolf, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Marvo.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Ahhh, Marvo! How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s it hanging?<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Pretty good. So how\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Hell treating you?<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> You know, there are good days and there are bad days, but mostly bad days. So what is up with this unexpected phone call? <\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> I was just wondering what the weather is like in Hell today.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the weather like in Hell? Is this some kind of sick joke, Marvo? You know I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like jokes, especially when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m the butt of the joke. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to make me angry. You wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like me when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m angry.<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Um…I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m s-s-sorry.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Ha! Just kidding. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re so gullible, Marvo. Hey, did you notice I totally ripped off that last line from the Incredible Hulk?<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Uh, no.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Anyway, the weather here in Hell? Let me look outside my window.<\/p>\n
(Hitler looks outside of window)<\/i><\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hot, like it always is.<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> So hell hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t frozen over?<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Pffff…Hell frozen over? Are you drunk right now?<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> No.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> High?<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> No.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Why are you asking me such a silly question?<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Well you know this low-carb craze we have here?<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Oh, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t remind me about low-carb foods. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s one of the ways they torture us here in Hell. First, they torture us with flaming whips. Then our limbs get pulled off by four Hellbeasts. Then they give us a low-carb meal. Then they make us watch the Tony Danza Show without eyelids so we can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t close our eyes. Anyway, as you were saying…<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Well I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been eating all of these low-carb foods to review for the Impulsive Buy and all of them so far have been pretty crappy.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> So far?<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Yeah…I just tried these Del Monte Carb Clever Sliced Pears and they, surprisingly, turned out to be pretty good. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re almost as good as any other regular can of sliced pears I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Get out of here!<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> No, seriously. They were sweet and they were good, but I think the Splenda had something to do with its sweetness.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> You mean, Splenblah.<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Yes, Splenblah. So that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why I wanted to know what the weather was like in Hell. I thought it froze over because the Carb Clever Sliced Pears were actually good.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> You know, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153hell freezing over\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is just a saying. You shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take it literally. If all these sayings were true, I would\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve broken my mother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s back hundreds of times for stepping on hundreds of cracks. Plus, I would probably have hairy palms.<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to hear that last example.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Sorry. So these Carb Clever Sliced Pears are good?<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Yeah.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Maybe I can convince Lucifer to add it to our low-carb meals.<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Hey, good luck with that.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Anyway, so I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be seeing you in about 40 to 60 years?<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Probably.<\/p>\n
HITLER:<\/b> Auf wiedersehen.<\/p>\n
MARVO:<\/b> Bye.<\/p>\n
\n
Item:<\/b> Del Monte Carb Clever Sliced Pears
\nPurchase Price:<\/b> $1.00 (on sale)
\nRating:<\/b> 4 out of 5
\nPros:<\/b> Surprisingly good. Low-calorie. Fat-free. Lots of Vitamin C. Tastes almost like regular canned pears. Low-carb (I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s actually a positive this time)
\nCons:<\/b> Splenda. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Carb Clever\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is a lame product name, alliteration doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work well here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Dialing phone number on magic glowing red phone that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s on fire) (Phone ringing) HITLER: Guten Tag. MARVO: Hey, Adolf, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Marvo. HITLER: Ahhh, Marvo! How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s it hanging? MARVO: Pretty good. So how\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Hell treating you? HITLER: You know, there are good days and there are bad days, but mostly bad days. So what is up […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[2211,1695],"class_list":["post-169","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-canned-food","tag-del-monte"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2004\/08\/12\/tech-hp-laserjet-1012\/","url_meta":{"origin":169,"position":0},"title":"HP Laserjet 1012 Laser Printer","author":"Marvo","date":"August 12, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"It seems like everyone nowadays has a cell phone. 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I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve done exercises that make my lips softer, help me efficiently\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":122,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/01\/13\/motorola-v180\/","url_meta":{"origin":169,"position":4},"title":"Motorola V180","author":"Marvo","date":"January 13, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Three weeks ago, I was a cell phone virgin. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t own a cell phone because I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have a use for one, I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want a possible brain tumor, and I enjoy being uncool. Well today, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a cell phone whore. 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