{"id":171,"date":"2005-03-14T00:00:31","date_gmt":"2005-03-14T10:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/?p=171"},"modified":"2023-09-04T21:29:43","modified_gmt":"2023-09-05T07:29:43","slug":"burger-king-tendercrisp-bacon-cheddar-ranch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/03\/14\/burger-king-tendercrisp-bacon-cheddar-ranch\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Burger King Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"BK<\/p>\n

Dear Darius Rucker,<\/p>\n

My name is Marvo and I’m a big fan of Hootie and the Blowfish, except for that last album you guys did in 2003. I will also admit, for about six months, I didn’t know you were African-American until I saw one of your music videos on MTV.<\/p>\n

I’m writing this letter in regards to the Burger King commercial you did for the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch. I was wondering how much dignity you have left, because you were a multi-platinum recording artist and now you’re a burger salesman.<\/p>\n

Don’t you know that once a celebrity loses all of his or her dignity, they become like Michael Jackson or a cast member on a reality show?<\/p>\n

Although, I will admit the song you sing the in commercial is catchy, like your song “Only Wanna Be With You.” The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch song has been stuck in my head for the past couple of weeks. As a matter of fact, my roommate swore he heard me singing the song in my sleep one night while I slept on the living room couch.<\/p>\n

But this is not about me singing the song, it’s about you singing the song. This burger selling has to stop before it gets worse and you end up singing songs about insurance or cell phone service plans.<\/p>\n

Imagine having to sing a song like this:
\n
\nI love my cell phone service plan
\nIt allows me to talk to anyone I like
\nLet’s me call relatives and friends
\nFree calls on weekends and nights<\/p>\n

There’s no roaming charges
\nAlmost everywhere I goes
\nReceiving text messages are free
\nI can download ringtones<\/p>\n

I love my cell phone service plan
\nCaller ID and voice mail are slick
\nKeeps me from receiving prank calls
\nSince my number was on Paris’ Sidekick<\/a>
\n<\/i><\/p>\n

Besides, have you actually eaten a Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch? I know, in the song you sing about how you love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch, but I’ve tried it and I don’t love it.<\/p>\n

First off, in the song you sing about how there are streams of bacon ranch dressing, but there’s got to be a drought or something, because at the Burger King I went to they were pretty stingy with it. <\/p>\n

\"Darius<\/p>\n

Also, I know YOU can afford it, but I paid an arm and a leg to buy the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch “value meal.”\u009d For the price I paid, I expected you to pop out from behind the counter and start singing the song to me.<\/p>\n

I know it’s a very hearty sandwich with chicken breasts that grow on trees, tumbleweeds of bacon, and cheddar that paves the streets, but I wish it tasted better.<\/p>\n

So please Darius Rucker, stop with the commercials. Please don’t make me feel sorry for you, because if you do, I’m gonna have to buy your solo albums out of pity.<\/p>\n

Your fan,<\/p>\n

Marvo<\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Burger King Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
\nPurchase Price:<\/b> $6.59 (Value Meal)
\nRating:<\/b> 6 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Hearty sandwich. Bacon and cheddar. The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch song is catchy. Hootie and the Blowfish’s last album sucked.
\nCons:<\/b> Not a lot of bacon ranch dressing taste. Pricey. Messy burger. Darius Rucker is an insurance commercial away from losing ALL of his dignity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Darius Rucker, My name is Marvo and I’m a big fan of Hootie and the Blowfish, except for that last album you guys did in 2003. I will also admit, for about six months, I didn’t know you were African-American until I saw one of your music videos on MTV. I’m writing this letter […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1534,1477],"class_list":["post-171","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-burger-king","tag-fast-food"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":18234,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2015\/03\/23\/fast-food-news-burger-king-bacon-cheddar-tendercrisp-sandwich\/","url_meta":{"origin":171,"position":0},"title":"FAST FOOD NEWS: Burger King Bacon Cheddar Tendercrisp Sandwich","author":"Marvo","date":"March 23, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I thought Burger King's new Bacon Cheddar Tendercrisp Sandwich sounded familiar. 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Don't click the link, unless you want that song stuck in your head\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fast Food News"","block_context":{"text":"Fast Food News","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/fast-food-news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Burger King Bacon Cheddar Tendercrisp","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/Burger-King-Bacon-Cheddar-Tendercrisp.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/Burger-King-Bacon-Cheddar-Tendercrisp.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/Burger-King-Bacon-Cheddar-Tendercrisp.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3090,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2009\/04\/14\/news-new-bk-bacon-cheddar-ranch-tendercrisp-was-also-new-in-2005\/","url_meta":{"origin":171,"position":1},"title":"NEWS: New BK Bacon Cheddar Ranch Tendercrisp Was Also New In 2005","author":"Marvo","date":"April 14, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Before there was... Gimme back that filet-o-fish Gimme that fish Gimme back that filet-o-fish\u00c2\u00a0 Gimme that fish What if it was you hanging up on this wall? If you were in that sandwich you wouldn't be laughing at all! (YouTube link here) There was... When my belly starts a-rumblin' And\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fast Food News"","block_context":{"text":"Fast Food News","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/fast-food-news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":217,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/05\/25\/burger-king-tendercrisp-garden-salad\/","url_meta":{"origin":171,"position":2},"title":"Burger King Tendercrisp Garden Salad","author":"Marvo","date":"May 25, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"How many of you remember the McDLT? For those of you who weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t born yet, too young to remember, or have been boycotting McDonald\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s because of their globalization efforts, the McDLT was a burger in a treehugger-gasping styrofoam container with two compartments. 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I'll show you angry, muthabitches! Woke up at 4 am 'cause someone was dragging a bag of cans on the street. Pissed me off because they interrupted me in the middle of REM sleep. Got to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":124,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/01\/17\/burger-king-angus-bacon-cheddar-ranch-steak-burger\/","url_meta":{"origin":171,"position":5},"title":"Burger King Angus Bacon Cheddar Ranch Steak Burger","author":"Marvo","date":"January 17, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"You know the name of a burger is too long when it has more words than the total number of times Jennifer Lopez has been engaged. Congratulations should go out to Burger King and their Angus Bacon Cheddar Ranch Steak Burger for this wordage monstrosity. 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