![\"St.](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/images\/stpats.jpg\")
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Saint Patrick\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Day is one of those \u00e2\u20ac\u0153not-really-a-holiday\u00e2\u20ac\u009d holidays. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like Flag Day. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get the day off, the malls are open, the mail is delivered, and street parking isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t free. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like, um, a normal Monday…thru Friday.<\/p>\n
Although, if you get smashed enough on Saint Patrick\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Day, you can call in sick the next day, which is sort of like a real holiday, except with aspirin and dry heaves.<\/p>\n
Despite Saint Patrick\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Day being a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153not-really-a-holiday\u00e2\u20ac\u009d holiday, there are a lot of great things about it, like you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need to buy gifts for anyone, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need to attend dysfunctional family dinners, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need to spend $100 on flowers, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need to buy some lame greeting card, and hookers look a lot better, due to beer goggles.<\/p>\n
Of course, Saint Patrick\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Day is the best day to get drunk, because alcohol is cheap, plentiful, and sometimes green.<\/p>\n
So what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the second best day to get drunk?<\/p>\n
Any other day.<\/p>\n
So in honor of Saint Patrick\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Day and the possibility that I might not have a review for you tomorrow due to a hangover, I wrote a poem about Saint Patrick\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Day. (No, I did not write it drunk) It goes a little something like this:<\/p>\n
The Saint Patrick’s Day Poem<\/b><\/p>\n
Top of the morning to you all and Happy Saint Patrick’s Day.
\nI hope you’re dressed in green, or you’ll get pinched right away.
\nIt’s time to get rowdy and it’s time to get drunk.
\nYou should start in the morning, when things are usually rough.
\nForget the wine, champagne, light and nonalcoholic beer.
\nHard liquor and real beer is essential for this time of year.
\nSo get yourself a drink, or maybe two, three, four or five.
\nMake sure you have a designated driver to get you home alive.
\nSo head to the nearest bar and let the drinking begin.
\nStart yourself off with something like a tonic and gin.
\nChug a screwdriver because you need your OJ in the morning.
\nDon’t drink with an empty stomach, this is just a warning.
\nHave a few glasses of Guinness, which is blacker than coal.
\nOr have a shot of whiskey, if getting drunk is your goal.
\nIf you’re drunk by now, consider yourself a lightweight.
\nIf not, have some more and see how much you can take.<\/p>\n
Have a drink with your friends Jack Daniels and Jim Beam,
\nand remember it’s illegal to buy liquor for a teen.
\nGet a margarita if that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what you really like.
\nGet one the size of a kiddie pool, you can drink it all night.
\nOrder a Scotch and make sure it’s on the rocks.
\nToo much alcohol makes an ulgy person look like a fox.
\nTank a few bottles of Foster’s without any fear,
\nand remember that Foster’s is Australian for beer.
\nNow if you’re Irish, you’re probably still quite sober yet,
\nbut if you’re Asian, you’re probably redder than an apple can get.<\/p>\n
Take a shot of a German Death and a Harley Davidson.
\nThey both go down really hard like NyQuil medicine.
\nHave a shot of tequila with a wedge of lime and some salt.
\nIf you swallow the worm it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s really your own drunken fault.
\nSip on a really dry martini with an olive in a glass.
\nHave it shaken not stirred, like James Bond, a man with class.
\nTo wash that all down order yourself a vodka and tonic,
\nand if you start seeing leprechauns, consider yourself an alcoholic.
\nWell whether you’re passed out, throwing up, or okay.
\nI wish you all a safe, fun, and happy Saint Patrick’s Day.<\/p>\n
Item:<\/b> Saint Patrick\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Day
\nPurchase Price:<\/b> FREE (alcohol not included)
\nRating:<\/b> 3 out of 5
\nPros:<\/b> Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need to buy gifts for anyone. Mail is still delivered. Green beer. Hookers look better.
\nCons:<\/b> Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get the day off. Possible beer goggle situations. Getting pinched for not wearing green.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Saint Patrick\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Day is one of those \u00e2\u20ac\u0153not-really-a-holiday\u00e2\u20ac\u009d holidays. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like Flag Day. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get the day off, the malls are open, the mail is delivered, and street parking isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t free. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like, um, a normal Monday…thru Friday. Although, if you get smashed enough on Saint Patrick\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Day, you can call in sick the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1753],"class_list":["post-174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-misc"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":208,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/05\/10\/may-prize-drawing\/","url_meta":{"origin":174,"position":0},"title":"May Prize Drawing!!!","author":"Marvo","date":"May 10, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Being it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the middle of Spring, I felt it would be appropriate to make this month\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s prize drawing prize the Irish Spring MicroClean soap, which The Impulsive Buy reviewed in April. 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FEMALE FRIEND: That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":236,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/06\/23\/x-it-strong-mints-with-guarana\/","url_meta":{"origin":174,"position":2},"title":"X-It Strong Mints with Guarana","author":"Marvo","date":"June 23, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"(Editor\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Note: It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Day Four of Energy Week here at The Impulsive Buy and today I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be focusing my attention on energy breath mints. Yes, energy breath mints, which look like smaller Vivarin, except without near illegal amounts of caffeine, withdrawals, and trembling of hands. Enjoy.) Hey baby doll! How\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":141,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2005\/02\/09\/itunes-gift-card\/","url_meta":{"origin":174,"position":3},"title":"iTunes Gift Card","author":"Marvo","date":"February 9, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Damn you, VH1\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s I Love the 80s and I Love the 90s for sticking in my head those songs that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like to forget. But now they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re stuck in my head and I have the urge to buy them. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a Barbie Girl\/In the Barbie world\/Life in plastic\/It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fantastic\/You can\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":99,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2004\/12\/15\/nestle-nesquik-chocolate-milkshake\/","url_meta":{"origin":174,"position":4},"title":"Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Milkshake","author":"Marvo","date":"December 15, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, And they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re like, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It's better than yours.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Damn right it's better than yours, I can teach you\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Okay, I think this review is off to a bad start. Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s try again\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Milkshakes make my mouth modulate mindlessly monthly. 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