{"id":17550,"date":"2014-08-20T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2014-08-20T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=17550"},"modified":"2020-12-28T19:17:58","modified_gmt":"2020-12-29T05:17:58","slug":"review-hostess-chocodile-twinkies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/08\/20\/review-hostess-chocodile-twinkies\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Hostess Chocodile Twinkies"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Hostess<\/a><\/p>\n

I am an animal.<\/p>\n

An animal with all the habits, flaws, and self-imposed delusions that accompany being a carbon-constructed mammal with opposable thumbs, and thus I found myself appreciating all these animal traits as I put those opposable thumbs in my special lunchtime skill: ripping open the cellophane wrapper of a snack cake.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve eaten enough Ding-Dongs, Yodels, and other snack-cakes-with-onomatopoeic-names to fill the pages of a small comic book series. Needless to say, I was celebratory in discovering that Hostess\u2019s former West Coast exclusive, the Chocodile, had been reintroduced and expanded its horizons, migrating to shelves around all around this fine country. If you, like me, find yourself clawing for the Zingers and Sno-balls, shaking the vending machine for that last pack of Zebra Cakes, that one Oatmeal Cr\u00e8me Pie, come, fellow snacker, and we shall delve into plastic-wrapped horizons.<\/p>\n

\"Hostess<\/a><\/p>\n

I can think of 12 good reasons why a miniature oblong cake is better than a cupcake. One is that you are now equipped with a contextually sensible way to use \u201coblong\u201d in a sentence. Another is that the cake specimen has equal frosting distribution. In a cupcake, there\u2019s often a glob of frosting, pillowing at the top. Even worse, sometimes, you even have to play favorites: do I want the cupcake with the sprinkles or the one with the fancy frosting ribbon on top? Then, you have to fight for the one you want before someone else gets it (\u201cGet away! That\u2019s my frosting ribbon!\u201d).<\/p>\n

Here, not so much. Every cake is the same. Not only do you get a glaze of chocolatey something enveloping your cake in an even layer, but you also get cr\u00e8me filling all the way through. There\u2019s no overwhelming decision-making. No \u201cperfect ratio.\u201d No, \u201cShould I go for the middle first, or save the middle bite for last while sacrificing my fingers as they\u2019re trying to work around the edges so I can save the pile of frosting?\u201d None of that. It\u2019s equally massive poofs of frosting. All day. All the time.<\/p>\n

Needless to say, I\u2019m excited. Just crackling open that thin plastic wrapper is enough to take me back to the days of elementary school cafeterias and Chuck E. Cheese Birthday cakes.<\/p>\n

\"Hostess<\/a><\/p>\n

And the first few bites were pretty good, but as I continued, the magic descended at madcap speed. It was the chocolate that started it all. Tasting of burnt cocoa and stubby crayons, that shiny mahogany glaze seems as though it might be better suited melted down and repurposed as a wax celebrity at Madame Tussaud\u2019s. There was perhaps a hint of cocoa in there, but, on the whole, it had all the excitement of candle drippings, old raisins, and Sad.<\/p>\n

The saving grace came in the cr\u00e8me filling. Like the classic Twinkie, this cr\u00e8me is poofy and tastes of Betty Crocker frosting that\u2019s been pummeled into a Marshmallow Fluff machine. Or Marshmallow Fluff that\u2019s been pummeled into a Betty Crocker frosting machine. Either way, there\u2019s definitely sugar in celebratory abundance. While made of questionable ingredients, I could scoop this with my paw and eat it like a Pooh bear.<\/p>\n

But not even those sweet hydrogenated poofs can save the cake. While I enjoy traditional Twinkies for their spongy, slightly oily character and fake vanilla-y flavor, this thing was like eating a loofa. A dry, unflavored loofa. The cr\u00e8me gave it the sugar it needed to upgrade its taste to that of a stale, dry doughnette, but, overall, that Loofa Cake combined with a raisin-wood-wax coating? No bueno.<\/p>\n

\"Hostess<\/a><\/p>\n

I wish I could glorify these Chocodiles. I love weird finger cakes. Snarfing a double-snack-pack is my special lunchtime skill. I may have ordered a case of expired Twinkies 8 months after Hostess shut down (Moldy Twinkies, people. Moldy. Twinkies.). So I\u2019d really like to give these a sparkling grade. But I just can\u2019t. Sure, the cr\u00e8me was good, but\u2026loofa cake. Waxy coating. To say it lived up to its Hostess brethren would be a lie. Lies are no good for you. No good for me. However, let me take note that these are not inedible, and, in fact, are far better than other experiences I could imagine in my life, such as perpetual B.O. or death by toilet paper.<\/p>\n

So if you like loofa cake, stale doughnettes, and things that are marginally better than death by 2-ply, go for it. Otherwise, I\u2019d approach with a wary step.<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cake – 170 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)<\/small><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Hostess Chocodile Twinkies
\nPurchased Price:<\/b> $3.99
\nSize:<\/b> 9 cakes
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Met Foods
\nRating:<\/b> 4 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Even frosting distribution. Good cr\u00e8me-to-cake ratio. Poofy, sugary cr\u00e8me. Wrapper is excellent way to exercise your opposable thumbs. Better than death by toilet paper.
\nCons:<\/b> Loofa Cake. Waxy-woodsy coating. The fight for the frosting ribbon. Madame Tussaud\u2019s. Wrestling matches with vending machines. Elementary school cafeterias.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am an animal. An animal with all the habits, flaws, and self-imposed delusions that accompany being a carbon-constructed mammal with opposable thumbs, and thus I found myself appreciating all these animal traits as I put those opposable thumbs in my special lunchtime skill: ripping open the cellophane wrapper of a snack cake. I\u2019ve eaten […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":21,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1504,845],"class_list":["post-17550","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-hostess","tag-twinkies"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":17871,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/12\/17\/review-hostess-limited-edition-cherry-chocodile-twinkies\/","url_meta":{"origin":17550,"position":0},"title":"REVIEW: Hostess Limited Edition Cherry Chocodile Twinkies","author":"Matt","date":"December 17, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Dear Hostess, I would like to commend your recent decision to revive Chocodiles, those chocolate-coated, cream-filled sponge cakes. Their reappearance was honestly the most surprising comeback of something dead since Hologram Tupac did a little dance at Coachella. Kids these days, am I right? But alas, all is not right\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Hostess Limited Edition Cherry Flavored Chocodile Twinkies","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7475\/15855972247_f0bcceba18_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7475\/15855972247_f0bcceba18_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7475\/15855972247_f0bcceba18_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":21772,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2017\/04\/06\/review-hostess-chocodile-fudge-covered-twinkies-2017\/","url_meta":{"origin":17550,"position":1},"title":"REVIEW: Hostess Chocodile Fudge Covered Twinkies (2017)","author":"Adam","date":"April 6, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"The following conversations were taped on a recorded line, for quality assurance purposes. August 2014 Hostess Operator: Hostess Bakery, how may I help you? Me: Howdy, can I speak to Twinkie the Kid? Hostess Operator: Twinkie the who? Me: Twinkie the Kid \u2014 you know, oblong yellow guy, rosy dimples,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Hostess Chocodile Fudge Covered Twinkies 2017","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Hostess-Chocodile-Fudge-Covered-Twinkies-2017.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Hostess-Chocodile-Fudge-Covered-Twinkies-2017.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Hostess-Chocodile-Fudge-Covered-Twinkies-2017.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":17213,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/07\/14\/spotted-on-shelves-hostess-chocodile-twinkies\/","url_meta":{"origin":17550,"position":2},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Hostess Chocodile Twinkies","author":"Marvo","date":"July 14, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"It's been awhile, Hostess Twinkies Chocodile. (Spotted by Robert at Jewel-Osco.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found it and \"Spotted\" in the subject line. Or\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Hostess Chocodile Twinkies","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.staticflickr.com\/5478\/14628409566_fb43a2b663.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":17811,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2014\/11\/17\/spotted-on-shelves-hostess-limited-edition-cherry-chocodile-twinkies\/","url_meta":{"origin":17550,"position":3},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Hostess Limited Edition Cherry Chocodile Twinkies","author":"Marvo","date":"November 17, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Hey Crocodile Twinkies and Red 40 dye fans! Look at what Hostess has bestowed upon us. (Spotted by Dan at Walmart.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Hostess Limited Edition Cherry Chocodile Twinkies","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.staticflickr.com\/5606\/15625450330_7f0fd03220_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.staticflickr.com\/5606\/15625450330_7f0fd03220_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.staticflickr.com\/5606\/15625450330_7f0fd03220_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":21685,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2017\/04\/03\/spotted-on-shelves-new-and-improved-hostess-chocodile-twinkies-2017\/","url_meta":{"origin":17550,"position":4},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: New and Improved Hostess Chocodile Twinkies (2017)","author":"Marvo","date":"April 3, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"If you didn't care for the original Hostess Chocodile, you're not alone. Our reviewer gave it a low score. And, I guess Hostess doesn't like it either because, as you can see, they've made changes to it. (Spotted by James B at Schuncks.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see an\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Hostess Fudge Covered Twinkies The Chocodile 2017","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Hostess-Fudge-Covered-Twinkies-The-Chocodile-2017.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Hostess-Fudge-Covered-Twinkies-The-Chocodile-2017.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Hostess-Fudge-Covered-Twinkies-The-Chocodile-2017.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":57002,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2023\/07\/10\/spotted-hostess-dingdongs-x-twinkies-mashups\/","url_meta":{"origin":17550,"position":5},"title":"SPOTTED: Hostess Ding Dongs x Twinkies Mashups","author":"Marvo","date":"July 10, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Found an ding-dong error on the packaging. \"Covered in Dingdongs Fudge\" is missing a space between Ding and Dongs. Other than that, these seem to be pretty much a round Chocodile. Update: Ha! I messed up and made a ding-dong error in the original title for this post by not\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/htsdindontwinkmashups-600x450.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/htsdindontwinkmashups-600x450.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/htsdindontwinkmashups-600x450.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17550","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/21"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17550"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17550\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17550"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17550"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17550"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}