![\"Healthy](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/images\/healthyheart.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I was going to see how helpful the new Yoplait Strawberry-Banana Healthy Heart yogurt was with lowering my cholesterol and making my heart healthy, but there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no way one container of yogurt could significantly help lower my cholesterol and…HOLY CRAP, have you seen the needle they use to suck the blood out of you for a cholesterol blood test?<\/p>\n
The last time I needed a blood test, that long-ass needle made me cry like a little baby. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know how the hell heroin addicts do it.<\/p>\n
So instead of checking if the Yoplait Healthy Heart could help give me a healthy heart, I decided to find out if it could mend my broken heart. However, it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t as broken as it was about a year ago, so for more accurate results I had to find a way to break my heart even more.<\/p>\n
This turned out to be a problem.<\/p>\n
I thought about stalking an ex-girlfriend, but I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want the hassle of ANOTHER restraining order. <\/p>\n
Or I could\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve found a woman, used my patented Marvo charm, have her fall in love with me, screw up by not opening up emotionally to her, and then have her break up with me. However, that takes too much time and my patented Marvo charm hardly ever works.<\/p>\n
Eventually, I found something that could rip out my heart and shove it down my throat.<\/p>\n
I found a picture that I took of me with my ex-girlfriend, which I tore up when we broke up, put back together with Scotch tape when I started missing her, scanned it into my computer, printed it with my photo printer, put it through a paper shredder after I ran into her at the movie theater with her new boyfriend, put it back together with clear contact paper when I was lonely one night, scanned it into my computer, printed it with my photo printer, crumpled it up after I ran into her at the mall, and threw it into my closet.<\/p>\n
Actually, I thought I burned the damn thing. Well I might as well put it to good use before I burn it and piss on it.<\/p>\n
So to break my heart even more, I stared at the picture. I looked at her beautiful smile. Her beautiful seductive eyes. Her soft, wonderful-smelling hair. Her silky smooth skin. Her soft kissable lips.<\/p>\n
WHYYYYYYY???<\/p>\n
I LOVE YOU!!!<\/p>\n
I MISS YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!<\/p>\n
PLEASE COME BACK TO ME!!!<\/p>\n
I PROMISE I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122LL MAKE YOU HAPPY!!!<\/p>\n
I PROMISE I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122LL BE A BETTER LOVER!!! I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122LL TAKE ENZYTE!!!<\/p>\n
I PROMISE I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122LL GO DOWN ON YOU MORE!!!<\/p>\n
Staring at the picture worked, my heart broke even more and I began to cry like someone just stuck a needle in me for a blood test.<\/p>\n
WHYYYYYYY???<\/p>\n
After blowing my nose, I started eating the Yoplait Strawberry-Banana Healthy Heart yogurt. I ate the whole thing in about 30 seconds, then I followed that with half a pint of ice cream, a couple of Pop-Tarts, half a can of Pringles, and several glasses of chocolate milk.<\/p>\n
I MISS YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!<\/p>\n
The Yoplait Strawberry-Banana Healthy Heart yogurt tasted a little different than the same flavor of regular Yoplait yogurt. Although, it still tasted good. The only real difference between the Healthy Heart yogurt and the regular Yoplait yogurt are the plant sterols (No, not steroids, sterols), which are added to the Healthy Heart yogurt to help lower your cholesterol.<\/p>\n
GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE!!!<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, it didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help heal my broken heart. So I burned the picture and pissed on it, and that made me feel a little better.<\/p>\n
Although, about thirty minutes later I was feeling lonely and I wondered if I could bring back the picture using the ashes and alchemy?<\/p>\n
Item:<\/b> Yoplait Strawberry-Banana Healthy Heart Yogurt
\nPurchase Price:<\/b> 55 cents (on sale)
\nRating:<\/b> 3.5 out of 5
\nPros:<\/b> Tastes a little different than regular Yoplait Strawberry-Banana yogurt, but still tastes good. Same price as regular Yoplait yogurt. Helps lower cholesterol with plant sterols. Low-fat. High-protein. Vitamins A & D. Live & active cultures.
\nCons:<\/b> Unable to mend broken hearts. Long-ass needles. WHYYYYYY??? PLEASE COME BACK TO ME!!! Patented Marvo charm.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was going to see how helpful the new Yoplait Strawberry-Banana Healthy Heart yogurt was with lowering my cholesterol and making my heart healthy, but there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no way one container of yogurt could significantly help lower my cholesterol and…HOLY CRAP, have you seen the needle they use to suck the blood out of you for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[254,255],"class_list":["post-179","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-yogurt","tag-yoplait"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":13579,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/10\/01\/news-yoplait-gets-into-the-frozen-yogurt-game-again\/","url_meta":{"origin":179,"position":0},"title":"NEWS: Yoplait Gets Into The Frozen Yogurt Game Again","author":"Marvo","date":"October 1, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Yoplait, the most popular yogurt company that ends with a silent T, has recently come out with a new line of frozen yogurt pints and bars. This isn't the first time Yoplait has entered the frozen yogurt market. In 2006, they released several frozen yogurt cereal bars, which I don't\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"yoplait logo","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8311\/8043159720_9737c1d410.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":20931,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/12\/07\/spotted-on-shelves-yoplait-custard-yogurt-2016\/","url_meta":{"origin":179,"position":1},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Yoplait Custard Yogurt (2016)","author":"Marvo","date":"December 7, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Yoplait Custard Yogurt (Caramel and Blueberry) Yoplait Custard Yogurt (Strawberry and Lemon) Yoplait Vanilla Custard Yogurt Yoplait Banana Custard Yogurt 'Member Yoplait Thick & Creamy Custard-Style Yogurt. 'Member Tatooine. (Spotted by Amanda Y at Kroger.) 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With a blender, a carton of skim milk and these Yoplait Smoothie kits, you\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11267,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/02\/08\/review-yoplait-lactose-free-yogurt-peach-and-strawberry\/","url_meta":{"origin":179,"position":3},"title":"REVIEW: Yoplait Lactose Free 99% Fat Free Yogurt (Peach and Strawberry)","author":"Stephanie","date":"February 8, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Being a hardcore fan takes dedication. It entails joining fan clubs, showing up whenever the thing you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a fan of makes a public appearance, and devoting a huge portion of your week to enjoying whatever it is. Also a little bit of stalking. 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