{"id":18836,"date":"2015-07-27T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-07-27T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=18836"},"modified":"2023-08-28T16:33:50","modified_gmt":"2023-08-29T02:33:50","slug":"review-bacon-cheddar-ranch-doritos-jacked-3d","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2015\/07\/27\/review-bacon-cheddar-ranch-doritos-jacked-3d\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Bacon Cheddar Ranch Doritos Jacked 3D"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Bacon<\/a><\/p>\n

*A scene from Doritos headquarters*<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, boys. After years of dark magic, Ouija boards, and one ill-fated incident involving a cheese-toothpaste hybrid, we\u2019ve finally crafted the perfect recipe for appealing to the \u201cXtreme\u201d chip market:<\/p>\n

Bacon \u2013 the cornerstone of annoying Internet food memes<\/p>\n

Cheddar \u2013 the preferred finger coating of Cheetos-loving gamers everywhere<\/p>\n

Ranch \u2013 because nothing evokes the rough-and-tumble, Chuck Norris-esque aesthetic of cow ranchers like ranch dressing\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

And with that, Bacon Cheddar Ranch Doritos Jacked 3D (I need a breather just writing that name) were born. If the Powerpuff Girls were made from Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice, then these must be the Powerpuff Girls\u2019 25-year-old brother who plays World of Warcraft in their parents\u2019 basement.<\/p>\n

\"Bacon<\/a><\/p>\n

But I won\u2019t judge these on the stereotypical nature of their ingredients alone. Opening the bag and huffing deeply, a corn scent predominates, with a little edgy cheesiness that tickles my nostrils. <\/p>\n

Like a paleontologist discovering the elusive Doritosaurus, I extract one of the bizarrely shaped artifacts. It looks like a symbol straight out of the Stonecutters Clan<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Upon my first munch of the thick, crunchy pyramid, I\u2019m first hit with a strong corn flavor. But this corn is glazed with a savory cheesiness that quickly ramps up into the recognizable, biting sharpness that is typical of cheddar snacks.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s it. <\/p>\n

Wait, what? That can\u2019t be. As it stands, these are Phantom Menace<\/i> levels of disappointment. Maybe they should rename them \u201cChedDar Jar Binks Doritos.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Bacon<\/a><\/p>\n

I continue frantically shoveling corn triangles into my mouth hoping for a more intense experience, and slowly but surely, I get it. <\/p>\n

As my mouth swells with the amalgamated ball of chewed, cheesy corn (yeah, this sounds really gross, but don\u2019t lie: you know exactly<\/i> the feeling), I notice a smoky finish to the cheddar cheese. It reminds me of the toasty, salty, and paprika-y flavor you get at the end of a barbecue chip.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m guessing this is the \u201cbacon,\u201d and it\u2019s so subtle that you\u2019d think a bacon fairy casually sprinkled her little pixie dust of bacon bits over the bag. I call her Oinkerbell.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m having trouble detecting any ranch, though. The closest thing is the aftertaste left by the 3D-oritos (a much better name, in my opinion). I\u2019m not the best at estimation, but for about 2 geologic eons after eating them, my throat was plastered with a peppered, garlic tomato flavor. I\u2019m not sure if this is \u201cranch,\u201d but it is enough to leave me hoping for an actual bottle of cheese-toothpaste to rid my breath of this oily flashback.<\/p>\n

\"Bacon<\/a><\/p>\n

All in all, these were \u201cso-so,\u201d at best. I love the texture, extreme width, and fun shape (they look like someone set the font on their chip word processor to \u201cWingdings\u201d) of the Doritos, but the tame cheese flavor isn\u2019t memorable enough to prompt another buy. It\u2019s just a kitchen-sink combination of old flavors that isn\u2019t focused enough on a single one. You\u2019d be better off buying Nacho Cheese or Cool Ranch to get a more distinct and focused palate experience.<\/p>\n

Unless, of course, you\u2019re an archeologist looking for a thematically appropriate snack to bring to the company \u201cQuetzalcoatl Barbecue,\u201d in which case these hieroglyphs are a good, mindless nosh for summer.<\/p>\n

Now, if you\u2019ll excuse me, I only have a few more months to perfect my ChedDar Jar Binks cosplay. George Lucas will be proud!<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts – 13 pieces \u2013 150 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein..)<\/small><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Bacon Cheddar Ranch Doritos Jacked 3D
\nPurchased Price:<\/b> $3.29
\nSize:<\/b> 11.5 oz bag
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Kroger
\nRating:<\/b> 5 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Corn is made better with cheddar. Snacks shaped like RPG runes. Imagining a Doritosaurus\/Jurassic World crossover.
\nCons:<\/b> Corn isn\u2019t made that much better with cheddar. Scarcity of bacon flavor. Surplus of bacon memes. Not getting a kick out of ranch. Probably getting kicked out of Skywalker Ranch.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

*A scene from Doritos headquarters* \u201cOkay, boys. After years of dark magic, Ouija boards, and one ill-fated incident involving a cheese-toothpaste hybrid, we\u2019ve finally crafted the perfect recipe for appealing to the \u201cXtreme\u201d chip market: Bacon \u2013 the cornerstone of annoying Internet food memes Cheddar \u2013 the preferred finger coating of Cheetos-loving gamers everywhere Ranch […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1474,1657,1594],"class_list":["post-18836","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-chips","tag-doritos","tag-frito-lay"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":18734,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2015\/07\/03\/spotted-on-shelves-doritos-bacon-cheddar-ranch-jacked-3d\/","url_meta":{"origin":18836,"position":0},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Doritos Bacon Cheddar Ranch Jacked 3D","author":"Marvo","date":"July 3, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Our neighbors to the north got a bacon cheddar version of these chips. 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That\u2019s the whole trip of Frito-Lay\u2019s new limited edition Flavor Swaps featuring Ruffles Cool Ranch, Doritos Cheddar & Sour Cream, and Cheetos Sweet Southern Heat Barbecue. 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Soft chew when it has flavor.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Wrigley's Hubba Bubba Dr Pepper Bubble Gum","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8394\/8631936359_474d2d3ae6.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":14539,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2013\/03\/06\/review-taco-bell-cool-ranch-doritos-locos-tacos\/","url_meta":{"origin":18836,"position":5},"title":"REVIEW: Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos","author":"Jeff","date":"March 6, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Best team-up of 2012!!! No, I'm not talking about The Marvel Comics cinematic universe. I\u2019m also not speaking about the Hawaii Five-O\/NCIS: Los Angeles crossovers that had more hunks of meat than the Fast and the Furious series. 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