{"id":19494,"date":"2016-01-04T02:30:00","date_gmt":"2016-01-04T12:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=19494"},"modified":"2023-08-14T16:21:21","modified_gmt":"2023-08-15T02:21:21","slug":"review-arbys-loaded-curly-fries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/01\/04\/review-arbys-loaded-curly-fries\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Arby\u2019s Loaded Curly Fries"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Arby\u2019s<\/a><\/p>\n

Arby\u2019s Curly Fries were already delicious. <\/p>\n

How delicious? I\u2019d happily munch away on them until the double helices of my DNA begin to resemble those perfectly breaded and seasoned potato corkscrews.<\/p>\n

But now Arby\u2019s has decided to load \u2018em up with shredded cheddar cheese, cheddar cheese sauce, and bacon. It\u2019s the fast food equivalent of stuffing cupcakes inside a birthday cake or super gluing Emma Stone to Emma Watson.<\/p>\n

But wait! Arby\u2019s Loaded Curly Fries also come drizzled in a Parmesan peppercorn ranch sauce! So cram an Oreo into those cupcakes and throw Emma Roberts into the mix, because we\u2019re going for full excess here.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know why Arby\u2019s wants to mess with a classic, but as long as they don\u2019t start calling them \u201cShemp Fries,\u201d this hungry stooge will try them anyway.<\/p>\n

\"Arby\u2019s<\/a><\/p>\n

Gazing upon my potato and cheese volcano, I wasn\u2019t sure how to tackle it. A fork seemed too formal, using my hands seemed too barbaric, and actually physically tackling it seemed like a hernia waiting to happen. But then I realized I was snapping photos of greasy potatoes all alone in a deserted Arby\u2019s, so if the crippling weight of my impending existential crisis didn\u2019t kill me, a little cheddar under my fingernails wouldn\u2019t either.<\/p>\n

I took a carefully assembled \u201cone of everything\u201d bite, and holy mooing goo, Batman<\/i>! That\u2019s a lot of dairy! Seriously, between the (appropriately) buttery and milky buttermilk ranch sauce and the creamy cheddar components, it was like my Arby\u2019s chef grabbed a cow, gave her a good shake, and told ol\u2019 Bessie to fire on all cylinders.<\/p>\n

Upon closer taste-spection, the fatty tang and zesty finish of the ranch became more pronounced. It overpowered the mild cheddar, which was as far from \u201csharp cheddar\u201d as a plastic spork is from Excalibur.<\/p>\n

Like some weird sequel to Animal Farm<\/i>, one of the rare shards of haphazardly sliced bacon would occasionally attempt a futile rebellion against its dairy overlords by contributing a charcoal-seasoned, porky twang, but it was often too faint to taste.<\/p>\n

\"Arby\u2019s<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019m relieved to say that beneath this class struggle of tang, cheese, and sporadic meatiness, the garlicky and peppery Curly Fries that we all know and shove into our hungry mouths still provide a familiar and tasty flavor base. I suppose even the cruelest ranch dictators can\u2019t take away our seasoned potatoes.<\/p>\n

Your enjoyment of these Loaded Curly Fries will ultimately hinge on how you feel about tangy ranch, since the bacon and cheese is more cosmetic than flavorful. I thought the sauce\/fry combo was tasty at first, but I grew tired of it over time and eventually found myself wishing instead for some plain Curly Fries that wouldn\u2019t coat my hands with multiple barnyard animal products. I recommend splitting this one with friends to retain the brief novelty.<\/p>\n

I ate mine fresh, so they were crispy, but I\u2019ve heard bad things about what happens to these fries\u2019 structural integrity over time. So for science, I saved half of my dish and let it be my passenger seat companion while I ran errands (I even turned the heated seat on for it, because I\u2019m a nice guy).<\/p>\n

\"Arby\u2019s<\/a><\/p>\n

Checking back two hours later, the fries had taken on the slimy texture of oiled calamari. Four hours later, my specimen had coagulated itself into a mushy Lovecraftian horror. The moral of the story? Eat these as quickly as your stomach and social setting will allow.<\/p>\n

Now if you\u2019ll excuse me, I need to go bury this thing before it becomes sentient.<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts \u2013 700 calories, 420 calories from fat, 46 grams of fat, 9 grams saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 1990 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein..)<\/small><\/p>\n

Item:<\/b> Arby\u2019s Loaded Curly Fries
\nPurchased Price:<\/b> $2.99
\nSize:<\/b> N\/A
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Arby’s
\nRating:<\/b> 5 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Same Curly Fry goodness beneath the goopy-ness. The appreciated zest of Emma Roberts\u2026err, I mean ranch. Savory pork uprisings. Orwellian cheese jokes (thanks, 9th grade English class!). Distantly echoing applause from the National Dairy Council.
\nCons:<\/b> Eventual ranch fatigue. The crushing, creamy hoof of the \u201cmoo-geoisie\u201d (thanks, 10th grade history class!). The oppressed cheddar and bacon proletariat. Rapid devolution into something that belongs in a Korean horror movie. Questioning my life choices in the middle of Arby\u2019s.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Arby\u2019s Curly Fries were already delicious. How delicious? I\u2019d happily munch away on them until the double helices of my DNA begin to resemble those perfectly breaded and seasoned potato corkscrews. But now Arby\u2019s has decided to load \u2018em up with shredded cheddar cheese, cheddar cheese sauce, and bacon. It\u2019s the fast food equivalent of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1515,1477],"class_list":["post-19494","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-arbys","tag-fast-food"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":19456,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2015\/12\/29\/fast-food-news-arbys-loaded-curly-fries\/","url_meta":{"origin":19494,"position":0},"title":"FAST FOOD NEWS: Arby’s Loaded Curly Fries","author":"Marvo","date":"December 29, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Arby's Curly Fries. I love them. You probably love them. Helixophiles REALLY love them. Although they're fine on their own, for years we could only dip them into ketchup, Arby's Sauce, or Horsey Sauce. But now Arby's has taken their classic Curly Fries and dumped a bunch of stuff on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fast Food News"","block_context":{"text":"Fast Food News","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/fast-food-news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Arby s Loaded Curly Fries","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/Arbys-Loaded-Curly-Fries.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/Arbys-Loaded-Curly-Fries.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/Arbys-Loaded-Curly-Fries.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":30399,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2018\/07\/25\/fast-food-news-arbys-smokehouse-beef-short-rib-sandwich-and-loaded-curly-fries\/","url_meta":{"origin":19494,"position":1},"title":"FAST FOOD NEWS: Arby’s Smokehouse Beef Short Rib Sandwich and Loaded Curly Fries","author":"Marvo","date":"July 25, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Meet Arby's newest meat sandwich -- the Smokehouse Beef Short Rib Sandwich. The meatrosity features beef short rib that smoked for at least six hours, a slice of cheddar cheese, crispy onions, and a smoky BBQ sauce between two pieces of Texas Toast. The sandwich has 590 calories, 28 grams\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fast Food News"","block_context":{"text":"Fast Food News","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/fast-food-news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/SMOKEHOUSE-BEEF-SHORT-RIB-LOADED-CURLY-FRIES.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/SMOKEHOUSE-BEEF-SHORT-RIB-LOADED-CURLY-FRIES.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/SMOKEHOUSE-BEEF-SHORT-RIB-LOADED-CURLY-FRIES.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":30723,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2018\/08\/09\/review-arbys-smokehouse-beef-short-rib-sandwich-and-loaded-curly-fries\/","url_meta":{"origin":19494,"position":2},"title":"REVIEW: Arby\u2019s Smokehouse Beef Short Rib Sandwich and Loaded Curly Fries","author":"Louis","date":"August 9, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"America\u2019s favorite fast food punching bag, Arby\u2019s, should stick to the one thing they do best: roast beef sandwiches. 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Available in Classic, Double, and Half Pound varieties, the Arbynator features roast beef, cheddar cheese sauce, Arby's Sauce, Horsey Sauce, and Arby's Curly Fries on a sesame seed bun.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fast Food News"","block_context":{"text":"Fast Food News","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/fast-food-news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Arbynator_Classic.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Arbynator_Classic.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Arbynator_Classic.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":27929,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2018\/04\/02\/review-arbys-gyro-loaded-curly-fries\/","url_meta":{"origin":19494,"position":4},"title":"REVIEW: Arby\u2019s Gyro Loaded Curly Fries","author":"James","date":"April 2, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"After venison sandwiches, the monstrous Meat Mountain, and a mustard-slathered Cuban, I suppose the old Athenian route was one of the few remaining avenues left for Arby\u2019s to explore. 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