{"id":19774,"date":"2016-03-11T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-03-11T20:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=19774"},"modified":"2023-08-25T21:05:55","modified_gmt":"2023-08-26T07:05:55","slug":"review-airheads-birthday-cake","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/03\/11\/review-airheads-birthday-cake\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Airheads Birthday Cake"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Airheads<\/a><\/p>\n

Airheads is celebrating its 30th birthday in 2016.<\/p>\n

M&M\u2019s is celebrating its 75th birthday in 2016.<\/p>\n

Look, I know that M&M\u2019s flavored like Airheads and Airheads stuffed with M&M\u2019s Minis is probably too much to ask for, but at least give me an HD video of that cute Brown M&M sensually eating a Watermelon Airhead while singing \u201cHappy Birthday, Mr. Candy President.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now before you finish typing \u201chow to file a restraining order\u201d into your search bar, hear me out. It took M&M\u2019s \u2014 a chocolate candy \u2014 all the way until its 73rd birthday to jump the artificially flavored shark and try a birthday cake flavor. <\/p>\n

Typically fruity Airheads made this bizarre leap in less than half the time, making me think someone at Airheads HQ Googled \u201cwhat flavors does Buzzfeed write about please help us we\u2019re out of ideas.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Airheads<\/a><\/p>\n

So here I sit with a Birthday Cake Airhead. It looks like someone cut the tongue right out of Yoshi from Super Mario Bros.\u2019 mouth and dunked it in a bowl of Funfetti batter. The slimy gloss on the taffy further supports my grim hypothesis. <\/p>\n

I always knew the Pillsbury Doughboy wasn\u2019t right in the head.<\/p>\n

Even though feeling the gritty, sticky texture of this Airhead is like sharing Play-Doh with the dopey, drooling kid from pre-school, I bit off a hunk anyway. I chewed, I chewed, the fish in my aquarium evolved a pair of legs, and I continued chewing. <\/p>\n

It really does take a long time to chew through this Airhead. I timed it at about 40 seconds for each sizable bite. By the time I finished, my fish were Cro-Magnon men. My journey through time covered several distinct taste eras, so allow me to break this down, National Geographic style.<\/p>\n

0-10 seconds: The Buttercream Era<\/i><\/p>\n

During this period of early development, indigenous Airhead eaters were stunned by just how much it tasted like cake frosting. A palatable butteriness and a lip-smacking whipped cream sweetness allowed them to survive in an otherwise challenging time plagued by a gross mouthfeel.<\/p>\n

11-20 seconds: The Vanilla Era.<\/i><\/p>\n

Our humble, chewing natives experienced a brief period of splendor, as a storm of intense vanilla flavor graced them with its pleasant taste. Faint notes of eggy yellow cake began to grow from the half-chewed Airhead soil, and all were pleased by this harvest.<\/p>\n

21-30 seconds: The Powdered Sugar Era<\/i><\/p>\n

This good fortune could not last. As the mealy mush of chewed Airhead began degrading into a sopping pile of grit within the chewers\u2019 mouths, volcanoes of confectioner\u2019s sugar erupted cloying, glazed lava. Tasters everywhere were sickened by its tooth-rotting sweetness.<\/p>\n

31-40 seconds: The \u201cI Don\u2019t Even Know Anymore, Dude\u201d Era<\/i><\/p>\n

Ruin befell the Airhead eaters. All that remained after their earlier tragedy were puddles of sugar granules and saliva, as well as an off-putting waxy aftertaste that radiated from the backs of their throats. They say, \u201cthose who don\u2019t learn from history are bound to repeat it,\u201d and these chewers were idiots. So they took another bite.<\/p>\n

\"Airheads<\/a><\/p>\n

That\u2019s the Cliffs Notes version. For a while, this taffy actually did taste uncannily like a heavily frosted birthday cake. The problem is that cake flavor and taffy texture together is about as appealing as nuts and gum<\/a>. It\u2019s an odd experience that might be worth the novelty, but Airheads would have been better off choosing a safer flavor. Pineapple upside-down cake? Banana cr\u00e8me pie? Anyone? Bueller?<\/p>\n

Now if you\u2019ll excuse me, I need to study the next chapter on 7-10pm: The \u201cStuffs his Face with Crispy M&M\u2019s and Cries\u201d Period<\/i>.<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar \u2013 60 calories, 5 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of sodium, 142 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein..)<\/small><\/p>\n

Purchased Price:<\/b> $1.89
\nSize:<\/b> 6 bar variety pack
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Kroger
\nRating:<\/b> 4 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Brief buttercream blasts. Fleeting vanilla resplendence. Chewing for long enough to kill time at the DMV. The Brown M&M.
\nCons:<\/b> Sarcastically exclaiming, \u201ccake and taffy: together at last!\u201d Slimy, saliva-soaked sugar paste. Birthday candle aftertaste. The Pillsbury Dahmer-boy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Airheads is celebrating its 30th birthday in 2016. M&M\u2019s is celebrating its 75th birthday in 2016. Look, I know that M&M\u2019s flavored like Airheads and Airheads stuffed with M&M\u2019s Minis is probably too much to ask for, but at least give me an HD video of that cute Brown M&M sensually eating a Watermelon Airhead […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[2291,1471],"class_list":["post-19774","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-airheads","tag-candy"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":20285,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/07\/07\/fast-food-news-7-eleven-birthday-cake-slurpee\/","url_meta":{"origin":19774,"position":0},"title":"FAST FOOD NEWS: 7-Eleven Birthday Cake Slurpee","author":"Marvo","date":"July 7, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Oreo celebrated its 100th birthday with a birthday cake-flavored cookie. Starbucks celebrated the Frappuccino's 20th birthday with a birthday cake-flavored version. Airheads came out with a birthday cake-flavored candy for its 30th birthday. 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If you're wondering if they have actual Airheads in them, the press release I read says, \"The ice cream also incorporates ribbons of Airheads taffy, creating an innovative, never-before-seen combination.\" This kind of blows my mind because\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Airheads Ice Cream (Grape and Green Apple)","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8602\/16541208838_225e64fe46_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8602\/16541208838_225e64fe46_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm9.staticflickr.com\/8602\/16541208838_225e64fe46_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":71378,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2025\/08\/05\/spotted-airheads-sour-bars\/","url_meta":{"origin":19774,"position":2},"title":"SPOTTED: Airheads Sour Bars","author":"Marvo","date":"August 5, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"SOUR! (Spotted by Robbie at Target.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see new products, snap a picture of them, and send them in via an email (theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com) with where you found them and \"Spotted\" in the subject line. Also, if you want to send in photos and are wondering if\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/airheadssourbars.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/airheadssourbars.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/airheadssourbars.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/airheadssourbars.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/airheadssourbars.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":22534,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2017\/05\/22\/spotted-on-shelves-airheads-gum\/","url_meta":{"origin":19774,"position":3},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Airheads Gum","author":"Marvo","date":"May 22, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Maybe it's just me, but these would've been cooler if they were big bubblegum pieces instead. 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If you\u2019re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Air Heads Cherry Gum","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Air-Heads-Cherry-Gum.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Air-Heads-Cherry-Gum.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Air-Heads-Cherry-Gum.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":18200,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2015\/03\/16\/spotted-on-shelves-airheads-ice-cream-squeeze-ups-and-ice-cream-sandwiches\/","url_meta":{"origin":19774,"position":4},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Airheads Ice Cream Squeeze-Ups and Ice Cream Sandwiches","author":"Marvo","date":"March 16, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I have to be honest. That blue raspberry, strawberry, and orange ice cream sandwich seems sketchy to me. (Spotted by RaveGyrl at Jewel Osco.) If you\u2019re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Airheads Ice Cream Squeeze-Ups and Ice Cream Sandwiches","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7633\/16207364154_2ed522eda5_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7633\/16207364154_2ed522eda5_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7633\/16207364154_2ed522eda5_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":18182,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2015\/03\/11\/spotted-on-shelves-airheads-xtremes-fruitiest-fruit-ditz-ice-cream-cups\/","url_meta":{"origin":19774,"position":5},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Airheads Xtremes Fruitiest Fruit DitZ Ice Cream Cups","author":"Marvo","date":"March 11, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Dippin' Dots still exists. 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