Good morning, or afternoon, or evening, depending upon when you\u2019re reading this. I\u2019m Brandon, one of the 36 new writers Marvo hired for The Impulsive Buy.<\/p>\n
Now, you\u2019re probably wondering, \u201cHow did Marvo find the means to hire so many writers? Isn\u2019t Hawaii ridiculously expensive? Is it true that he began making money through an unsanctioned horse husbandry program?\u201d<\/p>\n
The answers are: I\u2019m not sure, so I\u2019ve heard, and yes.<\/p>\n
Anyway, this isn\u2019t a forum for inquiries about what may or may not eventually land the editor in prison; this is my introduction, so, back to me.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m 34, I\u2019m physically average, and when I\u2019m not choking down deep-fried whatsits for spendin\u2019 cash, I actually tend to eat rather healthy things. Uh, let\u2019s see, I\u2019ve got a 19-month-old and a wife and a day job where I look exasperatedly at spreadsheets. (They think you\u2019re busy when you look harried, I\u2019ve found.) In my free time (of which there is none) I try to keep my daughter from electrocuting herself or others, falling off of things, and eating poison.<\/p>\n
Before coming here, I spent four years covering sports for a local entertainment website, and before that, I wrote for The Pitch Weekly, Kansas City\u2019s largest alternative news source.<\/p>\n
And speaking of Kansas City, well, that\u2019s where I live. Born and raised. I spent a spell in Chicago, but I couldn\u2019t stand being so far away from the (WORLD CHAMPION!) Kansas City Royals — or the barbecue. As you know, KC BBQ is the best in the world, so I frankly can\u2019t wait until ________ unveils their new Pulled Pork Infused _______. I call dibs, and I promise a fair, balanced review. (I just rolled my eyes so hard I lost a contact.) <\/p>\n
In short, and to quote a line from the great William Shakespeare, I don\u2019t think you\u2019re ready for this jelly.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Good morning, or afternoon, or evening, depending upon when you\u2019re reading this. I\u2019m Brandon, one of the 36 new writers Marvo hired for The Impulsive Buy. Now, you\u2019re probably wondering, \u201cHow did Marvo find the means to hire so many writers? Isn\u2019t Hawaii ridiculously expensive? Is it true that he began making money through an […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[276],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19890","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-announcement"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":10772,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2011\/12\/06\/announcement-support-the-impulsive-buy-this-gift-giving-season\/","url_meta":{"origin":19890,"position":0},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: Support The Impulsive Buy This Gift Giving Season","author":"Marvo","date":"December 6, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"This holiday season, if you're planning to purchase something from Amazon for your family, friends, co-workers, or lover(s), might I suggest when you do so, you use The Impulsive Buy's Amazon link below or in the right sidebar. The Impulsive Buy's Amazon link By using The Impulsive Buy's Amazon link,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":45184,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2020\/10\/14\/announcement-new-impulsive-buy-writer-brandon-3\/","url_meta":{"origin":19890,"position":1},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Writer Brandon","author":"BrandonP","date":"October 14, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"It seemed just like any other day as I sat on my couch after school. That was until a man came on the television, confidently walking down the street while greeting all he encountered. Adorned with black-rimmed glasses and flashing a pair of finger guns, I watched closely with furrowed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9855,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2011\/07\/31\/announcement-thank-you\/","url_meta":{"origin":19890,"position":2},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: Thank You","author":"Marvo","date":"July 31, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"A few months ago I added a small item in the sidebar about supporting The Impulsive Buy through our Amazon link. Since then, I've noticed an increase in orders that use the TIB link. So I would like to take this time to thank everyone who has used that link\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/www.assoc-amazon.com\/e\/ir?t=theimpulsivbu-20&l=ur2&o=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":7555,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/10\/21\/announcement-want-to-write-for-the-impulsive-buy-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":19890,"position":3},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: Want To Write For The Impulsive Buy?","author":"Marvo","date":"October 21, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"For over six years, The Impulsive Buy has been the blog that thousands of procrastinating college students and bored office workers go to when they've caught up with all the panty flashes and nipple slips on The Superficial. The Impulsive Buy is the number one blog on the internet that\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9577,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2011\/06\/24\/announcement-want-to-write-for-the-impulsive-buy-2011-edition\/","url_meta":{"origin":19890,"position":4},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: Want to Write For The Impulsive Buy? (2011 Edition)","author":"Marvo","date":"June 24, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"The Impulsive Buy is currently looking for enthusiastic, talented, funny, and self-motivated individuals to write product reviews of processed foods that most likely would make Jamie Oliver cry or start another food revolution. I'm hoping to bring on one or two new reviewers to write one or two reviews per\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":21059,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2017\/01\/03\/announcement-new-impulsive-buy-writer-brandon-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":19890,"position":5},"title":"ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Writer Brandon","author":"Brandon","date":"January 3, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Hello fellow fast-foodies! My name is Brandon and I have been tasked with the immense responsibility of going out into the world and trying so-called junk food. Too long have we lived in a world where the art of food criticism is reserved only to the realm of high-price gourmet.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcement"","block_context":{"text":"Announcement","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/general\/announcement\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19890","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/37"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19890"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19890\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19890"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19890"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19890"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}