{"id":19932,"date":"2016-04-19T02:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-04-19T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=19932"},"modified":"2023-08-14T17:53:03","modified_gmt":"2023-08-15T03:53:03","slug":"review-polar-unicorn-kisses-seltzer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/04\/19\/review-polar-unicorn-kisses-seltzer\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Polar Unicorn Kisses Seltzer"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Polar<\/a><\/p>\n

When I was a kid, I often remember visiting a drive-thru wild animal park with my parents. Aside from the fact that the monkeys would wildly flail about while removing the piping from our minivan\u2019s windows, it was a great place to go to take in the wonders of the savannah (albeit the Canadian savannah, but I digress).<\/p>\n

We\u2019d usually close our trip with a stopover at the petting zoo, my hands full of vending machine pellets ready to feed Larry the Llama and Gary the Goat. My three-year-old self was shocked at the vigor at which the animal\u2019s tongue attacked the food in my hand \u2013 an image I still can\u2019t forget. Regrettably, this is my only frame of reference for understanding the concept of \u201cunicorn kisses.\u201d<\/p>\n

Thankfully, Polar Seltzer\u2019s Unicorn Kisses is not a bottle of magical glitter pony saliva, but instead an April Fools\u2019 flavor designed to elicit giggles in the grocery aisle. Polar is known for its unorthodox flavors (like eggnog and mint chocolate), but you typically have an idea of what they\u2019ll taste like before you open them. Unicorn Kisses gives you no such advance warning. <\/p>\n

\"Polar<\/a><\/p>\n

Prepping for the worst, I set off on a quest to find a bottle. Polar released only 5,000 cases of Unicorn Kisses into the wild, so I had a difficult time finding a store that had any in stock. I felt like Dora the Explorer (minus the anthropomorphic monkey), walking from supermarket to supermarket trying to find a bottle. After what felt like countless days of searching, I finally picked some up at my local Star Market.<\/p>\n

Upon opening, I half expected the bottle to explode into rainbows, but instead I was greeted with the scent of green apple and cotton candy. While Polar prides itself on its \u201call natural\u201d label, this smell was all artificial, like a liquid Jolly Rancher. Based on my nose alone, I was worried that I wouldn\u2019t be able to drink a sip, let alone an entire glass, but I queued up \u201cCharlie the Unicorn<\/a>\u201d for support and dove in.<\/p>\n

\"Polar<\/a><\/p>\n

Other blogs have tried to place the flavor of Unicorn Kisses, with suggestions ranging from melon to soap, but the only thing I could taste was candy necklaces. Surprisingly, the flavor wasn\u2019t as pronounced as the smell \u2013 it actually took me some time to figure out that this seltzer tasted like penny candy. Because it was so cloyingly sweet, I couldn\u2019t finish a whole glass, leading me to feel like I wasn\u2019t respecting the countless unicorns who worked so hard on this product.<\/p>\n

In the end, the takeaways from this review are as follows: Unicorn Kisses is a fun diversion but is gross to drink, and you should stay far, far, far away from Candy Mountain<\/a>.<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts – 8 fluid ounces \u2013 0 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)<\/small><\/p>\n

Purchased Price:<\/b> $1.29
\nSize:<\/b> 1 liter
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Star Market
\nRating:<\/b> 3 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Double rainbow. No calories. Revisiting childhood memories. Alliterative animal names.
\nCons:<\/b> \u201cSwiper, no swiping<\/a>.\u201d Llama tongue. Overly sweet and artificial. Vintage candy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I was a kid, I often remember visiting a drive-thru wild animal park with my parents. Aside from the fact that the monkeys would wildly flail about while removing the piping from our minivan\u2019s windows, it was a great place to go to take in the wonders of the savannah (albeit the Canadian savannah, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":35,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1440],"tags":[1545,2261,1572],"class_list":["post-19932","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","tag-beverage","tag-polar-seltzer","tag-unicorn"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":19782,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/03\/14\/spotted-on-shelves-polar-unicorn-kisses-seltzer\/","url_meta":{"origin":19932,"position":0},"title":"SPOTTED ON SHELVES: Polar Unicorn Kisses Seltzer","author":"Marvo","date":"March 14, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Ugh! 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