{"id":19985,"date":"2016-04-28T02:00:21","date_gmt":"2016-04-28T12:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/?p=19985"},"modified":"2021-01-05T21:14:33","modified_gmt":"2021-01-06T07:14:33","slug":"review-hot-pockets-food-truck-spicy-asian-style-beef","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2016\/04\/28\/review-hot-pockets-food-truck-spicy-asian-style-beef\/","title":{"rendered":"REVIEW: Hot Pockets Food Truck Spicy Asian-Style Beef"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Hot<\/a><\/p>\n

Food trucks are all the rage these days. (Or, you know, they were like, a couple of years ago. Tell you what\u2014go back in time a couple of years, read this review, and vigorously nod your head at my lede. Thanks.)<\/p>\n

In fact, there\u2019s a good chance you\u2019re probably eating at a food truck this very instant. So am I. But while your Food Truck Experience likely involves artisanally crafted meatballs or, say, some sort of Cajun-Korean fusion sandwich, mine was a Hot Pocket.<\/p>\n

You know, Hot Pockets<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Bastion of the down-trodden. Savior of the late night drunkard.<\/p>\n

Like food trucks, Hot Pockets were once a cool, exciting happening; but that era went out with the Sega, Reebok Pumps and, SNL being water-cooler conversation. Where once stood a delightful, microwavable rectangle of deliciousness now sits a flaccid box of mediocre ingredients and un-melted cheeses.<\/p>\n

Hot Pockets, how I miss thee.<\/i><\/p>\n

But like your Milli Vanilli cassette and your Hyper-Color shirt, there is a time and place for the HP. A quick-fire lunch. A late night when you\u2019re legally too drunk to make it to Taco Bell. A bizarre occurrence where you\u2019re angry at your colon. These are all prime examples of when one SHOULD pull open the plastic, insert the meat-chunk into the crisping sleeve, and prepare to wreck your toilet.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re doing that, though, be wise. The optimal Hot Pockets flavors rank as such: 1) 4 Meat & 4 Cheese Pizza 2) Beef Taco 3) BBQ Recipe Beef (lol at that name, by the way\u2014\u201crecipe.\u201d What??) 4) Steak & Cheddar 5) Philly Steak 6) \u201cHickory\u201d Ham & Cheese 7) Meatballs & Mozzarella 8) Any of the \u201cBreakfast\u201d Pockets.<\/p>\n

\"Hot<\/a><\/p>\n

This new Pocket\u2014the one I had, apparently \u201cinspired\u201d by a food truck\u2014would be like, 63rd on the list.<\/p>\n

According to the box, it was engineered in conjunction with \u201cKomodo Food Truck\u201d which stands for \u201cDangerously Good Food\u201d and \u201ca gourmet experience like no other.\u201d<\/p>\n

Per my Google searching, \u201cKomodo Food Truck\u201d is \u201ca real thing,\u201d but good lord, I\u2019m not sure how they\u2019d ever be okay with such a lackluster representation of their brand. (Oh, well, money.)<\/p>\n

\"Hot<\/a><\/p>\n

This thing was garbage, plain and simple. Oh sure, it looked fine from the outside\u2014normal-ass Pocket proceedings. Inside, however, lurked an adventurous mush that appeared to be some sort of miser\u2019s answer to beef stew. There were carrots \u2014 lots of them \u2014 and a few disingenuous peas, and some brown paste. I saw a few errant specks of \u201cangus beef\u201d but that seriously could\u2019ve been my imagination. Because I didn\u2019t taste them.<\/p>\n

\"Hot<\/a><\/p>\n

Instead, I tasted sweet, crunchy carrots and a dull hint of heat (the box brags that there are jalapenos involved). Point being, this thing tasted like a warm mass of microwaved newspaper that your grandmother spit out her mostly-eaten piece of grape hard candy into. It was grotesquely sugary and there was but a singular beef to be found.<\/p>\n

And really, is that what we want in a Hot Pocket?<\/p>\n

Because I thought we demanded better.<\/p>\n

But maybe that\u2019s today\u2019s thinking, really. This…entitlement. Maybe I\u2019m viewing this through the lens of a modern man who knows that Milli Vanilli was a grand disappointment, that Pumps won\u2019t make me a better basketball player, and that SNL maybe hasn\u2019t been funny ever. (Or, for arguments sake, it\u2019s funnier than ever and the era we fondly remember was actually mostly pretty bad, save a handful of sketches.)<\/p>\n

Anyway, don\u2019t buy this Hot Pocket if you see it loitering. Holy shit, it\u2019s bad and you\u2019ll regret it.<\/p>\n

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Pocket \u2013 290 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 500 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)<\/small><\/p>\n

Purchased Price:<\/b> $2.00 (on sale)
\nSize:<\/b> 2 sandwiches
\nPurchased at:<\/b> Hy-Vee
\nRating:<\/b> 2 out of 10
\nPros:<\/b> Um, nostalgia? Cheap. Sega Genesis.
\nCons:<\/b> Microwaved awfulness. 63rd best Hot Pocket. Grandma\u2019s hard candy. Carrot City.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Food trucks are all the rage these days. (Or, you know, they were like, a couple of years ago. Tell you what\u2014go back in time a couple of years, read this review, and vigorously nod your head at my lede. Thanks.) In fact, there\u2019s a good chance you\u2019re probably eating at a food truck this 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ON SHELVES: Nestle Hot Pockets Food Truck","author":"Marvo","date":"March 15, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Hot Pockets Food Truck Bites Fiery Jalapeno Lime Chicken Rollers Hot Pockets Food Truck Spicy Asian-Style Beef Hot Pockets Food Truck Bites Smokin' Bacon BBQ Recipe Burger Hot Pockets Food Truck Bites Spicy Asian Style Beef Rollers Hot Pockets Food Truck Bites Triple Cheesy Bacon Melt If you've seen other\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Hot Pockets Food Truck Bites Fiery Jalapeno Lime Chicken Rollers","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm2.staticflickr.com\/1597\/25169211533_de6794f8ce_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12465,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/06\/07\/review-hot-pockets-limited-edition-bbq-recipe-bacon-burger\/","url_meta":{"origin":19985,"position":1},"title":"REVIEW: Hot Pockets Limited Edition BBQ Recipe Bacon Burger","author":"Marvo","date":"June 7, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"At times, I thought the Hot Pockets Limited Edition BBQ Recipe Bacon Burger tasted like a Burger King Rodeo Cheeseburger or BK's Western BBQ Topper. If you're not familiar with those two Burger King sandwiches, because you're MCD4LYFE or because you eat much healthier than I do, they're both constructed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Hot Pockets Limited Edition BBQ Recipe Bacon Burger","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7230\/7164685369_d285414d60.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12006,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/04\/25\/news-try-to-make-your-microwave-feel-shame-by-warming-up-the-new-limited-edition-hot-pockets-varieties-in-it\/","url_meta":{"origin":19985,"position":2},"title":"NEWS: Try To Make Your Microwave Feel Shame By Warming Up The New Limited Edition Hot Pockets Varieties In It","author":"Marvo","date":"April 25, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Update: Click here to read our Hot Pockets Limited Edition Chili Sauce Cheese Dog review Update #2: Click here to read our Hot Pockets Limited Edition BBQ Recipe Bacon Burger review Hey, remember those limited edition Hot Pockets we reviewed last year? Well, it turns out the folks at Hot\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spotted on Shelves"","block_context":{"text":"Spotted on Shelves","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/spotted-on-shelves\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"IMG_1296","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7080\/7169844984_be41c25a0b.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5414,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2010\/01\/07\/review-hot-pockets-sideshots-mini-cheeseburgers\/","url_meta":{"origin":19985,"position":3},"title":"REVIEW: Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers","author":"Marvo","date":"January 7, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Like Lucky Charms marshmallows, bongs and Kardashian sisters, Hot Pockets come in an array of shapes. There's the regular rectangular Hot Pocket, the triangular Panini Hot Pocket, the circular Deep Dish Pizzeria Hot Pocket and you can now add the strapless bra-shaped Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers. Unlike most Hot\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/Hot-Pockets-SideShots-Mini-Cheeseburgers-1024x1024.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/Hot-Pockets-SideShots-Mini-Cheeseburgers-1024x1024.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/Hot-Pockets-SideShots-Mini-Cheeseburgers-1024x1024.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12372,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2012\/05\/29\/review-hot-pockets-limited-edition-chili-sauce-cheese-dog\/","url_meta":{"origin":19985,"position":4},"title":"REVIEW: Hot Pockets Limited Edition Chili Sauce Cheese Dog","author":"Stephanie","date":"May 29, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Here I go again, reviewing another Hot Pocket. What keeps me coming back to the Hot Pockets product line when I know every pocket will be reminiscent of the last? Do I have a problem? Will my constant attraction to all pockets Hot, Lean, and Pretzeld ultimately be my undoing?\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Reviews"","block_context":{"text":"Reviews","link":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/category\/reviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Hot Pockets Limited Edition Chili Sauce Cheese Dog","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/Hot-Pockets-Limited-Edition-Chili-Sauce-Cheese-Dog-1024x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/Hot-Pockets-Limited-Edition-Chili-Sauce-Cheese-Dog-1024x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/Hot-Pockets-Limited-Edition-Chili-Sauce-Cheese-Dog-1024x1024.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":10089,"url":"https:\/\/www.theimpulsivebuy.com\/wordpress\/2011\/08\/31\/review-hot-pockets-limited-edition-four-cheese-garlic-pasta-bake\/","url_meta":{"origin":19985,"position":5},"title":"REVIEW: Hot Pockets Limited Edition Four Cheese Garlic Pasta Bake","author":"Stephanie","date":"August 31, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"The longevity of Hot Pockets has hinged upon two things: 1) Their manufacturer's ability to successfully stuff as many different things into a tender, seasoned crust as possible; and 2) Speedy microwave zap-ability. 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